misplaced anger

Forty two pounds is not chump change so to speak. Think of your husband. Think of your doctor. Think of how far you have come. Stop thinking about your sister - we cannot pick our relatives. I can understand why it is irritating but do not let it sabotage you.

Use it as your motivation to prove you don't need any damn surgery! You got the willpower and you are fabulous, and you can do this on your own!

I like the you did it faster, but I did it better mentality. But just the mentality, no need to start any fights by saying it, lol.

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It sounds like you are angry because her weight loss was easier than yours.

I don't know what to say about the sister rivalry, but one poster did note that many people who lose weight after surgery go back to their old habits and regain the weight. I have heard that this is true.

Just wait, in a year you will be down more and maybe she will be back where she was.

Congratulations on the wonderful work! Remember you did this for you.

She did cheat and your success will be earned through hard work. Plus give her a few years the weight will come back always does. Most gbs patients don't change their diet lifestyle after surgery and put most of the weight back on.

I agree with this...

and read this post...http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1310032-weightloss-doesn-t-always-lead-to-happiness

Niner is talking about a client who had gastric bypass too...he is not happy...he is weak, lethargic and has lost a great deal of muscle mass and is now regretting his decision.

did she cheat..imho...yes she did...should it have the affect on you...hell no.

How does what she did have any effect on what you did....? So what if she is losing faster...that is not a good thing...imagine the havoc she has done to her body...imagine the long term effects she will have to suffer through...feel bad for her...for she knows not what she has done.

Sorry, I can't help you find a way to get past it. You have done a fantastic job getting to where you are now and where you will continue to go. You have taken the hard path to get to your goal. Although I wouldn't necessarily say that gastric bypass is the easy path either. That surgery has a number of side effects that make it a less attractive option for a lot of people.

So we toil daily and fight for every last step to get to where we want to be. Anger and jealousy are normal emotions. Don't try to eliminate them, just try to find a way to compensate for them without losing yourself to them.

Oh and one last note, hair thinning/loss is one of the side effects of that surgery. Just saying...

The faster you lose weight, the more likely it can come back on. The slower you lose it, the more sustainable it is.

That is what I would think about.

Oh bless you, I can understand this totally.

It feels very unfair that someone is having it happen so easy when it literally is like an uphill struggle for you (as it is for most people).

I don't personally subscribe to the belief that losing weight following a Gastric Band fitting is "cheating" as there may be serious reasons why this was needed but for some people, the surgery isn't necessary but is opted for.

Losing weight is an emotive process and you're going to feel upset for a while because your expectations have changed.

Consider this - why are you losing weight? Who is the weight-loss for? Why did you begin this journey?

Refocus your attention onto your progress. You are doing very well and you are doing it on your terms.

Keep your chin up and persevere Hun, you can do this :-)

Kaela x

My sister, who I was very close to, recently lost her battle with Leukemia. Every moment of every day, I miss her. Maybe you should consider repairing your relationship with your sister. Perhaps it would then make the weight loss less of a competition (sibling rivalry at it's finest! ) and it could become something you can share. Then it wouldn't matter how either of you lost it, but that you're positive support for each other. Best of luck in your weight loss journey!

Comparison is the thief of joy. Be happy for yourself, be happy for her. Even though it may seem like she cheated, surgery isn't really a cakewalk. I'm sure she's had her own struggles and moments where she's wished she'd have done it your way, so find a way to be happy with your path and choices and don't worry about how she's achieved her goals. Congrats on your new-found health!

Be proud of your accomplishments. And at same time be glad that she did something for her health too. In the end it all works out. You will both get to your goals. Just different routes.

Hope my explanation below may help lessen the anger you feel about it.

Gastric Sleeve/bypass is not as easy as many think. First you have to go through many classes. It takes about six months or more. You meet with nutritionist, the doctor and even psychologists. Even go to nutrition classes.

You have to keep food diary and have to lose a certain amount of weight during that six months. Month beforehand you have to follow some severe different diets. Forget exactly but a couple weeks before I think it is a liquid diet. Many lose a good 10-20% before the surgery is even done. Afterwards you are on a liquid diet for about a week. Building up to solid foods. It can take months. That is why they lose so quick at first.

From what I gathered you have a window to maximize the loss. Once that window closes the stomach does stretch enough that the person does have to put effort into losing the rest. My doctor was saying that the weight loss before the surgery plus the "forced" weight loss afterwards will give people enough of a jump in the right direction they can see the end and stay motivated. It is a tool not a solution.

How do I know so much? Was approved for the gastric sleeve and went through the whole process but changed my mind. Main reasons?

#1 - Others think it is easy way out . Worried I would feel shame for losing weight that way and emotionally eat more.
#2 - The thought of never eating a big huge salad made me depressed!
#3 - Being vitamin deficient for life. Was B and D deficient in the past. Caused health issues. Don't ever want to be that again.
#4 - Complications. If something went wrong I could be worse off and gain more. Or die!

So you get a boost but in the big picture I thought it was easier to just get committed to changing my life by choice rather than having it change because my body was surgically changed.

My sister, who I was very close to, recently lost her battle with Leukemia. Every moment of every day, I miss her. Maybe you should consider repairing your relationship with your sister. Perhaps it would then make the weight loss less of a competition (sibling rivalry at it's finest! ) and it could become something you can share. Then it wouldn't matter how either of you lost it, but that you're positive support for each other. Best of luck in your weight loss journey!

This.

One day, she'll be gone.

Let those negative feelings go, focus on your loss and try to find some common ground with her, so you both can celebrate your successes.

The enemy of happiness is envy

just my .02, hope it helps

She did cheat and your success will be earned through hard work. Plus give her a few years the weight will come back always does. Most gbs patients don't change their diet lifestyle after surgery and put most of the weight back on.

This is quite possibly the most ignorant thing I have read in a long time. Thanks for the laugh.

You and I might be related! LOL

I have been considering surgery since April 2011. My doctor told me to lose 90 pounds before he'd do it. We'll, I started losing weight, and lost the 90 pounds. At that point I was like, "Well, I've lost 90 pounds...if I've come this far, why not try to go farther and see if I can do this without it?"

To me this makes sense. FOR ME. My doctor said most people only lose about 30 pounds and can't get past it, so then they have surgery. It's not a cheater's way out. It's because they need it because for some reason or another they needed something more (could be thyroid issues, hormone issues, diabetics, could be a whole slew of reasons) to help them lose weight.

Of course, I have a hormone disorder that makes it difficult for me to lose weight too. So, the more I do this, the more I wonder how much the hormones and other issues really contribute to weight loss difficulty.....I think it has more to do with nutritional ignorance and/or not being able to control the inner child and/or just having hurt feelings about SOMETHING - like when I was holding on to being ticked that it seemed like so many other people could eat whatever they wanted without any consequence.

Ugh. RABBIT TRAIL....

Anyway....I know it's hard not to be pissed that you feel like you're working harder at it than she did, or that she's "cheating her way out of the hard work" - fact of the matter is, you're changing your habits because you want to. She's now in a position of changing her habits because she HAS to. It's a forced change. It's not all bunnies and butterflies to go that route.

You have to come to terms with the fact that that is her route. Just like your path isn't hers. Your path is different than hers. She's doing what she needs to do for her to be able to lose weight. You're doing what you need to do. It doesn't matter how long it takes her to get to where she wants to be or you to get where you want to be - it's not a race. Best thing is, you can both win even though you have different paths!!

One of the things my therapist and I keep talking about is that the last year was particularly hard for me -speed bumps all over the place. I told him that I felt like if I got the surgery, then I'll have failed. He keeps telling me the same things I just told you. It isn't failure - it's a tool. Just like when you need a hole in the wall, the best tool is a drill.

Focus on your journey. Other people can do whatever they want on their journey, and that was where her journey led her. The decisions she made were based on what was best FOR HER. You're making decisions based on what's best for YOU. Don't let what she does on her path derail you from yours!