Battling My Way Back to Life

I'm new here. Today is my second day of dieting and exercise. To begin, let me tell you a little bit about myself. From the time I was 13, I was a large chested girl. God decided to grace me with a chest that was just too large for my frame. I moved through my teen years perfectly comfortable with my size, but uncomfortable with my chest size.

At 19, I gave birth to my first child, a girl. At 5'1", my weight gain was minimal but my chest gain was tremendous. 11 months later, I gave birth to my second child, another girl. My weight gain didn't seem horrible, but that's because I made excuses. I was wearing size 9 jeans just before I got pregnant. After I had my daughter, my jean size ranged from 11 - 13. I figured it was no big deal. I went on to have 2 more children, a third girl and finally, a boy.

After my son was born, I realized my weight gain was on the unhealthy side. My weight reached 172. I decided I needed to do something about it. During the first week of my diet in August, 2006, tragedy struck. My second born daughter died in a terrible accident at the age of 3. I ate my way through depression and sadness. I became sedentary. I literally wrapped myself up in depression and the weight started adding up.

The relationship between the children's father and I began to fall apart about a year later and steadily climbed down hill. I ignored what was going on around me and continued to eat, gradually increasing my intake of unhealthy foods. It all seemed easier to just hide and eat, eat and hide.

In 2012, my relationship with my children's father finally broke. We decided that it was better to be friends (and we are best friends!!) I decided that I needed to change my image and feel better about me, which started with weight loss. At 194 lbs., I knew what I had to do.

I stopped drinking soda and sugary foods. I started eating lean meats, fruits and veggies. I also began walking. At first, I felt winded after walking a block. Eventually, I was able to walk a half mile, and finally, a mile. I felt good! It worked out well for approximately 3 weeks. I thought, "This is it! I'm going to succeed!"

Then pain struck. I had a lot of pain in my lower regions and severe bleeding. I headed off to the doctor for a checkup. That's when the doctor told me, "You have cervical cancer." The news was devastating. Activity pained me so once again, my dieting came to a halt. Luckily, I have an amazing boyfriend who assisted me through all of it. He helped out with my 3 kiddos and tried to keep meals as healthy as possible despite the fact that my activity was so low.

A lot of my time was spent on bed rest because of the pain and bleeding. Surgery eventually removed ALL of the cancer without the need for a hysterectomy (yay!) Now that I am healed up from my surgery and cancer free, I am looking to get back on the horse and finally complete my weight loss goals.

So here is me, currently. I am 5'1", 31-years-old and 206 lbs. My jean size is 15. I have no idea what my measurements are because I have no way to take any measurements. I know that I want to get down to 120 lbs. and I am absolutely determined to reach that weight.

I pushed myself to walk a mile last night and it felt good. I plan on doing the same thing again today. I woke myself up early and ate a healthy breakfast (no sugary cereals or other similar junk foods!) I ate a hard boiled egg, part of an avocado, a half of a grapefruit and 9-grain whole wheat toast (no butter or anything). I added a glass of water to wash it all down.

I know deep down that I can do this, it's just a matter of pushing myself. I know how important motivation is, as well. That's why I'm here, introducing myself. I've looked through some of the posts, seen some of the pictures and I am humbled, awed and inspired. I hope to accomplish my goals just as so many of you have or are looking to do.

Weight loss is a big must for me. I find myself constantly tired and lacking energy. My hips hurt because of the extra weight I am carrying around. My doctor diagnosed me to sleep apnea related to all of the extra weight I am carrying around. I owe it to myself and my children to lose the weight and become a healthy mama.

As an added benefit, my boyfriend and I have been discussing marriage. I would love to lose weight by the time that comes around. So here's to battling my way back to life.