Relationship Advice Help ?
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HungryasFuark
Posts: 463 Member
in Chit-Chat
I will try to make it as short as i could.. a close friend of mine was fooling a girl into thinking that he loves her so he can just sleep with her and leave.. she believed him ..he fooled her and left .. on a night out he showed me this girl and i liked her a lot and went to speak to her ..honestly i was expecting a punch in the face( because she knows i'm his close friend ) but i got a smile and a nice conversation and a really good night ( no sex) . i added her on fb etc we went out a couple of times ( not a date ) we have mutual friends we all go to this event at a friends bar/club every weekend .
I noticed that she likes to talk to me and be around me ... so i manned up and asked her out and she said ok ( i was really surprised by this answer ) and to be honest my ego started killing me with thoughts "she is getting revenge or she is gonna fool you " i didn't listen to that voice and we went out on exactly 3 dates 2 of them were great on the third one we decided to go eat somewhere then catch up with our friends now on this night she got drunk and she started to tell me" i don't trust you " ," and i will never do " ," you a are just like your friend " etc i know she is drunk but honestly when we are drunk we are honest and we say whats bothering us .. nothing happened after this night we kept talking but she kinda changed i didn't c her till now coz she works from 9 to 9 and i only c her a couple of days in the week and i'm supposed to meet her tomorrow .
I know she likes me and i know she is afraid to trust me and i really dunoo how to make her do specially after what my close friend did , her friend told me that she got really depressed after what he did to her because she was new to the whole dating thing . so how do i make her trust me ? and is it possible ? alot of people told me to forget the whole thing coz its not gonna happen unless she is getting revenge etc .
I noticed that she likes to talk to me and be around me ... so i manned up and asked her out and she said ok ( i was really surprised by this answer ) and to be honest my ego started killing me with thoughts "she is getting revenge or she is gonna fool you " i didn't listen to that voice and we went out on exactly 3 dates 2 of them were great on the third one we decided to go eat somewhere then catch up with our friends now on this night she got drunk and she started to tell me" i don't trust you " ," and i will never do " ," you a are just like your friend " etc i know she is drunk but honestly when we are drunk we are honest and we say whats bothering us .. nothing happened after this night we kept talking but she kinda changed i didn't c her till now coz she works from 9 to 9 and i only c her a couple of days in the week and i'm supposed to meet her tomorrow .
I know she likes me and i know she is afraid to trust me and i really dunoo how to make her do specially after what my close friend did , her friend told me that she got really depressed after what he did to her because she was new to the whole dating thing . so how do i make her trust me ? and is it possible ? alot of people told me to forget the whole thing coz its not gonna happen unless she is getting revenge etc .
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Replies
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End it, think for a second how ackward it would be if she actually became your girlfriend your CLOSE friend screwed her then left. Well he is close to you and will obviously come face to face with this woman. There are SO many things i foresee going wrong in this situation there are plenty of women out there, dating one your close friend damaged is a BAD idea.
Omg your only 20!? Your so young! Find someone else you do not need this drama trust me.0 -
Not really the best place to ask for relationship advice, dude.
However, I will bite.
No one can really answer the is it possible question but you. Is she worth it to you?
She has trust issues because of your not so nice friend. You can't make her do anything, let along make her trust you. However, you can just be yourself and give it time. Talk to her about it. Be like, "Hey the other night when you were intoxicated you said some things that I wanted to clear up..BLAH BLAH BLAH you know the rest"
ETA: The poster above made a good point. Things could be pretty awkward between the triangle of your close friend, you and the potential girlfriend. Is this girl worth losing that friend over if it came down to it?0 -
You can't live your life based on other people's opinions of the situation.
She's been hurt and you are friends with that guy.
I would say take your time, be friends, but maybe not just FWB.
Want to be exclusive? Say so. Don't assume that she knows that's how you feel.0 -
She may get to trust you, but be prepared to keep it in the pants for a looooooong time before she's comfortable enough to sleep with you. Because now, thanks to your awesome friend, she's going to think that every guy is only out to sleep with her and then leave. If that's not the case with you, and you like her enough to stick around, it is gong to take a long time to build trust with her.
Asking her to go out with you exclusively (if that's what you want) would probably be the next step in cementing that you are interested in this long-term.
And I highly recommend having better standards in friends. I could and would never associate with people who purposely go out of their way to hurt others, just for kicks and giggles. What a sh!tty human being.0 -
Maybe it'd be better if you were just friends and be the guy that shows her that not all guys are a$sholes like your buddy. You trying to get anything more than that is just not going to happen. Betrayals like that cut deep and it's going to take her a while to heal. It doesn't matter how nice of a guy you are, you're his friend so you're suspect to being just like him. Maybe eventually, months down the road, she might give you a chance. Only you can decide if she's worth the wait.
I've dated guys like that. Waited a while to sleep with this guy in college because I suspected he was just in it to hook up with me because I was his buddy's ex (and he had this weird fixation on his buddy). And come to find out, even after making him wait, I was right. Also found out after that he cheated on his fiance with me. Total D bag0 -
End it, think for a second how ackward it would be if she actually became your girlfriend your CLOSE friend screwed her then left. Well he is close to you and will obviously come face to face with this woman. There are SO many things i foresee going wrong in this situation there are plenty of women out there, dating one your close friend damaged is a BAD idea.
Omg your only 20!? Your so young! Find someone else you do not need this drama trust me.
We already did that.. she sees him when she is with me in the same place like i said we all go to the same bar/club and nothing awkward happened .. that's not the problem that i'm facing i just wana know how to build trust0 -
Not really the best place to ask for relationship advice, dude.
However, I will bite.
No one can really answer the is it possible question but you. Is she worth it to you?
She has trust issues because of your not so nice friend. You can't make her do anything, let along make her trust you. However, you can just be yourself and give it time. Talk to her about it. Be like, "Hey the other night when you were intoxicated you said some things that I wanted to clear up..BLAH BLAH BLAH you know the rest"
ETA: The poster above made a good point. Things could be pretty awkward between the triangle of your close friend, you and the potential girlfriend. Is this girl worth losing that friend over if it came down to it?
^ This. Definitely.
Also, I'd be kind about it but basically remind this girl that you are NOT your friend.0 -
The only way to build trust is over time and with patience. You've already gotten some good advice. Be her friend and wait for her to make the first move towards a deeper relationship.End it, think for a second how ackward it would be if she actually became your girlfriend your CLOSE friend screwed her then left. Well he is close to you and will obviously come face to face with this woman. There are SO many things i foresee going wrong in this situation there are plenty of women out there, dating one your close friend damaged is a BAD idea.
Omg your only 20!? Your so young! Find someone else you do not need this drama trust me.
We already did that.. she sees him when she is with me in the same place like i said we all go to the same bar/club and nothing awkward happened .. that's not the problem that i'm facing i just wana know how to build trust
Personally, I think you're a little young to put yourself through all of this, but what do I know? I was engaged at 18 and am still married to him 26 years later. If you TRULY thinks she's the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, then do whatever it takes to prove you love and respect her and plan to go the distance. If it's anything less than that, I'd get out now and find someone who doesn't mistrust you because of a scumbag friend. I'd also watch any girl I really cared about around that friend.0 -
Not really the best place to ask for relationship advice, dude.
However, I will bite.
No one can really answer the is it possible question but you. Is she worth it to you?
She has trust issues because of your not so nice friend. You can't make her do anything, let along make her trust you. However, you can just be yourself and give it time. Talk to her about it. Be like, "Hey the other night when you were intoxicated you said some things that I wanted to clear up..BLAH BLAH BLAH you know the rest"
ETA: The poster above made a good point. Things could be pretty awkward between the triangle of your close friend, you and the potential girlfriend. Is this girl worth losing that friend over if it came down to it?
That's the only forum i post in lol and i need to hear older people thoughts ( experience matters ) and yeah she is worth it that's why i asked for advice .. well i know i wont have any problems with my friend over this like i said we all go to the same place every weekend they are invisible to each other .
So you think i should bring this up ? or should i prove that im trustworthy by giving it time ?0 -
She may get to trust you, but be prepared to keep it in the pants for a looooooong time before she's comfortable enough to sleep with you. Because now, thanks to your awesome friend, she's going to think that every guy is only out to sleep with her and then leave. If that's not the case with you, and you like her enough to stick around, it is gong to take a long time to build trust with her.
Asking her to go out with you exclusively (if that's what you want) would probably be the next step in cementing that you are interested in this long-term.
And I highly recommend having better standards in friends. I could and would never associate with people who purposely go out of their way to hurt others, just for kicks and giggles. What a sh!tty human being.
That's one thing i know for sure lol . i did ask her out and the trouble happened on our third date
So time is the answer Thanks !0 -
She may get to trust you, but be prepared to keep it in the pants for a looooooong time before she's comfortable enough to sleep with you. Because now, thanks to your awesome friend, she's going to think that every guy is only out to sleep with her and then leave. If that's not the case with you, and you like her enough to stick around, it is gong to take a long time to build trust with her.
Asking her to go out with you exclusively (if that's what you want) would probably be the next step in cementing that you are interested in this long-term.
And I highly recommend having better standards in friends. I could and would never associate with people who purposely go out of their way to hurt others, just for kicks and giggles. What a sh!tty human being.
+1
Couldn't have said it better.0 -
Not really the best place to ask for relationship advice, dude.
It's the chit-chat section. Chill.0 -
IMO...best thing is to acknowledge that you re aware of this particular hang up she has...reassure her that you are not like him...that you don't have bad intentions...you really like her...yadda yadda. Girls who have been hurt need reassuance. Flatter the hell out of her, treat her nice, go out of your way...all those things.0
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I didn't read all the replies, but as a woman who had a cheating husband I can tell you the only way to build trust with someone who has been hurt is time. I also don't believe people always tell the truth when they are drunk, **** half the time I was 20 and drunk I couldn't remember if I was telling the truth or not. If you really like her, talk to her and tell her you like her, would really like to get to know her better and you are not your friend. Let the trust build by your actions, words don't mean a thing, nothing.
BTW as a girl/woman I would never ever date a friend's ex, but I don't think boys/men live by that code.
edited to make sense LOL0 -
Maybe it'd be better if you were just friends and be the guy that shows her that not all guys are a$sholes like your buddy. You trying to get anything more than that is just not going to happen. Betrayals like that cut deep and it's going to take her a while to heal. It doesn't matter how nice of a guy you are, you're his friend so you're suspect to being just like him. Maybe eventually, months down the road, she might give you a chance. Only you can decide if she's worth the wait.
I've dated guys like that. Waited a while to sleep with this guy in college because I suspected he was just in it to hook up with me because I was his buddy's ex (and he had this weird fixation on his buddy). And come to find out, even after making him wait, I was right. Also found out after that he cheated on his fiance with me. Total D bag
no honestly i'm not that *kitten* hole i'm looking for more than that so i should give time thanks !0 -
Not really the best place to ask for relationship advice, dude.
It's the chit-chat section. Chill.
Chill? lol
I didn't mean that in a " Don't post this on here. It's a fitness site"
I was just stating that because in the past on here the relationship posts get hijacked with the "Just Break Up" posts and other funny non-sense.
But thanks I am pretty chill0 -
Not really the best place to ask for relationship advice, dude.
However, I will bite.
No one can really answer the is it possible question but you. Is she worth it to you?
She has trust issues because of your not so nice friend. You can't make her do anything, let along make her trust you. However, you can just be yourself and give it time. Talk to her about it. Be like, "Hey the other night when you were intoxicated you said some things that I wanted to clear up..BLAH BLAH BLAH you know the rest"
ETA: The poster above made a good point. Things could be pretty awkward between the triangle of your close friend, you and the potential girlfriend. Is this girl worth losing that friend over if it came down to it?
That's the only forum i post in lol and i need to hear older people thoughts ( experience matters ) and yeah she is worth it that's why i asked for advice .. well i know i wont have any problems with my friend over this like i said we all go to the same place every weekend they are invisible to each other .
So you think i should bring this up ? or should i prove that im trustworthy by giving it time ?
My personal opinion is communication is key. Yes I would bring it up to her. Get your feelings out there.
Example: "I understand you don't trust me and I understand the reason why. But I am not my friend and I don't condone in the way he done you. I really want a lasting relationship with you and I am willing to put in the time and effort to show that to you." And a bunch more of that gushy, meaningful stuff. Say what you truly mean and get it out there.
Then give it time. You will most likely have to have a lot of patience and understand all relationships have ups and downs.0 -
Time and being honest and up front will build trust.
Even little things like "I will call you at X:XX", and you don't call? will destroy trust. Be a man of your word. Show with actions that you are different than your friend.0
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