Should I be upset about my husband watching porn?

shannonbrown8489
shannonbrown8489 Posts: 27
edited February 24 in Chit-Chat
I noticed sometimes when I walk in the room my husband exes out of whatever site he was on. I got curious and yes I snooped on his laptop and found he has been watching porn every single morning when I'm asleep and in the evening when I'm definitely not asleep! I never turn him down for sex, I love sex as much as anyone else! I know men watch porn and women too ( I have before) but never when he's here. What hurts the most is I just had our son 6 weeks ago and have felt insecure about my post baby body which is why I joined MFP. Now I feel even more ugly and self conscious. The girls in the porn were all super skinny with perky boobs and like 18-20 years old. I also found that he has a bunch of girls facebooks bookmarked... Like pretty model looking girls, most from our area. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing but I'm truly upset. Should I confront him or just let it go?
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Replies

  • BreederUK
    BreederUK Posts: 60 Member
    I'm a guy and I think you have every right to be upset. Especially considering you're both just had your first child.
    I would confront him as its obviously upset you.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    Work on yourself and learn to love all that you are. Having a new baby (assuming it's your first) can cause all sorts mayhem in the beginning. Maybe see a counselor for depression.


    Also, you shouldn't snoop, it's kinda messed up. Until you have reason to not trust, leave it be for now until you have yourself sorted out.
  • Crimson_Fire
    Crimson_Fire Posts: 2,504 Member
    I think you should talk to him about it in a non confrontational way.

    You're gorgeous, girl! Best wishes. :)
  • Groovyca2022
    Groovyca2022 Posts: 21,378 Member
    Nope about watching porn.. Yes about tagging them on FB. Talk to him about it.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,407 Member
    The facebook thing with local girls would piss me off and I would bring that to his attention that that is border-line cheating. All other porn, where there is absolutely no chance of physical touching, I would not care.

    HOWEVER - if you notice he is not initiating anymore, or he has sex with himself over you, this should be addressed asap.
  • MyiahRose
    MyiahRose Posts: 183 Member
    You should definitely be upset. You caught him looking at porn, what are you going to catch him doing next?
    You need to confront him about it before it goes too far.
  • Crimson_Fire
    Crimson_Fire Posts: 2,504 Member
    Also, you shouldn't snoop, it's kinda messed up. Until you have reason to not trust, leave it be for now until you have yourself sorted out.
    To me it sounded like she had a reason not to trust (he was closing pages on his laptop when she was around), so that's why she snooped. I'm not saying it was the right move, but I could see how the scenario the OP mentioned would raise questions.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    Also, you shouldn't snoop, it's kinda messed up. Until you have reason to not trust, leave it be for now until you have yourself sorted out.
    To me it sounded like she had a reason not to trust (he was closing pages on his laptop when she was around), so that's why she snooped. I'm not saying it was the right move, but I could see how the scenario the OP mentioned would raise questions.

    I close pages and the laptop when my husband comes into the room. Should he not trust me? Sorry but it sounds like there's a lot more going on with OP and hubs than a pesky porn habit. Having a kid is a big life changing event and causes all sorts of wacky feelings between a couple. Suggesting OP might want to look into post partum depression. It has a domino effect in a relationship.
  • Crimson_Fire
    Crimson_Fire Posts: 2,504 Member
    Also, you shouldn't snoop, it's kinda messed up. Until you have reason to not trust, leave it be for now until you have yourself sorted out.
    To me it sounded like she had a reason not to trust (he was closing pages on his laptop when she was around), so that's why she snooped. I'm not saying it was the right move, but I could see how the scenario the OP mentioned would raise questions.

    I close pages and the laptop when my husband comes into the room. Should he not trust me? Sorry but it sounds like there's a lot more going on with OP and hubs than a pesky porn habit. Having a kid is a big life changing event and causes all sorts of wacky feelings between a couple. Suggesting OP might want to look into post partum depression. It has a domino effect in a relationship.
    I definitely agree with your last two statements.
  • abrar0290
    abrar0290 Posts: 218 Member
    I think that you shouldn't take porn personally, because it's just a habit. However, the bookmarked girls on facebook would make me go "seriously?" I think that's how you should approach it: openly, but calmly. Ask him why he has them favorited, and tell him what you're going through, and that you need him there. Let him meet you halfway, because that's what a good partner would do.
  • AnthonyThrashD
    AnthonyThrashD Posts: 306 Member
    Hmmm we need more info, like a list of the links from the laptop and the bookmarked FB women. J/K! :D I wouldn't be concerned about the porn, but the bookmarked FB ladies in your area...that is crazy suspicious.
  • abrar0290
    abrar0290 Posts: 218 Member
    Also, you shouldn't snoop, it's kinda messed up. Until you have reason to not trust, leave it be for now until you have yourself sorted out.
    To me it sounded like she had a reason not to trust (he was closing pages on his laptop when she was around), so that's why she snooped. I'm not saying it was the right move, but I could see how the scenario the OP mentioned would raise questions.

    I close pages and the laptop when my husband comes into the room. Should he not trust me? Sorry but it sounds like there's a lot more going on with OP and hubs than a pesky porn habit. Having a kid is a big life changing event and causes all sorts of wacky feelings between a couple. Suggesting OP might want to look into post partum depression. It has a domino effect in a relationship.

    That is a really good point.
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
    Nope about watching porn.. Yes about tagging them on FB. Talk to him about it.
    ^^ This. and...
    I think that you shouldn't take porn personally. ... However, the bookmarked girls on facebook would make me go "seriously?" I think that's how you should approach it: openly, but calmly. Ask him why he has them favorited, and tell him what you're going through, and that you need him there. Let him meet you halfway, because that's what a good partner would do.
    ^^ This.
  • notamoment
    notamoment Posts: 190 Member
    Nope about watching porn.. Yes about tagging them on FB. Talk to him about it.
    ^^ This. and...
    I think that you shouldn't take porn personally. ... However, the bookmarked girls on facebook would make me go "seriously?" I think that's how you should approach it: openly, but calmly. Ask him why he has them favorited, and tell him what you're going through, and that you need him there. Let him meet you halfway, because that's what a good partner would do.
    ^^ This.

    Allll of this..
  • Fujiberry
    Fujiberry Posts: 400 Member
    I don't think you should really be upset about the porn. It's porn. He should know that those people get paid for it. They're actors/actresses. They're PAID for their bodies, just as Victoria's Secret models are paid for their bodies. If someone were receiving the same amount of money to keep their body in tip-top shape, I'm pretty sure that they would take the opportunity. It doesn't matter if you never say no to sex. Sometimes, people just want to have their alone time, and that's fine.

    However, I'm not so sure about the bookmarks though. Are they FB Pages or Profiles? That one's a little weird, but it depends. I like pages and follow people on facebook, even if all I like about them is their face/hair/body/whatever.
  • salembambi
    salembambi Posts: 5,585 Member
    ohhhh hellll you need to talk to him about this is the most non confrontational way possible . Bring up the porn first because the facebook thing could potentially get more heated so get the porn talking out of the way first. Be as open and honest about your feelings on both these things as possible

    really make it clear what boundaries and expectations you have of him right now
  • KoopaSix
    KoopaSix Posts: 252 Member
    Why would you snoop? You go looking behind closed doors you might not like what you find. Leave those doors closed until you have REASON to open them. Everyone has their own fantasies, men and women. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or doesn't want to be with you or is cheating.
  • msbunnie68
    msbunnie68 Posts: 1,894 Member
    Why would you snoop? You go looking behind closed doors you might not like what you find. Leave those doors closed until you have REASON to open them. Everyone has their own fantasies, men and women. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you or doesn't want to be with you or is cheating.

    this.

    did you consider that he is secretive about watching porn because he doesn't want you to feel threatened by it or make you feel uncomfortable about your own body or him? Men are visual creatures, but him liking to watch porn, and even bookmark the pages, isn't necessarily a bad thing. Back in the dark old day with gas lamps and horse and carts, men in my era would buy a magazine and use that instead.

    IF you do bring it up, make sure you reassure him that it IS ok to watch porn (unless he is paying $$$$ to do so) and that you are OK with him too.
  • tiptoethruthetulips
    tiptoethruthetulips Posts: 3,373 Member
    I think its the degree of watching that could be a concern, every now and then isn't a problem,, but watching all the time suggests an issue. Especially when it starts to impact on other areas of his life and those that are close to him.

    I would have done snooping myself if I noticing my partner closed out of his laptop every time I walked into the room.
  • dayone987
    dayone987 Posts: 645 Member
    .
  • blackcloud13
    blackcloud13 Posts: 654 Member
    The Fact that you can so easily see what he was up to makes me think it's nothing serious - he is making zero effort to cover his tracks. I agree with the general consensus that you should find a way to let him know him watching porn is fine (would you watch with him).

    As for the bookmarking - 90% chance it's just harmless idling.

    Also bear in mind - I'm just guessing from afar ...
  • darkrose20
    darkrose20 Posts: 1,139 Member
    The facebook thing with local girls would piss me off and I would bring that to his attention that that is border-line cheating. All other porn, where there is absolutely no chance of physical touching, I would not care.

    HOWEVER - if you notice he is not initiating anymore, or he has sex with himself over you, this should be addressed asap.

    This.

    If he's not interested in sex with you any longer, that *could* be an issue. Also, it's not really a sign of a healthy relationship to air your dirty laundry to internet strangers nor is it a sign of a healthy relationship to "snoop" into what he is doing. FWIW. Go talk to him like a healthy adult.
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
    Nope about watching porn.. Yes about tagging them on FB. Talk to him about it.
    ^^ This. and...
    I think that you shouldn't take porn personally. ... However, the bookmarked girls on facebook would make me go "seriously?" I think that's how you should approach it: openly, but calmly. Ask him why he has them favorited, and tell him what you're going through, and that you need him there. Let him meet you halfway, because that's what a good partner would do.
    ^^ This.

    Seconded on both accounts.
  • RaggedyPond
    RaggedyPond Posts: 1,487 Member
    The porn isn't the big deal it's the FB girls. Red Flag!
  • _Figgzie_
    _Figgzie_ Posts: 3,506 Member
    Nope about watching porn.. Yes about tagging them on FB. Talk to him about it.

    +1
  • TheVirgoddess
    TheVirgoddess Posts: 4,535 Member
    I noticed sometimes when I walk in the room my husband exes out of whatever site he was on. I got curious and yes I snooped on his laptop and found he has been watching porn every single morning when I'm asleep and in the evening when I'm definitely not asleep! I never turn him down for sex, I love sex as much as anyone else! I know men watch porn and women too ( I have before) but never when he's here. What hurts the most is I just had our son 6 weeks ago and have felt insecure about my post baby body which is why I joined MFP. Now I feel even more ugly and self conscious. The girls in the porn were all super skinny with perky boobs and like 18-20 years old. I also found that he has a bunch of girls facebooks bookmarked... Like pretty model looking girls, most from our area. Maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing but I'm truly upset. Should I confront him or just let it go?

    If you're upset, talk to him. Don't confront him. that won't end well. It could very well be that he doesn't want to ask you for sex, since it's only been six weeks. He's probably just.........reliving the pressure so you can just rest. I HIGHLY doubt it's a lack of attraction to you. I love my husband, but I still read erotic lit.

    I don't get upset about porn, but if you do, that's okay - it just needs to be made clear in your relationship.

    The bookmarking is maybe a little weird.

    Also - don't log into his stuff anymore - that's gross, and a total violation of his privacy.
  • Alluminati
    Alluminati Posts: 6,208 Member
    User deacted
  • abrar0290
    abrar0290 Posts: 218 Member
    User deacted

    What a bummer
  • oregonzoo
    oregonzoo Posts: 4,251 Member
    Porn isn't a big deal at all, at least to me. I'd not be upset .
    the flagging Facebook is creepy.
    Just like a wife snooping.


    If you have an issue talk to him.
  • JenniTheVeggie
    JenniTheVeggie Posts: 2,474 Member
    The porn no....local Facebook chicks yes...
This discussion has been closed.

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