If it takes 21 days to form a habit?

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failteromhat
failteromhat Posts: 33 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
Why am I finding it so hard to stay at/under my calorie goal?
I just haven't managed to kick the chocolate and I haven't been logging very effectively recently as I was away (pointless), had several family functions (pointless) etc. That notwithstanding, it's been 5 months since I started on my "diet" / "healthy living" "weight loss" whatever you want to call it and I still feel hungry every day, I still have days in a row where I just eat all around me or eat crap, I still have days where I just couldn't be bothered to go to the gym/run/walk etc. WHY is that? I would have eaten well (healthily for me) for 21+ days at a time, excercised 6 times a week for 21+ days at a time (thank you Jillian MIchaels!) and yet here I am again, struggling to stay focused, letting my hunger take over my entire thoughts for the day.

When does it get easier? 221 days? LOL I want to "live" again. Head. Wrecked.
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Replies

  • drunkenwaltz
    drunkenwaltz Posts: 5 Member
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    As a psychology student, I will say that the "21 days" is complete pseudoscience. There is no evidence to back it up, and it's only been made popular by mainstream media, and not actual science.
  • BigT555
    BigT555 Posts: 2,067 Member
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    how much do you currently weigh and how much are you eating? if you are under eating that very well may be the reason for your issues

    but perhaps you are just lacking the underlying drive to lose the weight in the first place. ask yourself why are you doing this? sometimes we do these things more for others than ourselves. and if this is the case then it is no wonder that you dont have motivation to go to the gym or stay under your calorie goal, it needs to be done for you

    or maybe you just rushed into this, changing everything at once. personally, i went to the gym for 2 weeks before i changed my diet at all so i could get used to the added activity before cutting my fuel intake. i believe this is partially why i have been pretty successful at this, because i took those baby steps
  • LifeWithPie
    LifeWithPie Posts: 552 Member
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    You don't want to change bad enough.
  • agrafina
    agrafina Posts: 128 Member
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    If all it took were 21 days, I'd have lost all my weight for good a long time ago. Drunkenwaltz is right. That number is psuedoscience with no actual backing. It makes me cranky when people claim all you need is X days and then everything will be wonderful and your bad habit will be gone forever. Habits are deeply ingrained, and resistant to change. 21 days is nothing against habit.
  • decgirl63
    decgirl63 Posts: 15
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    WELL SAID.. THAT IS SO TRUE:smile:
  • agrafina
    agrafina Posts: 128 Member
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    When does it get easier? 221 days? LOL I want to "live" again. Head. Wrecked.

    If you have the attitude that somehow you'll "live" again, then you're never going to be successful. Changing your eating and exercise behaviors temporarily to lose weight and then going back to "living" will put you right back where you started. These changes have to be for life. If you can't envision yourself doing what you're doing forever (except at maintenance calories), then you're setting yourself up for failure and need to reevaluate how you're going about your weight loss attempt.
  • saraharatcliffe
    saraharatcliffe Posts: 1
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    It's learned behaviour and learned over a long time. If you're losing weight and feeling better physically that's a major part of the goal achieved. One day you'll realise the rest has started to come too
  • itodd4019
    itodd4019 Posts: 340 Member
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    I also think there is something to be said about not moving on, or into your new lifestyle.

    By continuing to run the old thoughts- trying to see when they go away, you are actually re-enforcing them over and over. So, for the 21 days you physically changed what you were doing, you are actually mentally making the habits more and more engrained by focusing on them.

    for me the only habit changer has always been a habit replacer

    Replace unhealthy with healthy. It's lifestyle for me. Active, moving, and doing stuff. Nutrition becomes a requirment to have fun!
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
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    As a psychology student, I will say that the "21 days" is complete pseudoscience. There is no evidence to back it up, and it's only been made popular by mainstream media, and not actual science.

    Yup, it's BS. I was obese for nearly 20 years and did some serious emotional eating in that time. Do you really think all it would take is 21 days to solve those issues and form good habits? No friggin way! BUT it is a start. As I'm sure you know OP, there are no quick fixes so you need a more long term plan.

    And I would suggest thinking about how you could better handle those times when it's not so easy to track your food. If you've really formed better habits, they wouldn't be dropped just because you're away from home or have visitors. You should still eat as well as you can and be as active as you can. Those things should not just be convenient excuses to go off the deep end.

    I know it's not easy - I've had my struggles as well. The point is, you can't rely on any one else's "rules". So what if it takes you 521 days. If it's important enough, you keep at it. Keep learning, keep trying. And keep restarting if need bel. You'll get there.
  • DellaWiedel
    DellaWiedel Posts: 125 Member
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    I'm not sure about the 21 days things, I'm pretty sure it's just a myth. For example, I used to have severe social anxiety and anxiety attacks when I was younger, and it took YEARS of counseling to get over that, and I still have times when I find myself falling back to old ways of thinking, although it's better now that I've learned the tools to deal with it when those thoughts come my way. It takes years for us to develop our thought patterns, so three weeks isn't really enough time to change them. Just like with weight loss, you don't gain it all at once, and you don't lose it all at once either.

    A few things I noted in your original post though:

    1. Why is it "pointless" to log when you go out or go to family events? I still log when I do that. Sometimes with cookouts and so forth, it might be more of a "guestimate" but it at least keeps me on track and reminds me not to go crazy on the snacks and sweets.

    2. You really don't need to stop eating chocolate. I eat it almost every day and I'm still losing weight. Just learn to fit it into your calorie goal for the day. Depriving yourself of things you enjoy just makes it more difficult to stay on track.

    Anyway, a few things I would suggest are to really look at your motivation for what you're doing. Write down a list of reasons why you want to eat healthy and lose weight. Getting some support also helps, whether it's making some friends here on MFP or finding a group of friends in real life who can support you.

    I believe you can do it, but it takes time and dedication, and probably more than 21 days.
  • failteromhat
    failteromhat Posts: 33 Member
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    Thanks guys- I think you are right- I don't "want" it bad enough any more. Currently I am 129/130 pounds and 5 5 inches with a BMI of about 22. I want to lose another 5- 10 "vanity" pounds but I lack the motivation. Glad to hear about the 21 days thing being nonsense to be honest, so i know that I have to get my head right myself again.

    Bigt555: I am not eating significantly under, no. Most days I would eat- over last couple of months- approx 1400-1800 cals so not too little at all- just often rubbish instead of prper meals though (explaining the hunger)

    But, yes to all- I need to re-motivate- but how? I say "hey, look, you look fine now, and you need to keep exercising to keep looking like you do, and eating well" but then I just can;t do it and reach for the chocolate! (and then have to scrimp on other meals or go waaaay over my calorie goal). I have to say I am pretty miserable at the moment :-(
  • WandaMM1
    WandaMM1 Posts: 132 Member
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    If you have the attitude that somehow you'll "live" again, then you're never going to be successful. Changing your eating and exercise behaviors temporarily to lose weight and then going back to "living" will put you right back where you started. These changes have to be for life. If you can't envision yourself doing what you're doing forever (except at maintenance calories), then you're setting yourself up for failure and need to reevaluate how you're going about your weight loss attempt.

    This ^^^ I 100% agree with! Make changes that make a difference and they need to be lifestyle changes not temporary changes to meet a goal.
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
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    I also find that there's a big difference in what it takes to add something/form a new habit (like eating vegetables with every meal or going to the gym or weighing your food) vs. giving something up. Research aside, I do find that when I add in something consistently it can become routine and habitual over time (though it may take more or less than 21 days). When I give something up, there's not really a habit that forms, so it's harder and you might want to try to reframe it.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    .
  • i_have_spoken13
    i_have_spoken13 Posts: 2 Member
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    Here's the thing for me. If you want to have some chocolate, have some chocolate. Just don't eat a whole box. If you want to have some ice cream, have some ice cream. Just don't eat a whole pint.

    It's tough sticking to a calorie goal and you're going to feel hungry (I drink a lot of water and that helps me). But my perspective is that I'd rather be a little over my calories for the day and have a better mindset than to be within my goal but feel miserable.

    It's difficult for me to change my thinking, but I'm trying to realize that "junk food" is not a reward for "being good." It's just an occasional thing that I eat because I like it. It's just food. If you feel guilty eating it, why are you putting yourself through that mental anguish? If you don't feel guilty about eating it, what does it matter if one day a week you have a square of Ghiradelli (dark chocolate sea salt caramel is my fave!)? Just don't have chocolate for two meals a day, every day, for a week.

    Everything in moderation. That's my two cents.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Thanks guys- I think you are right- I don't "want" it bad enough any more. Currently I am 129/130 pounds and 5 5 inches with a BMI of about 22. I want to lose another 5- 10 "vanity" pounds but I lack the motivation. Glad to hear about the 21 days thing being nonsense to be honest, so i know that I have to get my head right myself again.

    Bigt555: I am not eating significantly under, no. Most days I would eat- over last couple of months- approx 1400-1800 cals so not too little at all- just often rubbish instead of prper meals though (explaining the hunger)

    But, yes to all- I need to re-motivate- but how? I say "hey, look, you look fine now, and you need to keep exercising to keep looking like you do, and eating well" but then I just can;t do it and reach for the chocolate! (and then have to scrimp on other meals or go waaaay over my calorie goal). I have to say I am pretty miserable at the moment :-(

    maintenance cals and resistance/strength training.

    at 5ft5 and 129/130lbs you need some recomp not to lose weight. losing more weight will probably not make much difference.
  • agrafina
    agrafina Posts: 128 Member
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    But, yes to all- I need to re-motivate- but how? I say "hey, look, you look fine now, and you need to keep exercising to keep looking like you do, and eating well" but then I just can;t do it and reach for the chocolate! (and then have to scrimp on other meals or go waaaay over my calorie goal). I have to say I am pretty miserable at the moment :-(

    What are your goals? What do you want to accomplish? Do you have fitness goals? I think you've lost your weight-loss goal since now, like you said, you look okay. So its harder to motivate yourself from the aesthetic perspective. So change your goals. People do best when they are actively working toward a goal. Drifting is what gets us in trouble, and I think why people have trouble maintaining a weight loss. There is no longer anything to work for--no endpoint, no goal to reach. So make some new goals. What matters to you? What can you aim for that perpetuates the positive behavior?
  • tmj4477
    tmj4477 Posts: 145 Member
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    how much do you currently weigh and how much are you eating? if you are under eating that very well may be the reason for your issues

    but perhaps you are just lacking the underlying drive to lose the weight in the first place. ask yourself why are you doing this? sometimes we do these things more for others than ourselves. and if this is the case then it is no wonder that you dont have motivation to go to the gym or stay under your calorie goal, it needs to be done for you

    or maybe you just rushed into this, changing everything at once. personally, i went to the gym for 2 weeks before i changed my diet at all so i could get used to the added activity before cutting my fuel intake. i believe this is partially why i have been pretty successful at this, because i took those baby steps

    I completely agree I have stopped and started because I truly was not focused or I was doing it for others or out of spite. Maybe you need to reevaluate what your goals are, why you want to reach them, and REALLY how important is it for you to reach them. Like when I watch obesity shows even with surgery its only when that individual gets focused do they really stop losing weight.

    Just something to think about.
  • asdowe13
    asdowe13 Posts: 1,951 Member
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    1200 calories is probaly not enough food/fuel for you.

    Eat more, be happy, lose weight.
  • PinkCupcakes84
    PinkCupcakes84 Posts: 235 Member
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    1200 calories is probaly not enough food/fuel for you.

    Eat more, be happy, lose weight.

    ????????????

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