Are You Okay With Your SO Dropping Hints?

katiebearzorz
katiebearzorz Posts: 11 Member
in Motivation and Support
I've seen a few posts out there, but I haven't seen a post quite like this: Would you be offended, or accepting, of a significant others' "hints" at you being overweight or underweight? At what point would make it okay (concerned for your health/concerned about being bigger than them/not being able to do things together you once did?)

I work a full time job and go to class, so for a while I was coming home very late at night. I was stressed, I ate whatever I could quickly shove down my mouth. I went from 185 lbs. as an 18 year old, to 130 lbs., and then (now) back up to 148 lbs. I never realized I gained weight until my husband started hinting (gently) about my horrible sweet eating habits. I jumped on the scale after a few months and was horrified!!! The absolute worst is that I am a dietetics major. I study food and nutrition, but I had been so stressed and short on time that I gained so much weight back!

My husband made a note that he wanted me to take care of myself. While I was not "overweight" he didn't want to see me reach past that, because that's where I was heading. Now while this may sound harsh to some of you, to me it opened my eyes. He wasn't rude or harsh about it, but he knows how hard I worked for my 130 lbs. body and now the weight is creeping up on me again. While he supports me (gives me high fives at my weigh ins, laughs and tells me to stop being silly when I call myself his "whale wife" in our jokes, tells me he'd love to "burn some extra calories together" (WINK WINK!), and tells me to be patient and keep striving when I have no motivation, etc. I realize that with him, he is a blunt man who truly believes even people at 80 can look fit and great if they take care of themselves. Our sex life is amazing as always, he kisses me and holds me. He takes me out to dinner and brings me home chocolate when I PMS (even after dropping the hints. Thanks, babe!<3)

I never took offense to my husband's hints, because 1.) he knew how hard I had worked for my body at 130 lbs., and 2.) He is a complete supporter of taking care of yourself at any age: mentally, physically, spiritually, etc. I must be one of the few who really would rather be told to my face! LOL!

Would you want to be told by your significant other that you are gaining weight or have lost too much weight? Why or why not?
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Replies

  • ccrdragon
    ccrdragon Posts: 3,374 Member
    as long as they were not making it a condition of continuing the relationship and did not do it spitefully or hurtfully then I would not have a problem with it... my better half giving me the stink-eye and dropping hints was one of the motivating factors for me to get in the gym and get the extra weight off.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    I think it is fine, providing that they arent picking on you.
  • jennifer_417
    jennifer_417 Posts: 12,344 Member
    I think our SOs have every right to have an opinion about our weight/habits, and they even have the right to say it out loud. However, it all comes down to delivery. There are probably 464738374648392 ways to say it wrong and 2.3 ways to say it right...so, yeah, it's a tricky subject.
  • BookAngel_a
    BookAngel_a Posts: 143 Member
    Unfortunately I would not be able to handle it. I'm super super sensitive and any remotely negative comment about my weight immediately makes me start to cry. Fortunately my SO never says anything negative about my weight and has loved me no matter what size I am, but some other family members have closely watched my weight and size, and the food I was eating, since I was a teenager, and making "helpful" comments to me about it. So perhaps that has made me extra sensitive.

    I am aware that I need to lose weight and I think about my weight and appearance very, very frequently. I really don't need anyone to say anything to me, because I already know too well...
  • krawhitham
    krawhitham Posts: 831 Member
    My bf encouraged me to go to the gym with him. I'm glad he did. He'd never say I was fat or unattractive, but I can tell he wouldn't mind if I got back down to my normal weight again. I'm definitely not offended, and I appreciate his encouragement. :)
  • sm3072
    sm3072 Posts: 11 Member
    Personally I would be okay as long its not derogatory like him calling you a whale or something crazy. i have had parents who have been really bad at dropping hints and it got to the point where they werejust rude. at that point, it can make your relationship filled with tension and annoyance. I Would say as long as you guys talk about it and hes supportive its fine
  • Flutterloo
    Flutterloo Posts: 122 Member
    For MY husband, I don't mind if he has something to say about my weight. I have been heavy since I was a kid, so he has never known me "skinny". Since I have gotten serious about dropping the weight, he has made a few comments or questioned a few choices I made. He wasn't doing it to be rude, more of a "hey, dont forget what you really want, and it isnt that 3rd cookie". He has absolutely NEVER made me feel bad about being heavy (he is 5'10" 170..so not heavy at all) and I know that anything he says to me is done out of concern or just curiosity. But he will stand by "I love you no matter how heavy you are" until the day he dies. And that is why I don't mind his opinions. They are genuine, and I know he loves me so he isn't trying to be hurtful.
  • AzaleaNicole38
    AzaleaNicole38 Posts: 102 Member
    My SO is probably the only person that I will allow to criticize me on my weight. I am VERY defensive when it comes to anyone else.
    He is my inspiration because he's so fit (be it his metabolism is crazy fast so his problems are far from mine).
    I know he means well, and wants to see me happy and healthy, as opposed to just wanting me to look like some super skinny model to raise his status. But I know he probably would like to see me at a smaller size. I know he doesn't want a model, and loves me the way I am, but I kinda want to be that model for him anyways. Also, I feel losing weight will boost my confidence in the relationship.
  • turpenoid
    turpenoid Posts: 73
    There's another thread floating around here with people shouting from the rooftops that if someone doesn't love you "unconditionally" (i.e. never, ever says anything contradicting you or your appearance) you should leave them. I personally feel that this is unfair and kind of backwards. If someone is expressing how they feel toward you, even if it is difficult to hear, they're likely doing it because they care about the stability of your relationship. If they're feeling less attracted to you, I believe it's important for them to speak their mind since attraction is both physical and mental. A healthy and loving sexual relationship requires communication and honesty. I'd want a partner who could handle this with tact and care for me -- which I fortunately have!
  • RekindledRose
    RekindledRose Posts: 523 Member
    I think that the OP's spouse did it perfectly!

    He's supportive, honest, and doesn't make the weight a condition of their relationship, marriage, etc. He is concerned about her health, not her looks on his arm.

    I love the support, motivation, and feedback my husband gives me. When I read about other people's SO's being mean and hurtful it makes me so sad on their behalf because it sounds like the one person who should 'have their back' is the one stabbing it!

    The best partner in the world will love you and be lovingly honest and supportive of you, and should get the same in return.
  • Josyurtos23
    Josyurtos23 Posts: 63 Member
    It's all in the delivery. It's the way that they say it.
  • GainsAddict
    GainsAddict Posts: 7 Member
    yeah. if you can't count on them to tell you that you're slipping...who will tell you. as always there's a way to do things.
  • kimothy38
    kimothy38 Posts: 840 Member
    My hubby is supportive of me spending extra time at work to go to the gym but what he does do that really dang annoys me is comment on what I eat, ie you've just had dinner, you don't need that, how many of those have you had ......... It really gets under my skin and I tell him exactly what I think of him. There's a correct way to be supportive and then there's nagging.
  • fullersun35
    fullersun35 Posts: 162 Member
    It's not necessary. I am very much aware of how much I weigh.
  • sugarlemonpie
    sugarlemonpie Posts: 311 Member
    I think coming from an SO as opposed to any other family member is different. If I lose my weight and then start gaining some back without realizing it, I would welcome the hints. Especially knowing how happy I am losing weight and being healthier and active, it means a lot to me and he's happy for me. As long as they are polite and well intended, I don't see the problem. The moment they start holding things against you or making your weight a condition (you have to lose weight or I won't marry you type of things) then there's a larger issue at hand.
  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member
    Would depend on the type of relationship it was and what I thought his motivation was. Casual dating? Keep your mouth shut and if you don't like it, leave. More serious? That's where it gets into the motivation question.
  • adopp062715
    adopp062715 Posts: 93 Member
    My fiance and I are on the same page as far as weight loss. He will make comments about things I eat sometimes (hello chocolate cake and ice cream) but he takes the comments too when I make them towards what he is eating. We both want to get rid of the extra pounds and are both trying to make the healthy choices. We signed up for a CSA type thing and get fresh vegetables every week now. We are trying new things and I'm glad that we have each other to support one another. Like the poster above me said, if it was casual and the guy said something I wouldn't stand for it. But because I know it's coming from a place of love and support I'm way more understanding.
  • daubawauba
    daubawauba Posts: 20 Member
    I wouldn't say my husband's weight loss was a condition to continue our relationship. I will always love him and would never leave him for it. It was, however, a condition to a fully satisfying, healthy, and happy marriage. If he cares for me and our son, I expect him to care for himself. I hope he would do the same for me if my weight was out of control.
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
    My husband would never tell me I weighed too much or too little....because he knows we have a mirror and that I have eyes.
  • triciab79
    triciab79 Posts: 1,713 Member
    My husband has never dropped a hint about my weight but he has dropped hints about the family's diet. There was a time early in our marriage where I cooked southern style all the time and it was far from healthy. He mentioned it to me and it annoyed me a little because I was not ready to face my own health much less the diet of the whole family. I felt like being a great cook was one of the few things I did right. It took me changing me to know what he said was not only true but helpful.
  • BlueBombers
    BlueBombers Posts: 4,064 Member
    It doesn't bother me as I will do what I want anyway.
  • 1lexisva
    1lexisva Posts: 978 Member
    My boyfriend tells me not to lose a lot lol but he does give me hints and I know I had to do something so I joined the gym :D
  • Myhaloslipped
    Myhaloslipped Posts: 4,317 Member
    Hints would be more offensive to me than someone just saying what they mean without being insensitive. Ain't nobody got time for that!
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,267 Member
    If it was about my health yes...if it was about my weight it would be a big FU...or STFU...

    Not that he had to...I saw it and when I chose to do something about it he supported me...he doesn't complain about the food I cook and if he cooks he makes sure it's what I would eat...he will go for walks/bike rides with me etc.

    It is all in the delivery. I tell him occassionally he needs to get back to working out more too...mainly when he is winded on a bike ride and I am not...but again delivery.
  • kcmcd
    kcmcd Posts: 239 Member
    In a helpful way, sure.

    In a picking on me way, absolutely not - I would hurt forever.
  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Nope.
  • SymphonynSonata
    SymphonynSonata Posts: 533 Member
    I find it hard to be objective sometimes, especially when there is a Taco Bell menu in front of me, so I prefer my SO to let me know, gently, of course.
  • MegE_N
    MegE_N Posts: 245 Member
    If your SO can do it in a way that is supportive and respectful, I say absolutely. It sounds like your SO was both of those things - good for the both of you!
  • Fitfully_me
    Fitfully_me Posts: 647 Member
    It's all in the delivery. It's the way that they say it.

    Very much this.
  • christys03
    christys03 Posts: 22,786 Member
    I think our SOs have every right to have an opinion about our weight/habits, and they even have the right to say it out loud. However, it all comes down to delivery. There are probably 464738374648392 ways to say it wrong and 2.3 ways to say it right...so, yeah, it's a tricky subject.
    Agreed...it can go south very quickly...

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