Family (especially parents) judging is very hurtful.
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I know exactly how you feel. Growing up, when I weighed less than I do now, my dad would always comment and tell me that I'm "getting a little bit chubby" or I "haven't being doing a whole lot lately, and need to get out more" and many other, meaner comments when he would drink. I've struggled my whole life with being comfortable in my body. My first step that even got me motivated at all was not caring anymore about what anyone else said, realizing that I'm beautiful either way. The only thing I can do from here is improve for myself, realizing that I'm not losing weight for anyone but myself, because I want to be healthy for myself and my future. No matter what, You're still you, weight doesn't change who you are. How you see yourself changes who you are. Ignore the outside voices from your family and anyone else against you. You can do it as long as you WANT to. Heck If you don't want to lose weight then you don't even have to. Do what you what for yourself.0
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Hey Janey! When I got rid of my ex I lost 200 lbs! 48 pounds is a little man!!0
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I know how you feel and I sympathise with you. My immediate family has always been supportive, but my relatives can be downright rude about my weight. The first thing they would say to me at a gathering is 'It's time for you to lose weight, don't you think?' or 'Your legs look fat, you need to do something about them', or simply, 'You're fat.'
I try to tell myself that they mean well (well, some of them obviously don't mean well, aka female cousins who love to gossip and compare this and that). But I do feel the pressure whenever some family gathering's approaching. and to make it worse, those cousins aren't even healthy themselves - they are skinny but only because they purge almost every time they eat.
The best thing I've found about this is that the anger I have actually motivates me to work harder - when I'm doing particularly tough workouts I have thoughts like 'so you think I can't be fit, huh?' or, 'I'll do this the right way, instead of purging, just to show you'. Not sure if this is a good mentality or not, but it has been pushing me. In any case, I've gradually learned to enjoy exercising a bit more than before.
Hope that my sharing helps, even in a small way. You can do it!! Let's show 'em!!
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My mam is nearly 65 and still obsessed with dieting. She always, always fails by the way. My dad has been a runner all his life and because he was so sporty, he has always been very judgmental about "fat and lazy" people. So when I was young, whenever I would sit and watch tv, there would always be a snide comment. I reckon the only reason my mother is still obsessed with her weight, is because of him.
I moved countries 15 years ago, so only see them about twice a year now. Which helps, but may not be practical for you :laugh:
So in the meantime I did lose the weight, but I never ever told them about it, not a word (this was before we discovered skype). So when they did eventually see me with all the weight gone, they were complimenting me. But I completely ignored their comments, brushed over it and changed the subject. As much as I'm thrilled that the weight has gone, I just couldn't share this with them and I still can't. I just don't want to make it as important as it seems to be for them.
Not sure what I'm trying to say, I suppose do it for yourself, don't do it for anyone but yourself.0 -
My family tends to very judgmental as well…. not necessarily on the weight stuff (since we are ALL overweight), but on other issues I am dealing with. I'm very close to my family and this was hard. I had to learn to distance myself emotionally from them. With my father, it was a physical distance as well. You have to know that what you are doing you are doing for YOU! This is not a competition. It is not a race. It is a lifestyle. This distance doesn't have to be a permanent thing… you can always come back around once you are feeling stronger within yourself. I don't know your situation, but It may help if you just talk to them. Let them know that you would like to lose weight and get healthier and that you are trying to… But that their comments are hurtful, not helpful. Find friends who are supportive. Surround yourself with positive people.
You can do this! You didn't put the weight on overnight… it's not going to come off overnight. Feel free to add me if I can be a support to you.0 -
urrr yeah never ending story but fck it I am who I am and thats ok 0
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That really sucks, prove them wrong, but make sure you do what you want to do, Never let them take the credit! If you need support please add me! We are all here for each other
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Here's the tough love approach.
Get your steel spine out and tell them not to make negative comments about your weight/body. It's disrespectful and you won't put up with it. Tell them that negative comments will end your visit. And then follow through. One negative comment = you pack up your stuff and walk out the door (and apologies or I was just joking, doesn't change the fact that you are leaving). After a few times of doing that, they will know that you are serious and will stop.
You teach people how to treat you. Stop being a doormat.
Cheers. Couldn't have said it better.0 -
I know what your going through and honestly feel for u
But I can tell you one thing. By being here and being true to your diet plan you have at least taken control of a situation which is obviously not going to get better by itself. I think while it may hurt and make u feel very lonely to be picked on by family it also gives you the drive to win this weight loss battle just to make them see you are more than just overweight.
Believe me I know exactly where you are coming from. And trust me when you see those kilos peeling off it will give you the high of your life. And you will not want to stop till you have come to that ideal goal weight of yours. Your weight and the way you look and feel is absolutely in your hand. It is the one thing you have complete control over. The day i came to that realization working out and eating healthy became a mission for me.
But you must must must remember that losing weight is not a quick fix. It will take weeks even months and quite honestly a complete revamping of your eating habits for life. It took me very very long to lose weight and I am still trying to lose those last 5+ kgs. But I know I will get there. As long as I look good and feel healthy that is my personal battle. Keep realistic goals. Look at horizons of 6 odd months and plan out where you would like to be. If you are consistently working out then despite the plateaus your weight will come off.
Good luck and I truly pray you succeed 0 -
OP, I can relate. I grew up with my parents joking that they didn't need to pay for trash pickup because I would just eat anything leftover from meals. "Don't bother to throw that away; Tonya will eat it." Taunts of "Fatty fatty 2x4, can't fit through the bathroom door" is something I heard in their singsong voices. The thing was: Looking at pictures of me, I wasn't huge. I'm a tall, big framed girl. But I didn't start out super heavy. They were just being ****s. Maybe they thought it was funny and they were just playing. But that crap hurt and sticks with you.
Remember that you are now an adult. You don't HAVE to spend time with anyone that you don't want to, including family. Also, as an adult, we can't keep using our childhood as an excuse to keep wrecking our adult decisions. Acknowledge that crap happened, but it can't keep being the basis for current adult decisions.
Therapy is helpful, I'm sure. I just ended up moving 700 miles away and just not talking to family members who stress me out. I go home about once per year and call an average of 7 times per year (birthdays and holidays). Moving and becoming a bit cold hearted has done me wonders. I'm not obligated to them just because we share genetics. I didn't choose to be born in their family. It's not my fault. I have no obligation to keep toxic people in my life.
Screw them. Nobody is going to look out for and take care of you other than yourself, especially when it comes to mental health and toxic relationships. Do what's best for you.0 -
My nan has always been extremely rude about other peoples weight stranger or not, she once said when my ex - boyfriend (who was obese) got in the car 'Wow! I hope the back wheels don't pop!' Was quite amusing but so rude lol. With the older generation I don't think they understand what it's like because back in their day they didn't have weight problems so much. I know my nan doesn't understand how hurtful she can be x0
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stop spending so much time with your family?! just concentrate on doing you.
^^^ This. Become "too busy"...And when they ask you why, just simply state, I do not enjoy myself around you.0 -
Take it one day at a time. Do it for you and not for them , you will see the results you want to see if you stick with it. If it were easy none of us would be here, you are not alone.
Agreed.0 -
How do you deal with family judging you? I need to lose about 80 lbs. I have been called fat by my parents since I was about 6 years old. My mom tries to feed me whenever I see her but comments on my weight. My dad outright tells me to go work out and that no guy will want me. I am 24 but this still affects me a lot. My siblings have always judged me too. This is a huge mental block for me because I feel like EVERYONE is judging me. I am so used to it from my family that I feel all people do it. My cousins and aunts and uncles do it too. I don't know how to deal with this because it is so emotionally and mentally straining. It makes tracking my calories and working out harder because i feel like a failure when I don't see results as quickly as I want. I also get huge anxiety when going to family functions.
I am mad at your family for being rude about your weight to the point that you don't even feel comfortable at family functions. I don't know what to say to make you feel better, but hugs and kisses
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Here's the tough love approach.
Get your steel spine out and tell them not to make negative comments about your weight/body. It's disrespectful and you won't put up with it. Tell them that negative comments will end your visit. And then follow through. One negative comment = you pack up your stuff and walk out the door (and apologies or I was just joking, doesn't change the fact that you are leaving). After a few times of doing that, they will know that you are serious and will stop.
You teach people how to treat you. Stop being a doormat.
Quoted for emphasis.
Seriously. This is huge.
Sounds scary, and you may feel like a jerk for doing it the first couple times. But it makes a massive difference in your interactions with people. Once you realize that you control half of what happens, you get more confident in all situations, not just ones involving your weight or your family.
Women have been trained by society to just smile and take whatever crap is thrown as it. If we say anything, then we're just being overly sensitive, or biotches, or "can't take a joke" ... whatever. You don't have to just grin and bear it. You're a person who is worthy of respect. Set some boundaries and enforce them.0 -
stop spending so much time with your family?! just concentrate on doing you.
^^^^ THIS!!! ^^^^^
I realize it's family, but if they're not being supportive then avoid them till you can deal with it!
I've had to cut off certain members of MY family because they were causing me too much stress in MY LIFE, not easy but sometimes you've gotta do it.
If they ask WHY you have been avoiding them then nicely tell them that you're tired of the hurtful, judgmental comments.
MEANWHILE, concentrate on bettering yourself!0 -
I completely avoid abusive and toxic people, and I severely limit my exposure to negative people. I'm a happier person for it. Good luck OP! Do this for YOU and ignore or avoid negative influences. :flowerforyou:
I agree with this entirely. I've distanced myself from people in my life who are negative influences or spiteful to me. Good health involves being happy psychologically and i dont think that you can obtain this if you have people putting you down. I would suggest that you try to talk to your family about their comments towards you. You are an adult and are entitled to make your own decisions about your healthy and body, without other people expressing their views in ways that are upsetting to you. I personally would not allow family to make comments to me that undermine my self esteem; anymore than i would let anyone else say hurtful things. Just because they are family, it doesnt give them special rights to belittle or hurt you. I'd be tempted to tell them that you only eat food that you have prepared yourself as you are counting calories and avoid family functions that might jeopardise your healthy eating or emotional welfare.0 -
How do you deal with family judging you? I need to lose about 80 lbs. I have been called fat by my parents since I was about 6 years old. My mom tries to feed me whenever I see her but comments on my weight. My dad outright tells me to go work out and that no guy will want me. I am 24 but this still affects me a lot. My siblings have always judged me too. This is a huge mental block for me because I feel like EVERYONE is judging me. I am so used to it from my family that I feel all people do it. My cousins and aunts and uncles do it too. I don't know how to deal with this because it is so emotionally and mentally straining. It makes tracking my calories and working out harder because i feel like a failure when I don't see results as quickly as I want. I also get huge anxiety when going to family functions.
First of all, I'm sorry that you had to hear that. Its offensive to say the least.
Secondly, I think its time to call bull**** on them directly to their face.
You don't bring a knife to a gun fight. You bring a gun. Most people who are bullies (even those you are related to) back down once you punch them in the face a few times. Cost me a relationship with Mom, but she was toxic and it had to happen. Once I called her on it, it never happened again.
To further this, some direct questions to ask them so you can begin to address them sabotaging your success:
1) What or who gives you the right to call me fat? What do you possibly hope to accomplish? Do you think this somehow helps me or brings us closer?
2) "Hey mom/dad, did you ever consider that your lack of support/parental failings (as shown in their comments) might have something to do with these "failures" you want to rub in my face?
3) You probably know better than us what their struggle is (lets say for instance Mom's a heavy drinker). Sharpen the knife and ask "Why". Put THEM on the defensive. Bullies hate it as it exposes the thing they are insecure about.
In many instances, seriously flawed parents use guilt as a weapon to control their family & that makes it harder for you than most to stand up for yourself, which they know and probably have always relied on. What I told Mom was "If you ever talk to me like that again or act like that again, we're done" She thought I was kidding. I wasn't. Painful but necessary.
Its your life, you know what you're doing, and you own it.
Its time to come out swinging.
If you binge, they win. Don't let the haters hate
If you binge, they win. Don't let the haters hate
If you binge, they win. Don't let the haters hate
If you binge, they win. Don't let the haters hate
Feel free to friend me if youd like
Fsunami0 -
I feel your pain and can relate as well. My mom & dad have always been supportive of me no matter what. I used to get eased as a kid for being so fat but my parents never made a negative comment and always encouraged me to be active and they set a good example. When I got married is when I discovered how mean family can be. My in-laws are very negative and critical and always comment on my weight. At my highest I've been 40 lbs too heavy but they always make is known how big I look and one would think I was 300 lbs overweight! Even when I was pregnant, my father-in-law actually moo'ed at me when we were on vacation. It's heartbreaking so I completely understand! Fast forward, after having kids I decided to make a lifestyle change and drop the weight. Wouldn't you konw it, they started commenting that I'm too skinny. Plus, depending on the year, I may train extra hard for an event and have greater muscle tone from the last time they saw me. I do fluctuate within my healthy weight and they always say negative things. I've learned to just smile and remind them that I'm doing what works best for me and at least I'm fit and healthy. I usually change the subject or leave the toxic environment. Nothing you do will please them.
Remember, you are doing this for you and you alone! It has nothing to do with them and more than likely they are a bit jealous and intimidated by your dedication and willingness to change. Change is scary to people and sometimes they just don't know how to behave appropriately! Stick with it and you will see amazing results and feel so good about what you have accomplished!0 -
Here's the tough love approach.
Get your steel spine out and tell them not to make negative comments about your weight/body. It's disrespectful and you won't put up with it. Tell them that negative comments will end your visit. And then follow through. One negative comment = you pack up your stuff and walk out the door (and apologies or I was just joking, doesn't change the fact that you are leaving). After a few times of doing that, they will know that you are serious and will stop.
You teach people how to treat you. Stop being a doormat.
YES.
This was basically what I planned to write.
I think that would work well for very blatant, obvious comments. Which sounds perfect for the OP!
You must set the tone sometimes for people. They very likely still see you as a teen or child. You are at an age where even if you live with them, you're an adult now and it may be painful to make the adjustment of standing up for yourself as a grown up! But you owe that to yourself.
My own experience has involved more subtle comments, and not about weight or size but other things in life. Anyway, I moved out from my parents very young but still catered to them too much. Usually it was more in the form of pleasing them or ignoring comments they made about my political views, beliefs, friends, and so forth. It hurt. But finally in my mid to late 20's I started gently but ASSERTIVELY asking them to stop making those comments. It worked. They are more respectful now.0
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