losing it all

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theGuest
theGuest Posts: 117 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm really losing it - my mind that is.

I've been like this for as long as i can remember. I really wish I could just love my body instead of constantly tearing it down. I mean, I basically starve myself to attain some ideal of beauty thats not possible. and I'm wasting my youth hating myself.

It's awful. and every time I tell myself thats it's ok to have curves (I'm not overweight) a little voice tells me to stop making excuses for being so hideous. The argument goes on and on and its been a silent but constant tug of war with myself.

Does anyone else feel like this?

Shopping usually works to make myself feel better, but its one expensive diversion!! :)

Replies

  • theGuest
    theGuest Posts: 117 Member
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    I'm really losing it - my mind that is.

    I've been like this for as long as i can remember. I really wish I could just love my body instead of constantly tearing it down. I mean, I basically starve myself to attain some ideal of beauty thats not possible. and I'm wasting my youth hating myself.

    It's awful. and every time I tell myself thats it's ok to have curves (I'm not overweight) a little voice tells me to stop making excuses for being so hideous. The argument goes on and on and its been a silent but constant tug of war with myself.

    Does anyone else feel like this?

    Shopping usually works to make myself feel better, but its one expensive diversion!! :)
  • Vontreesa
    Vontreesa Posts: 14
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    Yes, I am a very curvy young lady and I love my body. I have wide hips and I am who I am so I chose to accept my body. I slowly do things to get fit and fine, but we can not just reconstruct or body frames. So love yourself and your beautiful body(i'm sure)!!!!
  • theGuest
    theGuest Posts: 117 Member
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    It's so difficult to surround myself with people like yourself who are proud of their bodies. When everywhere I look I see diet commercials (who else hates those?) and skinny people.

    Thing is, I AM fit. I work out 5 days a week and I eat relatively well (within sanity) it's just that nagging voice that narrates my days.

    ugh

    It's hard to explain.

    Thank you so much for your positivity! I love that you love who you are!
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,944 Member
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    If you are fit and exercising, and eating well, there may be some medical or brain chemical reason.

    Obsessive thoughts used to cause me a lot of unhappiness. I am in my fifties and I just kept looking for the answers. We all have that "tape in our head" that keeps playing over and over. If you are already physically healthy, maybe a good doctor could help you rebalance your life. If you feel that everyone else is "ok" and somehow you're not: that just isn't the truth! As the song says "You're beautiful, in each and every way".

    But if you are seriously sad or feel you may be depressed, there is help! Don't wait. Life is so much shorter than that. I care about you, and know you will find the answers. I did. But it takes honesty and work.
  • khurley67
    khurley67 Posts: 1
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    I feel the EXACT same way. It really is a horrible, obsessive feeling that overcomes me and any sense of self worth!

    I am not overweight either and I have spent way too much money on fad diets and such because I look at the media (models, actors, etc) and it makes me feel that way.

    I know it it horrible but I can't seem to stop feeling this way about myself. It is a tug of war and the way you explain it is exactly what I go through every day.

    What adds onto the pressure is I am getting married in December and my fiancee is deployed in Iraq. He is in the Army and is VERY good shape with no baby fat whatsoever.

    I hope to one day overcome these feelings!
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,944 Member
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    khurley:

    Please take care of yourself. I think it is probably realistic to be having anxiety with your two HUGE issues. Wedding. Husband -to-be in Iraq.

    But some other things could be going on, too. Too much anxiety can be harmful to your long-term health.

    When I had my first big anxiety attack (panic attack)- at age 30 - I went to the hospital, because I was feeling so awful. They recommended :

    1. Eating well (and enough) you can make your symptoms worse by not eating. Eat only small amounts of processed food. Stick with stuff that is grown, not produced. Whole foods, like fruit, vegetables, whole grains. Lean protein. this website has great resources for managing what you eat.
    2. No more than one caffeinated drink a day (8 oz.)
    3. Drink lots of water - eight 8 ounce glasses daily.
    4. Exercise daily.
    5. No more than two alcoholic beverages a day
    6. Counselling, either for "talk therapy" or to my regular doctor

    There are safe treatments to help you feel better; whether it be long term, or just until you make it through this next few months. It all depends on a diagnosis. Please call someone in your area before you make yourself really sick. It's okay to ask for help! You'll be glad you did.

    Let us know how you are doing.

    Cheryl
  • janineswenson
    janineswenson Posts: 19 Member
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    I just want to encourage you to look around at the people in your life who you admire (in real life - not the media). If you think about it, the thing that's really attractive about them is attitude. Is there anyone that you can honestly say that you admire that is constantly tearing themself apart, or is that a turn of in someone else?

    When you hear the saying that you have to love yourself, it's not really referring to your physical self, it's you on the inside. If you can love your spirit and who you are, it will be easier to accept your body at it's current state/size. But you need to okay with the real you before you can see your body for what it really is.

    I was the opposite. I was starting to get chunky because I was I didn't like who I was (I was feeling lonely, self centered, and righteous )and what I saw happening on the outside made me feel worse. Then after getting "right" with who I really was opened my eyes to the reality of what I needed to do to be healthy.

    So healthy on the inside will lead to healthy on the outside.

    Janine
  • theGuest
    theGuest Posts: 117 Member
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    i appreciate everything everyone said, but loving who you are is easier said than done i think.

    everywhere i look i see skinny people who are beautiful... i mean.. what happened to this obesity problem i keep hearing about? everyone is so damn gorgeous. its easy to feel inadequate.

    Hurley,

    i know what you mean. everyone in my family has this super metabolism (especially my dad) he can eat anythign he wants and he loses weight!!! AARG!!

    and here i am practically starving and i'll gain like 5lbs if i even breath near chocolate!

    it's awful

    :)
  • Minerva
    Minerva Posts: 79 Member
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    With regard to the "tape in your head" thing, the tape that says negative things over and over- I made mine quit a couple of years ago. Whenever "it" started I would shout "NO" or "STOP" loudly either in my head or out loud (if I was alone)- otherwise you scare people. It actually works. You interrupt the tape cycle and it gets less loud each subsequent time till finally it quits.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 33,944 Member
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    Minerva and khurley67,

    Excellent, Minerva! My way to break that tape circle was this:

    And I read it somewhere and it resonated with me----so I tried it. It works.
    ___________________________________________________________________________
    When a negative thought comes into your head - have a piece of paper nearby that has a picture of whatever your biggest fear is-your most common negative thought. Maybe for khurley it is a picture or even drawing of a really fat person. (Cut their head off so you focus on the body image part.)

    Allow yourself to dwell on it for 30 seconds- really go with it - do the whole pity party for 30 seconds -use a timer if you have to.

    Then FLIP THE PAPER OVER. On the back put a picture or drawing of something that makes you feel REALLY happy. Preferably NOT related to body image. Like flowers, or your fiancee, or puppies, or a beach - anything that you can really get warm fuzzies from.

    Stare at that image for 2 minutes - really go with it. How beautiful the flowers, the vibrancy of nature - how much bliss your fiancee's face gives you, his beautiful eyes, and how much he loves you. Every detail of that picture and how happy you are seeing it. Just stay in the POSITIVE.
    ____________________________________________________________________________

    So, you allow yourself to CHANGE the tape in your head JUST LIKE THAT. In 2 minutes and 30 seconds, you are teaching yourself that you are in control of your thoughts, not vice versa. That's really all there is to it. Keep doing it until you get it.

    Change your thoughts. You are in charge.

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