Need help with hubbie and kids, please

Could you plan your meals and have your sons help?

Get them involved so they get to choose some meal items - this will give them a sense of control over the situation.

As far as exercise goes - i'm thinking you could start a chart and you and your kids co uhh left chart your daily exercise/activities- set up a rewards system and when you hit x days you get a non-food reward (go to the movies, something like that).

I would recommend family counseling too. He is abusing his health and your children too! Honestly, he is an adult, but he is affecting the children. Why wouldn't he want them to be healthy? I absolutely do not agree with any punishing tactics such as withholding sex or not talking to him about this. Voice your concerns loudly, do what you can with cooking and shopping. Take the kids to the doctor. Have the doc lay out the terms of obesity and health issues. Take yourself and the kids to a counselor.

Something I read this week that was a light bulb moment for me... I hope it will help you.

If your child had diabetes, you would get them the insulin they need.
If your child had asthma, you would get them the inhalers they need.
If your child had ANY other recognized medical condition, you would not hesitate to call in the doctor and any help you could find. And you would not hesitate to use tough love if needed in order to make sure your child's illness was managed, and you would pursue healing if there was anything out there that offered hope.

So why, as parents, when faced with the medical issue of obesity, and the impending medical issues of obesity-induced disease, do we worry more about their emotional health than their mortality?

If our child was sick, we would not withhold from them any necessary intervention, be it medication or counselling or anything else. And we would not do things that we knew would make the problem worse - we would not feed our diabetic child sugar, we would not smoke around our asthmatic.

Likewise, when we recognize that our child is on a track that will (not may, WILL) lead to lifelong health issues, we must overcome our own fears and hangups and get them the help they need. We need to stop being enablers who set poor examples and who feed our children foods that contribute to their weight problems.

Tough love sucks... and sometimes the frustration will run high enough to make you cry behind closed doors... but it is worth it. You already know your kids' lives are literally at stake. It may take an outsider to help your husband acknowledge what you already know. Best of luck to all of you.

So sorry to hear your dilemma. A colleague of mine when faced with somewhat similar challenges engaged the assistance of their family pediatrician. The doctor referred her to our local pediatric hospital for a special program designed to help families in situations like yours. It includes counseling (as advised by others already), nutrition education, plus an exercise and fitness program. Your sons aren't tiny tykes who you monitor full time and make most of the decisions on behalf of, they're old enough to be out and about making choices on their own. IMHO you need the help of trusted experts, other voices a teenager can perhaps better hear. It's great to have healthy foods at home and be good role models, but trying to control things yourself (portions, healthy choices etc.) enough to effect change isn't likely to be successful but will likely cause tension and frustration. Tricky with teens (and spouses) but you still have a roll to play and it's definitely not too late to empower them with the health knowledge they'll need for life! They're fortunate to have a mom who cares so much and is eager to help them.

Being the shopper and cook in my family I told everyone one day out of the blue that I was not buying any more junk....period!!! If they wanted it, they would have to get it outside of the house. I threw out all of the junk and replaced it with yogurt, fruit, pop chips, salsa, granola bars, etc. Got rid of the junky cereal and white processed foods. They whined about it for a while then realized I wasn't kidding. My husband ended losing 20 lbs. My daughter lost about 40 lbs and my son about 10 lbs.

Make a decision and stick to your guns.

you need to do an entire clean out of your cabinets, fridge and freezer. Get rid of all that processed foods and empty calories junk. Then when you go shopping only go by yourself and do the meal planning and preperations. There are many tasty but low cal meal ideas and recipes out there. WHen you do the meal prep and serving of it. Make everyone's plates and immediately freeze any leftover. this way they cant go for seconds. Have a dessert planned too. I like to use sugar free whip cream on top of mixed frozen fruit or some other low cal thing like that. IT has sweetness and fiber and complex carbs. You got to get tricky and replace things with better choices and be all military when it comes to YOUR kitchen. My mom was like that in a way so be that. They will live. THey will ***** and complain but they will live. Add in more protein and fiber to the meals. Make new recipes often but never ever use the words low fat, low calories, diet, fat free, or any other thing like that. Dieting is half psychological and the other half motivation. IF they have neither of these things you can at least sneak it in. IF you buy packages of anything like oreos (I recommend against that stuff but whatever) then as soon as you buy them take some baggies and portion out the entire bag into individual portions. Do this with every thing like chips or crackers, cereal. etc Just remember to keep in mind they are men and men need a higher amount of calories just to maintain their weight then you do. Start a journal. Keep track of what your boys and your husband eat. This is where being military on who enters your kitchen and grabs unauthorized food will come into play. (my mom was so like that, I hated it but I lived) This is your part. Now you really will have to do a family meeting and get them on board eventually. Turn off the tv and plan family outings that involve going for a walk or something. That is free. I like free. My suggestions are what I do. I just have to stress that if they aren't on board then you have to pick and choose your battles. This is why I say never ever say the words diet and all that. Don't tell them how you made yoru new recipes or meals, and don't say its healthy or good for you. Just make it. Men are like Mikey, they eat anything if its good. Just saying. My hubbie is the same way.

PS: if bad foods like oreos, ice cream, etc come into the house. Just throw it away and don't say you are the one who did it. Pretty soon it will be obvious they are just wasting money. I do this if my hubbie comes home with a candy bar he "picked up at the gas station" and if he asks about it I play stupid. He finally got the hint and stopped buying them.

take a family trip to a dietician. that way it isnt you that is doing this, its a medical professional's advice you are following.

oreos are a part of life, best learn moderation.

If your husband doesn't seem to be willing to discuss his own weight issues, could you come at it from the angle of 'I'm worried about [our children], and I feel that we all need to make some changes and lead by example for their sake'? That seems to be the most important issue anyway, and it might allow him to make some changes without feeling bad about himself (assuming that's why he's reluctant to admit his eating habits aren't healthy). I don't know if your husband was a big kid while he was in school, but reminding him about how tough it can be to be a fat kid in highschool might also help. I know that I missed out on so much as a kid, just because of my weight and how shallow children can be.

I was thinking the same thing. Start with your kids and get your husband to join your side to save their lives. I mean, that's what's really at risk here. Also, you are the parent so do not allow them to eat junk food. Work with your husband on that and if he insists on having his own junk food, have him hide it or eat it away from home. Again, get him to join you in getting the kids healthy. He will eventually join in for his own good.

I also agree with making smaller portions for meals. I mean, if you have less to go around, will your husband really eat double portions and take away from others? Also, take over grocery shopping and don't buy the bad stuff.

Awesome advice! Throw the bad food away. Its still wasting money if they buy it and eat it but at least you've eliminated the eating part!

Throw it all away! Do it now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!