Need help with hubbie and kids, please

mactaffy84

Hi,

I'm not sure it this is the right board, and sorry if it isn't, but it need some advice. My husband is about 100 pounds overweight. Both my sons, ages 15 and 13 are at least 50"pounds overweight. My oldest has IBS and the start of non-alcoholic fatty liver disease (which was found during his testing for the IBS) and it wouldn't surprise me if his brother is in the same boat.

My hubbie doesn't seem to care about his weight, despite having high blood pressure. I know that I can't make him change. I try to set an example for all of them- you know, eating healthy, exercising every day, etc. But it doesn't work. The kids seem to see my hubbie over eating and not doing exercise and that is the path they are following. I've tried to talk with the hubbie and he agrees the boys need to be more active and lose some weight, but he continually buys the chips and Oreos and ice cream. And before anyone gets all. Heated that I'm singling out this food, I don't think a couple of Oreos is going to kill them, but a whole pack doesn't last a day....

I don't want to be the nag of the family, but we are already dealing with medical issues in a 15 year old because of weight. I've read a lot of opinions not to "make" your kids go on a diet because it will scar them. So, does anyone have any ideas on what I can do to get them to see that they have to change their habits for their health? That should be my role as a parent, but I'm failing miserably!

Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks.

Chief_Rocka

Whatever you do, don't confront your husband directly. Drop little hints like looking at his dinner plant and sighing, or constantly reminding him of how big he his compared to his wedding picture. Also, withhold sex.

Beckboo0912

Make a healthy dinner, a healthy breakfast...move your cabinets/pantry around so the good stuff is in front. Keep water in the front in a pitcher amd the soda or whatever kinda outta site.

IGbnat24

Volunteer to start doing (all) the grocery shopping and meal prep. Keep the garbage out of the house and no one can eat garbage. Tell hubby if he wants junk, he can go buy and eat it alone and not to bring it around the kids.

Eating healthy doesn't have to taste bad or be boring.

0somuchbetter0

Wow, you're in a tough spot. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you to eat healthy, lose weight, and keep up with exercise when you're surrounded by three people who do just the opposite. So first of all, congratulations to you for taking charge of yourself!

Of course you can't force your husband and kids to change their lifestyle, but with health problems already an issue, something has to be done. I think that trying to impose those changes would fail -- they would just resent you and rebel. I think it has to come from them. The kids are still kids, but your husband absolutely has to change his lifestyle, if not for himself and his own health, for his wife and his children.

I'm sure there will be lots of heated opinions about this, but I would suggest going to a family counselor -- all four of you -- and talking about the path you're all headed down if your family's lifestyle doesn't change. With high blood pressure and assuming he's about your age, your husband is a heart attack waiting to happen. Does he want to leave his kids without a dad and you without a husband? A 15 year old with fatty liver disease...that absolutely has to change or else he's looking at a short and unhappy life. Your husband and kids have to hear the truth and accept it and realize what needs to be done. If it's coming from a neutral outside party (a counselor), maybe they'll accept it better.

I wish you all the best.

sloth3toes

Sorry, I don't have anything constructive to add, but this interests me. So, bump.....

0somuchbetter0

Whatever you do, don't confront your husband directly. Drop little hints like looking at his dinner plant and sighing, or constantly reminding him of how big he his compared to his wedding picture. Also, withhold sex.

No.

0somuchbetter0

Volunteer to start doing (all) the grocery shopping and meal prep. Keep the garbage out of the house and no one can eat garbage. Tell hubby if he wants junk, he can go buy and eat it alone and not to bring it around the kids.

Eating healthy doesn't have to taste bad or be boring.

Yes, maybe they don't even know that healthy food tastes good. Maybe they've never tried.

mommyrunning

Whatever you do, don't confront your husband directly. Drop little hints like looking at his dinner plant and sighing, or constantly reminding him of how big he his compared to his wedding picture. Also, withhold sex.

What was the point of posting this? It is not helpful.

TheBadToe

I am in a similar boat. My wife refuses to exercise or eat right, she also refuses to eat what I cook. She complains all of the time about her weight... I even wake up early (I work midnights) so that I can go to the gym when she is sitting at home doing nothing. I have no idea what to do about any of this.

mommyrunning

What is a typical dinner like? You are more likely to have success if you make small changes over time and offer alternatives. Use their favorite food and find healthier versions or alternatives. If you can get your husband on board maybe you can have a family meeting about getting healthier. Try not to make the kids feel bad just say something like "we haven't done as well as we can teaching you to take care of yourselves. So, we are going to make a few changes including..." That way you can try to eliminate shame on their part.

kimothy38

How frustrating for you. Like me, you want the best for your family yet your efforts are being undermined. I'm fortunate that I do all the grocery shopping (gees I'm so lucky) but at least my husband doesn't buy junk food so unless I buy it there is none in the house. My kids are fussy eaters and it was a shock when I realised they eat 0 or 1 serving of fruit and veges a day - all their food is processed crap. Hubby cooks most nights because he's home first and the food is usually fatty sausages, or drowned in oil etc, veges don't even feature (I don't count potatoes as veges). No matter what I say he just doesn't seem to care that we are not doing the best we can if they aren't eating nutritional food. Drives me nuts.

Sounds like there is a deep seated issue that your husband is not ready to address. Can you try to discuss this with him and take the 'I'm concerned about you' approach?

NCDJ2013

Whatever you do, don't confront your husband directly. Drop little hints like looking at his dinner plant and sighing, or constantly reminding him of how big he his compared to his wedding picture. Also, withhold sex.

Really? If you cant take this seriously and try to be helpful then keep your thoughts to yourself.

mactaffy84

Thanks. Funny thing is, the meals we cook I think are healthy (for the most part), and some of it is probably portion control. So maybe I'll make less so they can't come back for seconds. Problem is, I use leftovers for my lunches!

I'm scared to death about off of their health, so keep the suggestions coming? I really appreciate the support.

Debbjones

Thanks. Funny thing is, the meals we cook I think are healthy (for the most part), and some of it is probably portion control. So maybe I'll make less so they can't come back for seconds. Problem is, I use leftovers for my lunches!

I'm scared to death about off of their health, so keep the suggestions coming? I really appreciate the support.

Suggestion... Try freezing your leftovers! Immediately after eating make lunch size portions and throw them in the freezer. Next day just thaw them out before warming up... works for me when I cook holiday meals for family.

Best of luck to you, this can be a difficult time.

CaraRahl

just a suggestion, but if you try cooking smaller batches to help with portion control, try to dish up your leftovers first and get them packed away in a container in the fridge before people dish up for supper. I do this with my fiance to help with portion sizes and I have a guaranteed lunch for the next day.

AliceDark

At 13 and 15, your sons should be old enough to start taking an active role in managing their health. Try talking to them about ways to manage their intake of "junk" foods, and ask for their ideas. They may find it helpful not to have it around, or that may make them more likely to binge or sneak food. At their ages, just keeping it out of the house isn't going to cut off their access to it -- they need to be partners in your strategy.

saraM926

I'm sorry if this is a bad suggestion, but I think after trying to talk to your husband about the situation, and he is still buying the junk food. Get angry! He is doing this to your kids, even if he doesn't mean to. Don't suggest you'll buy the groceries, tell him you will, and then tell him he is not to buy any more junk food. If he wants to eat those kinds of food, tell him he needs to figure a way not to bring it into the house.

Things need to change!

Perhaps you can find something healthy the boys like and make that their go-to snack. Try for a family walk in the park every night or as often as possible. Get rid of the sodas, if possible. Do some research for healthy dinners that they can still be eaten in big portions.

I do think a lot has to do with your husband. If the kids are learning their eating habits from him, then it seems appropriate that he will need to change his ways. I'm sure he doesn't want his kids to have a terrible life. Convince him that the future will be medically challenging for the boys on the road they are on now.

Sometimes being subtle just isn't going to cut it. Tell your husband upfront things are not working, and something has got to change.

But this is just my opinion and I'm not married, nor have kids, so I can only imagine what I'd do. I hope everything works out for you in the end!

RodaRose

Get your sons involved in meal planning and start showing them how to cook and present the food.

itsbasschick

i know this is going to seem out there, but perhaps you and your husband need to go to a counselor or make an appointment for both of you to meet with the doctor so you can express your concern for his and your sons' well being in a neutral place. tell him you're scared to death for him, afraid that he is going to die, and that what's happening with your son's liver is very frightening. because if your husband is happy with his weight and his eating, he's not going to change without a real wakeup call, and his example is going to reinforce your sons' eating habits, as well.

i'm so sorry you are dealing with this - it sounds very hard :-(

dinosaurparty

If your husband doesn't seem to be willing to discuss his own weight issues, could you come at it from the angle of 'I'm worried about [our children], and I feel that we all need to make some changes and lead by example for their sake'? That seems to be the most important issue anyway, and it might allow him to make some changes without feeling bad about himself (assuming that's why he's reluctant to admit his eating habits aren't healthy). I don't know if your husband was a big kid while he was in school, but reminding him about how tough it can be to be a fat kid in highschool might also help. I know that I missed out on so much as a kid, just because of my weight and how shallow children can be.

Also, if you're worried that portion control is a big issue with your family, you might want to consider buying smaller plates and bowls, and tall, thin glasses. This can trick people into thinking that they're eating more than they are. I also agree with the poster who suggested that maybe you should take over buying groceries if you're able to. Also, remember that green stuff should ideally take up half the plate when you dish out food. Combine that with diet sodas (or water or whatever. Just so that they aren't drinking calories), and you'll probably notice a difference in everyone's weight and health.

Would it be possible for you to drag your family out on weekends to hike or go on bike rides?