People's negative comments on weight loss goal

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  • lavendy17
    lavendy17 Posts: 309 Member
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    Oh yeah, all the time. I have no idea why they do it. But people like us who are not obese and barely overweight look pretty normal to most people, and if you look around you, a lot of people may carry extra weight but you'd never think they have to lose it because they look fine. So maybe when you tell people you want to lose that much (20% of your current weight), it just seems like - well where is it gonna come from?

    But the general consensus here on MFP is - just ignore those comments and trust your intuition.
  • itsmeheatherp
    itsmeheatherp Posts: 15 Member
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    I think they just need to say something and that when they say "Oh that is too much" they are trying to be nice.
    What I keep hearing is"Oh, you can see a difference! How are you doing it?" and when I respond Whole30 or Paleo they say "Oh, that's not sustainable. You are never going to eat bread again? Be realistic!"
    I tell them I am realistic. That this is a lifestyle change. Just like quitting smoking can seem unrealistic if you smoke. So, I guess if you eat bread thenwhat I am doing is crazy to you. I am doing this for me, not so you can say something to me. I am doing this so that I can camp with my kids and squat down to hammer in the stakes and not have to crawl on the ground to a tree!

    Tell them to mind their own business. Do what is best for you. In the end, you are the one that is always with you, so don't listen to the "Ney sayers!"
  • thatjosiegirl
    thatjosiegirl Posts: 362 Member
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    My boyfriend did the same thing to me, I told him I wanted to lose at least 40 pounds and he flipped out telling me "you can't lose that much you will look too skinny and not healthy"

    Now here I am a few pounds away from my goal and he can't stop telling me how good I look!

    You know your body best!
  • MaryJane_8810002
    MaryJane_8810002 Posts: 2,082 Member
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    IT Could depend on your body frame, is it large, medium, small? I am 5'4.5 and when I was 169 I told people I wanted to lose 50 pounds to make it to 120 people thought I was crazy because they thought I was already 120lbs.. Now that I am down to my 150s I realize that 120 may be too much for my large frame, so I have struck a balance between 130-135 as a goal. My sister thinks I am crazy and says that if I make it to that weight then I would be in eating disorder territory but I ignore her because she thinks a healthy goal weight is 180lbs.
  • funfang
    funfang Posts: 200 Member
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    I have been loosing weight and my husband just told me lately that I have been too skinny for his liking.... well, sorry honey, I am doing this for me.... but he support what ever I think is the best for me, he just personally like his woman with more meat ;-P

    I think you are doing it right, take it slow and you will see when you need to stop :-)
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    Currently my BMI is 25.8, I am overweight.

    At 125lbs my BMI will be 20.8, a healthy weight.

    There is just such a huge range of weight that is considered "healthy." My best friend who keeps telling me I will look sick if I am that small is 5'6 118. She just keeps telling me, "I look fine, but YOU will look too small."

    I don't want to look sick but I also want to feel like the best me.

    If you get to a point where you think you look sick, then simply switch to maintenance. Just because you set your goal at 125 doesn't mean you MUST get to that weight. Leave your goal as is for now, and adjust later, if YOU want.
  • RavenLibra
    RavenLibra Posts: 1,737 Member
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    YOU can do it without looking "sick" IF you add a strength training program to your 6 month schedule... in fact you may not have to diet at all IF you just get active in the gym. as for that "sick" look... it's an adjustment for other people to make.. NOT you... be confident and resolute in your commitment to yourself. YOURS is the only opinion that really counts. Keep us updated on your progress
  • Branstin
    Branstin Posts: 2,320 Member
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    This is about you losing weight and achieving good health. This is the reason you should surround yourself with like-minded people with common goals. Otherwise, avoid the topic of your weight loss journey. Even though people mean well, some could be irritating if they don't know what they are talking about since it is very hard to just look at some people and decide if they are at an appropriate weight. Your weight should be determined by you and your doctor, no one else.
  • weightliftinggirl
    weightliftinggirl Posts: 45 Member
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    Thank you for all the replies and suggestions!

    I am going to start telling people my goal is to be fit and healthy rather than telling them a weight.

    I feel that I have an average sized frame so I think I can be 125 and look good. I used to be this weight before college so I am hoping to get back to this weight.

    I want to be fit and healthy and be a role model because I am a nurse (2 years away from being a nurse practitioner) and I find it hard to tell my patients to lose weight or eat healthy if I don't do the same thing. It's not just about the way we look but about being healthy - so many diseases are partially caused by obesity or being overweight. I want to walk the walk not just talk the talk.
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
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    I have had only one close friend remark on my ultimate goal. I didn't even mention the total number of pounds, I just said I'm aiming for the weight I was in college (around 165 lbs, I'm 5'10"). She said, "That's too low for your age. At your age the weight doesn't come off. I'd be more realistic." I'm in my 40's.

    I really love this friend, but oy. Not helpful. To be honest, I don't think she was at all trying to undermine me, but she is quite overweight and I think she might feel threatened by my attempts to lose. I'm doing it slowly, like you, and so far, pretty successfully. I feel very good about that, but I never even talk about my weight or the changes I've made with her. I know it's a sensitive topic. But when she asked me what my goal was, I answered.

    It happens. On MFP I see people in their 40s and over have great success. I read all the time about weight loss and goals (here and elsewhere) and I trust myself to be realistic, but also to never give up my ultimate goals. Some friends and family are great to talk to about all this, many more are not. I just try to take it lightly, saying to myself, "That's your opinion, but I'm going to keep on keeping on; I'm my biggest cheerleader."

    You keep on keeping on! You are doing great.
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
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    People are mostly trying to reassure you that you look good now, probably, and like others have said have a skewed idea of what different weights look like. Also, shorter people can look good at 125, so it might just be one of those weird things where someone who is happy at 5'3 and 130 feels like their weight is called into question if you want to be lighter than that.

    How you will look, though, depends on your build. I spent my late teens and early 20s thinking I was too heavy at 125 and wanting to lose 15 lbs (not that I ever did anything about this but feel unhappy with myself), and while 110 is good weight for many of my height (5'3), looking at photos of back then I don't think it would have been ideal for me. So just evaluate as you lose to see where you feel good or might want to focus more on gaining muscle. But in the abstract 125 and 5'5 is a perfectly good goal.

    Edit: I think your plan sounds like an excellent one. You seem to have it together!
  • Steff46
    Steff46 Posts: 516 Member
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    I am 5' 5" and my CW is 140.5 down from 156. I have been 125 when I was younger and way more active. It is not an unhealthy weight for your height. Congrats on your weight loss to date!
  • TeaBea
    TeaBea Posts: 14,517 Member
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    Currently my BMI is 25.8, I am overweight.

    At 125lbs my BMI will be 20.8, a healthy weight.

    There is just such a huge range of weight that is considered "healthy." My best friend who keeps telling me I will look sick if I am that small is 5'6 118. She just keeps telling me, "I look fine, but YOU will look too small."

    I don't want to look sick but I also want to feel like the best me.

    If you get to a point where you think you look sick, then simply switch to maintenance. Just because you set your goal at 125 doesn't mean you MUST get to that weight. Leave your goal as is for now, and adjust later, if YOU want.

    This!^

    Losing weight slowly will help you keep lean muscle. The more muscle you keep, the better you look at a higher weight. The scale is just a number. You will figure it out as you get closer.
  • enoliaa
    enoliaa Posts: 28 Member
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    Human beings provide feedbacks based on their own values and beliefs so don't take it any of it personal, sometimes it could feel hurtful or de-motivating but it is just who they are, it does not define you. In short, don't mind others and focus on what you want and need!
  • williams969
    williams969 Posts: 2,528 Member
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    Currently my BMI is 25.8, I am overweight.

    At 125lbs my BMI will be 20.8, a healthy weight.

    There is just such a huge range of weight that is considered "healthy." My best friend who keeps telling me I will look sick if I am that small is 5'6 118. She just keeps telling me, "I look fine, but YOU will look too small."

    I don't want to look sick but I also want to feel like the best me.

    Your goal is a perfectly healthy one. And kudos for going SLLLOOOWWW! That's my plan, too. (I'm 5'6", no set-in-stone goal weight--just slim, healthy, strong).

    Your friend sounds, hmmm, perhaps just not "ready" to imagine you as something other than "bigger" than her (no offense, I've been the "fat" friend and in my skinny past, the "skinny" friend--so I know both sides). Not that it's bad, or jealousy, or anything. Just that it's difficult for some people to see others' potential (body-wise). That's okay, since the only thing that matters is YOUR motivation and realizing YOUR own potential.

    And seriously, your friend don't see a difference at 10 lbs down--so why are they hung up on 20 more suddenly "sickly"? Nah, it's okay, do your thing, if it's confusing for them to understand your goals, quit mentioning the numbers to them.
  • amblight
    amblight Posts: 350 Member
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    Generally people have no idea what a certain weight looks like, especially if it's not near their own stats. They have even less idea of what a certain weight OFF will look like, especially if they don't have any experience with weight loss.
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
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    There is just such a huge range of weight that is considered "healthy." My best friend who keeps telling me I will look sick if I am that small is 5'6 118. She just keeps telling me, "I look fine, but YOU will look too small."

    Haha, I had that friend once! Except I am 5'2" and she was 5'7" but she felt sure she looked great at 118 while I did not. :huh: People are strange creatures. For your own sanity, you might want to not give her any more numbers!
  • chantellejohno
    chantellejohno Posts: 3
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    Sometimes I think friends are slightly jealous that you've decided to do something about it and you're looking better!
    I was the fat friend for too long and now I'm trying to lose the weight, they say anything to make me eat what they do and waste my time like they do. Not going to happen! Keep going!
  • stuffinmuffin
    stuffinmuffin Posts: 985 Member
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    People have made all manner of unpleasant comments to me on my weight loss journey and some of them from colleagues and unexpectedly from some close friends. I've had people try to 'feed' me, make snarky comments if I turn down cake, go out for exercise, whatever really.

    However, I have also had some amazing comments and great support from other people and other loved ones. I've made new friends, I have fitness pretty much as an enjoyable and somewhat sociable hobby now.

    Just ignore the negativity. It's a very personal journey and at the end of the day it's YOU that will be HEALTHIER & HAPPIER, so screw what anyone else thinks/says.

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