Sometimes tone matters.

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wheird
wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
in Motivation and Support
Several times per week there is a new thread posted about how "mean" some people on MFP are or how they are feeling "bullied". Many times you can look at their posting history and find a thread where they recently posted some dubious claim that was then refuted several times with the poster clinging to their unsubstantiated claims and getting hostile towards those disagreeing.

Are they always correct in that people are being mean to them? No. But many times there are people being pretty damn condescending. Myself included. If I feel that you are being willfully ignorant, despite information to the contrary, then I am not going to hide my contempt.

But sometimes I see that poster get piled on pretty damn quickly and it is really no wonder that they get defensive. No one wants to feel like an idiot.

So sometimes it can be useful to take a step back and ask yourself if you are being condescending or if you have offered no real information in your recent posting history, and opting to post humorous gifs or some caustic snark.

And if you are getting butthurt by your claims being refuted and feeling mocked, maybe it is time to stop typing and read the information being given and filter through the humor.


Most people on here are not going to be a jerk intentionally. And most gifs that appear to be insulting you are in good fun. It is hard to get the full measure of someone's tone until you have been around awhile.



TL;DR: Maybe you are a jerk, maybe you are being sensitive, don't be stupid, post more gifs.
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Replies

  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    TL;DR: Maybe you are a jerk, maybe you are being sensitive, don't be stupid, post more gifs.

    elmo-tl_dr.gif
  • redmagpie91
    redmagpie91 Posts: 77 Member
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    I agree. It's one thing to politely correct someone of their assumptions, but it's another to be rude and just plain mean. Mocking someone for not knowing something is one of the rudest things and it seriously turns me away from these message boards. We were once all ignorant and being an *kitten* is uncalled for.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    TL;DR: Maybe you are a jerk, maybe you are being sensitive, don't be stupid, post more gifs.

    elmo-tl_dr.gif

    Me either, just typed and posted it. :tongue:
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    TL;DR: Maybe you are a jerk, maybe you are being sensitive, don't be stupid, post more gifs.

    elmo-tl_dr.gif

    Me either, just typed and posted it. :tongue:
    legit lol
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    I agree. It's one thing to politely correct someone of their assumptions, but it's another to be rude and just plain mean. Mocking someone for not knowing something is one of the rudest things and it seriously turns me away from these message boards. We were once all ignorant and being an *kitten* is uncalled for.

    But here is the thing to consider: The same information is posted over and over. Anyone can spend a few days reading threads and get a sense of who knows what they are talking about and pay attention to the information that they give.

    Also, people are not always being an *kitten*, but sometimes posters get upset when they are proven wrong and it makes them feel belittled and defensive.

    It isnt as simple as someone being an *kitten*. But I do agree that a lot of the time the tone of responses can be improved. But not everyone has time for that.
  • andeey
    andeey Posts: 709 Member
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    Also, people are not always being an *kitten*, but sometimes posters get upset when they are proven wrong and it makes them feel belittled and defensive.

    It isnt as simple as someone being an *kitten*. But I do agree that a lot of the time the tone of responses can be improved. But not everyone has time for that.

    Counter-point: there's a gigantic difference between people asking for advice and people asking for validation. I'm afraid I've seen people saying they want advice and when given (good, bad, ugly) they were really just seeking validation (yay! you're not hungry on 800 cals, go you!).

    People need to be clear in their desired outcome.
  • MrTolerable
    MrTolerable Posts: 1,593 Member
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    lmaoooooo :laugh:

    I think it is funny - when people are mean and it's a witty mean I can't help but crack up and laugh with them - its one thing I really like about MFP - even the haters up in here let their humor coincide with their hate.

    As for the people with soft skin - lift more and get calloused up so you can laugh off the junk. MFP is a resource, and it is for entertainment - it's not a playground where kids are getting bullied.
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
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    TL;DR: Maybe you are a jerk, maybe you are being sensitive, don't be stupid, post more gifs.

    elmo-tl_dr.gif

    is Elmo posting this gif while on the POTTY? HOW WUDE
  • _errata_
    _errata_ Posts: 1,653 Member
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    vader_didnt_read.gif
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    Also, people are not always being an *kitten*, but sometimes posters get upset when they are proven wrong and it makes them feel belittled and defensive.

    It isnt as simple as someone being an *kitten*. But I do agree that a lot of the time the tone of responses can be improved. But not everyone has time for that.

    Counter-point: there's a gigantic difference between people asking for advice and people asking for validation. I'm afraid I've seen people saying they want advice and when given (good, bad, ugly) they were really just seeking validation (yay! you're not hungry on 800 cals, go you!).

    People need to be clear in their desired outcome.

    This is a good point. PPL looking for validation might take that need to the motivation and support boards while people looking for advice might post their questions in Food and Nutrition or Fitness and Exercise, for clarity.
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
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    For the most part, I try to be pretty empathetic and kind. I try not to be rude, or even derail a topic. I rarely post gifs.

    Sometimes I blunder and maybe come off a such - but I never do it to be spiteful or mean.

    Ok, there was that one chimp guy that I got mad at and was kind of rude to, that one time. Oh, and the other "alpha male" dude... couldn't stand him.

    I digress.

    Kindness often goes a lot farther in success than insult. :)

    :heart: to you for posting this! I TOTALLY read it all!
  • MrTolerable
    MrTolerable Posts: 1,593 Member
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    The best thing the 'bullied' can do - is when found wrong, especially when a source is provided is to admit they were wrong - maybe even be classy and show appreciation for the time it took for the person to find the source and provide it.

    It is a community up in here, so it's cool when everyone is working together to form a conclusion or take away from a point/question being made.
  • firfeous
    firfeous Posts: 196 Member
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    25irzx2.jpg

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  • chubby_checkers
    chubby_checkers Posts: 2,354 Member
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    I thought this was going to be about toning muscles. You let me down, OP.
  • MrTolerable
    MrTolerable Posts: 1,593 Member
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    25irzx2.jpg

    29vgi6w.jpg

    ^firfeous - you actually do have nice hair :flowerforyou:
  • delicious_cocktail
    delicious_cocktail Posts: 5,797 Member
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    You know I respect you Tim, but this must be said.


    "Well that oughta fix it."
  • MyChocolateDiet
    MyChocolateDiet Posts: 22,281 Member
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    Respect apparently has many definitions. Never realized that.

    Whenever someone has posted a topic of this nature NOT in response to immediately prior being "bullied" or whatnot I have not thought it was an attempt to "fix" the interwebs, merely to state their own personal stance and/or dissappoinment in others. Either is IMO a valid point to make in a community that pretends to seek to educate others.
  • jkal1979
    jkal1979 Posts: 1,896 Member
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    attachment.php?attachmentid=41318&stc=1&d=1332211847
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    I agree. It's one thing to politely correct someone of their assumptions, but it's another to be rude and just plain mean. Mocking someone for not knowing something is one of the rudest things and it seriously turns me away from these message boards. We were once all ignorant and being an *kitten* is uncalled for.

    ...i'm just glad these people aren't teachers. Imagine if you sent your kid to school to learn about something and the teacher just stood up there all drunk and medicated and riciduled your kid?

    My best professors in grad school were sarcastic as hell and had a biting wit. We learned to defend our arguments or STFU very quickly.
  • broox80
    broox80 Posts: 1,195 Member
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    Some things are very lost in translation through text. I totally agree that people can take things wrong. Also, when I first started I wanted to lose the weight without having to workout because.......insert a bajillion excuses....... People were not nice about it and pretty much told me to get off my lazy *kitten*. Now almost 75 pounds later, I know I couldn't have done it without exercise. Some can, but I know that I cannot!!!

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