Sometimes tone matters.

Options
2

Replies

  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
    Options
    I try to be helpful and nice when giving advice and complimentary those posting achievements. I do get snarky when people argue against helpful advice with the 800 calorie stuff repeatedly.... but I try to be nice first. Sometimes sarcasm is just fun.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Options
    Are you... Are you saying my gifs are unwelcome? I think that's what this was about...

    power.gif
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    Options
    You know I respect you Tim, but this must be said.


    "Well that oughta fix it."

    I have no doubt that it will fix the issue, but my hopes that one or two people on both sides of that fence might read it and work on their tone/sensitivity. It may last only a post or two, but there is a very slim chance that someone may receive something positive as a result.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    Options
    I agree. It's one thing to politely correct someone of their assumptions, but it's another to be rude and just plain mean. Mocking someone for not knowing something is one of the rudest things and it seriously turns me away from these message boards. We were once all ignorant and being an *kitten* is uncalled for.

    ...i'm just glad these people aren't teachers. Imagine if you sent your kid to school to learn about something and the teacher just stood up there all drunk and medicated and riciduled your kid?

    My best professors in grad school were sarcastic as hell and had a biting wit. We learned to defend our arguments or STFU very quickly.

    And I personally appreciate those types of people. That sarcasm often forces me to check my premises.
  • redmagpie91
    redmagpie91 Posts: 77 Member
    Options
    I agree. It's one thing to politely correct someone of their assumptions, but it's another to be rude and just plain mean. Mocking someone for not knowing something is one of the rudest things and it seriously turns me away from these message boards. We were once all ignorant and being an *kitten* is uncalled for.

    But here is the thing to consider: The same information is posted over and over. Anyone can spend a few days reading threads and get a sense of who knows what they are talking about and pay attention to the information that they give.

    Also, people are not always being an *kitten*, but sometimes posters get upset when they are proven wrong and it makes them feel belittled and defensive.

    It isnt as simple as someone being an *kitten*. But I do agree that a lot of the time the tone of responses can be improved. But not everyone has time for that.

    Oh I completely agree that sometimes people are oversensitive, but seriously there are users on here who probably can't figure out google and facebook and you expect them to magically know about a search feature? I used to be super impatient, but I now work with a bunch of people with masters degrees who can't figure out how to print. We should be gracious because honestly, most people just probably don't know. I bet for a lot of people, this is the only website they are a part of.

    But yes, people shouldn't get quite so defensive. Maybe we should all learn to "kill them with kindness" instead of getting frustrated.
  • SugaryLynx
    SugaryLynx Posts: 2,640 Member
    Options
    I'm neva mean I'm just...

    30rmyoz.gif
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Options
    Are you... Are you saying my gifs are unwelcome? I think that's what this was about...

    power.gif

    +1 for a Labrynth gif.

    Sometimes snark happens. From me, it's usually directed at people insisting that their starvation diet is healthy, even though they admit they know it isn't. Or the blatant jerks that come on here and post about all the women they smash.

    But, you're right. It helps to take a moment to reflect.

    Can I gif now? Keeping with the theme...

    giphy.gif
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Options
    If you were to receive the text, "I never said I thought you were ugly." There are eight different way of interpreting that short sentence. All of which take on a different, albeit sh*tty, meaning. Written communications are a relationship killer (with the exception of graphic, hot, steamy love letters of course.)


    I never said I thought you were ugly.

    I never said I thought you were ugly.

    I never said I thought you were ugly.

    I never said I thought you were ugly.

    I never said I thought you were ugly.

    I never said I thought you were ugly.

    I never said I thought you were ugly.

    I never said I thought you were ugly.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Options
    Are you... Are you saying my gifs are unwelcome? I think that's what this was about...

    power.gif

    +1 for a Labrynth gif.

    Sometimes snark happens. From me, it's usually directed at people insisting that their starvation diet is healthy, even though they admit they know it isn't. Or the blatant jerks that come on here and post about all the women they smash.

    But, you're right. It helps to take a moment to reflect.

    Can I gif now? Keeping with the theme...

    giphy.gif

    labyrinthworm.gif
  • Chieflrg
    Chieflrg Posts: 9,097 Member
    Options
    Sorry OP, I don't believe in the "Toning" myth, though I do support your right to belief there is one. Please do not get butthurt.

    I also belief this gif is hawt...

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQeJafkRD0Z9Ho38fZ8GEYH8AlUHIwAnBGJjwCU2iYs1300hl3XFg
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Options
    Sorry OP, I don't believe in the "Toning" myth, thought I do support your right to belief there is one. Please do not get butthurt.

    I also belief this gif is hawt...

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQeJafkRD0Z9Ho38fZ8GEYH8AlUHIwAnBGJjwCU2iYs1300hl3XFg

    But... she's not giffing.
  • delicious_cocktail
    delicious_cocktail Posts: 5,797 Member
    Options
    You know I respect you Tim, but this must be said.


    "Well that oughta fix it."

    I have no doubt that it will fix the issue, but my hopes that one or two people on both sides of that fence might read it and work on their tone/sensitivity. It may last only a post or two, but there is a very slim chance that someone may receive something positive as a result.

    Perhaps. I've gone down the same road. You'll never really know who was impacted because you'll never see them not do something.

    Who knows the proportion of rational people, anyway? 98% of MFP could easily parse tone accurately, not take offense, and quietly move on.

    It is easy to be distracted by a very loud, very small minority who will take offense to anything and everything. Some people are paranoid and insecure; certain that everyone is out to get them. This type of person will always read criticism into things that others write.

    Inevitably, unable to come to terms with the fact that their problems originate from within, they will end up acting out in hostility against all of their imaginary persecutors.

    Can't tell someone like that to just sit down, shut up, and have a nice cup of tea; they're too busy choking on their own frothy saliva.
  • __freckles__
    __freckles__ Posts: 1,238 Member
    Options
    I get what you're saying OP and I agree.

    I try to be nice to people that are obviously new to this. But to the posters who ask a question and get great advice, and then openly disregard said advice and say everyone is mean and unsupportive....that's when kitten gifs are entirely warranted.
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
    Options
    A lot of these threads remind me of nagging my daughter to clean her room. It's her room and if she likes being messy, fine. But if she tells me she can't find your pink shorts, I'm going to tell her to clean her room. I'm not going to clean it for her and I'm not buying her another pair. She always ALWAYS tells me I'm so mean for telling her that she has to clean her room to find her pink shorts.

    Do I make sense?
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Options
    A lot of these threads remind me of nagging my daughter to clean her room. It's her room and if she likes being messy, fine. But if she tells me she can't find your pink shorts, I'm going to tell her to clean her room. I'm not going to clean it for her and I'm not buying her another pair. She always ALWAYS tells me I'm so mean for telling her that she has to clean her room to find her pink shorts.

    Do I make sense?

    Yes. And you look hot. Double Wammy! (Whammy?)
  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
    Options
    A lot of these threads remind me of nagging my daughter to clean her room. It's her room and if she likes being messy, fine. But if she tells me she can't find your pink shorts, I'm going to tell her to clean her room. I'm not going to clean it for her and I'm not buying her another pair. She always ALWAYS tells me I'm so mean for telling her that she has to clean her room to find her pink shorts.

    Do I make sense?

    Perfect sense.

    tumblr_lyuulwzmhr1qaa163o1_500.gif
  • BinaryPulsar
    BinaryPulsar Posts: 8,927 Member
    Options
    I get what you are saying, op. And I agree. I have thought similiar things before. Sometimes people are very sensitive. Sometimes there is poor delivery, a pile on, etc (sometimes it happens just because it's the internet and everyone is replying individually). And sometimes there are things about the op that it wouldn't hurt if we maybe considered their individual circumstances.

    I think that people tend to jump to some big conclusions about others on here, but sometimes people are just different, or in a different place at the moment, etc.

    People don't have to do anything. But, I just get what you are saying.
  • gypsy_spirit
    gypsy_spirit Posts: 2,107 Member
    Options
    A spirited cat (seen as a bully cat sometimes), a sensitive cat and a cat that stays above the kerfuffle.

    thats_my_spot_on_the_coach-28009.gif
  • _HeartsOnFire_
    _HeartsOnFire_ Posts: 5,304 Member
    Options
    IsK29h0.gif

    I get what you are saying OP...because despite my gif I did read it.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
    Options
    Several times per week there is a new thread posted about how "mean" some people on MFP are or how they are feeling "bullied". Many times you can look at their posting history and find a thread where they recently posted some dubious claim that was then refuted several times with the poster clinging to their unsubstantiated claims and getting hostile towards those disagreeing.

    Are they always correct in that people are being mean to them? No. But many times there are people being pretty damn condescending. Myself included. If I feel that you are being willfully ignorant, despite information to the contrary, then I am not going to hide my contempt.

    But sometimes I see that poster get piled on pretty damn quickly and it is really no wonder that they get defensive. No one wants to feel like an idiot.

    So sometimes it can be useful to take a step back and ask yourself if you are being condescending or if you have offered no real information in your recent posting history, and opting to post humorous gifs or some caustic snark.

    And if you are getting butthurt by your claims being refuted and feeling mocked, maybe it is time to stop typing and read the information being given and filter through the humor.


    Most people on here are not going to be a jerk intentionally. And most gifs that appear to be insulting you are in good fun. It is hard to get the full measure of someone's tone until you have been around awhile.



    TL;DR: Maybe you are a jerk, maybe you are being sensitive, don't be stupid, post more gifs.

    I think a lot of us want to help OPs see the light. So we provide as many compelling reasons and supporting arguments as we can. However, you don't always need to close the deal during the first meeting. Sometimes it's better to drop some enticing information and let the person reach out to you for more when they are ready.

Categories