Sometimes tone matters.
wheird
Posts: 7,963 Member
Several times per week there is a new thread posted about how "mean" some people on MFP are or how they are feeling "bullied". Many times you can look at their posting history and find a thread where they recently posted some dubious claim that was then refuted several times with the poster clinging to their unsubstantiated claims and getting hostile towards those disagreeing.
Are they always correct in that people are being mean to them? No. But many times there are people being pretty damn condescending. Myself included. If I feel that you are being willfully ignorant, despite information to the contrary, then I am not going to hide my contempt.
But sometimes I see that poster get piled on pretty damn quickly and it is really no wonder that they get defensive. No one wants to feel like an idiot.
So sometimes it can be useful to take a step back and ask yourself if you are being condescending or if you have offered no real information in your recent posting history, and opting to post humorous gifs or some caustic snark.
And if you are getting butthurt by your claims being refuted and feeling mocked, maybe it is time to stop typing and read the information being given and filter through the humor.
Most people on here are not going to be a jerk intentionally. And most gifs that appear to be insulting you are in good fun. It is hard to get the full measure of someone's tone until you have been around awhile.
TL;DR: Maybe you are a jerk, maybe you are being sensitive, don't be stupid, post more gifs.
Are they always correct in that people are being mean to them? No. But many times there are people being pretty damn condescending. Myself included. If I feel that you are being willfully ignorant, despite information to the contrary, then I am not going to hide my contempt.
But sometimes I see that poster get piled on pretty damn quickly and it is really no wonder that they get defensive. No one wants to feel like an idiot.
So sometimes it can be useful to take a step back and ask yourself if you are being condescending or if you have offered no real information in your recent posting history, and opting to post humorous gifs or some caustic snark.
And if you are getting butthurt by your claims being refuted and feeling mocked, maybe it is time to stop typing and read the information being given and filter through the humor.
Most people on here are not going to be a jerk intentionally. And most gifs that appear to be insulting you are in good fun. It is hard to get the full measure of someone's tone until you have been around awhile.
TL;DR: Maybe you are a jerk, maybe you are being sensitive, don't be stupid, post more gifs.
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TL;DR: Maybe you are a jerk, maybe you are being sensitive, don't be stupid, post more gifs.
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I agree. It's one thing to politely correct someone of their assumptions, but it's another to be rude and just plain mean. Mocking someone for not knowing something is one of the rudest things and it seriously turns me away from these message boards. We were once all ignorant and being an *kitten* is uncalled for.0
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TL;DR: Maybe you are a jerk, maybe you are being sensitive, don't be stupid, post more gifs.
Me either, just typed and posted it.
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legit lolTL;DR: Maybe you are a jerk, maybe you are being sensitive, don't be stupid, post more gifs.
Me either, just typed and posted it.0 -
I agree. It's one thing to politely correct someone of their assumptions, but it's another to be rude and just plain mean. Mocking someone for not knowing something is one of the rudest things and it seriously turns me away from these message boards. We were once all ignorant and being an *kitten* is uncalled for.
But here is the thing to consider: The same information is posted over and over. Anyone can spend a few days reading threads and get a sense of who knows what they are talking about and pay attention to the information that they give.
Also, people are not always being an *kitten*, but sometimes posters get upset when they are proven wrong and it makes them feel belittled and defensive.
It isnt as simple as someone being an *kitten*. But I do agree that a lot of the time the tone of responses can be improved. But not everyone has time for that.0 -
Also, people are not always being an *kitten*, but sometimes posters get upset when they are proven wrong and it makes them feel belittled and defensive.
It isnt as simple as someone being an *kitten*. But I do agree that a lot of the time the tone of responses can be improved. But not everyone has time for that.
Counter-point: there's a gigantic difference between people asking for advice and people asking for validation. I'm afraid I've seen people saying they want advice and when given (good, bad, ugly) they were really just seeking validation (yay! you're not hungry on 800 cals, go you!).
People need to be clear in their desired outcome.0 -
lmaoooooo :laugh:
I think it is funny - when people are mean and it's a witty mean I can't help but crack up and laugh with them - its one thing I really like about MFP - even the haters up in here let their humor coincide with their hate.
As for the people with soft skin - lift more and get calloused up so you can laugh off the junk. MFP is a resource, and it is for entertainment - it's not a playground where kids are getting bullied.0 -
TL;DR: Maybe you are a jerk, maybe you are being sensitive, don't be stupid, post more gifs.
is Elmo posting this gif while on the POTTY? HOW WUDE0 -
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Also, people are not always being an *kitten*, but sometimes posters get upset when they are proven wrong and it makes them feel belittled and defensive.
It isnt as simple as someone being an *kitten*. But I do agree that a lot of the time the tone of responses can be improved. But not everyone has time for that.
Counter-point: there's a gigantic difference between people asking for advice and people asking for validation. I'm afraid I've seen people saying they want advice and when given (good, bad, ugly) they were really just seeking validation (yay! you're not hungry on 800 cals, go you!).
People need to be clear in their desired outcome.
This is a good point. PPL looking for validation might take that need to the motivation and support boards while people looking for advice might post their questions in Food and Nutrition or Fitness and Exercise, for clarity.0 -
For the most part, I try to be pretty empathetic and kind. I try not to be rude, or even derail a topic. I rarely post gifs.
Sometimes I blunder and maybe come off a such - but I never do it to be spiteful or mean.
Ok, there was that one chimp guy that I got mad at and was kind of rude to, that one time. Oh, and the other "alpha male" dude... couldn't stand him.
I digress.
Kindness often goes a lot farther in success than insult.
to you for posting this! I TOTALLY read it all! 0 -
The best thing the 'bullied' can do - is when found wrong, especially when a source is provided is to admit they were wrong - maybe even be classy and show appreciation for the time it took for the person to find the source and provide it.
It is a community up in here, so it's cool when everyone is working together to form a conclusion or take away from a point/question being made.0 -
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I thought this was going to be about toning muscles. You let me down, OP.0
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^firfeous - you actually do have nice hair :flowerforyou:0 -
You know I respect you Tim, but this must be said.
"Well that oughta fix it."0 -
Respect apparently has many definitions. Never realized that.
Whenever someone has posted a topic of this nature NOT in response to immediately prior being "bullied" or whatnot I have not thought it was an attempt to "fix" the interwebs, merely to state their own personal stance and/or dissappoinment in others. Either is IMO a valid point to make in a community that pretends to seek to educate others.0 -
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I agree. It's one thing to politely correct someone of their assumptions, but it's another to be rude and just plain mean. Mocking someone for not knowing something is one of the rudest things and it seriously turns me away from these message boards. We were once all ignorant and being an *kitten* is uncalled for.
...i'm just glad these people aren't teachers. Imagine if you sent your kid to school to learn about something and the teacher just stood up there all drunk and medicated and riciduled your kid?
My best professors in grad school were sarcastic as hell and had a biting wit. We learned to defend our arguments or STFU very quickly.0 -
Some things are very lost in translation through text. I totally agree that people can take things wrong. Also, when I first started I wanted to lose the weight without having to workout because.......insert a bajillion excuses....... People were not nice about it and pretty much told me to get off my lazy *kitten*. Now almost 75 pounds later, I know I couldn't have done it without exercise. Some can, but I know that I cannot!!!0
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I try to be helpful and nice when giving advice and complimentary those posting achievements. I do get snarky when people argue against helpful advice with the 800 calorie stuff repeatedly.... but I try to be nice first. Sometimes sarcasm is just fun.0
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Are you... Are you saying my gifs are unwelcome? I think that's what this was about...
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You know I respect you Tim, but this must be said.
"Well that oughta fix it."
I have no doubt that it will fix the issue, but my hopes that one or two people on both sides of that fence might read it and work on their tone/sensitivity. It may last only a post or two, but there is a very slim chance that someone may receive something positive as a result.0 -
I agree. It's one thing to politely correct someone of their assumptions, but it's another to be rude and just plain mean. Mocking someone for not knowing something is one of the rudest things and it seriously turns me away from these message boards. We were once all ignorant and being an *kitten* is uncalled for.
...i'm just glad these people aren't teachers. Imagine if you sent your kid to school to learn about something and the teacher just stood up there all drunk and medicated and riciduled your kid?
My best professors in grad school were sarcastic as hell and had a biting wit. We learned to defend our arguments or STFU very quickly.
And I personally appreciate those types of people. That sarcasm often forces me to check my premises.0 -
I agree. It's one thing to politely correct someone of their assumptions, but it's another to be rude and just plain mean. Mocking someone for not knowing something is one of the rudest things and it seriously turns me away from these message boards. We were once all ignorant and being an *kitten* is uncalled for.
But here is the thing to consider: The same information is posted over and over. Anyone can spend a few days reading threads and get a sense of who knows what they are talking about and pay attention to the information that they give.
Also, people are not always being an *kitten*, but sometimes posters get upset when they are proven wrong and it makes them feel belittled and defensive.
It isnt as simple as someone being an *kitten*. But I do agree that a lot of the time the tone of responses can be improved. But not everyone has time for that.
Oh I completely agree that sometimes people are oversensitive, but seriously there are users on here who probably can't figure out google and facebook and you expect them to magically know about a search feature? I used to be super impatient, but I now work with a bunch of people with masters degrees who can't figure out how to print. We should be gracious because honestly, most people just probably don't know. I bet for a lot of people, this is the only website they are a part of.
But yes, people shouldn't get quite so defensive. Maybe we should all learn to "kill them with kindness" instead of getting frustrated.0 -
I'm neva mean I'm just...
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Are you... Are you saying my gifs are unwelcome? I think that's what this was about...
+1 for a Labrynth gif.
Sometimes snark happens. From me, it's usually directed at people insisting that their starvation diet is healthy, even though they admit they know it isn't. Or the blatant jerks that come on here and post about all the women they smash.
But, you're right. It helps to take a moment to reflect.
Can I gif now? Keeping with the theme...
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If you were to receive the text, "I never said I thought you were ugly." There are eight different way of interpreting that short sentence. All of which take on a different, albeit sh*tty, meaning. Written communications are a relationship killer (with the exception of graphic, hot, steamy love letters of course.)
I never said I thought you were ugly.
I never said I thought you were ugly.
I never said I thought you were ugly.
I never said I thought you were ugly.
I never said I thought you were ugly.
I never said I thought you were ugly.
I never said I thought you were ugly.
I never said I thought you were ugly.0 -
Are you... Are you saying my gifs are unwelcome? I think that's what this was about...
+1 for a Labrynth gif.
Sometimes snark happens. From me, it's usually directed at people insisting that their starvation diet is healthy, even though they admit they know it isn't. Or the blatant jerks that come on here and post about all the women they smash.
But, you're right. It helps to take a moment to reflect.
Can I gif now? Keeping with the theme...
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Sorry OP, I don't believe in the "Toning" myth, though I do support your right to belief there is one. Please do not get butthurt.
I also belief this gif is hawt...0
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