My Emotional Fridge

For me, it is almost always stress related. I live in a perpetual state of stress, between income (lack thereof - $5 until payday - ten days away)...sharing a car with my guy, a job I don't like but don't hate but can't afford to leave, no time for anything, never enough sleep...and I could go on. But with the ongoing stress, any spike has to be lopped off at the head before it can grow, etc.

But yes, if I celebrate, my first thoughts are usually about food. I grew up in a home where the adults got special treats they hid from us kids or wouldn't let us eat because 4 children wipe out a small, indulgent box of treats in all of two bites, maybe. So they would buy stuff and we weren't allowed to have it. Of course, because of this we were always devising ways to sneak this or that.

To complicate that matter, my mother was not born here in the US, and she was raised by parents who survived WWII. So putting herself first, no matter what the situation, was something that just did not happen. She always put herself after us kids (until she married my stepdad, which caused the treats/hoarding/hiding/punishment scenario above), and that was our training, so to speak.

So, when I became involved in relationships of any kind, I always put myself last. When I got married, I lost myself in my (now EX) husband's interests and friends, giving up any semblance of my own. Things escalated even more when we had a daughter. Our entire world revolved around her (we were making up for the neglect by our own parents by overcompensating with our child), and after a short time, my ex stopped putting any energy into the marriage, followed not too long after by me doing the same.

I let what little health I did have go, and my schedule was working, and anything else was my daughter's schedule. Fast forward a decade or so, and my ex and I had escalating issues in the marriage. He woke up one day and didn't want to be married, or at best, not to me. That situation dragged out for 4 years because I couldn't afford the divorce, and legal aid wouldn't help because he didn't beat me or my kid. He could afford it, he just didn't want to pay.

Finally one day, I got beyond fed up, took out a loan I couldn't afford, and just paid for everything myself. In order to get him to sign the damn papers, I agreed to less than half of what I was owed. I just wanted it all done. Huge mistake. But, by this time, my marriage was over (thank the Gods!), but my relationship with my daughter was disintegrating as well, for these reasons and more...mostly because everyone around me decided they didn't like the new me that wasn't a doormat anymore.

Luckily, I've now found a man who appreciates me for who I am. It is still nigh on impossible for me to put myself first without any guilt, but I'm a work in progress. Once I firmly put myself first, I will find all I need to complete the healthy tasks that lay in from of me, and with any luck, without the emotional binging along the way.

Good luck to all of us struggling on this path!

im with you on this, for sure.
its still something i struggle with!

"oh you lost weight this week? good job! go get a doughnut!"
"so youre stressing over work? it will be okay - after that bag of doritos."

and so on..
i am also in a very loving relationship with a man whom i met when i was heavy, and continued to get heavier during our first year together. i reached my highest weight of 244 while dating him, and never once has he said anything negative about my body. he loves me, and i know that.

i do love that quote about dogs and food rewards - theres a few others i have found along the way that i find helpful too:

"youll get more compliments for working out than for sleeping in"
"its not just the weight you lose, but the life you gain"

and my favourite.. although im terrified to try it... "need motivation? eat in front of a mirror. naked."

eek!!

For me, it's usually stress-related in that when I have a lot on my plate (pun intended), I tend to think, "well, I won't worry about my calories/exercise today, I've got too much else to worry about" and then I eat everything sweet/salty in the vicinity.

It is an emotional fridge. Same with my family. If it is good we eat, bad we eat, bored we eat. Thanks goodness that sweets are not an issue for me. Don't get me wrong, I like them, but can take it or leave it. Now, a plate of pasta, much harder to resist.

For me, it's usually stress-related in that when I have a lot on my plate (pun intended), I tend to think, "well, I won't worry about my calories/exercise today, I've got too much else to worry about" and then I eat everything sweet/salty in the vicinity.

I agree when I am stressed it is VERY difficult for me not to emotionally eat...wine and chocolate are my Achilles heel. However, oddly lately even with all the stress I have going on right now I keep thinking to myself I have worked so hard and I have so many other healthy/athletic goals I want to accomplish screw that bag of Hershey nuggets!! I might do a glass of wine though which is leaps and bounds over the bottle I would normally drink.

UGH endless struggle!

Its like I see a cookie after a rough day, especially from work, and I black out only to awaken with shame and icing on my breath. :yawn:

This made me LOL, I pictured myself in the same predicament, only crumbs on my shirt and possibly an empty cookie bag laying next to me, unable to figure out what just happened :laugh:

I very much understand that. If I was having relationship troubles or dating issues, food was my go-to companion. Because it tasted better than I was feeling. Of course, it is a vicious circle, because I would then blame all my problems on my weight.

When I started dating my current bf, it was like, oh, hey, he is attracted to me the way I am...awesome. Eat, eat, eat. Plus, he can eat whatever he wants and still be minuscule, so I tend to eat what he is eating and that doesn't really work for me.

Of course, I still have these massive insecurities about him not being attracted to me anymore, even though he assures me that it isn't true.

My mother rewards MY daughter with food now. Stuff like chocolate, cookies, treats. And that's exactly what I say. "She is NOT a dog."
I'm trying really hard to not reward myself with dinners and such. I bought myself a shirt that is a tad too small, so when I lose all my weight my reward will be that new shirt!

I'm right there too. Something to celebrate? Let's go out to eat! Bad day? Let's get takeout! I find myself craving crunchy things when I'm bored, sweet, chewy things when I'm unhappy, and chocolate and alcohol when I'm stressed. Luckily, I'm often too lazy to make the brownies or cookies I find myself craving. I've started buying a big bag of carrots and chopping them all up once I get them home so that I can take them to work each day when I find myself wanting to munch, but evenings are brutal since I haven't found something that satisfies my craving while still being somewhat healthy. My mom buys "healthy" versions of treats and offers them every time I'm there to visit, but a crappy, fake-tasting, 100 calorie ice cream bar just makes me crave the real thing more.

In my family, if there's something to celebrate, you had a special meal. If people were gathering, there had to be more than enough food for everyone to overeat twice. My husband's family is very similar in that when they get together for a meal, there's enough food to feed everyone for at least 3 days.

Great post