Love Advice
MaaKeMeThinn3r
Posts: 135 Member
in Chit-Chat
So me and my boyfriend have been together a little over a year now. And he's my first "real boyfriend" but he had 2 serious ones before and they both ended in the girls cheating on him. And now..he's with me and the entire time we've been dating he's been accusing me of cheating on him..no matter what I do I can't get him to believe that I am a faithful girlfriend..I hid nothing..I tell him everything and I hardly ever leave the house but he still thinks I'm unfaithful..now last July he stopped talking to me and I found out a week later he was with another girl and didn't feel the need to tell me because he said "I was the one losing feelings for him and he didn't wanna get hurt"....I'm not looking for sympathy and I really don't wanna be told to leave him because I reallly think we can make it work..But things have been getting worse these last couple of days..I just need help on what I can do to make him believe me,,
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Replies
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Oh, he believes you. You're being played. It won't get any better. (Probably, but what do I know, just an internet stranger that's heard gazillions of these stories from friends and in forums like this, and they never end well).0
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As a rule, in relationships, it's fairly safe to assume that the person accusing you of something is probably the one doing it. It's some stupid part of the human brain that justifies a persons actions by blaming someone else for them.0
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As a rule, in relationships, it's fairly safe to assume that the person accusing you of something is probably the one doing it. It's some stupid part of the human brain that justifies a persons actions by blaming someone else for them.
And I told him that..wanna know what his response was?
"Oh then you must really be cheating on me by saying that I am if that little theory you just told me is true"
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Honey, you're 20 years old. You're not married to him and you don't have kids together. There's no reason to try to make this work!
He just wanted you to cheat first so he could feel justified in breaking it off. Trust me; you'll look back in 10 years and be so glad that it ended.
He's already left you. There's nothing left of the relationship to salvage.
Take a few months to work on you before you start dating someone else. Reassess what you liked about your relationship and what sucked, and move on. There are a lot of guys out there who are going to cherish you and they'll make MUCH BETTER boyfriends!0 -
Honey, you're 20 years old. You're not married to him and you don't have kids together. There's no reason to try to make this work!
He just wanted you to cheat first so he could feel justified in breaking it off. Trust me; you'll look back in 10 years and be so glad that it ended.
He's already left you. There's nothing left of the relationship to salvage.
Take a few months to work on you before you start dating someone else. Reassess what you liked about your relationship and what sucked, and move on. There are a lot of guys out there who are going to cherish you and they'll make MUCH BETTER boyfriends!
Ahh I wish moving on was that simple and easy..this kid was my first kiss..my first hug..I lost my virginity to him..he just has sooooo much of me that I cn't just walk away..Especially since I'm the one who hasn't done anything0 -
So me and my boyfriend have been together a little over a year now. And he's my first "real boyfriend" but he had 2 serious ones before and they both ended in the girls cheating on him. And now..he's with me and the entire time we've been dating he's been accusing me of cheating on him..no matter what I do I can't get him to believe that I am a faithful girlfriend..I hid nothing..I tell him everything and I hardly ever leave the house but he still thinks I'm unfaithful..now last July he stopped talking to me and I found out a week later he was with another girl and didn't feel the need to tell me because he said "I was the one losing feelings for him and he didn't wanna get hurt"....I'm not looking for sympathy and I really don't wanna be told to leave him because I reallly think we can make it work..But things have been getting worse these last couple of days..I just need help on what I can do to make him believe me,,
Get out while youre still young. Spend some time alone thinking about what kind of woman you want to be and what crap she WILL and WONT put up with, what really matters and what doesn't. When youre done with this, find a man who is emotionally mature and you will see what a real relationship is. This is not it.0 -
Just break up0
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Ahh I wish moving on was that simple and easy..this kid was my first kiss..my first hug..I lost my virginity to him..he just has sooooo much of me that I cn't just walk away..Especially since I'm the one who hasn't done anything
Oh, dearie, do not "allow" him that much power. So, he took your virginity (actually, no that's not correct--you GAVE it). DO NOT allow him to take your dignity and strength as well.
Of course you haven't done anything. But his making you prove that which has NO proof (duh, the proof of nothing is the existence of nothing, right?) is the "game" he's playing with you. And he relishes in it. And, it won't get better.0 -
Well...... you have two options: stay or leave. You can't change him, that's not your responsibility and you can't even if you wanted to. SOOOOO if you cannot follow through on the probably right, but difficult decision to move on, as suggested above, then I guess your remaining option is to stay with him and deal with the consequences. Sad
FYI, two things- This is going to turn out badly for YOU so don't say you weren't warned.. Second, it won't kill you to move on. You'll survive, trust me... Many before you have
....oh and the right decisions are often the hardest... But making them builds character which you need, so you have the inner fortitude in the future not to put up with this business you are posting about
Come on, do all young women everywhere proud and do the right thing!!!! Did your mom not tell you this stuff???
Good luck0 -
Run and don't look back0
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Well...... you have two options: stay or leave. You can't change him, that's not your responsibility and you can't even if you wanted to. SOOOOO if you cannot follow through on the probably right, but difficult decision to move on, as suggested above, then I guess your remaining option is to stay with him and deal with the consequences. Sad
FYI, two things- This is going to turn out badly for YOU so don't say you weren't warned.. Second, it won't kill you to move on. You'll survive, trust me... Many before you have
....oh and the right decisions are often the hardest... But making them builds character which you need, so you have the inner fortitude in the future not to put up with this business you are posting about
Come on, do all young women everywhere proud and do the right thing!!!! Did your mom not tell you this stuff???
Good luck
My mom died when I was 6 actually...0 -
Run and don't look back
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Well...... you have two options: stay or leave. You can't change him, that's not your responsibility and you can't even if you wanted to. SOOOOO if you cannot follow through on the probably right, but difficult decision to move on, as suggested above, then I guess your remaining option is to stay with him and deal with the consequences. Sad
FYI, two things- This is going to turn out badly for YOU so don't say you weren't warned.. Second, it won't kill you to move on. You'll survive, trust me... Many before you have
....oh and the right decisions are often the hardest... But making them builds character which you need, so you have the inner fortitude in the future not to put up with this business you are posting about
Come on, do all young women everywhere proud and do the right thing!!!! Did your mom not tell you this stuff???
Good luck
My mom died when I was 6 actually...
Sorry to hear that. I know all about that, my mom died when I was young too
Friends, family members, daddy??? Anyway no worries, we've advised you0 -
You can't "make him" believe you. There are some truths to other's comments above, although some are a little harsh. There are a lot of different places these feelings can stem from:
* He is insecure and pushing off that insecurity onto you. In this case, he has to resolve the issue himself...if he wants to.
* He may be straying himself...if not physically then perhaps emotionally. Sometimes people project their feelings onto others because they find it easier to deal with that way.
* He may feel you are straying emotionally - do you have close relationships with other males that he may not feel comfortable with? If so, perhaps you would want to evaluate with him what his and your expectations are for interactions with the opposite gender. Whatever you two decide is acceptable is up to you. What really matters is that you are on the same page.
* He may be trying to get you to break it off to avoid being the 'bad guy'. Perhaps he is ready to move on and just not courageous enough to say so. Instead, his actions are sabotaging the relationship to ultimately lead to the end...
There are several others as well. At the end of the day - you know what is best for you.
If you feel it is worth sticking it out - then my suggestion would be to not try to "prove" you aren't cheating. Instead, I would use reassurance methods such as showing your interest in him. Go our of your way to do something he would appreciate and would show him you care about him. Or perhaps start talking about future plans together to show you are in for the long haul.0 -
As a rule, in relationships, it's fairly safe to assume that the person accusing you of something is probably the one doing it. It's some stupid part of the human brain that justifies a persons actions by blaming someone else for them.
And I told him that..wanna know what his response was?
"Oh then you must really be cheating on me by saying that I am if that little theory you just told me is true"
Why are you letting a guilt trip founded on terrible logic affect you?0 -
Honey, you're 20 years old. You're not married to him and you don't have kids together. There's no reason to try to make this work!
He just wanted you to cheat first so he could feel justified in breaking it off. Trust me; you'll look back in 10 years and be so glad that it ended.
He's already left you. There's nothing left of the relationship to salvage.
Take a few months to work on you before you start dating someone else. Reassess what you liked about your relationship and what sucked, and move on. There are a lot of guys out there who are going to cherish you and they'll make MUCH BETTER boyfriends!
Ahh I wish moving on was that simple and easy..this kid was my first kiss..my first hug..I lost my virginity to him..he just has sooooo much of me that I cn't just walk away..Especially since I'm the one who hasn't done anything
In 10 years, if you are still with him I can guarantee you will regret staying with someone like this. He is damaged, You are damaged ... I can see disaster in your future, unless you get your head on straight and grow up. Your not 15 anymore, time to realize that this is not "Teen mom" and you need to be adult.0 -
Oh, he believes you. You're being played. It won't get any better. (Probably, but what do I know, just an internet stranger that's heard gazillions of these stories from friends and in forums like this, and they never end well).
You are bang on. Its a control thing too and it will likely get worse.
The next thing you know he will be telling you who you can hang with and where you can go....or that might already be happening?0 -
Don't make him believe...walk away0
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Honey, you're 20 years old. You're not married to him and you don't have kids together. There's no reason to try to make this work!
He just wanted you to cheat first so he could feel justified in breaking it off. Trust me; you'll look back in 10 years and be so glad that it ended.
He's already left you. There's nothing left of the relationship to salvage.
Take a few months to work on you before you start dating someone else. Reassess what you liked about your relationship and what sucked, and move on. There are a lot of guys out there who are going to cherish you and they'll make MUCH BETTER boyfriends!
Ahh I wish moving on was that simple and easy..this kid was my first kiss..my first hug..I lost my virginity to him..he just has sooooo much of me that I cn't just walk away..Especially since I'm the one who hasn't done anything
Listen, first kiss, first hug, lost your virginity is not the stuff good relationships are made of. Lifetime movies, yes. Real life, no.
If this has been going on for a while - the pattern is set. Either accept what you're getting or move on. You will never change anyone but yourself.0 -
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Was his name Kazik?0
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hun i seen your profile pic ur a pretty women you would have no problem getting a nice guy that treats you right it makes me sad that you think you need too settle for him he is a jerk forget about him go out with a few of your bud's and i swear you'll find the right guy for you
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He's playing you. He's using these accusations to keep you docile by making you feel the need to always be trying to prove something to him. You said you barely go out - I'm sure that's just how he likes it.
He doesn't think you're cheating. He IS cheating. He's keeping you submissive with his accusations and he is manipulating you. He doesn't love you, you're convenient and reliable.
It sucks, and the whole "he's my first" thing can be hard to get over, but it's either that or stay and spend your life being a doormat to a douchbag.0 -
So me and my boyfriend have been together a little over a year now. And he's my first "real boyfriend" but he had 2 serious ones before and they both ended in the girls cheating on him. And now..he's with me and the entire time we've been dating he's been accusing me of cheating on him..no matter what I do I can't get him to believe that I am a faithful girlfriend..I hid nothing..I tell him everything and I hardly ever leave the house but he still thinks I'm unfaithful..now last July he stopped talking to me and I found out a week later he was with another girl and didn't feel the need to tell me because he said "I was the one losing feelings for him and he didn't wanna get hurt"....I'm not looking for sympathy and I really don't wanna be told to leave him because I reallly think we can make it work..But things have been getting worse these last couple of days..I just need help on what I can do to make him believe me,,
He's constantly accusing you of cheating? Why would you want to live like that hon? It has to be a really miserable way to live - someone constantly calling you liar is going to do a real number on your self esteem.
You're 20 - you should be having a blast, not begging your boyfriend to believe you.
Also, firsts (kisses, sex, etc) aren't nearly as important as your lasts.
I hope you find your mad and leave.0 -
The best thing that will come out of this relationship is that you'll be able to recognize and appreciate the right relationship when it comes along.0
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The biggest thing holding you back from cutting him off and not looking back is FEAR, not love. Fear of "what if it COULD work?", fear of the missed future opportunities of happiness with him. But you need to take a deep breath and step back and look at the situation from someone else's point of view. If you had a dear best friend and her boyfriend cheated on her and accused her of cheating, and she was in pain but wanted the relationship to work - would you think she should stay, or kick the jerk to the curb?
One fact you cannot change - he is cheating on you, and that means to him, the relationship is over. So learn, cry, and move on. You are strong and deserve better and will find better.0 -
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Ahh I wish moving on was that simple and easy..this kid was my first kiss..my first hug..I lost my virginity to him..he just has sooooo much of me that I cn't just walk away..Especially since I'm the one who hasn't done anything
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We all have a first. Break ups suck, and they hurt but he isn't treating you right and you deserve to be treated like a princess. Don't hold onto a guy who is holding you accountable for his past relationships. And don't hold onto a guy who cheats on you because he isn't going to stop, you're going to cause yourself heartache over everytime he cheats and in the end you're going to feel like it's your fault when it isn't. Trust me, I've been there. My first real boyfriend - my first love cheated on me sooooo many times. He was so sweet and always apologized and I always felt like I wasn't good enough and if I was he wouldn't need other girls. Truth is he does it because he doesn't care and he's not going to. Do not waste your time on someone who doesn't treat you like you're the most amazing person in the world. You will meet so many other people - better people. Don't let this douche ruin your self esteem and concept of what a relationship should be like. It's exactly like you said - you haven't done anything and thats the reason to walk away. You're always going to love him but that doesn't mean you have to be with him.
Also - beauty doesn't equal goodness. Cheaters are the best sweet talkers and they will want to hold onto you. Why would he want to break up with a girl who only see's him as perfect despite knowing he's a douche? Why would he want to leave someone who is okay with him screwing around with other people? He's taking advantage of you. You know, he knows it and whatever girl(s) he's cheating on you with knows it.0 -
The best thing that will come out of this relationship is that you'll be able to recognize and appreciate the right relationship when it comes along.
I married my first husband for all the wrong reasons and it was a very ugly marriage and did not end well. My advice to you is organise yourself so that you can leave him and make a better life for yourself. In ten years time you do not want to look back and say "if only"....
People do not change their core values in life.0 -
Honey, you're 20 years old. You're not married to him and you don't have kids together. There's no reason to try to make this work!
He just wanted you to cheat first so he could feel justified in breaking it off. Trust me; you'll look back in 10 years and be so glad that it ended.
He's already left you. There's nothing left of the relationship to salvage.
Take a few months to work on you before you start dating someone else. Reassess what you liked about your relationship and what sucked, and move on. There are a lot of guys out there who are going to cherish you and they'll make MUCH BETTER boyfriends!
Ahh I wish moving on was that simple and easy..this kid was my first kiss..my first hug..I lost my virginity to him..he just has sooooo much of me that I cn't just walk away..Especially since I'm the one who hasn't done anything
Things are supposed to be beautiful this early in a relationship, if they are not, they only get uglier and messier later.
To be accusing you of stuff, he has some serious issues, issues that no one but him can fix (assuming he is willing).
Only you will know how much crap you will be able to take before you realize that walking away is a necessity. Not only will it help you learn, but it may even motivate him to change his ways. Just because it is first, it doesn't mean it is meant to be forever, for majority of people , first and forever are not the same people.
Walking away is never easy.
Start making more female friends, spending time with them, getting yourself emotionally detached more slowly. Maybe as he notices that, he will realize he needs to work on himself some... but part of that may be maturing that doesn't happen till years from now.
You need to figure out how many years you are willing to try till you can decide if something works for YOU or not.0 -
Show that guy the door and find someone more deserving of you.0
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