I'm ready to give up

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  • lightmouse
    lightmouse Posts: 175 Member
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    Oh you sound so miserable :frown: I feel for you. I felt like that after years and years of trying to get a flat tummy, eating 1,200 calories, trying every silly diet going/running miles and miles every day for months on end/living at the gym/denying myself the foods I love then binging and feeling guilty. All it did was make me feel despondent, worthless - and hungry.

    What worked? Watching macros as well as calories and eating more. It has taken me a year to sort out my relationship with food and exercise and I'm finally seeing my shape change into what I've been aiming for since I was about 12 and started thinking I was fat. Oh - and not being so hung up on the scale. That thing is evil. I still struggle after a day of eating "badly" but deep down I know it's water weight and it will come back off and I panic a lot less these days.

    There is some excellent support and advice on this site. I wouldn't be where I am without it. Good luck and don't give up :flowerforyou:
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
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    I think I'm also just angry because it took me six weeks to lose four pounds and four days to gain it all back.

    And I don't mean four days of gluttony, just four days at an amusement park with my kids.

    And "pizza" is just an example of what I would think of as "normal American food." I don't love pizza, but I like being able to eat food that my kids enjoy and that the American populace seems to enjoy... not all the time but every once in a while.

    Once my daughters are gone I'll give this another go... though I worry my next two week trip is going to throw me off again. And I guess I just don't want to spend the rest of my life measuring food and going to the gym. Thirteen hours pass rom the time I get up to get ready for work to the time I return to my apartment after work. I then eat a small meal (I can only have about 350 calories at that point) and watch "The Daily Show" and "Colbert" on Hulu. Then, once my stomach is settled, I go to the gym. I buy groceries if I need to, check my email, and go to bed. This is my schedule every day. I can't date. I don't have any friends. It's just me and the cat.

    And I guess I wish my life were more than counting calories and working out, that's all. I keep thinking that at some point I'll be able to slack up a little and make friends or have a boyfriend or something, but if I either never reach my goal weight or know I'll immediately gain weight back if I stop going to the gym or eat a little extra two days in a row, then isn't all of this completely futile?

    I'm honestly starting to envy the overweight people I see in restaurants with their spouses and families. Sure, they aren't lean and strong, but they have people around them to talk to who love them. I'd trade being thin for that any day.

    I just want to be able to socialize again, but I feel guilty being out in public when I can't eat and all the time I'm worried about the gym time I'm missing.

    Ok, I've been reading through this thread- you've talked about the how the number on the scale is higher, but I also saw you mention that you have quite a bit of muscle. How have your measurements changed, and over what time period are we talking? I'm about 10 lbs away from my "goal weight" as in number on the scale, but I'm wearing all the same clothes I was before I gained weight. Perhaps put on some muscle working overseas and rucking gear, which is making it difficult to see any movement on the scale. Do you know your body fat % by any chance?

    I'm wondering if perhaps you might feel better upping your calories to maintenance or slightly lower (eating back exercise calories if you do NEAT method), focusing on a progressive loading weight training program, and seeing how that goes. From what you've said it seems like you are looking more for fat loss than weight loss; this would help you achieve that and give you more calories to eat. Although with not logging, it might mean eating the same as you are now, since you do not have data at the moment to refer to. We know you're not gaining weight (other than water weight)

    FWIW, my workouts are 30 min long. I do workout DVDs at home. I've lost nearly 35 lbs. You don't need to spend hours and hours at the gym to get results. I think maybe finding a nice 3 day a week lifting program and stepping away from the scale for a bit would help you see results, but you'd need to give it time. You might "gain" a little in the beginning from glycogen, but it will go away with time.
  • lightmouse
    lightmouse Posts: 175 Member
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    P.S - I think we all look at others and think "I wish I was like that" or "I wish I didn't care". I do it every day at least once! But I've had people say to me "I wish I had your motivation" and things like that so I try and turn the fact that I do care about food and exercise into a positive. My mum always says that anything worth having is going to be hard work to get and she's right (annoyingly...) xx
  • LisasLastTen
    LisasLastTen Posts: 25 Member
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    And I think those of you who say I'm indulging in too many carbs and sugars are probably on to something. I think I've fallen off the wagon in this respect. I will try to watch my sugars and see if that helps :-)
  • LisasLastTen
    LisasLastTen Posts: 25 Member
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    Lightmouse,

    I know I sound really blue and I'm sorry I sound so depressed.

    I know that some of the weight I've gained is temporary. I also know that lifting weight will cause your weight to go up - even though it's good for you and a great long-term strategy.

    Some people laugh if you say, "I'm putting on muscle," but your muscles retain water (if nothing else) after you lift weights causing you to weigh more. After my sling surgery I wasn't allowed to work out for six weeks. I watched my calories and the weight went down. Then I started going to the gym again, and lifting weights, and I stopped losing weight.

    I'm going to stop whining. I may join the "no weigh July" group and see if I can stop checking the scale obsessively. Also, I hope to have a new job in a couple of months (keep your fingers crossed) and I won't have to spend an hour commuting back and forth to work any more. (I'm underpaid and can't afford to live in the town where I work.) I will find a way to enjoy my free time AND get my workouts in.
  • apparations
    apparations Posts: 264 Member
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    I think you should eat back your calories. You said you don't, but then say you cheat sometimes, so im not sure what what that looks like on paper.
    I eat all my calories back and it keeps me from being crazy hungry. If I eat back calories im FINE.
    I think of calories as a type of money. like $. can't always get what you want. some things I can't afford. its sad but oh well. I don't have unlimited money and unlimited calorie limit. It's not fair but lifes not fair.
    I eat what ever I want. But calories are like buying things, you can save up and get something really great but you cant have everything. If I binge at lunch I accept the fact im done for the day. Same as if I buy something from the store that leaves me broke.
    It's true that it can be a drag recording your calories but its budgeting, just like with finances. Back when people wrote cheques, I would balance my chequebook as I wrote them out. If I don't keep track of my finances I get into trouble. Same with calories.
    Thats my philosophy I hope it helps you in some way.
    p.s.edit
    restricting my food has improved my life I now enjoy what I get more than ever. I used to eat an entire pizza and think nothing of it. blah. Now I will look forward to 1 slice all day and its like a party when I get it. I enjoy food more than ever now.

    This!!!
  • fionarama
    fionarama Posts: 788 Member
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    I've been there too. I think what you got from this thread is exactly what you are sick of. Obsessing about what you are doing. Trying this or trying that and torturing yourself trying to figure out what to do.
    My solution has been getting a good PT. Now I never think about it - that's his job. He keeps me focused and on track and he gets results. If you can afford it you could try that. Its not mentally healthy at all battling alone like you are doing.
    And I haven't weighed myself for weeks and weeks and eat pretty much what I want (but clean which is what I want).
    You're right. There has to be an end to it one day you just have to enjoy the process and enjoy life and accept yourself. That last 10 pounds I reckon are hard to shift because for some body types they are IMPOSSIBLE to shift . Even if you succeeded they would probably jump straight back on in a 2 week holiday. You can't live like that.
  • lightmouse
    lightmouse Posts: 175 Member
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    Lightmouse,

    I know I sound really blue and I'm sorry I sound so depressed.

    I know that some of the weight I've gained is temporary. I also know that lifting weight will cause your weight to go up - even though it's good for you and a great long-term strategy.

    Some people laugh if you say, "I'm putting on muscle," but your muscles retain water (if nothing else) after you lift weights causing you to weigh more. After my sling surgery I wasn't allowed to work out for six weeks. I watched my calories and the weight went down. Then I started going to the gym again, and lifting weights, and I stopped losing weight.

    I'm going to stop whining. I may join the "no weigh July" group and see if I can stop checking the scale obsessively. Also, I hope to have a new job in a couple of months (keep your fingers crossed) and I won't have to spend an hour commuting back and forth to work any more. (I'm underpaid and can't afford to live in the town where I work.) I will find a way to enjoy my free time AND get my workouts in.

    Don't apologise - you should see some of my posts from when I joined this site :indifferent: I came here because I knew my family and friends were getting sick of my behaviour but I still needed somewhere to get my feelings out.

    I have everything crossed for your new job, not just fingers :smile:
  • Psychgrrl
    Psychgrrl Posts: 3,177 Member
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    Lisa,

    I haven't read through all the replies, so I'm likely repeating what others have said.

    Diet ... When I stall, I look at my macros and nutritional content, not just my overall calorie intake. I know technically a calorie is a calorie, but my body seems to disagree. I have a non-functioning thyroid, so my metabolism is entirely chemical. That being said, I feel good and know what works for me. Protein. Few carbs. Most of the carbs I eat come from veggies and fruit. I avoid added sugar for the most part. Bummer, as I love potatoes. But I try to focus on food as fuel and enjoy tweaking recipes to make them healthier. Maybe that's the solution to eating with your daughters ... make those pancakes, but make them from quinoa flour with stevia. Help them understand what they eat makes them healthier. Hit a Farmer's Market or the fresh veggie section and buy a new veggie each week and learn how to prepare it.

    Exercise ... you said you're working out hard. I believe you. It is human nature to over-estimate how hard we're working and to not make adjustments for fitness progress. I wear a heart rate monitor and darn it if all that interval training hasn't made my heart stronger! :) Instead of elliptical intervals with the "rest" on intensity 5 and the "interval" on intensity 7, I know have to work out at 7 and 9 or 8 and 10 to get my heart rate up to the same level. You may want to change up your workouts as your body may not find what you're doing as challenging. For times at home there are lots of great videos on YouTube or the web to try out.

    The comments about friends and dating ... I relocated at 40 to a great job in a great place where I knew no one, 1500 miles away from all my friends. It sounds like you're just not in a happy place that isn't all because of your weight. But I think these sources of unhappiness are feeding off one another and blending all together. You don't want to date because you're overweight. You have no dates and get depressed and turn to food and then gain weight, which makes you feel like no one will want you. Get out there a little and just meet people and make some connections. Volunteer or take classes in areas in which you're interested and you'll meet people with whom you have things in common. And you'll get a sense that the value you offer the world so so much more than a number on a scale.

    You'll find what will work for you, you just have to keep trying and tweaking what you're doing and how you're living. Keep moving forward and you'll get there. Just don't beat yourself up during those inevitable setbacks. We all have them. And then we bounce back. Sometimes it's a slow bounce ... :)

    Bottom line is that you're the only one who can change these things for yourself. If you give up, that will never happen. Since you're not happy with where things are, why would you make a choice that would keep you in that place?
  • LisasLastTen
    LisasLastTen Posts: 25 Member
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    Thank you, Psychgrrl / fionarama and everyone else who has been so positive.

    As you may have noticed, I didn't write down anything I ate today or yesterday. This is where I start over... technically, Monday is where I start over. I am going to try to cut down on carbs and sugar. That was key to my losing weight in the first place. Less carbs, less sugar, more running and less whining :-)

    And let's try to make work outs fun, shall we? How about going back to Zumba or something?

    Someone noticed I had missed the coffee in my diary a few days ago. That's true, I missed it. Anyone who would cram a tablespoon of non-dairy creamer straight into his or her mouth would have to be loco. (Having said that, I have eaten instant coffee by the spoonful in college.)

    My diary isn't 100% accurate all the time, but I do my best. For those of you who are still unsatisfied, I want to share this with you...

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nsCSwREPHw

    But seriously, tomorrow is another day. There's no point lamenting what we did wrong last week. Every day is a new day and every moment is another chance to make a positive change :-)
  • DanceswithWow
    DanceswithWow Posts: 108
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    Hello Lisa LastTen

    My name is Dances w /WOW

    I want you to know that there are 10 times more people just like you, that do not succeed on the dead end that is calorie counting .. Can you name me anything in commerce or emgineering that if 70% of the product is faulty that people would keep in error using it.. Fitness and its one dimensional meat heads think that it cant be their error in judgement in methodology.. It cant be how they constructed how dieting is suppose to work on every man woman and child on the planet..when iit claerly has more victims that victories


    They simply blame the failure rate on you not being disciplined.. you not having the will power to stick it out.. Its you who is weak and just wont stop stuffing your pie whole..

    Guess what this would not be the first time in mans primitive history that the conventional approach is so far off the mark that ego gets in the way of reality..Galilio proved the earth revolved around the sun..No one believed for almost his lifetime..

    We humans actually believe we are the only ones in the Galaxy but there is proof all around that this aint the case..

    Well the calorie counting you are using, this primitive basic counting system posses over 50 in your face flaws, bio hormonal breaches and mind numbing failures in function that you can drive the entire universe through..
    I wont talk or bllast it out of the water but I am going to through down the gaunlet and be of help to you..that is if you are prepared to take the Red Pill..



    The reason you are not loosing and loosing predictably is because using calories as a basis only works when the bodies hormone agents are 1:1( one to one) - This means just as many lipolytic enzymes are in the blood stream as there are the hormone that stimulates unwanted body fat.

    100% of every person who has lost weight has lost because enough lipolytic enzymes flooded the blood stream and gave the command to the very tenacious fat cell to stand down.. There were more of them lypolytic enzymes than there was of the fat stimulators..

    If you have kids this should be quite clear... you are not producing the hormone to feed a new born until there is hormone that lets the body know. Hey a kid is on the way. . The hormone to produce unwanted body fat responds the exact same way. A hormone trigger communicates to unwanted body fat to protect you.. when you are about to approach metabolic banckruptcy.

    and Just like in real life use of funds immediately terminates.. with a penalty.. each time you try to spend what you dont have and that penalty gets steep ... AH.. hello


    Before you can even begin to use the resources you may have you must get out of the penalty box and create a surplus..Calories never takes into account that there is a penalty on top of interest for using the wrong currency

    You are feeling the way you do because your currency is being absolutely denied..

    fitness does not want to acknowledge the system of calories in vs calories out is an out right disaster. last I checked heat robs and sucks the life out of what ever gets in the way to burn.. Calories measure heat..

    Its sucking the life out of you...

    I would like to gift you heart ache saving life force! I would like to help teach your body how to release a battle ships worth of lipolytic enzymes. Eat what you like, as much as you want but also knowing how to fully recalibrate when free will gets the best of you..

    the rest of what needs to be said is this, i will simply outline frame work. Should you wnat the rest.. friend me and be prepared for shock and awe...

    First you need Mother natures metabolic master key.. This is called your protein number..(Pn#)..why because it gives you access to how hormones regenerate..more importantly Lipolytic enzymes have to be paid for their services..or they can not build in number, fight back in strength, or secrete the desired chemical potency..

    Your task is to deweaponize..unwanted bodyfat..as you can not loose these cells. Its the hormone generating engine that drives them that has to be deactivated. The only agent of the body that can deactivate a hormone is another hormone or virus. Calories are neigthter..

    Calories are mainly destabilizers..

    Once you have your protein number.. Mother Nature ie your bank teller says access granted..on one condition you continue to make frequent food energy deposits. Other wise your lipolytic enzyme task force will be immediately forced to go on strike.

    This pact to keep your task force working is called the FOOD frequency formula.. and it looks like this (2 b4 12 and 2 after 2pm)

    This pact is anchored to your wake and sleep cycle known as your circadian rhythm.. there is a reason why hormones act differently during the day than theydo when you are about to retire to bed.
    The body and how it works is no accident.. Mother Nature does not tolerate stupid human tricks ..

    Now that you have the master access key and now that you know how many times it must be used or there will be hell to pay with the penalty being your body goes into fat production default

    The last step is to set up a food energy plan.. think of this as making your mortgage..payment..difference being that the pay down is daily not monthly..

    I discussed what a food energy plan is in a previous post.. you may want to check it out.. But what this does is helps you see whats coming instead of being an emotional dear in the head lights about every cotton picking piece of what eve eneters your mouth when infact you are facing the epic breach of resource contract and metabolic bankruptcy...

    Bottom line you cannot and should not be using 1200 calories as a fat lossweight loss or food selection strategy because it is no where near enough food energy to teach your body how to make lipolytic enzymes, amass them to any great number or build potency to especially when clearly there is metabolic default making you feel like giving up.

    And lets not forget forget the penalty associated with tapping insufficient funds.

    Hopefully you will want to adopt what im saying as I simply want to be a powerful friend and points you in right direction but more importantly though

    Your approach should be to claim your Life force .. through fitness not become a calorie counting slave to the process.


    My name is Dances with Wow.. and I help individuals just like you successfully tap indomitable life force.
  • Kalikel
    Kalikel Posts: 9,626 Member
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    If you want to quit, QUIT!

    Do what YOU want. :)

    It's your life.

    Be happy.

    There is no law that says anyone has to be thin or healthy. You don't have to exercise. You don't have to do any of it.

    Just quit if you want to quit.
  • tanzmitpalmer
    tanzmitpalmer Posts: 124 Member
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    If you've hit a rough patch, don't feel bad to give yourself a break from losing-weight, and focus on maintaining it for a bit so you can regain some satisfaction. There's nothing wrong with that. No shame in it at all. You've busted your butt to get where you are, so hey, stand on that plateau for a bit and enjoy the scenery. Maybe slowing down and staying there for a bit is what your body needs to do before it kicks back into high gear again.
  • beautifulwarrior18
    beautifulwarrior18 Posts: 914 Member
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    I know you've heard this a dozen times, but I'm about ready to give up on dieting / exercise.

    According to MyFitnessPal a girl like me can eat a meager 1200/calories a day if she wants to lose weight. I try to do that, but it's very, very difficult. And while I can monitor my calories pretty well during the work week, it is almost impossible to keep to 1200 calories when I spend time with my daughters.

    And while I want to smile and eat my kale salad, I'm sick of chicken, spinach, and Lean Cuisine. And the worst thing is that I will work out hard, five days a week and monitor every bite that goes into my mouth to lose a half pound a week. And if, after losing a couple of pounds, I decide to have popcorn at the theater or split a slice of cake with the kids I will immediately gain back everything I struggled to lose.

    I'm tired of feeling like I can't even eat like a normal human being. Can I afford 130 calorie yogurt? Probably not. And sorry, too many calories in almonds - can't eat them. I don't date because I don't want to seem shallow and obsessive by tracking every bite that goes into my mouth. I tell myself I'll get back out and date when I reach my goal weight (125) but I just don't think it will ever happen. It hasn't happened after four years of trying.

    I thought things would get better after I had sling surgery... Now I'm not embarrassed by accidents at the gym, but my body is acting very "middle-aged" all the sudden. I recently spent a week unable to sleep well because of a bout of bursitis, probably brought on by over-working myself at the gym.

    I'm at the point where I just don't believe it's possible to lose my "last ten pounds" without surgery. I'm tired of spending every day worrying obsessively about my weight. Have any of you been through the same struggles? Is anyone willing to look at my diet prior to this week (I have been vacationing with my daughters) and see if anything is obviously wrong?

    I know I've been cheating this week, but I just can't imagine NEVER enjoying food again. Surely I can cheat every once in a while, right?

    I don't eat back my calories (according to FitBit) yet I still weigh the same day in and day out (except when I eat too much salt and temporarily gain 3 pounds or more).

    Do any of you feel me? Please don't tell me to suck it up and quit whining... there's no reason I should be dieting off and on for four years and not lose a single pound. (I lost 20 pounds in 2009 and can't seem to get back on track. Of course, in 2009, I was in a war zone and living off chicken and broccoli. Should I go back to chicken and broccoli for a couple of months and just stop socializing all together? Should I stop having pancakes with my daughters and find the strength to eat egg whites while I'm flipping hot cakes for them?)

    Am I rambling at this point? :-)

    I eat 2000 cals a day, workout 5x a week and I lose about a pound a week. Read this http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/952996-level-obstacles-lose-weight-target-fat-easy

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