My dad just passed away. Lost my motivation

I'm so sorry. My dad had a bad heart attack back in February and everyone said he was extremely lucky to be alive. He's still feeling the effects of it and I'm constantly worried that he'll have another one and won't be so lucky this time.

I say give yourself a break. It's only been two weeks. You need time to grieve. Your eating and exercise plan will be there when you've healed. If you need to see a counselor, see one. If you just need time to handle it on your own (without being destructive), then do that. This isn't the time to worry about your weight. Give yourself some time.

Condolences on your loss. It's the toughest to lose a parent, sibling or child.

Your father should be your motivation. He'd probably tell you right now that possibly better care of his own health might have kept him around much longer. You share the same genetics, so it could also happen to you at the same age.

A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Hi Michelle,

I'm 23 now, and my Dad died nearly 4 years ago when I was 19. I really would advise you to just take this time to yourself and your family. I let myself go a bit after he died, yes I put on a few pounds, but at the time it was what I needed, to not worry about things that I didn't need to think about. You seem thin enough to not have any medical issues with your weight, so a few weeks/couple months of just not counting or worrying too much can really do you the world of good. In my experience it did anyhow, and now I'm lighter than I was prior to my dad passing, and much healthier, so it wasn't the start of a downhill slope either.

My point is, If anyone deserves cake and cuddles right now, it's you and your family.

If you're not eating, try to go for high fat and protein yoghurts and fruit, yummy, high fat healthy stuff

I hope you're ok as you can be, and I wish the best for you and your family. But believe me, I promise you, it does get easier over time, even though that might seem like a ludicrous thing to say, it really will. xx

I'm so sorry hun. I don't have any useful advice for you but just wanted to tell you I'm sorry for your loss

Im so sorry

When I was 18 , my mom passed away , a few days after my birthday and just before mothers day .
Shortly after that I developed an eating disorder and some other problems . I hope you don't deal with your emotions
by eating a certain way or not eating . Bc that habit is SO hard to break .

Its been 5yrs now .

Im so sorry your going thru this , but LET yourself go thru it .
That is the best advice I can give you .
Be patient with yourself , be nice to yourself , accept any help offered to you by friends & family .

It does get easier .

Honestly, i wouldn't worry about it right now. Take care of your mental health right now. Come back to it when you are ready. Take the time to grieve. This isn't a priority. I'm so so sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through.

I lost both my parents within the past 10 years. I'm so sorry you have to go through this in your twenties. I was in my late thirties and early 40s. I think it's one of the hardest things we go through in this human life. In the first few weeks it's hard to do anything other than put one foot in front of the other.

I found it helpful to distract myself from grieving at times. I watched a lot of movies. I actually liked going to work because my work is so busy that there's no time to think about anything else, although I did lose it occasionally at work too.

Exercise can help with the sadness. It helped me a lot when I could get myself to go. Making a pact with a caring friend to go to a class can help. People will understand and even appreciate it if you can say to them, "I need you" during this time. Everyone tends to feel somewhat helpless in the face of a loss like this, so having a concrete way to help gives them an opportunity. I cried while I was exercising sometimes, but I figured that the tears just looked like sweat, and no one was paying attention anyway.

Be gentle with yourself right now. For me, almost everything other than taking care of my husband and son seemed trivial and pointless for a while. However, I also knew that my parents loved me, and that they would want me to be healthy and well in the long run. You are part of your dad's legacy on this earth.

I wish you peace, and a strong memory of your father's love to sustain you.

Carla

I am sure your Dad would want you to take care of yourself and would want good things for you. My neighbor/best friend died this year and it was not expected, I was so shocked. It was so painful. DO some good stuff for yourself helps. We just took a trip and actually had some fun which I thought would never happen. It was healing.

Michelle...I'm sorry for your loss and having never lost a close family member unexpectedly I can't know how you feel...I DO know how your father felt though having had my own "event" about 18 months ago....in my case when I arrested I was in the ER and they were able after a minute and a half to bring me back. I can tell you....this much. The loss your father suffered is the same loss you feel...just as you miss him...he knew he wasn't going to see you anytime soon either. I know that because my son was standing right next to me when it happened to me....when it occurs...you are unable to respond "outside" your body in any way...you can think and feel but cannot act.

I suspect in your schooling you've been taught that the sudden death of someone close is not something you're over in a few days...it's going to take time and it's going to be a process...there's no need to rush it.

If it were me...my first goal would be, based on the fact my dad probably would feel the same way for me, would be to not undo all the progress I've made to this point. I haven't tried to look at your diaries to know if you have exercise as part of your program....if you don't...you might want to begin with a 15 or 30 minute brisk walk. Find some very light music to play into your headphones lightly in the background and during your timed walk...think about all the good times you had with your father.

Recalling these times are not only honoring your fathers memory, but also has him playing a role in your new health regimen. A 30 minute walk will burn about 100 calories and the whole thing will be a way to heal both mind and body.

Michelle, you have been given a lot of excellent advice here. What matters is what you need to do for yourself to help you cope through this most difficult time. I'm deeply sorry for your loss.

I had lost my parents almost seven months apart and some other family members around the same time. I understand you not wanting to eat or eating the wrong things. This really isn't the time to worry about dieting but focusing on healing. Please remember to eat though! Being with family and crying, remembering all the silly or funny things your father did or said and just cherishing all of your memories of him will help you cope. Please know that your father is with you now and will always be by your side. It may be the little tickle that you get on the back of your neck or the penny that is lying on the ground as your heading into the mall that are little signs from your father.

Your doing fantastic on your weight loss journey and your schooling. Give yourself time to regroup before taking on any new adventures or tasks. Time never really makes everything better, you will always miss your father. But somehow we find the strength to go on and remember the happier times of our loved ones. Your father would want you to finish your schooling, continue your new healthy life style and be all that you can be.

Take all the time you need to morn. Sometimes exercising can help with the anger or frustration. Do what feels right to you. But remember, you must get out of bed and do something. Do anything! You must do what you can so your not overcome with depression.

I wish you well and hope you find happiness in the days ahead. That is what your father would want for you. My prayers are with you and your family at this time.