Starting again - unhelpful comments
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My former boss, when insulted used to say THANK you! with such emphasis and with a genuine smile, it made clear the insult was rude, but at the same time he came across good humored.0
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It's one thing to put your foot in your mouth, but it's another to hang onto the notion that you've gained weight... It happened to me, not once, but TWICE by the same woman years ago when I worked at Wal-Mart. She said to me, "Oh! You look like you're putting meat on your body there!"
As if THAT wasn't bad enough, she actually flagged down a passing co-worker and even pointed at my belly, going, "Doesn't it look like she's gained weight?!"
What I wouldn't give to have punched her in the face...0 -
I think you got it right "rude, horrible woman". Thing is we all have the potential to be rude and even horrible. Maybe since I struggle with my weight I don't make others feel bad about their weight but unwittingly we all cause pain to others with our words at some point...I have had many rude comments made to me over the years. One that I remember the most was in my third pregnancy,my sister in law's grandfather felt the need to lecture me that in front of many people at a party,saying that I was extremely fat and unhealthy. It stings, it hurts. He is dead now, I'm still struggling with my weight. The world keeps turning. One thing that is very important is not to manage your feelings of shame and embarrassment by eating for comfort. Find another way. Don't allow yourself to hurt yourself worse then those comments can.0
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Context matters and people, in general, are not sensitive to how their comments will be intrepreted.
1. Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!
2. Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!
Are these two comments the same? Should one be intrepreted as rude and the other not?
Actually, they are interpreted the same by me. Since I've lost weight I get what I consider rude comments all the time, for example: "Wow, you've lost a lot of weight, eat a cheeseburger!" or "Geez are you anorexic!" I think both are rude and uncalled for. I have no idea why society thinks they have a right to comment on someones weight. They need to keep their opinions to themselves.
Agreed. Commenting on someone's weight, even to remark that they have lost weight, can be rude.
If you really feel the need to comment on it, why not just say "You look great!". That leaves it open for that individual to comment on it if they want to, or to just say "thank you" and move on.0 -
Context matters and people, in general, are not sensitive to how their comments will be intrepreted.
1. Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!
2. Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!
Are these two comments the same? Should one be intrepreted as rude and the other not?
My policy on this is unless you 100% know the person is going the way they intend (ie, I've seen/heard them talk about losing/gaining first hand as a positive thing), I tend to keep my mouth shut, and if I do say something it's "you look great" and I leave it at that. You never know what people are going though and I try not to say unhelpful comments/unintended insults if I can avoid it.0 -
Thanks for all your comments - she sent me an email to apologise she obviously didn't mean any upset.
I agree with the above posts whether you've put on weight or lost weight it is rude to comment - just a simple your looking well will suffice and then if I want to elaborate I will!!
with 42lbs to lose at an aim of 1lb a week(more would be good but slowly slowly catchy monkey) looking to hit target in 42 weeks 14th February 2015!
It does seem ages away but think if I started this 42 weeks ago id already be at the end!0 -
You will get there!0
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Hi all just an updat - the rude comment was 2 months ago and ive lost a stone since then go me :-) hopefully by this time next year hat rude woman will see me back at my optimal weight0
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well done on the loss!
just remember that people only make rude or offensive comments when they have low self esteem or something about themselves that they don't like. Losing a stone is amazing and you don't need to say anything to anyone in response or justify yourself, your weight loss does that all on it's own and it's an amazing feeling!
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i was mistaken for being pregnant
that's why i lost weight. People can be so rude. 0 -
Hm sounds like my 'mother' every time i have the 'joy' of having to see her.
Oh, and this started aged about 4!
People like that are awful nd take ppleasure in other people's misfortunes.
Well done on the loss, keep it up 0 -
i was mistaken for being pregnant that's why i lost weight. People can be so rude.
I genuinely had someone give up their seat for me on the tube once, i never wore that dress again!
I suppose i should consider myself lucky, considering people who really are pregnant are often left standing!0 -
I have been there. I used to be 105 lbs and I gained 75... yep, SEVENTY-FIVE pounds. Pretty noticeable weight gain but that doesn't excuse the comments. We don't say anything because we're so shocked someone could even be that rude.
The rudest comment I had made to me was when this ****head of a person saw an older picture of me in my house, "is that your younger sister? she's so beautiful!" The pic was only 2 years ago and they knew damn well it was me ( my face hadn't changed that much other than getting rounder), they we're just being an *kitten*. That comment was totally meant to sting in more ways than one and it did.
People say things to make themselves feel better. I don't buy the excuses that they just aren't aware. What are they? Social retards? I don't know of any culture where it's okay to comment that someone has "put on a lot of weight". Generally, the ones saying it are old and/or fat themselves or have some other issue they're insecure about and are happy to see you've gained weight. It makes them feel superior. I used to let it get to me but now, I mentally flip them off and use it as motivation to get back to where I was. Just keep up whatever you are doing and try to put it behind you. Weight is easier to lose than a crappy personality.0 -
A couple of years ago, when I was losing weight, I got quite a few backhanded compliments and unhelpful comments such as:
"Wow, I never thought I'd see you with skinny legs"
"You are half the size you used to be" - I had only lost 21 lbs and had 21 lbs to go so did not appreciate the exaggeration
"When are you going to stop? You don't want to end up as skinny as Victoria Beckham." - when I had a BMI of 27
"Are you going to be like this the entire holiday?" - when I was trying to make a sensible snack choice at the airport
I am annoyed I let it get me down and now I am starting again after having put 14 of those 21 lbs back on.
Actually, 3 of those were the same person. Maybe I should stay out of that person's way for a while. 0 -
WOW!! What a B!0
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When people use to tell me that my reply always was, "You've really aged since last time I saw you." It works for 20 somethings, 30 somethings, 40 somethings, pretty much everyone.... They usually get the hint...0
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Context matters and people, in general, are not sensitive to how their comments will be intrepreted.
1. Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!
2. Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!
Are these two comments the same? Should one be intrepreted as rude and the other not?
What century are you from? Obviously telling someone they've gained a lot of weight is an insult. Whereas telling someone they've lost weight is a compliment.
Why?
There is only a one word difference between the two sentences. I've yo-yo'd up and down for years and when I go back to see my family that I haven't seen in a while I fully expect them to say whether I have gained or lost (if it is that noticable). They are just speaking facts, how I interpret that and how their words make me feel speaks to my self image. Unless, they are purposefully being rude. I know that I've gained weight, so why is it so rude for someone mention it. Just like I know when I've lost weight, but it is nice for someone to mention that? Should it matter how close a friend the person is? Do we give those close to us a benefit of a doubt since we like to believe they have our best interest at heart?
Like I said, context matters...What if you have been sick or are coming off chemo and trying to gain weight? What if you are trying to bulk up for a BB comp?
My youngest son, 4 years old, recently started to talk about "Daddy's big belly" (yes, thank you Nick Jr and Peppa Pig). Is he being rude? spiteful? No, he's just calling it like it is and how it could make me feel is beyond his comprehension. You know what I say to him? Yes, Daddy does have a big belly and he's trying to get healthier.
I'll give you that a grown adult should know how their words will be interpreted, but is it about the words, or how the words bring to light how we feel about ourselves?
Finally logic that works..My name is Dances with Wow..
Its true today as it was when Homer wrote his great works..
You have free will..its your willingness to choose to be free..
Using your emotions to freely to imprison negative thoughts zaps life force...
Fitness taught today is about mostly being superficial but to be fit should be redefined as the courageous aptitude to exert, pit test and retest your physical equivalent of will power over free will..
Use this a your definition and watch unwanted body fat disappear..
Awesome context affirmation0 -
Context matters and people, in general, are not sensitive to how their comments will be intrepreted.
1. Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!
2. Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!
Are these two comments the same? Should one be intrepreted as rude and the other not?
Eh, I disagree. I'm a little sensitive about my weight, but my weight is my fault. I know that I gained a LOT of it. So when someone says "You lost a lot of weight" I take it as a positive comment, losing a LOT is what I set out to do, and I did! (Speaking from the future here, I still have like 38 lbs to go)0 -
I get comments now where people will make off hand remarks that I am too skinny. Or they say don't lose anymore weight. Sometimes it's as irritating as comments about being fat! Or comments like "are you still on that diet?" I guess I am still on a "diet" since I am still eating but not eating out of control~! :huh:0
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Great news on your success!
Just remember about negative comments: Its says a lot more about the person who says it than it does about you.0 -
Once upon a time people were taught if you can't say something kind, don't say anything at all. My MIL was great for these kinds of comments. Most days I could ignore her, but one time I asked her why she went to church since she sure didn't get the message! Everyone was horrified, but I stood my ground. She kept those comments to herself after that.
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Jeez. You know, I've never had someone tell me I've put on weight but I've had people compliment me on losing weight. Being told I've LOST weight actually gets to me a bit. I'm not being ungrateful. Just hear me out.
When I've lost weight, I get compliments such as "You're so much skinnier. You look great!" Although at the time it makes me feel a little bit impressed with myself, when I get to thinking about it, I just think "Oh god, so when I was heavier you NOTICED but you didn't say anything?" Then I get hung up on the fact that people even a little bit overweight (I was cresting more than "a little bit overweight") do tend to get negative attention and that, if they noticed I've lost weight, they judged me on my body image before I had. I don't like the way that society treats the overweight or obese.
Another thing. It really, really puts me on the spot. I'm just "Uuuh. Thank you. It uhm." I mean, what do you say in that scenario? Around here, people get judged for being both overweight and being self-centred or having an OTT ego. What do I say to say thank the person, but not make myself seem overly self confident? Damn. Then I have to think of a compliment to say back, so I stand there with my mouth half open while I scan my close friend for improvements in the appearance. Maybe I just don't take enough attention others' bodies or appearances.
Wtf have I just gone on about for the past five minutes?
Ignore me. I talk crap.0 -
You should have said, " Thank you! That was so helpful! I don't own a mirror or a scale, so I would never have known if you hadn't broadcasted this observation that no one asked you for." I have trouble turning off the sarcasm sometimes, but it usually shames people into shutting up. :happy:0
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I think that many of us have received comments about our weight that was hard to hear. How we deal with the comments and how we react to these is comments is the key. Stay strong and do not let people control your behavior by getting you to react to each tactless thing that is said. Good luck with your weight loss.0
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When people use to tell me that my reply always was, "You've really aged since last time I saw you." It works for 20 somethings, 30 somethings, 40 somethings, pretty much everyone.... They usually get the hint...
Perfect!0 -
I had a friend pass me two bar stools to sit down and then made great fun of it in front of everyone. He is now very overweight and I do still see him socially but I would never comment on his transformation. Dignity and self respect are everything0
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When people use to tell me that my reply always was, "You've really aged since last time I saw you." It works for 20 somethings, 30 somethings, 40 somethings, pretty much everyone.... They usually get the hint...
I love this! I must remember this one:laugh:0 -
Well, when someone says you've lost a ton of weight, I feel like, "Oh, thanks, I didn't realize you thought I was THAT fat before!" I know they don't hear their comment that way, but sometimes it makes me realize how people were seeing me.0
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Yes, once a cashier in a clothing store asked me when the baby was do. I was so embarrassed I actually lied and came up with a date LOL0
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What is it with people who think that they can exert that much control over our lives. "Oh you think so, I'll stop dieting today" or " Ok if you say so I won't lose any more weight. Do you have any other helpful advice for me like how I should style my hair or whether or not this outfit looks good on me???"I get comments now where people will make off hand remarks that I am too skinny. Or they say don't lose anymore weight. Sometimes it's as irritating as comments about being fat! Or comments like "are you still on that diet?" I guess I am still on a "diet" since I am still eating but not eating out of control~! :huh:0
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