Starting again - unhelpful comments
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Damned if you gain, damned if you lose0
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This^.Some people use that as motivation...others get depressed and fall off the wagon. Which is it for you?
My friend came back after her pregnancy break and the first thing she said to me was that I had put on weight. Ironic, isn't it?
I joined a gym the next day.0 -
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Jeez. You know, I've never had someone tell me I've put on weight but I've had people compliment me on losing weight. Being told I've LOST weight actually gets to me a bit. I'm not being ungrateful. Just hear me out.
When I've lost weight, I get compliments such as "You're so much skinnier. You look great!" Although at the time it makes me feel a little bit impressed with myself, when I get to thinking about it, I just think "Oh god, so when I was heavier you NOTICED but you didn't say anything?" Then I get hung up on the fact that people even a little bit overweight (I was cresting more than "a little bit overweight") do tend to get negative attention and that, if they noticed I've lost weight, they judged me on my body image before I had. I don't like the way that society treats the overweight or obese.
Another thing. It really, really puts me on the spot. I'm just "Uuuh. Thank you. It uhm." I mean, what do you say in that scenario? Around here, people get judged for being both overweight and being self-centred or having an OTT ego. What do I say to say thank the person, but not make myself seem overly self confident? Damn. Then I have to think of a compliment to say back, so I stand there with my mouth half open while I scan my close friend for improvements in the appearance. Maybe I just don't take enough attention others' bodies or appearances.
Wtf have I just gone on about for the past five minutes?
Ignore me. I talk crap.
You could respond by saying "Same me, just new packaging."0 -
I'm surrounded by people who don't want to do the work to improve their fitness but are the first to say something snarky. Just remember to own your own success and don't let anyone try to make you feel anything other than awesome...because you are!0
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Yeeep. Something similar from my own MOTHER. Some people just speak before they think.0
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i must have the politest friends and family in the world. no one ever said anything about my massive gains, neither have they said anything about my most recent loss.
my husband and i have talked about this, he said its weird, i always knew you weren't thin, but i never saw you as fat, but now i see pictures of you from then, and wow, you were big. ha ha. (its true, i was)
could it be how we carry ourselves through the world that affects perception?0 -
I loved this!I feel your pain because this HAS happened to me. A family member (through marriage) insulted me like this in front of my kids. One of my adult sons replied, "You can always lose weight but you can't fix ugly." My advice is ignore the ignorant and stay on track. You can do it!!!!0 -
Weird if my Husband says it I fall off, if anyone else I ignore or use for motivation depending on who it's coming from.Some people use that as motivation...others get depressed and fall off the wagon. Which is it for you?0 -
"Wow, you've gotten mean in your old age!"
Amazing.0 -
My favorite was when I showed up to a market after not being there for a couple of months and one of the other vendors came up to me and whispers like it's some big shameful secret - we noticed you're a little round and wondered if you were expecting again? I said no politely and laughed it off - then she says loudly "Oh so you're just getting fat huh?"
Thanks...
Don't let them get you down, like other posters have pointed out the only person who can make you feel bad is you if you allow it. Instead of being mortified, I changed my attitude about it and decided that if it was noticeable enough other people were taking polls on if I was pregnant or not - it might be time to fix that lol.0 -
I wouldn't even acknowledge the rude comment - that just lets them know it got to you. "well, bless your little heart, it's good to see you too" works wonders.
Haha! Love the "bless your little heart" comment. I hope I remember to use it the next time I get the chance!0 -
Was she raised by wolves?! Who says stuff like that and no "hi" "hello"?0
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I always think that a comment about someone's weight is unnecessary unless it's a compliment. Can't we just say 'it's great to see you'? That seems like enough! Ugh!!!0
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God Bless our Kids!!! :drinker:I feel your pain because this HAS happened to me. A family member (through marriage) insulted me like this in front of my kids. One of my adult sons replied, "You can always lose weight but you can't fix ugly." My advice is ignore the ignorant and stay on track. You can do it!!!!0 -
I like that, use it to fuel your fire!!0
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I agree with a lot of other posts -- don't let it get to you. Some people are just rude and don't realize the struggle other people have with weight. I work with two ladies who are thin. I definitely get tired of the one saying how "tiny", "small", etc. she is and it feels like she does this on a daily basis -- gets very old to listen to.
They both also continuously complain about being cold -- could be because they are wearing thin, sleeveless shirts in an air-conditioned office?!! I always have a blouse, then top it with a jacket or 3/4 sleeve sweater in the summer just because I know it's going to be cold. I have numerous times heard them complain about being cold and will finally comment "that's why I always layer with a jacket or sweater" -- falls on totally deaf ears.
Depending on the day, I'm sure there are days when I feel like they are trying to emphasize that they are thin and I'm not. Oh well, weight isn't the only thing we should take into consideration when judging people. I also feel like when people make rude comments or do something mean to someone that sometime in the future it will come back to haunt them -- like maybe they gained a lot of weight and you are at a comfortable weight -- we can only hope!0 -
When I saw my grandmother for the first time in 3 years (we live really far away) the first thing she said to me was "oh, you're still the short plump one!". I was 14 and perfectly normal for my age/height. It's been a long line of comments like that from when I was about 12 (and maybe even earlier) that led me to just give up and eat fast food and chocolate cake for 6 years. Now I'm 22 and actually have to do something about my weight. Not that I'm blaming anyone- I ate all the food because I wanted to- I still want to. It's just that if these kind of comments had started when I was older I think I would have dealt with them better.0
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Happens to me all the time when I go to visit family in the Caribbean. There's no, "it's good to see you, long time no see". It's usually "Wow, look how fat you are or if you lose 10 lbs you'll look great or my fav, where are you going with all that weight". This my family who are making those comments, kinda hard to ignore. If I were you, I'd just ignore her.
Good luck on your journey
I know exactly what you mean. Funny thing those who are making the comments are not slim either.
To make matters worse, if you chose not to eat all the fattening food (but good though) they serve, they get upset. I eat everything, and worry about the weight when I return home.0 -
You know they're already insecure then. Find their mental weakness, and exploit it until they are crying. Once they are crying, keep pushing for the lols.
Or just ignore them.0 -
Some people use that as motivation...others get depressed and fall off the wagon. Which is it for you?
ITS FUEL BABY!!!!!0 -
Absolutely! Well said.0
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Context matters and people, in general, are not sensitive to how their comments will be intrepreted.
1. Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!
2. Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!
Are these two comments the same? Should one be intrepreted as rude and the other not?
What century are you from? Obviously telling someone they've gained a lot of weight is an insult. Whereas telling someone they've lost weight is a compliment.
Why?
There is only a one word difference between the two sentences. I've yo-yo'd up and down for years and when I go back to see my family that I haven't seen in a while I fully expect them to say whether I have gained or lost (if it is that noticable). They are just speaking facts, how I interpret that and how their words make me feel speaks to my self image. Unless, they are purposefully being rude. I know that I've gained weight, so why is it so rude for someone mention it. Just like I know when I've lost weight, but it is nice for someone to mention that? Should it matter how close a friend the person is? Do we give those close to us a benefit of a doubt since we like to believe they have our best interest at heart?
Like I said, context matters...What if you have been sick or are coming off chemo and trying to gain weight? What if you are trying to bulk up for a BB comp?
My youngest son, 4 years old, recently started to talk about "Daddy's big belly" (yes, thank you Nick Jr and Peppa Pig). Is he being rude? spiteful? No, he's just calling it like it is and how it could make me feel is beyond his comprehension. You know what I say to him? Yes, Daddy does have a big belly and he's trying to get healthier.
I'll give you that a grown adult should know how their words will be interpreted, but is it about the words, or how the words bring to light how we feel about ourselves?
Absolutely! Well said.0 -
Ugh. My mother used to say things to me ALL the time. Nobody else ever did - just my mother and sometimes the rest of my family. She'd suggest I eat carrots. Who wants carrots when there's oreo's in the house???? If I'd go for the oreo's, she'd say, "You don't need that." She also said, "Nice boys don't like fat girls." There's so many - don't know that I could have nearly enough room - but that's a can of worms for another time.
The other night, I had grabbed 2 snack-size reese's. He says "You don't need that." I told him, "I didn't ask you."
Later on I told him that I REALLY NEED for him to NOT say that to me. My mother always said that, and I'd react as if, "I'll show you.....you think 2 snack size reese's are bad - I'll eat 3 bags of them. How you like THEM apples???" Yes, I know that was counter productive and only hurting me, but I HATE that stuff!!!
I'm an emotional eater. If I've turned to food, there's another reason than hunger. Instead of saying, "You don't need that." Come in and say, "So, what's going on? Something bugging you?" (I'll have that conversation with him tonight!)
Unfortunately, we can't make the rest of the world behave the way we'd like them too.0 -
Context matters and people, in general, are not sensitive to how their comments will be intrepreted.
1. Wow, you've lost a lot of weight!
2. Wow, you've gained a lot of weight!
Are these two comments the same? Should one be intrepreted as rude and the other not?
What century are you from? Obviously telling someone they've gained a lot of weight is an insult. Whereas telling someone they've lost weight is a compliment.
Why?
There is only a one word difference between the two sentences. I've yo-yo'd up and down for years and when I go back to see my family that I haven't seen in a while I fully expect them to say whether I have gained or lost (if it is that noticable). They are just speaking facts, how I interpret that and how their words make me feel speaks to my self image. Unless, they are purposefully being rude. I know that I've gained weight, so why is it so rude for someone mention it. Just like I know when I've lost weight, but it is nice for someone to mention that? Should it matter how close a friend the person is? Do we give those close to us a benefit of a doubt since we like to believe they have our best interest at heart?
Like I said, context matters...What if you have been sick or are coming off chemo and trying to gain weight? What if you are trying to bulk up for a BB comp?
My youngest son, 4 years old, recently started to talk about "Daddy's big belly" (yes, thank you Nick Jr and Peppa Pig). Is he being rude? spiteful? No, he's just calling it like it is and how it could make me feel is beyond his comprehension. You know what I say to him? Yes, Daddy does have a big belly and he's trying to get healthier.
I'll give you that a grown adult should know how their words will be interpreted, but is it about the words, or how the words bring to light how we feel about ourselves?
I disagree. Telling someone "Hey you've gained a lot weight" is just rude. Why is it rude? Because the person knows this already and is probably self conscious or working things out in their head. They do not need to be reminded. Gosh, I am so sick of this argument. It is flipping rude. Since you used the chemo argument. Would you say to someone on chemo "Hey, You've lost all your hair!" DUH! Thanks Captain Obvious! Come on, it is not your job to straighten their *kitten* out or motivate them. Leave that to their family and loved ones.0 -
Oh wow, what an ugly thing to say!
I'm sure that your colleagues recognised what a rude thing it was to talk about you personally at all and took your side. Anyone who didn't isn't worth a damn.
When people say really rude or disgusting things to me that I find unacceptable, I often just don't have the words or the timing to come back with a quip! I tend to just pause, make the pause noticeable and say 'Wow, really?'
My mother has a great way of highlighting inappropriate comments she says 'I beg your pardon?!'. It's a really retro phrase but the shameful repercussions are unbearable!
Kaela x0 -
People can be so rude!
Generally, I think you calmly and immediately point it out to the person speaking to you. "Judy, that was really out of line" or "Judy, that was really rude", and then stop talking and just look directly at them until they squirm, backtrack, etc. Then smile politely and walk away without any more words. The process is actually a lot like teaching a puppy not to pee on the kitchen floor. With time and repetition (and the judicious rubbing the nose in it), you may have some success.
I use the name "Judy", because I have to do this with Judy, my husband's crazy, alcoholic grandmother, with whom I am obliged to interact during two weekends each year. Sometimes I am too fat, sometimes I am too thin. Last Thanksgiving, I "looked pregnant", because my face looked swollen. Most recently, I am now too old (at 34) to be a good parent to my children, as I should have started popping out babies at age 19.
Granted, not everyone is pure evil, like Grandma Judy. Sometimes they may be completely clueless or put their foot in their mouth accidentally. The technique works for every situation.
Good luck
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Sorry that was said to you. Some people just don't think before speaking. And words hurt more then they know. However you are here with people who understand and support you. It is never easy to not let negitive people get you down.0
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Oh, I like you a lot.You know they're already insecure then. Find their mental weakness, and exploit it until they are crying. Once they are crying, keep pushing for the lols.
Or just ignore them.
Personally, I feel like if they comment on my weight they're likely insecure about that. So I'd just lose it, look great and just keep talking about it around them. If they continue to feel insecure, I get my revenge. If they get over themselves and realize they can change, too, then I've found a new gym buddy.
Either way, I win.0
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