Is it rude?

I've asked my self this question many times. Here is my take on it. Is it rude? may be or may be not. Do I care? No. I don't say that to be mean, I say it to be selfish. In the past I would care. I would end up eating the junkfood even though I swear I wouldn't touch a thing because people would push it on me. I never wanted to be rude and say no so I would give in an eat. I think some people don't realize how hard temptation can be. Some people just offer once and stop. I do appreciate the offer and stopping once I say no. It is the people who continue after I say no. The more pushy they get the more pushy I get back.

I know I might sound rude and have a bad attitude but the reality is I have to start putting my health first. I put my self in a mess and now I have to get my self out of it. I care about my health more then I care about what others think. It is the same thing with my walking. My family often expected me to cut my walks short so I can be home for other things that really aren't my responsibility. They pretty much get that I go for a walk at a certain time for a certain amount of time. I'm pretty much walking out the door and not coming home until I finished my time. They eventually learned to accept it.

I think the question you should be asking is "do I care more about their opinion or about my health?" or "do I want to ruin all my hard work over one day? For me the answer is no. I wouldn't worry about bringing your own food if you don't want to work their food into your calorie intake for the day. I think it is fine to bring your own meal. Most people will realize it is because you are trying to stay on track and not because you didn't feel like making enough for everyone or you just don't want to eat their food. If the idea is still bothering you then opt to bring enough for everyone instead of eating the food they provide.

I think CindyMarcuz nailed it.

What if you called you mother in law and explained your situation. Tell her you are doing so well and dont want to go over board. Would she mind if you brought your own little snack to have along with her wonderful holiday offerings.

...say you show up out of the blue with healthy, "better" options. Will the family be bothered? Possibly, perhaps just because they weren't expecting it and it's a reminder to them that they aren't eating right.

...but say you communicate with them beforehand. Show appreciation, love, etc. for them and explain what you'd like to take to the gathering. They won't be caught off-guard with your "better" options, and who knows?--maybe they'll even supply some healthy food as well.

Our neighbors are having a fish fry for the fourth and we have been invited and happily accepted the invitation. My husband agreed to grill something and he suggested grilled vegetables. I thought that was a great idea. He gets to use his grill and make something that will be a bit lighter than something fried. Which by the way, I will be eating the fried fish along with the grilled veggies.

I totally agree with what others have suggested by taking enough to share with everyone.

I originally didn't have much planned for the 4th, seeing as I'm several hundreds of miles away from my family, and my husband's family wasn't sure if they would do anything. All of this I was happy about because I've been finally seeing some progression in my weight and I don't want to sabotage myself.
But! Last night I found out we are officially going over to his parents' house for the holiday. And in the nicest way possible, his family eats very poorly and have always been enablers for me. Junk food everywhere.

SO. Is it rude for me to bring my own packaged lunch? I'll surely get made fun of, but I don't want to ruin my progress, or kill my motivation. I thought of maybe bringing some dishes to the get together, but frankly no one would eat what I would bring. I just don't have many healthy options when I get there.

I guarantee someone, if not most would try what you brought. If for no other reason than just being polite. That`s unless they already hate you. If you do not want to cast the image of, being a snob and your food isn't good enough for me! I suggest you do the same and be polite and nibble on a few things and take food for sharing.

I`m sure you can get TON`s of ideas here on very tasty party dishes you could make. I ALWAYS take a big tray of mixed veggies for people to nibble on. And it always eaten.

You should never feel obligated to put anything in your body that is not for your higher good. You are talking about your family!!! I can't imagine why a family would give a crap. This isn't your new neighbors or husbands/wife's boss. If expected you could contribute a fruit salad or green salad. Other than that, bring your own or eat before. In my world, I only eat non gmo, organic, un processed food. Processed, sugar laden food make me feel really bad. I am not doing that to my body for anyone. And for the record, I think taking food/drink that you bring to a party back home afterwards is rude. Unless insisted upon by the host.

Such a shame that your coming holiday can cause this much stress. Just try to have fun and do what feels good for your body.

I don't think it is rude at all. If you make enough to share it might not come across in a bad way. If his family knows that you have a life style change then they should support it.

I'm a vegetarian and whenever we visit my Mother-in-Law she knows my first stop is to Publix where I will buy all of my own groceries.

She doesn't take offense - she is very understanding.

When I'm invited to dinners/events, I tell whomever invited me that I'm a vegetarian - that I'll bring a vegetarian dish to pass along with my own 'main dish' (usually a Morningstar Chik'en) so they don't feel like they have to cater to me (I can just microwave this quickly either at my house before I leave or at the Hosts' house before we eat).

I don't want to offend anyone, but I don't want to starve either - I look at it as taking care of myself.

What's hubby's take on it? Would you feel comfortable calling his parents about it before hand to ask if they mind?

I personally wouldn't care but some people would definitely be offended. One of the last times we had the GPIL over for dinner, it was Easter so I made a big ham dinner. GMIL showed up with some fish claiming she didn't like ham. Didn't bother me but Hubby was really bothered by it. I only wish she would've said something before hand so I could've picked something else we would've all enjoyed together...but that's typical for her, which is a whole 'nother story I won't get into right now...

I agree with some of the PPs who suggested that if they're open to it, bring a side dish or two that are healthier/lighter. I've done this at potluck BBQs before and it does help because you can eat most of your own stuff and then just have a bite or two of other things if you like without worrying about blowing your calories out of the water for the day.

I also agree with the PPs who say to just go with it, make the best choices you can and move on. It's only one day.

I do this all the time. Sometimes, I get asked about it, and I just tell them I have to watch my diet closely. I get the occasional, "You could just have some salad," or "you just need to cut out carbs," or other 'expert' advice comments, to which I reply, "No thank you." If they thinks I'm rude, IDGAF. My health is so much more important that what people might think of me for not eating their food. I hate people that think their food offerings are that important or incredible, anyway.

You didn't get fat from one family outing. Bringing a bag of food might not be the rudest thing you could do, but you will probably be questioned and bring the focus of attention to you, and that won't make for a pleasant situation.

And just because a family decides to cookout and have cookies and whatever for everyone doesn't mean they're "enablers." The only enabler is you and whether you decide to go berserk on the food.

I would bring enough to share with the family...

I'm gonna take a different route and think that maybe it's not just your concern about weight gain but that the food prepped by who you'll be visiting may be so disgustingly unhealthy that it really isn't palatable to you anymore.

Had a situation like that this past Christmas when I visited my boyfriend's sister-in-law. She's quite overweight and anything she "cooks" (that's savoury - she'll make sweet things totally from scratch) is basically a reheated amalgamation of various frozen dinners or pre-prepared foods. She quite literally doesn't have anything edible and green in the house. The closest thing you'll get to vegetables at one of her parties is a fruit salad doused in sugar and syrup (and that somehow manages to smell like baby diapers).

I didn't bring anything and I ate as little as I could get by on. Namely because it made my mouth feel like it was coated in grease any time I ate something - and the only thing I didn't mind eating was this chicken-pizza pocket thing she made out of that Pillsbury turnover batter. But there were only 5 of those (and they're about the size of half my palm) and I didn't want to eat all of them to be fair to everyone else.

So I took a bit of other things that didn't smell or taste horrid, spread them around my plate and made do until we left. Then we passed by a convenience store and I had the luxury to buy myself a much larger and more caloric protein bar than I usually can.

If you can work a way to bring in something you can eat - like a salad (tip: a brussel sprout bacon salad is quite often a hit even with people who hate green things - http://pinchofyum.com/bacon-and-brussel-sprout-salad) - and eat that. Get a bit of other things and spread the other things around your plate to make it seem like you're taking more than you are. Eat your salad (a bit of the other things if you're so inclined) and there you are. Call ahead and offer to bring that salad as a thank you - don't mention anything about your diet or needing to accomodate your needs, just push it as a thank you gift and make them feel gracious for inviting you out on a July 4th that you thought you'd be spending alone. If you're feeling cheesy, play it up with a cheap bottle of table wine.

If you can't work a way to bring something in, try not to eat too much (if you don't like how it tastes) and just spread what you take all artsy-like across your plate. But if you do like it, go for it - try to get half a plate of salad (or vegetables if they have any) and then go from there. A day won't kill you in the long run.

What do they make that is so bad that you can't eat it without gaining weight? Honestly? There has to be something that you can have that will fit into your macros.

If you are going to bring your own food, bring enough for everyone.

Also, it's one day. At some point, you are going to have to be able to handle one day with different food options.

I am sort of amazed at the people that don't think it is rude. You have accepted someone's invitation, but yet you are telling them that their hospitality and food are not up to your standards. Yeah, exceedingly rude. Even if (especially if?) it is family.

Eat before you go. Bring something to share. Talk to them ahead of time and explain that you are trying to cut calories/eat healthy and want to make sure that you are able to stick to your meal plan so you are bringing something to share. Or just exercise some self-control and limit your portions or say no (you'll have to do this either way, no?)

Or just stay home, eat salad, and be sad. But FTLOG, do not just bring your own food, especially with no advance warning. Exceedingly rude and obnoxious.

SO. Is it rude for me to bring my own packaged lunch?

Um, no. It isn't a judgement on their food, or them personally. Of course you could always just moderate eating what they cook, or not worry so much about one day of eating.