Is it rude?

135

Replies

  • RunDomRun24
    RunDomRun24 Posts: 13 Member
    It is NOT rude! but perhaps you can let them know in advance. depending on your relationship with them, "I am watching what I eat so don't worry about me - I will bring my own". If you think that might make things better, offer to make a salad (or whatever else you can think of) to share. I have a family member who does that - there is a lot she does not eat and we know that. We know it and accepts it
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,740 Member
    It's rude. I'd stop inviting you to food festivities at my house if you did that.

    Really?

    Honestly if someone did that at my house I'd have a mixed feeling of "wow, I feel truly sad for that person" and kind of a smirky thought of "good luck keeping THAT up for the rest of your life" since I'd assume (perhaps wrongly) they were on a restrictive, extreme diet of some kind to bring only their own food and not eat anything else.

    BUT -- I wouldn't really mind, as the hostess. I'd just let them eat their food and move on. In a way I'd consider it almost polite - definitely better than whining about the food I served and complaining it had too much sugar/salt/fat/etc.

    Just being honest!
  • CurvyDiva190
    CurvyDiva190 Posts: 5
    I agree with the majority of the group. Bring a nice salad to share and work what they offer into your calorie count if possible (small portions, veggies, fruits). If they are an understanding family they may even prepare an option for you ahead of time if you talk to them to explain yourself. Keep yourself motivated and show restraint. You can do this.

    Just a side note to those who think its rude, if these people were her family and they loved her they would understand she is someone trying to change her life. We all on this site should understand that. Not inviting her to anymore events is rude on the side of the family and if they ever did that it will alude to there being more serious issues than food. She will only be rude in my house if it was not discussed with me ahead of time, even if she only brought enough for her. Open honest communication will keep this situation from being rude and getting out of hand.
  • fitfreakymom
    fitfreakymom Posts: 1,400 Member
    Make your own food and bring enough to share.
  • ChelseaWelseyKins
    ChelseaWelseyKins Posts: 272 Member
    Honestly, one day isn't going to kill your progress. It might actually help it. However, if you're that uncomfortable with eating their food, bring a few dishes for "yourself" but big enough for everyone else. Also, just have smaller portions of the food they make :)
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    It's rude. I'd stop inviting you to food festivities at my house if you did that.

    Really?

    Honestly if someone did that at my house I'd have a mixed feeling of "wow, I feel truly sad for that person" and kind of a smirky thought of "good luck keeping THAT up for the rest of your life" since I'd assume (perhaps wrongly) they were on a restrictive, extreme diet of some kind to bring only their own food and not eat anything else.

    BUT -- I wouldn't really mind, as the hostess. I'd just let them eat their food and move on. In a way I'd consider it almost polite - definitely better than whining about the food I served and complaining it had too much sugar/salt/fat/etc.

    Just being honest!

    I would mind if I wasn't given the chance to make food that works for everyone. As someone who loves to cook, and who takes pride in my hospitality, I would appreciate my friends giving me the opportunity to try instead of just assuming I won't understand and bringing food.

    I have friends who are paleo, vegetarian, gluten free, dairy free, nut free, seafood free, etc. etc. and they all know that I am always happy to find recipes that fit their needs.
  • MyRummyHens
    MyRummyHens Posts: 141 Member
    It's rude. I'd stop inviting you to food festivities at my house if you did that.

    Really?

    Honestly if someone did that at my house I'd have a mixed feeling of "wow, I feel truly sad for that person" and kind of a smirky thought of "good luck keeping THAT up for the rest of your life" since I'd assume (perhaps wrongly) they were on a restrictive, extreme diet of some kind to bring only their own food and not eat anything else.

    BUT -- I wouldn't really mind, as the hostess. I'd just let them eat their food and move on. In a way I'd consider it almost polite - definitely better than whining about the food I served and complaining it had too much sugar/salt/fat/etc.

    Just being honest!

    I would mind if I wasn't given the chance to make food that works for everyone. As someone who loves to cook, and who takes pride in my hospitality, I would appreciate my friends giving me the opportunity to try instead of just assuming I won't understand and bringing food.

    I have friends who are paleo, vegetarian, gluten free, dairy free, nut free, seafood free, etc. etc. and they all know that I am always happy to find recipes that fit their needs.

    That is exactly where I am. Both sides of my family will happily go out of our way to cater for anyone, it doesn't matter whether it's down to calorie counting, paleo (BFF is paleo), veggie, allergies or even sheer fussiness. Doesn't matter, if we invite you, we will cook for you, even if it means cooking 5 or 6 different options so everyone is happy. I'm a RFV and my MIL is wonderful for making the effort to feed me bless her so all the women in my family have the same can-do, no problem, happy to oblige attitude to hospitality. MIL also bears the brunt of this relations 'this is my meal' pot bringing, so it's not just me. Otherwise I'd be with the poster who said they wouldn't invite the person back!
  • mank32
    mank32 Posts: 1,323 Member
    Nope. My family knows my prep plans and my dietary restrictions right now, and know I'll be bringing my own food. Even if it did hurt their feelings, it would change my plans not in the slightest. I'm not sacrificing my goals just to make other people happy. I figure anyone petty enough to be offended that I'm not eating the same food as them have more problems than I want to buy into. :drinker:

    I was a vegetarian for a while, and these were my thoughts exactly. It's just food. Who--besides me--ought to care what I eat or don't eat? Even still these days (not veg anymore) I won't eat crap just because someone's serving it. It's far more important to me to honor my body than to honor the feels of petty peeps.

    Yes, you can and will bring your own food every time (or just eat at home first)--when your food needs/choices are different enough from the herd and important enough to you. There are a ton of reasons to eat differently, for which no one should judge anyone else: allergies, diabetes, gluten intolerance, lactose intolerance, vegetarianism/veganism, weight loss, religion, etc.

    In the interest of appeasing the herd, bring something to share, and/or eat ahead of time.
  • Caper88
    Caper88 Posts: 418 Member
    I guess things are just different where I come from. No I wouldn't show up with food just for me because that is rude; I would bring enough for everyone. Where I come from it is rude to not to bring a dish to the party. Maybe we just have a different way of celebrating. Where I come it isn't about the food. It is about celebrating and spending time with the people you love. My family and friends love and support me. Once they realized why I was passing up on their food, they were more then happy to see me make healthier choices.
  • AsaThorsWoman
    AsaThorsWoman Posts: 2,303 Member
    I spent last weekend with my sister and came back four pounds heavier, which was very dis-heartening.

    If it's possible to eat healthy while, do it.

    Right now I'm so upset about the gain I'm almost thinking of canceling our next get together, which is downright rotten to cancel a visit because you can't maintain weight around family, but family will do that too you.

    Sometimes you have no other option than to eat what they eat, or not eat at all.

    My beloved sister literally lives over an hour away from a grocery store.

    I think I'll continue to visit, but holy mother of the gods on Asgard NOT WITHOUT AN ICE CHEST OF ASA FOOD!

    But with that being said, yes, it is extremely rude.

    Put food on your plate and pick at it. Eat a few bites than stop.

    You need to at least sympathetically accept the gesture of hospitality.
  • climbing_trees
    climbing_trees Posts: 726 Member
    Yes, it is rude.

    Bring something you want to eat, but bring enough to share.
    If there are extras, leave them. If clearly say they don't want to keep them, then you can bring them home.
    (I do this every single time there's a family/friend gathering and it has never caused a problem)
  • delta1227
    delta1227 Posts: 7 Member
    It is not rude! I worry about things like that but I have gone to potlucks eating before hand with just a drink(coffee or water) in my hands. I am going to a picnic 4th and plan to bring a special meal for myself!
  • delta1227
    delta1227 Posts: 7 Member
    sorry, but that sounds so not understanding! I am glad my friends understand my food addiction better!
  • Sirinya55
    Sirinya55 Posts: 79 Member
    Yes it rude. How would you like to be cooking all day and someone bring their own food and not touch any of your food. With that said....I just realized I do this all the time. My husband's family make American food, I show up with Chinese take out :tongue:
  • Capt_Apollo
    Capt_Apollo Posts: 9,026 Member
    yes it's rude.

    eat something healthy before you go, and also bring something healthy to share. find one of the healthiest items at the event. it's july fourth, surely they're having a typical american bbq? some burgers, brisket, sausages or something? that's not bad food at all (maybe hot dogs a little). enjoy yourself.

    and congrats on the progress.
  • BrittanyMG3
    BrittanyMG3 Posts: 163 Member
    I always pack my own lunch, friends and family know that I am trying to eat more healthy..either bring one big dish to share that you can mainly eat out of, or pack something just for yourself...it surprises me that most bbq's out there mainly consist of garbage..if I am not able to bring my own, I don't eat..not worth losing progress after ...its sad that I others would expect me to feel bad if I didnt join in on being a pig for a day.:wink:
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    I always pack my own lunch, friends and family know that I am trying to eat more healthy..either bring one big dish to share that you can mainly eat out of, or pack something just for yourself...it surprises me that most bbq's out there mainly consist of garbage..if I am not able to bring my own, I don't eat..not worth losing progress after just because I feel like I am forced to join in on being a pig for a day.:wink:

    What is this garbage? I'm really curious about these BBQ menus that are all so unhealthy there isn't one thing on the list that fits into reasonable macros.

    And, also, it's a little rude to call people pigs. Since I exercise regularly and watch my macros most of the time, I can actually go to a BBQ and eat a hot dog and a slice of pie without have an existential breakdown. That doesn't make me a pig.
  • BrittanyMG3
    BrittanyMG3 Posts: 163 Member
    you haven't been to my husband's family bbq's.
    stuff like baked beans, 3 layer bean dips, loaded cheesey nachos, potato chips, hamburgers and hotdogs. I would faint if they actually had fruit..or a plate of veggies.

    it is garbage to me, because i would not have any of this junk in my house...just because I feel strongly enough to not want to eat it and lose everything I worked for, does not make me rude.

    There is moderation and eating normal portions of this stuff..then there is his entire family that eats about 5 servings of everything..yes, to me..that is being a pig.
  • BrittanyMG3
    BrittanyMG3 Posts: 163 Member
    never said anything about you though:laugh: sorry if you decided to take one random post personally.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    you haven't been to my husband's family bbq's.
    stuff like baked beans, 3 layer bean dips, loaded cheesey nachos, potato chips, hamburgers and hotdogs. I would faint if they actually had fruit..or a plate of veggies.

    it is garbage to me, because i would not have any of this junk in my house...just because I feel strongly enough to not want to eat it and lose everything I worked for, does not make me rude.

    There is moderation and eating normal portions of this stuff..then there is his entire family that eats about 5 servings of everything..yes, to me..that is being a pig.

    A hamburger is junk? Really? Also, why don't you bring a plate of fruit or veggies for everyone?

    Also, yes, calling people pigs is rude. Sorry, just is. But, hey, enjoy your ivory tower.
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    never said anything about you though:laugh: sorry if you decided to take one random post personally.

    I assure you that I'm not taking it personally. I'm just fine with what I eat and drink. I was merely making a point that calling people who enjoy BBQ food pigs is not entirely accurate.

    ETA: Also making a point for others that it's entirely possible to maintain a healthy weight while enjoying awesome food. Sustainable weight loss is about balance. It's not about demonizing food or calling people pigs for enjoying a treat now and then.
  • yo_andi
    yo_andi Posts: 2,178 Member
    A) It's one day. If one day is going to derail your progress entirely, you should reevaluate your definition of "progress"

    B) Think carefully about your definition of "bad" and "good" foods. Food is inherently neither, and ultimately you decide what you put in your mouth

    C) Bring something to share, if you are going that route, or take the opportunity to practice the other HUGE part of successful weight loss and maintenance: portion control and willpower in the real world, where you ultimately have little control over what comes across your path
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    yes it's rude.

    eat something healthy before you go, and also bring something healthy to share. find one of the healthiest items at the event. it's july fourth, surely they're having a typical american bbq? some burgers, brisket, sausages or something? that's not bad food at all (maybe hot dogs a little). enjoy yourself.

    and congrats on the progress.

    So much this. Hamburgers are actually a great food depending on what you put on them. Mmmmm....burgers.
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
    you haven't been to my husband's family bbq's.
    stuff like baked beans, 3 layer bean dips, loaded cheesey nachos, potato chips, hamburgers and hotdogs. I would faint if they actually had fruit..or a plate of veggies.

    it is garbage to me, because i would not have any of this junk in my house...just because I feel strongly enough to not want to eat it and lose everything I worked for, does not make me rude.

    There is moderation and eating normal portions of this stuff..then there is his entire family that eats about 5 servings of everything..yes, to me..that is being a pig.

    If an ounce of your contempt for this situation shows itself there, yeah, you're rude. Get over yourself.
  • BrittanyMG3
    BrittanyMG3 Posts: 163 Member
    Enjoy your bbq's :laugh:
    I usually bring something heathier, I care about what I put into my body. there is nothing wrong with someone eating hamburgers lol and there is nothing wrong with me not wanting to eat them.. Sorry my self control offends you, I was only being honest.
  • LifeWithPie
    LifeWithPie Posts: 552 Member
    Enjoy your bbq's :laugh:
    I usually bring something heathier, I care about what I put into my body. there is nothing wrong with someone eating hamburgers lol and there is nothing wrong with me not wanting to eat them.. Sorry my self control offends you, I was only being honest.

    Passive aggressive much?
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
    Enjoy your bbq's :laugh:
    I usually bring something heathier, I care about what I put into my body. there is nothing wrong with someone eating hamburgers lol and there is nothing wrong with me not wanting to eat them.. Sorry my self control offends you, I was only being honest.

    There's a difference between self control (yay) and calling people pigs (boo).
  • PRMinx
    PRMinx Posts: 4,585 Member
    Enjoy your bbq's :laugh:
    I usually bring something heathier, I care about what I put into my body. there is nothing wrong with someone eating hamburgers lol and there is nothing wrong with me not wanting to eat them.. Sorry my self control offends you, I was only being honest.

    Yes, you are so right. Your self control totally offends me. I would much rather eat lettuce all day and call it self control than eat a wide variety of food in moderation. I would much rather demonize food than see at fuel for my body and my workouts.

    Sh&t, I must be doing this all wrong.
  • BrittanyMG3
    BrittanyMG3 Posts: 163 Member
    I didn't post to get into arguments with anyone, I posted in reply to the original question..i know how frustrating it can be feeling trapped with no healthy options.. I am not full of myself..I was only trying to express my opinion that she should NOT feel bad for wanting to eat healthier during a holiday! Shouldn't she be PRAISED for self control? if she doesn't want to eat it, i don't understand why people are trying to encourage her to eat it anyway...some people can't eat that stuff even ONCE or they keep craving, that is why I act like the stuff is laced in anthrax..if I ate it, I would struggle and I have come too far to mess up now..

    best of luck to all of you.
  • BrittanyMG3
    BrittanyMG3 Posts: 163 Member
    I am on the 21 day fix program but SURE whatever helps you guys feel better about yourselves... totally beat down someone on the internet.. thanks a lot.

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