Is it rude?
Replies
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I didn't post to get into arguments with anyone, I posted in reply to the original question..i know how frustrating it can be feeling trapped with no healthy options.. I am not full of myself..I was only trying to express my opinion that she should NOT feel bad for wanting to eat healthier during a holiday! Shouldn't she be PRAISED for self control? if she doesn't want to eat it, i don't understand why people are trying to encourage her to eat it anyway...some people can't eat that stuff even ONCE or they keep craving, that is why I act like the stuff is laced in anthrax..if I ate it, I would struggle and I have come too far to mess up now..
best of luck to all of you.
First of all, no one is telling her she HAS to eat anything. We are merely saying that there are BBQ foods that can and will fit reasonably in with most macro targets. Because the point of this site is to learn how to fit every day foods into a healthy overall diet. It's about balance, not elimination.
Second of all, if you had phrased it this way to begin with, no one would have called you out. But, you didn't. You called perfectly fine food garbage and the people who eat it pigs. I never personally attacked you. I said the comment was rude and it was. You, on the other hand...0 -
I am on the 21 day fix program but SURE whatever helps you guys feel better about yourselves... totally beat down someone on the internet.. thanks a lot.
And what are you going to do after your 21 day fix?0 -
I think that it's more socially acceptable to bring something to share (and then exclusively eat your own dish) than to show up with lunch just for yourself. I would bring a big, hearty salad with dressing on the side and watermelon. Who doesn't like watermelon on the 4th of July?0
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it's a celebration... and so long as you are prepared to pay for your miss deeds in the way of exercise after the fact I think I would give you a pass and suggest that it IS OKAY to junk it up a little... just so long as they don't find you hiding in a closet the next morning with a big chocolate ring around your mouth... and a case of empties (cake tins and cookie boxes that is)...
YOU treat yourself right... so that YOU CAN have days like the 4th... and Birthdays... and Chrsitmas... etc..etc... don't worry have fun... and put the scale away for a day... BE part of the celebration...0 -
As long as you don't bring your own food and then proceed to munch on what ever else is offered, I don't see it as rude. My cousin got called out at the last family get together for bringing her own special food, but then she also has some of the food offered at the get together. That was rude.0
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I think that it's more socially acceptable to bring something to share (and then exclusively eat your own dish) than to show up with lunch just for yourself. I would bring a big, hearty salad with dressing on the side and watermelon. Who doesn't like watermelon on the 4th of July?
This guy haha0 -
What if you called you mother in law and explained your situation. Tell her you are doing so well and dont want to go over board. Would she mind if you brought your own little snack to have along with her wonderful holiday offerings.
Yes. It's rude unless you do something like this ^^^. It will still come off better if you bring enough to share, though.
As a hostess, I expect people with special dietary restrictions, even if it's just 'I really hate X food' to tell me about them ASAP (I ask), or to let me know that they will provide for themselves so I can plan accordingly.
Just explain that you don't want to put her to any trouble and know that making special dishes is a hassle. Be prepared if she insists on making something for you anyway.0 -
Relating explicitly to your question "Is it rude?" -- Yes, if you're talking proper etiquette, it's quite rude.
But if you explain to them BEFORE the event what you're trying to achieve then it wouldn't be.
So my suggestions are to talk to them and then bring a dish to share. Alternatively, skip the meal part of the evening - show up late/leave early.0 -
My aunt lost 100lbs a while back. When we would have family gatherings she did bring food that she could eat. She took personally responsibility for what she ate and didn't expect the family to change any of the dishes to accommodate her. She did bring several servings so the dish could be passed if others wanted to try it. She has managed to be able to keep off a good portion of the weight she lost too.0
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If you have a good relationship with them, tell in-laws ahead of time... maybe they will be accommodating. If not, eat before you go, nibble on their stuff eat the frank and skip the bun etc. a little watermelon, a little coleslaw. Can always treat yourself to a big salad when you get home. I know that sometiems it is very calming to me to remind myself "You don't have to eat here."0
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I have food allergies so I always bring a pre-cooked protein source for myself whenever we go to in my in-laws, because they're big fans of what I just so happen to be allergic to. I also always take something else healthy, like a fruit salad or garden salad, that I made with my own dishes and serve out with my own spoons so I can avoid cross-contamination. It works for everyone.0
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I have food allergies so I always bring a pre-cooked protein source for myself whenever we go to in my in-laws, because they're big fans of what I just so happen to be allergic to. I also always take something else healthy, like a fruit salad or garden salad, that I made with my own dishes and serve out with my own spoons so I can avoid cross-contamination. It works for everyone.
Now this I can completely understand. Severe allergies are tough (I'm sorry you have one) and what you are doing is very helpful and probably much appreciated.0 -
It's rude. I'd stop inviting you to food festivities at my house if you did that.
Really?
Honestly if someone did that at my house I'd have a mixed feeling of "wow, I feel truly sad for that person" and kind of a smirky thought of "good luck keeping THAT up for the rest of your life" since I'd assume (perhaps wrongly) they were on a restrictive, extreme diet of some kind to bring only their own food and not eat anything else.
BUT -- I wouldn't really mind, as the hostess. I'd just let them eat their food and move on. In a way I'd consider it almost polite - definitely better than whining about the food I served and complaining it had too much sugar/salt/fat/etc.
Just being honest!
I would mind if I wasn't given the chance to make food that works for everyone. As someone who loves to cook, and who takes pride in my hospitality, I would appreciate my friends giving me the opportunity to try instead of just assuming I won't understand and bringing food.
I have friends who are paleo, vegetarian, gluten free, dairy free, nut free, seafood free, etc. etc. and they all know that I am always happy to find recipes that fit their needs.
That is exactly where I am. Both sides of my family will happily go out of our way to cater for anyone, it doesn't matter whether it's down to calorie counting, paleo (BFF is paleo), veggie, allergies or even sheer fussiness. Doesn't matter, if we invite you, we will cook for you, even if it means cooking 5 or 6 different options so everyone is happy. I'm a RFV and my MIL is wonderful for making the effort to feed me bless her so all the women in my family have the same can-do, no problem, happy to oblige attitude to hospitality. MIL also bears the brunt of this relations 'this is my meal' pot bringing, so it's not just me. Otherwise I'd be with the poster who said they wouldn't invite the person back!
Plus, let's not forget that food ain't cheap. And at least at my place, if we're having a party, I've probably splurged on more expensive items that I wouldn't normally buy. So don't leave me in the dark and have me cook for 10, if 2 intend to not eat anything I've made. And for certain don't rub it in my face by bringing your own food and eating nothing else.
I rank this right up there with either telling me you'll come and then not showing up (with no good reason) or not RSVP-ing and then coming anyway.0 -
Nope. My family knows my prep plans and my dietary restrictions right now, and know I'll be bringing my own food. Even if it did hurt their feelings, it would change my plans not in the slightest. I'm not sacrificing my goals just to make other people happy. I figure anyone petty enough to be offended that I'm not eating the same food as them have more problems than I want to buy into. :drinker:
^^^^Listen to this young lady.
Everyone on the planet needs to stop getting offended at every little thing. Tell your husband your plans to either not eat what is there or bringing your own food. He can tell his family what's going on, if not then he can answer to them when they think it's rude. Am I the only one who will put a family member in their place in a heart beat? They are your family, not your overlord's or masters, don't let their opinions sabotage your wellness. It's funny how family can be so great and so crappy at the same time but it's fun.0 -
...and if someone gets offended, host a party at your house and have only healthy options. I guarantee you they will find a way to go out and get something to eat instead of only eating something they don't like.
....and yet again if you go over there and they say something, go in their bathroom and give them an upper decker.0 -
Option 1: Explain to them you are trying to be healthy and couldn't miss up the opportunity to be with them and have fun. so you brought a plate to offer people and trying to stick to a schedule. and no I don't think that's rude at all. Anyone who's behind ya would be like great awesome good for you. Ok np. if you do want anything its over there though - help yourself.
Option 2: eat before you get there and maybe put snacks in your car. lame excuse you don't feel good etc. This is for someone wjho might Pressure you greatly to eat wrong or whatever.
Option 3: bring a recipe and make it seem as though you excited to share it and lol just eat from that. and say oh **** I got full
haha.
I think honestly is the best approach. How I do anyways. and more importantly is that inspite of temptation and adjusting to events and stuff your trying to eat right. Grats! Good for you. You need to take care of you. To me you don't sound rude at all. Proud of you!0 -
I don't think it is rude, if you tell them in advance. I suffer if I have a build up of toxins, salicylate from all the good fruit /veg and the environment. I really don't people having to put themselves out for me. Took my own picnic and wore a mask, at a family wedding two years ago. I felt like an idiot but it was better than not being there or being really ill for days after.0
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I agree with what others are saying that you should bring something healthy to share. And then for the most part, no one is going to watch what you're eating. Just get small portions of what they are offering to complement the taste of homemade items. I know when I bring a dish to a get together, I want people to try it and tell me how it is! If you completely avoid their food, they may find it somewhat insulting if they put a lot of effort in preparing some dishes. However if all they have to offer is prepackaged junk from the store that is a different story entirely.0
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I think the whole situation is probably not going to be that big of a deal, honestly.
Would anyone else agree that it's less of an issue with a BBQ/cookout or big potluck dinner, than if the OP was attending a more formal "sit down dinner" with all guests being served? Because I tend to feel that way. Just curious!0 -
I agree with this and yes bring enough for others. Just don't feel you have to eat what everyone else is eating.I don't think it's rude AT ALL. Your body. You control what goes in it.
I had a similar situation with my family. I felt like I had to eat whatever fried/sugary stuff they gave me, but guess what, I don't. What made it worse was that they would force food on me so much 24/7, and when I finally got fed up of saying 'no thanks, no thanks' like a parrot and took some, they'd make some snarky comment like 'I thought you were slimming!' And they never made any secret of the fact I was fat and needed to lose weight.
Think of this way: if you were diabetic, and couldn't eat what they gave you, would they be offended? If you were allergic and couldn't eat their pumpkin pie (or whatever), would you feel bad then? No. Well, this is the same, it's your body and you're trying to keep it healthy.
Just my 2c
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I think the whole situation is probably not going to be that big of a deal, honestly.
Would anyone else agree that it's less of an issue with a BBQ/cookout or big potluck dinner, than if the OP was attending a more formal "sit down dinner" with all guests being served? Because I tend to feel that way. Just curious!
Absolutely. Potluck, by nature, has guests bring something.
If someone RSVPd and came to a formal sit down dinner and brought their own food (barring severe allergies), I would be pissed. Because, as Stealth said, I probably spent a lot of money on nice things.0 -
I would bring something to share with the group. You can always bring the leftovers back home and use it as your lunches for the next week.
I second this. Take something that keeps well and goes well with what they will have (like a slaw made with vinegar dressing?). Load up your plate super huge. Half of it with your yummy dish and the other half with a little bit of everything else. Eat all the healthy, taste only what you want of the other, and when you're done, toss your plate while no one is looking. Avoid the chips/grazing food. If someone put a lot of effort into dessert, have some of it. And enjoy it!
Personally, I would not say anything about it to anyone except my husband.
ETA: No one really notices what anybody else is eating, especially if there is serious drinking going on, which describes most of the 4th-o-July parties I've been to.0 -
Honestly, if you can't just go to a family function and eat, you will not be successful in the long term. What are you going to do? Hide from social gatherings for the rest of your life?
You can easily monitor your food at a barbecue. Ask what kind of hot dogs and buns they are using. "Are these kettle chips?" "How big are your hamburgers?" (Just from experience, they are probably bubba burgers, watch out, they are like 400 calories) "Is your potato salad store bought or homemade?" No one will think you're a weirdo, promise.
Portion out what you eat, and stick to a goal. Just tell yourself "I am eating at maintenance today, and tomorrow I will go right back to my deficit."0 -
Honestly, if you can't just go to a family function and eat, you will not be successful in the long term. What are you going to do? Hide from social gatherings for the rest of your life?
You can easily monitor your food at a barbecue. Ask what kind of hot dogs and buns they are using. "Are these kettle chips?" "How big are your hamburgers?" (Just from experience, they are probably bubba burgers, watch out, they are like 400 calories) "Is your potato salad store bought or homemade?" No one will think you're a weirdo, promise.
Portion out what you eat, and stick to a goal. Just tell yourself "I am eating at maintenance today, and tomorrow I will go right back to my deficit."
Yes, it would be rude and take the above advice. Bring something to share and practice building a long term success strategy.
I have converted my mother in law to eating raw veggies because I started bringing a veggie tray to gatherings for everyone to snack on. It keeps me from binging and is a nice choice for everyone. My MIL has started buying snap peas, hummus, and other foods regularly that she had never considered before because she discovered she likes them. My intention was just to have healthy choices for me but it has transformed into better eating for the whole family.0 -
I would bring something like a big green salad with two or three dressings on the side (it makes it easy to have a lighter option and keeps someone from pre-dressing the salad most of the time). Fill half of your plate with your low-cal salad, put a portion of protien on there, and put a few small portions of whatever sides they have in the remaining space. You can just eat half or so of the protien, enjoy your tiny quantities of potato salad or whatever, and fill up really well on your side. If someone gives you crap about not eating much, wax on about how it was delicious but you are so full and you want to save a little space for some dessert. I used this a lot with my ex-inlaws (the Mayo Mafia, as my ex called them), and if I asked to take a little home to enjoy later it made my ex-MIL's whole week. She never needed to know we just tossed it when we got home.0
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Wow! I got way more responses than I was expecting, that's for sure. I appreciate the input.
I don't know how much background would help, a lot of people seem to not read the entire post. But anyway, it's my family, and I have a good relationship with them. Great, actually. And it isn't going to be a huge ordeal, probably just about ten of us, but watermelon and burgers will LITERALLY be the only healthy thing there. The reason I said I "thought about bringing a dish but no one will eat it" is because no one will. I have done this before on Christmas and other occasions and I was the only one that ate any.
Yes, I could make it lunch for a few days, but I was thinking it might just be easier to bring something small that I can eat myself alongside a hamburger.
While it is a holiday and it is with family etc., I know that "one day is fine" does not ever work for me. I know my body and I have been working out a little longer daily in preparation since I actually don't really eat meat (not a vegetarian I just don't care much for it) and if I have a dessert or something. I'm just not willing to make excuses for myself because it's a holiday. But as far as my own sides I just wanted to bring something like a side salad, avocado, or even a small black bean salad.
I think I definitely will call and talk to her about it though. I appreciate that advice. My thought was that it would be more rude to turn down food and not eat much than just to bring my own stuff. But I do get picked on over there for how I eat quite a bit.
Feel free to friend me if you would like! I'm always up for some support.0 -
If you're only going for a few hours, I suggest carefully selecting from their offered menu. But if you'll be there for 2+ days, consider phoning the host in advance and telling them about your diet, goals, etc. Say that you want their opinion about possibly bringing your own food. If I were the host and knew in advance that one person was probably bringing her own food, I would not be offended.0
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Also, I checked your location because I think in some ways that can make a difference.
You're in Texas, where people actually practice Southern Hospitality.
This would probably be acceptable in San Francisco or New York City, but you're in Texas!0 -
I think the whole situation is probably not going to be that big of a deal, honestly.
Would anyone else agree that it's less of an issue with a BBQ/cookout or big potluck dinner, than if the OP was attending a more formal "sit down dinner" with all guests being served? Because I tend to feel that way. Just curious!
Absolutely. Potluck, by nature, has guests bring something.
If someone RSVPd and came to a formal sit down dinner and brought their own food (barring severe allergies), I would be pissed. Because, as Stealth said, I probably spent a lot of money on nice things.
I agree! I also think it could just ruin the entire aesthetic...sitting down with friends to sangria and a gourmet meal and someone pops open their Rubbermaid container with a chicken breast and steamed broccoli. Just wrong!0
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