Reality check.

24

Replies

  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member
    "I think if you are committed to someone, you are committed to them. It might be difficult for you to watch the downward spiral, but think of the rewards of watching your partner find his/her wings and flying again"


    It would be VERY difficult. In my world, though, I took a vow, for better or worse, in sickness in health.........so I signed up for seeing it through!!

    I haven't taken that vow yet. When I do, I'll take it very seriously. Until then I figure I don't owe it to anyone to stick around if I'm not happy. Just as he doesn't owe it to me.
  • benaddict
    benaddict Posts: 1,381 Member
    When my husband and I dated in high school, he was a bit overweight but not much. When I went to college we lost touch, and over several years he gained weight and was over 300 pounds when we met up again. I was still interested in him and we dated for a little over a year and got engaged. We both lost weight for the wedding, we've both yo-yo'd a bit since our wedding 5 years ago but he's never gotten as big as he was when started dating again. Now I've lost 20 pounds since March and he's lost 40. Sometimes he's insecure about his weight but I remind him that when we started dating he was the biggest he's ever been and I was still interested. I love him for who he is, but I do care about his health which is why I cook most of our meals at home and we encourage each other to stay healthy, we've both started running, etc. So for me, no, him gaining weight would not cause me to leave. But I agree that it's different when you're married vs dating. If you're dating someone and you aren't happy with who they are anymore (whether it's their weight or other issues) and they have no intention of changing, it's time to leave.
  • ClementineGeorg
    ClementineGeorg Posts: 505 Member
    You do not gain 100 pounds all of a sudden. It happens in time. I mean... if 20 or 30 pounds add up and he/she does nothing, one should try to understand what happens with her/his partner.
    My partners usually have been more heavy, not very athletic. But still, I would worry if he gained 30 pounds. Not like leaving him, but trying to find out what the problem is and how can we solve it. Waiting until 100 pounds is waiting too much.
  • s_pekz
    s_pekz Posts: 340 Member
    There is far more to a situation like that than meets the eye. Is the person depressed? that would be my first guess. Is the person unhappy in the relationship and is trying to get you to end it instead of doing it himself? Is he going through a stressful situation and this is how he copes? Do you love him to find out what is wrong?

    I can't give a leave him or don't leave him answer. There has to be more to this other than him just giving up. But you can't force him to work out and lose weight. He needs to do that himself.

    Maybee...but how much do you tolerate? "depression" is a loaded phrase, and catch all for the medical community these days. Oddly enough the best "cure" for most depression is healthy eating and exercise...

    I'm sorry. YOu clearly know nothing about depression or mental illness. Thats why the last topic got rage quit. Please. Pick up a damn textbook on the issue.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    If your partner or spouse, who was healthy and fit when you met, all of a sudden gains 100 pounds, stops taking care of themself, and states "this is how I am really, deal with it", do you stay or go? Lets assume they do NOT have a medical condition, and just went back to their "old ways"from before they met you. Do you stay or go?

    How do you gain 100lbs 'all of a sudden'???
  • BigT555
    BigT555 Posts: 2,067 Member
    If your partner or spouse, who was healthy and fit when you met, all of a sudden gains 100 pounds, stops taking care of themself, and states "this is how I am really, deal with it", do you stay or go? Lets assume they do NOT have a medical condition, and just went back to their "old ways"from before they met you. Do you stay or go?

    How do you gain 100lbs 'all of a sudden'???
    KFC
  • LoobylouL
    LoobylouL Posts: 17 Member
    There is far more to a situation like that than meets the eye. Is the person depressed? that would be my first guess. Is the person unhappy in the relationship and is trying to get you to end it instead of doing it himself? Is he going through a stressful situation and this is how he copes? Do you love him to find out what is wrong?

    I can't give a leave him or don't leave him answer. There has to be more to this other than him just giving up. But you can't force him to work out and lose weight. He needs to do that himself.

    Maybee...but how much do you tolerate? "depression" is a loaded phrase, and catch all for the medical community these days. Oddly enough the best "cure" for most depression is healthy eating and exercise...
  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member
    If your partner or spouse, who was healthy and fit when you met, all of a sudden gains 100 pounds, stops taking care of themself, and states "this is how I am really, deal with it", do you stay or go? Lets assume they do NOT have a medical condition, and just went back to their "old ways"from before they met you. Do you stay or go?

    How do you gain 100lbs 'all of a sudden'???
    KFC

    :laugh: Or Five Guys.
  • LoobylouL
    LoobylouL Posts: 17 Member
    There is far more to a situation like that than meets the eye. Is the person depressed? that would be my first guess. Is the person unhappy in the relationship and is trying to get you to end it instead of doing it himself? Is he going through a stressful situation and this is how he copes? Do you love him to find out what is wrong?

    I can't give a leave him or don't leave him answer. There has to be more to this other than him just giving up. But you can't force him to work out and lose weight. He needs to do that himself.

    Maybee...but how much do you tolerate? "depression" is a loaded phrase, and catch all for the medical community these days.

    Oddly enough the best "cure" for most depression is healthy eating and exercise...

    Strange that. When I was slim, eating well and going to the gym, I still had depression. Maybe I'm not doing it right?
  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member
    There is far more to a situation like that than meets the eye. Is the person depressed? that would be my first guess. Is the person unhappy in the relationship and is trying to get you to end it instead of doing it himself? Is he going through a stressful situation and this is how he copes? Do you love him to find out what is wrong?

    I can't give a leave him or don't leave him answer. There has to be more to this other than him just giving up. But you can't force him to work out and lose weight. He needs to do that himself.

    Maybee...but how much do you tolerate? "depression" is a loaded phrase, and catch all for the medical community these days.

    Oddly enough the best "cure" for most depression is healthy eating and exercise...

    Strange that. When I was slim, eating well and going to the gym, I still had depression. Maybe I'm not doing it right?

    Obviously you needed to lift heavier. :tongue:
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,959 Member
    Depends if you actually love him or not. There's nothing my bf could change about his body that would make me leave him.
  • BigT555
    BigT555 Posts: 2,067 Member
    Depends if you actually love him or not. There's nothing my bf could change about his body that would make me leave him.
    what if he pulled a Van Gogh and cut off his own ear as a birthday present to you

    now THAT would be true love
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,959 Member
    Depends if you actually love him or not. There's nothing my bf could change about his body that would make me leave him.
    what if he pulled a Van Gogh and cut off his own ear as a birthday present to you

    now THAT would be true love

    Haha get him help STAT! It's a problem if he were to try to cut off my ear though.
  • candistyx
    candistyx Posts: 547 Member
    Of course not, if I loved them before the 100lbs then nothing about having more weight on their body could effect that.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    Depends if you actually love him or not. There's nothing my bf could change about his body that would make me leave him.
    what if he pulled a Van Gogh and cut off his own ear as a birthday present to you

    now THAT would be true love

    What if he cut his own knob off??
  • s_pekz
    s_pekz Posts: 340 Member
    There is far more to a situation like that than meets the eye. Is the person depressed? that would be my first guess. Is the person unhappy in the relationship and is trying to get you to end it instead of doing it himself? Is he going through a stressful situation and this is how he copes? Do you love him to find out what is wrong?

    I can't give a leave him or don't leave him answer. There has to be more to this other than him just giving up. But you can't force him to work out and lose weight. He needs to do that himself.

    Maybee...but how much do you tolerate? "depression" is a loaded phrase, and catch all for the medical community these days.

    Oddly enough the best "cure" for most depression is healthy eating and exercise...

    Strange that. When I was slim, eating well and going to the gym, I still had depression. Maybe I'm not doing it right?

    Obviously you needed to lift heavier. :tongue:

    A health professor at a big university once told me i could cure my depression with a cave man diet. I reported her to the ethics board.

    But obviously the cure is APple cider vinegar can cure depression. tahts what a blog told me.
  • yosassi
    yosassi Posts: 30 Member
    I would really try to motivate him to change. I know you cannot change a person, but I would try to change both of your regimes and do it together so that it would be something you are both invested in. I don't think I could just give up on the situation, though I know more is at hand.
  • tpt1950
    tpt1950 Posts: 292 Member
    If you are questioning whether or not to stay with someone because they became fat - you are making someone's looks more important than your "love" for them....
    shallow1_zps13325d48.jpg
  • giggitygoo
    giggitygoo Posts: 1,978 Member
    Honestly? I'm a physically demanding person. Always on the move, and my favorite extra curriculars are all athletic in nature. I hike, kayak, walk and explore with my camera, chase my dogs around at the beach, cycle.

    I wouldn't care so much about the weight gain, but if my partner couldn't keep up with me or disliked my lifestyle I would seriously consider leaving. Weight gain doesn't inherently make someone sedentary, but if it did I would be really disheartened that I couldn't share the things I love to do with the person I love.

    This is of course excluding in special case medical reasons.
  • QuietBloom
    QuietBloom Posts: 5,413 Member
    How does one 'all of a sudden' gain 100 lbs??

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