To those that kicked butt and lost the weight...

When I see old pictures of me, a very tiny part of me regrets I spent most of my 20's being that way. I was never then nor now a emotional eater. I ate and drank what I wanted and was sitting on my butt playing video games, barely being active. I also didn't hide from pictures either. Now that I lost some weight, I am much more active and have tons more energy, I enjoy looking at old pictures and at times have a hard time believing I can do the things I do now that I couldn't before.

When I see the pictures of my fatter self, the one thought that pops into my mind is "why was I "ok" with being so fat for so long?" I think with regret of all those wasted years I spent being fat.

I wish I had taken more before pictures. I rarely got in front of a camera, and am sorry that I didn't. I look at the ones I do have and think about how far I've come. Initially it was about losing the extra weight, and now it is about how far I can push myself, and that makes me proud of myself.

I am still losing, but when I look back at older pictures, I wonder what sort of zombie land I lived in that I couldn't *see* it ... I mean, I knew I was fat but your mind does this weird thing where you sort of black out about it and it doesn't seem as bad as it really is until you compare the two together and then you're like, WTF? How could I have not noticed that? It's like an awakening.

And honestly, I really, really, really (that's a lot of them for emphasis) wonder how my husband ever got past that to want to be with me. Talk about self loathing ... it makes me love him all the more because he met me when I was fat. I got fatter. He still loved me. I've lost some weight. He still loves me. I have no bloody idea what he saw in me and so I do have regrets that I shorted both us of a lot of healthy and happy activities from the past.

All I can do now is try and make up for it and embrace that I finally woke up.

A mix of things. Mostly, I see old photos that are just head and shoulders and I marvel at how I look exactly the same 128 lb lighter, just a bit older and without a hint of double chin now.

BUT--when I see *full body* shots from my heaviest weights, I'm kind of stunned. I never felt quite that big, and I never fully realized how bad my belly rolls and back fat looked to others...especially in a couple of seated photos, I am almost unrecognizable to myself because it shows so much of my fat in an undeniable way. At 300 lb, my mind's eye had me clocked at maybe like 230 lb...I didn't think I looked as big as I did. So it's a shock to see the reality.

I kind of deal with the same thing now. I'm in the higher 170s currently, wearing a size 12, and I still imagine myself to be at least around a size 16/18 so when I see pictures I often have thoughts like "nah, that's just a flattering pic" or "why do my forearms look so tiny". It's a mindf*** much of the time.

There aren't a lot of pics of me bigger as I hid from the camera but if I find any, and there are some scattered around the first thing I make is a comparison pic with me now so I can see the difference as I'm only just getting my head around my size and shape now.

I think to myself, "Why the hell didn't anyone tell me how big I was?" I recall wanting to diet and having people tell me that I looked fine, though I know I didn't. I kept deluding myself with thoughts of "oh, clothes are just made small these days," or "I don't eat THAT much!" People kept lying to me and I kept lying to myself, and I'm upset about that. But I'm glad I've made changes.

my gym id is me plus 90 lbs

they keep asking me if I want to change it and i say no, it is a reminder of where I have been and who i was

seeing older pics of myself keeps me motivated but i am trying to not dwell negatively on those images. Thats who i was at that time. It does not change the fact that i was a person with a job and a son and surrounded by people who loved me. I had good moments when i was overweight and i want to remember the moment for what it was, outside the fact i was unhealthy.

Good point

When I see old pictures, I mostly just feel sad that I didn't lose weight sooner. But, I realize I just wasn't ready back then.

I think this is a great way to look at it. Also I figure everything happens for a reason. Some peoples' battles are invisible and some, like weight, are VERY visible. But everybody has something that they struggle with, regardless of whether it can be seen.