Grrrr....Hubby sabatoge
Replies
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My dad was diagnosed as a celiac when I was young... every time he ate anything with gluten in it, he'd get severe diarrhea, and it would last a couple days. It was very painful for him.
When they finally diagnosed him, our whole house basically switched to a celiac diet... but back then there wasn't much out there in terms of stuff that was gluten free... so it meant no more: bread, pancakes, pizza, pastry, cookies... SO MUCH was removed from his diet.
We were all miserable, but we adapted because it made him so sick, and because my mom didn't have the energy to prepare separate meals and segregate all possible contaminants. He was working 12-18hr days (sometimes) doing construction, and she was managing the kids. (And by sick... if we go to a restaurant, and they put a bun on his plate and then remove it, he is in the bathroom all night if there were crumbs left behind he didn't catch)
My dad grieved the loss of all the foods he loved. A lot. We all did. My mom, sis and I would go out for a treat from time to time, when he wasn't home... so we were ok, but he struggled with it.
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Depending on OPs hubby's level of intolerance, it may be way easier for her to assimilate to his diet.
My dad was very disciplined, RARELY (if ever) did he knowingly diverge from his diet. I am not so strict - I have allergies to tomatoes and some dairy... and there are times I will risk it to have the food I love, because I enjoy it more than I hate the resulting discomfort.
OP - I cannot imagine life without pizza. Maybe cut him a bit of slack because he may be struggling with the emotional disconnection from the food. And thank you for doing all that you do for him to care for him.
Good news... thankfully, your spouse doesn't have to either (now that many places sell gluten free dough, flour substitutes). My dad is finally finding places that will serve him without making him sick thanks to the recent gluten free diet craze.
update: my dad actually cried the first time he had a slice of apple pie (after having gone fifteen years without it)0 -
I don't think that a few slices of pizza is going to kill your whole weekend, That being said, he is an adult (presumably), if he wants to eat gluten and feel crappy after, so be it.
Just worry about you
I have to disagree-He will be in the can every fifteen minutes for the entire weekend. So yes there will be no fun outside our home
correction - there will be no fun for HIM outside the home. You go have a great time!
Yeah, this. He's an adult and can make his own life choices, and part of that is dealing with the consequences.
He may be finding it hard to transition to a gluten free diet and if that's the case I sympathise, but he'll learn pretty sharp surely if every time he sneaks pizza it makes him sick as a dog.0 -
maybe he has a densability?I'm confused- why is YOUR weekend shot??
and why are YOU the only one doing the work/paying for ze food???0 -
It's pizza! Let him enjoy it if he wants to have some. Is he eating stuff like this daily? People that would get upset need to get a grip. The man wanted pizza so he got it. How is this killing your weekend? Don't eat it. People act like he is heading up a terrorist attack behind her back or something. It's just food people. Nobody and I mean nobody makes a lifestyle change and never enjoys some food they don't get to eat often. Get over it.
Should I tell him to get over it when I refuse to care for him when The celiacs causes more problems. I work as a healthcare provider-I know what will happen down the road. So if he chooses to eat so be it but angry yes . I married to have a partner to enjoy life with. And do not feel like I need to nurse him if he chooses to undo what we have tried to fix. Simple. Love Him but cant make him care.0 -
I'm confused- why is YOUR weekend shot??
and why are YOU the only one doing the work/paying for ze food???
I am the bread winner He just started to work-And I was upset with the hiding. I am realizing he just needed to try and I would rather have my partner to have fun. But I will go by myself.. Just not as much fun without my hubby to share0 -
My dad was diagnosed as a celiac when I was young... every time he ate anything with gluten in it, he'd get severe diarrhea, and it would last a couple days. It was very painful for him.
When they finally diagnosed him, our whole house basically switched to a celiac diet... but back then there wasn't much out there in terms of stuff that was gluten free... so it meant no more: bread, pancakes, pizza, pastry, cookies... SO MUCH was removed from his diet.
We were all miserable, but we adapted because it made him so sick, and because my mom didn't have the energy to prepare separate meals and segregate all possible contaminants. He was working 12-18hr days (sometimes) doing construction, and she was managing the kids. (And by sick... if we go to a restaurant, and they put a bun on his plate and then remove it, he is in the bathroom all night if there were crumbs left behind he didn't catch)
My dad grieved the loss of all the foods he loved. A lot. We all did. My mom, sis and I would go out for a treat from time to time, when he wasn't home... so we were ok, but he struggled with it.
*******
Depending on OPs hubby's level of intolerance, it may be way easier for her to assimilate to his diet.
My dad was very disciplined, RARELY (if ever) did he knowingly diverge from his diet. I am not so strict - I have allergies to tomatoes and some dairy... and there are times I will risk it to have the food I love, because I enjoy it more than I hate the resulting discomfort.
OP - I cannot imagine life without pizza. Maybe cut him a bit of slack because he may be struggling with the emotional disconnection from the food. And thank you for doing all that you do for him to care for him.
Good news... thankfully, your spouse doesn't have to either (now that many places sell gluten free dough, flour substitutes). My dad is finally finding places that will serve him without making him sick thanks to the recent gluten free diet craze.
update: my dad actually cried the first time he had a slice of apple pie (after having gone fifteen years without it)
Thank you-Thats it-in a nut shell. And as a side note he hates gluten free pizza0 -
You can lead a horse to water... well, you know the rest. Sorry he was sneaking pizza. Hopefully the resulting pain will make him decide it was a bad idea. Celiacs is pretty ugly down the road if a person doesn't avoid gluten.0
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I don't think that a few slices of pizza is going to kill your whole weekend, That being said, he is an adult (presumably), if he wants to eat gluten and feel crappy after, so be it.
Just worry about you
I have to disagree-He will be in the can every fifteen minutes for the entire weekend. So yes there will be no fun outside our home
That sounds like punishment enough, doesn't it? Go and enjoy without him.0 -
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Sorry I just really loved that Zach Galifianakis picture and I haven't had an opportunity to use it yet lol.
In all seriousness though... He's a grown man. You can't force him to eat a certain way. And if he has celiacs disease and HAS to eat gluten free, then let him buy and cook his own food. He needs to be responsible for his own diet.
Also, you should just focus on yours. Your weekend isn't shot because of pizza. Tomorrow is a new day. Start focusing on your dietary needs and work on your own. Either your hubby will be motivated by you or he won't be, but in the end it's his choice and it shouldn't affect your choices.0 -
So My Hubby 2 months ago started a gluten free diet.
Seems gluten intolerance does not exist in people w/o celiac disease. Keep eating at home peaceful by stopping your diet. If you nevertheless want to stay on it, Doesn t have to be pricey. You can keep it low cost by eating meat, veggies and fruit bought in reasonably priced grocery stores.
Some links of why gluten free eating might be nonsense.
http://n.pr/1m0LQb0
http://bit.ly/1iLDXD8
http://1.usa.gov/1sIwonW0 -
Are you his wife or his mother? It just seems like such a big overreaction on your part both towards him as well as deciding to make a huge deal of it to a bunch of strangers on the internet.
He's a grown man. He knows what his issues are and if he wants to ignore it and have a slice of pizza...that's that. Did you think maybe you harping on him has led him to sneak food behind your back? Yes, you have his best interests in heart but again, he's a grown man and you aren't his mother.0 -
So he had a moment of weakness and snuck a pizza. We've all done stuff like that. Be supportive and cook a nice meal for him that fits in your plan. Avoid nagging or making him feel like he's horrid or it will backfire. Treat him like you would want to be treated when there's something you can't resist, because that day will probably come if you're human.0
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How dare he eat pizza while you are at work?
Grounds for divorce.0 -
very sad you were doing everything to help him. Wonder if he had been doing this all along or if it was a one time mistake. I would have a long chat with him if he wants to cheat then I wouldn't encourage him any more, just look after yourself and when if not already you look amazing he will be jealous
He cheated. He wlll always be a cheater. If he's the kind of dude who likes enjoying dirty little secrets while she is at work, it doesn't matter how amazing she looks. there will always be a willing pizza somewhere.
I see what you did there! lol0 -
very sad you were doing everything to help him. Wonder if he had been doing this all along or if it was a one time mistake. I would have a long chat with him if he wants to cheat then I wouldn't encourage him any more, just look after yourself and when if not already you look amazing he will be jealous
He cheated. He wlll always be a cheater. If he's the kind of dude who likes enjoying dirty little secrets while she is at work, it doesn't matter how amazing she looks. there will always be a willing pizza somewhere.
FIFY :bigsmile:0 -
so many people judging on here. sounds like he had a small relapse which really isnt surprising. we have all done it.0
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If he isn't diagnosed celiac's and it's just "we went off gluten because supposedly gluten is bad for everyone" then stop doing that. Restrictive diets trigger binges, cause deficiencies and crybaby nonsense (this isn't proven, but seems legit).
Eat a modest deficit and stop labeling food as "bad."0 -
Umm, sorry but things could be worse than your husband eating pizza.
HE will be the one that will feel terrible after doing so.
I say this because I cut gluten out of my diet 90% , five years ago. And still have pizza, pay the price, once in a great while.
Your comment about buying expensive gluten free foods...stop. No need to spend extra money , just cut those things out of your diet.
If feeling better isn't worth the change in diet than what is the point ?
My husband . Rolled his eyes when I started MFP, when I cut back on gluten. Did I care ? No.
Now he eats what I eat and I never said a word to him about his diet.
He realized what I was doing was making me feel so much better, lose weight, etc.
Give this change for both of you some serious more time. Two months is not a very long time.0 -
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I'm not suggesting that anyone who has a cheat day is depressed...but if he is home all day, and he knows you are the financial provider rather than him, etc - is it possible he's having a bout of depression and is eating his feelings? if so maybe an AD would help..if he was willing to try it. or i could be way off and it was just a pizza craving and he gave in. either way he's not a bad person, obviously. just...food for thought. UGH i hate puns.0
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So My Hubby 2 months ago started a gluten free diet.
Seems gluten intolerance does not exist in people w/o celiac disease. Keep eating at home peaceful by stopping your diet. If you nevertheless want to stay on it, Doesn t have to be pricey. You can keep it low cost by eating meat, veggies and fruit bought in reasonably priced grocery stores.
Some links of why gluten free eating might be nonsense.
http://n.pr/1m0LQb0
http://bit.ly/1iLDXD8
http://1.usa.gov/1sIwonW
To clarify, all your sources said non-celiac gluten intolerance is much less common than previously thought - NOT that it doesn't exist. Also, all these tests were done specifically on people with gastrointestinal symptoms. My mother gets blistering rashes any time she eats gluten... I have a hard time believing it's all in her head.0 -
Are you his wife or his mother? It just seems like such a big overreaction on your part both towards him as well as deciding to make a huge deal of it to a bunch of strangers on the internet.
He's a grown man. He knows what his issues are and if he wants to ignore it and have a slice of pizza...that's that. Did you think maybe you harping on him has led him to sneak food behind your back? Yes, you have his best interests in heart but again, he's a grown man and you aren't his mother.
No I am not his mother but I am his wife and I felt lied to. I have no problem him eating the pizza but dont lie to me about it. Today he is in great pain and oh well. I do what i do out of love and felt like it was a slap in my face. Since he just started working after a year and I do my best to keep us going. It was hurtful-my feelings-but today it is better and I needed to vent-I was upset 1 he was being sneaky and 2 he knows what I gave up and How I struggle-If he said I am going to Pizza Hut Fine go-I do not want to go-not my way. And If It is on the interenet oh well-like you know Us? Anyways Just wanted to vent and hear ohters thoughts,In the end I am married for Life and love my Hubby -Want him around for a long time. But I also want honesty.0 -
You must be a real peach to live with, OP. Just wow. Micromanaging his diet and complaining about him on the internet is definitely the magic combination for marital bliss.0
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very sad you were doing everything to help him. Wonder if he had been doing this all along or if it was a one time mistake. I would have a long chat with him if he wants to cheat then I wouldn't encourage him any more, just look after yourself and when if not already you look amazing he will be jealous
He cheated. He wlll always be a cheater. If he's the kind of dude who likes enjoying dirty little secrets while she is at work, it doesn't matter how amazing she looks. there will always be a willing pizza somewhere.
No kidding. Margherita is the tasty little number that's been visiting my house. Mid week. When the husband's working.
Ummmm. Nevermind.
My taste buds and I are very angry with you.
Though a little slice of Margherita pie would assuage my pain and suffering. :bigsmile: 0 -
If you truly are "married for life and love him" then I hope you learn this lesson fast. You will never change another person on the face of the Earth, but you. Married people that have healthy relationships talk to each other and try to resolve differences or come to a compromise. Sometimes, it's just to agree to disagree. Putting things out on an internet forum is probably not going to help you. It sometimes causes you to be a fighter in all the wrong battles.
Talk to him. Discuss your concerns and then, because he's an adult, let him make his own decisions. I bugged my husband (with COPD) to quit smoking for a while. I love him, I'm concerned about him. Then I realized that I was not taking my own advice. I shut up and he eventually quit 2 years ago. He did it. It's the only way that works.
Good luck.0 -
Okay....this is why I work solo. And why I don't do restrictive diets.
this is why I think marriage is evil0 -
very sad you were doing everything to help him. Wonder if he had been doing this all along or if it was a one time mistake. I would have a long chat with him if he wants to cheat then I wouldn't encourage him any more, just look after yourself and when if not already you look amazing he will be jealous
He cheated. He wlll always be a cheater. If he's the kind of dude who likes enjoying dirty little secrets while she is at work, it doesn't matter how amazing she looks. there will always be a willing pizza somewhere.
"How you do 'n?"
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
This made this thread worth it.0 -
If you truly are "married for life and love him" then I hope you learn this lesson fast. You will never change another person on the face of the Earth, but you. Married people that have healthy relationships talk to each other and try to resolve differences or come to a compromise. Sometimes, it's just to agree to disagree. Putting things out on an internet forum is probably not going to help you. It sometimes causes you to be a fighter in all the wrong battles.
Talk to him. Discuss your concerns and then, because he's an adult, let him make his own decisions. I bugged my husband (with COPD) to quit smoking for a while. I love him, I'm concerned about him. Then I realized that I was not taking my own advice. I shut up and he eventually quit 2 years ago. He did it. It's the only way that works.
Good luck.
Thank you we are in a great place-I Just needed to vent. ANd I am in need of learning tolerance and acceptance. But will not feel bad for posing a problem on the internet with strangers-I got it of my chest-Saw it in the right light and moved on. I am Human after all-But this to shall pass and we are better and yes he has to decide as I have. I am patient I will wait.0 -
I don't think that a few slices of pizza is going to kill your whole weekend, That being said, he is an adult (presumably), if he wants to eat gluten and feel crappy after, so be it.
Just worry about you
I have to disagree-He will be in the can every fifteen minutes for the entire weekend. So yes there will be no fun outside our home
You don't have to stay in the house and listen to his buttsplosions. You can go out and have a great time by yourself -- have a long lunch, check out a store you've always wanted to but couldn't because he would get bored, have a nonfat latte and read a book at a coffee shop somewhere. Take this as your ticket to be out, about, and totally free of restrictions.
When you get home, you will be glowing because you have had a wonderful day, and he will be cranky because he's been sh*tting his guts out, and you can brush past him with a "I don't want to hear it. It was your choice," and shut. It. Down. the rest of the day.
If he does it again tonight, then you get another wonderful girl-day tomorrow. Perhaps come home with some stories of the fish you saw at the aquarium, or the treats you enjoyed at the farmer's market. Eventually he will figure out that if he acts like an idiot, he doesn't get to have fun. Or he doesn't figure it out. Either way, you have had a weekend free of buttsplosions and full of nail polish and tea.
Edited to add: and yes, the honesty issue is a huge thing, but that has to be addressed at a different time when he's not in physical pain. And perhaps after he sees that following his diet means he gets to be with you doing fun stuff. For now, you do you -- and have a lovely girl weekend.0
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