Am I developing an eating disorder?

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summer92008
summer92008 Posts: 202
in Health and Weight Loss
I have been dieting for almost 3 weeks, and I know that is not long at all. So far I have lost 3 lbs. Lately, I have became really obsessed with dieting. I am constantly thinking about dieting and food, I will sit here and determine the mix and match that provides the lowest calories for lunch. I'll drive myself crazy with calories. I pretty much stay constantly hungry. While it can make me feel light headed with no energy, I almost enjoy it. It's like I'm telling my body, "Ha! You're hungry? Well that's tough because I'm going to lose weight whether you're miserable or not!" I know that this obviously isn't the greatest way to think, but I'm just afraid I'm developing bad habits. I'm 5'6'' tall, 146.2 lbs, and 20 years old. I'm eating 1,200 calories a day. I'd like to drop 10 more pounds or so. I am beginning to feel guilty when I eat, even if I need to eat, because it makes me feel like I'm giving up. I also want to absolutely not go over 1,200 calories, and will really do mostly anything to make sure that doesn't happen. Even though I feel guilty after I eat, I'm so happy when I eat. I feel like a crazy person because I gaze at my food like it's gold before I eat and eat like I haven't in years, but then feel kind of guilty afterwards. I don't know. It's kind of messed up.
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Replies

  • manicautumn
    manicautumn Posts: 224 Member
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    The guilt is a huge warning sign for me. That signals an unhealthy relationship with food. Food is not inherently bad.

    Also, 1200 calories seems pretty aggressive for what you want to lose. You should be aim at 0.5-1lb tops.

    I would say that you should take a step back, evaluate your goals, and try to change your relationship with food. If that fails, maybe try talking with a professional about dieting in a safe and mentally healthy manner.
  • jkestens63
    jkestens63 Posts: 1,164 Member
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    I think you might want to stop dieting for now until you can do it with the supervision of a medical professional.
  • oksanatkachuk
    oksanatkachuk Posts: 149 Member
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    Yeah u might want to use food without dramatising whole idea. Food is for us, not we are for food..
    But if u r like me- whenever I get exited about anything- I get obsessed with it at the beginning- it will pass.

    Add some exercises so u can eat more and live ur life today, food is where to keep u going!
  • katew221
    katew221 Posts: 82 Member
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    I'm sorry to hear you are feeling this way, and I think the simplest answer may be that if you have answered your own question. If you feel your attitude to your own body and eating habits are unhealthy then you are probably right. Take some time to ask yourself why you feel this way, and what is is that is driving this obsessive behaviour, then maybe talk to someone you can trust, or a professional.

    Feel free to add for future support, and wishing you all the best, you deserve health, not punishment xxx
  • iPlatano
    iPlatano Posts: 487 Member
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    That's something we all go through. Do you exercise? Because if you do you will be able to eat more while dropping boy fat.
  • CleanUpWhatIMessedUp
    CleanUpWhatIMessedUp Posts: 206 Member
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    Yes, I think you may be developing an eating disorder. Your way of thinking seems a bit disordered. The fact that you say that you are obsessed with food is what is really concerning for me. That is very typical of anorexics. I'm not saying you have an eating disorder, but you may be on your way toward one and I would honestly try to re-evaluate or get some professional help for it.
  • Jezebel_Barbie
    Jezebel_Barbie Posts: 198 Member
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    Yes it does sound like you're developing an unhealthy attitude towards food and health/fitness. But the good news is you are aware of that which means you can take action to change it.

    You're already within a healthy weight according to BMI, I'm curious why you want to drop a full stone? I mean, you'll still be within the healthy range but it doesn't seem like you *need* to lose weight.

    I looked at your profile and your other posts. I think you need to look at why you're tying your self worth up in a comparison with your friends. Virtually starving yourself throughout the day - to the point you are lightheaded and have no energy - to binge at night isn't a healthy way to live. Stop skipping meals, stop comparing yourself to others and think about what the underlying issue here really is.
  • sagreenious
    sagreenious Posts: 64 Member
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    I think you should go to your doctors and tell them how you feel about food.
  • porcelain_me
    porcelain_me Posts: 16
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    I've had eating disorders for a decade now and you sound like did in the beginning. I would urge you of get some help as soon as possible or to try to calm your own mind if you can.

    The fact you're asking means that you have recognised that your thought process isn't healthy or normal. :-(

    Please try to stop now before you go too deep down the rabbit hole.

    I'm here if you need to chat or ask questions or anything. Xx
  • IllustratedxGirl
    IllustratedxGirl Posts: 240 Member
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    Yes it does sound like you're developing an unhealthy attitude towards food and health/fitness. But the good news is you are aware of that which means you can take action to change it.

    You're already within a healthy weight according to BMI, I'm curious why you want to drop a full stone? I mean, you'll still be within the healthy range but it doesn't seem like you *need* to lose weight.

    I looked at your profile and your other posts. I think you need to look at why you're tying your self worth up in a comparison with your friends. Virtually starving yourself throughout the day - to the point you are lightheaded and have no energy - to binge at night isn't a healthy way to live. Stop skipping meals, stop comparing yourself to others and think about what the underlying issue here really is.

    This
  • summer92008
    summer92008 Posts: 202
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    I exercise every day. I walk 4-5 miles typically (350-450 calories burned), while a few days a week I will go lighter like today, and go on a trail where I burn fewer calories (around 100). I'm not eating back my exercise calories. I feel like, what is the point of exercising and burning calories if I'm eating them right back? If I do that, I might as well not exercise and eat fewer calories.

    I am quite frustrated with my body, so that's probably what drives the obsessive behavior. I've really disliked my body since I was a child. Actually not my body - just my stomach. I'm fine with the rest of my body. I'm kind of the skinny fat. My arms and legs are skinny but I have more of a belly than I prefer.

    I, like one of the posters said, tend to obsess over new things, no matter what they are. So maybe that's what's going on right now with me? I just get frustrated and want the weight gone. I'm just sick of staring at my stomach. Ewe.
  • summer92008
    summer92008 Posts: 202
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    Like I said in my last post, I am within a healthy BMI range and look fine to myself except for my stomach. But I know I can't lose stomach fat by exercise, only by dieting. So I'm eating 1,200 calories + burning approximately 350-450 calories/day to create a deficit to lose fat while toning by exercising. I have friends that are skinnier than me and see how they can fit into anything they want and look good. I want to be able to do that. The only reason I'm losing weight is for vanity. I just want to look better. I don't like the roll under my bra that's created when I sit down, I hate how my stomach jiggles a little, I hate how you can see my belly button through form fitting shirts. I hate how my sleek profile is ruined by my belly bulge.
  • EngineerPrincess
    EngineerPrincess Posts: 306 Member
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    Keep an eye on how you are treating food. If you are eating under 1000 at any point start worrying and see a nutritionist, but for now raise your goal to around 1400 or more, 1200 should only be used if someone has a LOT to drop, and then only for short amounts of time. Don't hurt your health and good for you being aware of it, it's less likely to happen if you're alert. :)
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
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    The guilt is a huge warning sign for me. That signals an unhealthy relationship with food. Food is not inherently bad.

    Also, 1200 calories seems pretty aggressive for what you want to lose. You should be aim at 0.5-1lb tops.

    I would say that you should take a step back, evaluate your goals, and try to change your relationship with food. If that fails, maybe try talking with a professional about dieting in a safe and mentally healthy manner.

    This is great advice. I think being successful with weight loss and maintenance is a lot about healing our relationship with food.
  • Jezebel_Barbie
    Jezebel_Barbie Posts: 198 Member
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    Like I said in my last post, I am within a healthy BMI range and look fine to myself except for my stomach. But I know I can't lose stomach fat by exercise, only by dieting. So I'm eating 1,200 calories + burning approximately 350-450 calories/day to create a deficit to lose fat while toning by exercising. I have friends that are skinnier than me and see how they can fit into anything they want and look good. I want to be able to do that. The only reason I'm losing weight is for vanity. I just want to look better. I don't like the roll under my bra that's created when I sit down, I hate how my stomach jiggles a little, I hate how you can see my belly button through form fitting shirts. I hate how my sleek profile is ruined by my belly bulge.

    MFP gives you a calorie allowance based on a built in deficit. So when you eat 1200 calories and burn 400 you've actually netted 800. That's not very much to sustain an energetic young woman on.

    Stop comparing yourself to your friends! They are not all the same height, weight, build and with the same metabolism as you. You will drive yourself insane doing this.Those "skinny" friends will be looking at you thinking "Gosh, I love her [insert body part here], I wish I was more like her". Do yourself a favour and ditch that mentality.

    You will not like this answer but go lift weights. You don't need to lose weight, you are already at a healthy weight. You need to tone up. You also need to keep a careful eye on your attitudes to food and fitness, because as you've said you're on the cusp of an eating disorder. I'm concerned that there's a high chance this 'belly bulge' exists mostly in your mind. Stay safe and healthy.
  • SideSteel
    SideSteel Posts: 11,068 Member
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    In addition to getting help you may want to consider not logging your food.
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,775 Member
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    The fact that you derive pleasure and "almost enjoy" the discomfort, light-headedness and lack of energy resulting from your eating habits is very troubling.

    This is not a case of over-enthusiasm of doing something new; this is an ED rearing it's very ugly head. Please seek professional intervention.
  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
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    I don't like the roll under my bra that's created when I sit down, I hate how my stomach jiggles a little, I hate how you can see my belly button through form fitting shirts. I hate how my sleek profile is ruined by my belly bulge.
    The verbiage you use above indicates an unhealthy body image. What makes you think you are going to suddenly love your body if you lose 10 pounds? I would say that you might want to speak with a professional about this so that you don't develop an eating disorder.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
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    That's something we all go through. Do you exercise? Because if you do you will be able to eat more while dropping boy fat.

    No, no it's not something we all go through.

    OP you need to stop logging, make an appointment with a doctor with experience with eating disorders and negative body image,
  • itsbasschick
    itsbasschick Posts: 1,584 Member
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    sounds to me like you have severely unrealistic body image issues. you have a genetic predisposition to storing fat on your belly - so do i, and when i was anorexic and weight 97 pounds, i STILL had some fat on my belly. why not try - hopefully with a therapist - to come to terms with your appearance and realize you can be absolutely awesome as you are. not everyone can have the look you want, and there are many other really cute outfits and some really great looks that don't show the belly in such detail.

    and yes, you're developing an eating disorder which can get worse and make you ill. such severe dieting also burns off muscle, and since muscle is what burns body fat, less muscle means your body will use LESS calories, which in turn will harm your ability to maintain your sleek physique.

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