Why can't I stay committed?

suprangela79
suprangela79 Posts: 34 Member
in Motivation and Support
Here I am getting ready to start over...again... I am just so disgusted with myself anymore. I know that I need to watch what I eat but I just don't seem to care lately. I am an emotional eater and always have been. I'll eat something I shouldn't, knowing full well I shouldn't or I'll eat something because I am bored or because it is there.

I've done it all...binged and purged, crash diets, diet pills, you name it! I've lost weight soooo many times and have regained it plus every time and I could kick myself for letting this happen. I am at my heaviest weight now (232 lbs) and I'm only 5'3". My husband says "just eat smaller portions and exercise." Well gee, thanks for the tip! I know that but I just can't seem to find the motivation to stick with it and keep it off. I have no idea how to maintain after I've lost weight (although I can maintain being fat pretty well). I have about 100 lbs to it just seems so overwhelming...

Anyway, thanks for "listening" to me vent. I just need to start and not look back!
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Replies

  • fatbegone85
    fatbegone85 Posts: 70
    Hey! I completely understand. Like you I've had all of those feelings. About two years ago my job started having health fairs where you go and get a health check up. I stepped on the scale and realized I was a whooping 224 lbs! I'm 4'11 btw. I made the decision to lose weight. What did I do? Lost about 15, then gave up and went back to eating normal.

    I have now restarted my journey in June. So what has changed? I think to myself if I had continued to eat right when I started 3 years ago I would be at my goal weight by now. I'd hate for another 3 to pass and realize I'm still in the same place.

    So from I've learned in the last two months:

    1. Go slow, weight loss isn't a race. Any loss is good. It won't always be a two pound loss week
    2. Eat as you have----but in moderation. NOTHING is off limits as long as you can fit it into your caloric daily goal
    3. Log everything. Even those guilty bites.
    4. You WILL fall off the wagon. You WILL go over your caloric intake one day. Its ok, get up and start over the next day

    Those things above is why this time around has felt....effortless. I don't feel like I'm dieting, I'm just eating a little different. I still have ice cream, pizza, chocolate. I just have them in such a way that doesn't cause me to gain weight. You're going to do awesome! Feel free to add me.
  • MinnieInMaine
    MinnieInMaine Posts: 6,400 Member
    Well put fatbegone85!! That's pretty much the same conclusion I came to a few years back. I'd tried just about every diet out there and they never worked long term. The best luck I had was with WW and Atkins but even that was temporary. Then I realized the problem with all of these diets was my thinking I had to give up the foods I loved and try to live on rabbit food - that never lasted long. I need meat and pizza and chocolate dammit! :)

    I did go back to WW initially and it did work well since I adoped my new philosophy. Then I switched to MFP and it was like a god send!

    The other thing I'll add is mental outlook. No one realy talks about the mental/psychological aspect of weight loss but it's a huge factor. You need to really be ready for these changes and you really need to want these changes. I used to think I just wanted to be skinny but it wasn't a "real" enough reason for me to stick with it. As I aged, my family history of heart disease started becoming more of a problem as my cholesterol and blood pressure rose. So I made it more about improving my health and a couple years in really focused on fitness as well. Makes it a lot easier to stick with AND makes me less likely to ever go back to where I was.

    Good luck!
  • loser4realz
    loser4realz Posts: 18 Member
    I could have written the post you did as I've struggled with the same issues over the years. fatbegone85 and MinnieInMaine have both provided some wonderful words of wisdom. As I get back on track this time I am just forcing myself to get out there and make the most of the support around me (I always did it solo before, I think in part so I wouldn't be accountable to anyone when I started gaining back again). I'm just sick of the way I feel and look and the beating I've allowed my confidence and self worth to take as a result of being fat. That plus I am a relatively new mom (almost 3 yr old daughter and almost 2 yo old son) and I want to set a good example for them so they don't have any of the same hang ups that I've had to deal with, but also because I want to be around for as long as possible for them. Feel free to add me. I would love to help you through your journey.
  • VeryKatie
    VeryKatie Posts: 5,961 Member
    Maybe you need more sleeps. I always feel more in control when I have more sleeps.
  • suprangela79
    suprangela79 Posts: 34 Member
    Thanks ladies for your advice! I think for me it is a mental thing. I know that when I get down near my goal weight I tend to start easing up on exercise and thinking it's okay to eat this or that and pretty soon I've gained 10 lbs. I think some of it has to do with the extra attention I get when I am thinner. I don't think mentally I am prepared for it and so I gain the weight back because I feel more "comfortable" being what I refer to as "invisible" to others. I guess I know what I need to work on but how... Are there any good books out there to read about this type of issue?
  • suprangela79
    suprangela79 Posts: 34 Member
    loser4realz - I feel the same way too about my self worth! I'm sick of how crappy I feel and look and my low self confidence. I've always gone about losing weight solo and maybe it's time I try a different approach.
  • MagnumBurrito
    MagnumBurrito Posts: 1,070 Member
    Don't think long term, just worry about today. Start one new habit that will help you along this journey. Like drink 20oz of water with every meal and when you wake up.
  • DayByDayGetStronger
    DayByDayGetStronger Posts: 108 Member
    Why can't you stay committed? Lots of reasons (based all on experience with my own struggles and of counseling people as a dietitian)
    1. We expect results using methods that have been tried and we failed at. So stop doing these, ok?
    2. We aren't addressing the issue of fixing our HEADS first before we try to fix our waistline
    3. We may not have the right kind of support around us
    4. We haven't really hit ROCK BOTTOM in our overeating addiction (it's very hard giving up the crutch we've used for years)
    5. Our reliance upon carbohydrates, fats, and salt are imbedded in our minds and we don't find alternatives to "fill our soul", so we keep going back to the same destructive coping tools
    6. We may not be educated enough about healthy eating habits and portion sizes to be successful in weight loss
    7. We are ignoring, by choice, the very cause of what started the overeating in the first place because it may be too painful to go back to those empty feelings
    8. We use body fat as an emotional barrier/protector from something we are afraid of

    Need more, because I could go on all day. Hopefully you are getting the picture that your/our obesity issues are a symptom of an underlying problem. It's easy to turn to food and blame it on the diet or your own willpower. The courage you/we need to have is in the battle to fix the emptiness that calories can never fill.

    Two years of weekly therapy helped me lose 80lbs with the help of a Lap Band. Getting to the core of my reliance on calories to make me feel 'different' was my biggest accomplishment.

    Remember, food or drugs or alcohol or sex, or shopping doesn't make us feel BETTER...they just make us feel DIFFERENT. Stop searching for the perfect diet to start, and start searching for what makes you feel BETTER and less empty.


    For me? Hugs make me feel better. And not just little 2-second hugs. Long, tight 5-minute hugs from someone who has giant arms makes me e.x.h.a.l.e ahhhhhhhhhhh and my soul is filled. The other thing that makes me feel really good and lasts for many, many hours is exercising outside and being in nature.
  • suprangela79
    suprangela79 Posts: 34 Member
    Don't think long term, just worry about today. Start one new habit that will help you along this journey. Like drink 20oz of water with every meal and when you wake up.

    I guess I never really thought about taking one step at a time (as silly as that sounds). I've just always jumped in head first. Thank you!!
  • suprangela79
    suprangela79 Posts: 34 Member
    Why can't you stay committed? Lots of reasons (based all on experience with my own struggles and of counseling people as a dietitian)
    1. We expect results using methods that have been tried and we failed at. So stop doing these, ok?
    2. We aren't addressing the issue of fixing our HEADS first before we try to fix our waistline
    3. We may not have the right kind of support around us
    4. We haven't really hit ROCK BOTTOM in our overeating addiction (it's very hard giving up the crutch we've used for years)
    5. Our reliance upon carbohydrates, fats, and salt are imbedded in our minds and we don't find alternatives to "fill our soul", so we keep going back to the same destructive coping tools
    6. We may not be educated enough about healthy eating habits and portion sizes to be successful in weight loss
    7. We are ignoring, by choice, the very cause of what started the overeating in the first place because it may be too painful to go back to those empty feelings
    8. We use body fat as an emotional barrier/protector from something we are afraid of

    Need more, because I could go on all day. Hopefully you are getting the picture that your/our obesity issues are a symptom of an underlying problem. It's easy to turn to food and blame it on the diet or your own willpower. The courage you/we need to have is in the battle to fix the emptiness that calories can never fill.

    Two years of weekly therapy helped me lose 80lbs with the help of a Lap Band. Getting to the core of my reliance on calories to make me feel 'different' was my biggest accomplishment.

    Remember, food or drugs or alcohol or sex, or shopping doesn't make us feel BETTER...they just make us feel DIFFERENT. Stop searching for the perfect diet to start, and start searching for what makes you feel BETTER and less empty.


    For me? Hugs make me feel better. And not just little 2-second hugs. Long, tight 5-minute hugs from someone who has giant arms makes me e.x.h.a.l.e ahhhhhhhhhhh and my soul is filled. The other thing that makes me feel really good and lasts for many, many hours is exercising outside and being in nature.

    I do need to work on my mind and the mental issues I have with losing wieght. I'm not sure where or why I have them but I know they are there and always have been. I do need to stop hiding behind food and excuses so thank you for the advice! I'm really glad I decided to finally post.
  • shadowofender
    shadowofender Posts: 786 Member
    UNfounately there's no magic words I can say that will help you. I've been in your spot most of my life. And no matter what words of wisdom, or support, or love, someone showed me...until I made the conscious decision to change, I stayed stuck in the same rut.
    It's about power over your own mind. When you're ready, you'll know. It's hard, and it doesn't get easy...but it's for you, right? And aren't you worth the commitment to yourself? You'll find the thing that makes it cllick. Until then, keep plowing away.
  • amreadarrens
    amreadarrens Posts: 43 Member
    I feel exactly how you feel. I also tried it all. And I went to the hospital drinking laxative tea and pills I went to the hospital. I tried the natural diet for woman. It is effective and safe.
    http://venusbuddy.wordpress.com/2014/07/07/weight-loss-experience-and-effective-tips/
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    My personal experience with the same battle has lead me to this (your mileage may vary):

    - I will not get too upset with myself when I enjoy life, but I will moderate it so it doesn't get too out of hand.

    - For me, I can fluctuate 10 pounds at times, but I know I can lose it back. I go back to point 1.

    - At times I am more focused than others due to all kinds of outside activities, needs, demands, stresses, etc, so I go back to point 1.

    - I am not doing weight loss, I am changing my bad habits that I developed and lead to to being overweight. This happened over many years and will NOT be changed in a month or two. I expect to be doing this the rest of my life and I go back to point 1.
  • msheldon88
    msheldon88 Posts: 71 Member
    One day at a time. Focus on that. You can do it!
  • CupcakeCrusoe
    CupcakeCrusoe Posts: 1,426 Member
    I started out 5'4", 220 lbs at my highest. I know what you mean.

    The thing that helped me the most was logging everything I ate, and the other was to keep getting up. I'd slip up very, VERY often, still do, because I'm an emotional eater, too. You have to remember it's a process, and it won't be quick. It'll be a couple weeks before you notice anything in the mirror, and weeks after that before anyone else notices. So just keep working it out, you'll be fine.

    Feel free to friend me, the door's always open.
  • bcanderson123456
    bcanderson123456 Posts: 45 Member
    The website ahl4u.com really points out what a lot of you are saying. That it is a lifestyle change and not the latest diet fad that will make the biggest difference. They are putting recipes on the site that aren't rabbit food and help with the feeling of eating normal foods.
  • loisheisey3
    loisheisey3 Posts: 2
    Hello. I am right there with you. I am NOT starting over but starting.
  • loisheisey3
    loisheisey3 Posts: 2
    Today is day one for me. I would ask for all the encouragement and support I can get.
    I am tracking food as of today. I will be taking yoga 1 day per week and walking 2 -3 other days a week.
    That is a LOT for me.
    Thanks.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,989 Member
    When your reason to do it becomes more intrinsic than extrinsic, commitment to it will be much easier.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/588404-intrinsic-or-extrinsic-which-are-you?hl=intrinsic/extrinsic

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • AmAnDuh77
    AmAnDuh77 Posts: 20 Member
    As other posters have said, start one new good habit. Start walking 15 minutes a day, increase your water, cut out sodas or fast food. You didn't get to this mental state overnight, you won't overcome it in a day.

    Don't be too hard on yourself! My best advice (and b/c I do this myself now and it's helped), keep a personal journal and write 1 or more positive things about yourself that happen each day. You can look back each week and smile, this will increase your self esteem and change your negative thoughts to positive!

    Sadly, what made me hit rock bottom was going for my yearly physical and being told I was diabetic at 36! Eyes wide open and 2 mos later i'm down 29 lbs from eating clean (er) and exercising. I've been an emotional eater as well my entire life, i'm learning when I get too stressed or overwhelmed to take time for myself and instead of eating I go for a walk (even a few minutes help) or to the gym...or simply just get silly with my kids!

    You can do this :)
  • MichaelRobinson1994
    MichaelRobinson1994 Posts: 83 Member
    I'm 5ft 10.5 and I started my weight loss journey at 180lbs, and I really didn't make too many changes and you shouldn't have to either!

    Firstly, the biggest change for me was no longer using the car as often as possible to go anywhere! - I'll walk the mile to the shops, and walk the mile back with bags - 4/5 times a week, I just have to set aside an hour to go, and that makes a massive difference.

    If you make simple changes, like fruit when you want chocolate, some nuts if you want something oily/greasy! Then the whole process becomes more of a routine than 'weight loss' or 'dieiting'.

    Also, if you swap out things like white rice and bread for the brown and wholemeal varieties then that can help massively.

    Throw in some progressive strength training and you'll be at your goal weight before you know it! (Possibly even above it but toned and firm and happy to maintain there!)
  • suprangela79
    suprangela79 Posts: 34 Member
    When your reason to do it becomes more intrinsic than extrinsic, commitment to it will be much easier.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/588404-intrinsic-or-extrinsic-which-are-you?hl=intrinsic/extrinsic

    A.C.E. Certified Personal/Group FitnessTrainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

    Thank you! That link was helpful and you are right. Any time I've tried to lose weight for an event I've always lost motivation as soon as it was over. I need to focus on doing this to be healthy.
  • Embera
    Embera Posts: 289 Member
    Personally I find it easier to do stuff like this when you have someone to do it with when you have support even if its only online it helps to motivate youto either compete with them or just be able to vent and not feel judged in a place like this me and my best friend were doing this together and then she stopped and I lost a big part of my motivation not to mention I lost my access to the Internet and my valentine led to this site on numerous occasions so in my mind it was all or nothing thats why im back looking for good friends to talk to on a regular basis so we can help motivate each other even talk on phone now that I also have unlimited minutesto give each other ideas and little advice so we're not on our own so add me vomited people
  • bergpa
    bergpa Posts: 148 Member
    As someone who tends to be an emotional eater, I've found that expressing my feelings really helps me to control my eating. I was actually surprised when I realized that if I say something early on when an issue is bothering me, it usually isn't that big a deal to the other person and often is easily solved. Emotionally I was making mountains out of mole hills and packing on pounds as a result.
  • MegE_N
    MegE_N Posts: 245 Member
    I'm focusing on setting small goals. Right now it's to reach 25lbs lost. And from there it'll be to hit 35lbs lost - my halfway point. And from there it'll be 15lbs more lost, because that will put me in ONEDERLAND. The small goals are so much easier.

    Whenever I sit back and think wow, I want to lose 100lbs total, I get terrified. I'll never be that person standing in half my pants - it's impossible! I've always been fat and always will be fat! That way leads to madness.

    I can't lose 100lbs. But I can lose another 2. And from there another 10. And from there another 15....
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
    bump
  • RWTBR
    RWTBR Posts: 140 Member
    Hey OP, you should check out this topic I started a while back. It might help you.

    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1339196-why-is-consistency-so-hard-for-most-people?
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
    Here I am getting ready to start over...again... I am just so disgusted with myself anymore. I know that I need to watch what I eat but I just don't seem to care lately. I am an emotional eater and always have been. I'll eat something I shouldn't, knowing full well I shouldn't or I'll eat something because I am bored or because it is there.

    I've done it all...binged and purged, crash diets, diet pills, you name it! I've lost weight soooo many times and have regained it plus every time and I could kick myself for letting this happen. I am at my heaviest weight now (232 lbs) and I'm only 5'3". My husband says "just eat smaller portions and exercise." Well gee, thanks for the tip! I know that but I just can't seem to find the motivation to stick with it and keep it off. I have no idea how to maintain after I've lost weight (although I can maintain being fat pretty well). I have about 100 lbs to it just seems so overwhelming...

    Anyway, thanks for "listening" to me vent. I just need to start and not look back!

    My guess is that you are eating too little and exercising too much when you try to lose weight.

    My tip would be to set your weight loss to a half pound a week and exercise no more than 30 minutes 5X per week.

    Here's a particularly inspirational thread: http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1331276-i-have-tried-everything
  • dawnmcneil10
    dawnmcneil10 Posts: 638 Member
    How about finding an activity you enjoy? When I was my heaviest I obviously couldn't go running for example but I found that taking a walk was a great stress reliever. Try some different things, walking may not be it, maybe shooting hoops is, maybe knitting or crocheting is what takes your mind off things. The issues that feed your emotions won't just go away but finding a different outlet might help your ability to process it.
    I've heard about healing quilts, blankets, afgans and so on, the idea is to use what's bothering you to create something to help yourself or another. Use one of your talents, we all have them. :)
  • AllOutof_Bubblegum
    AllOutof_Bubblegum Posts: 3,646 Member
    Here I am getting ready to start over...again... I am just so disgusted with myself anymore. I know that I need to watch what I eat but I just don't seem to care lately. I am an emotional eater and always have been. I'll eat something I shouldn't, knowing full well I shouldn't or I'll eat something because I am bored or because it is there.

    I've done it all...binged and purged, crash diets, diet pills, you name it! I've lost weight soooo many times and have regained it plus every time and I could kick myself for letting this happen. I am at my heaviest weight now (232 lbs) and I'm only 5'3". My husband says "just eat smaller portions and exercise." Well gee, thanks for the tip! I know that but I just can't seem to find the motivation to stick with it and keep it off. I have no idea how to maintain after I've lost weight (although I can maintain being fat pretty well). I have about 100 lbs to it just seems so overwhelming...

    Anyway, thanks for "listening" to me vent. I just need to start and not look back!

    The bolded part is why you can't seem to stay committed. I'm being dead serious. You mention trying every trick in the book, but the unfortunate truth of it all is: there ARE no tricks. None. Stop trying faddy, gimmicky, get-slim-quick schemes, and just eat a little less. The only way to lose weight is to eat fewer calories than you burn.

    You can do this by starting slow. You mentioned eating when you are bored, or emotional, or just because it's there. Well, do what you can to remove those situations from your life, or yourself from the situations.

    Had a hard day and want to unwind? Take a bubble bath with a book instead of eating that cake in the fridge. Bored? Go for a walk, or pick up a hobby that occupies your hands (do you know how hard it is to eat when you're sculpting clay, or knitting?) Find a sugar-free gum that you really like, and reach for that instead of the box of crackers in the pantry.

    Swap out healthier or lower-calorie substitutes for treats in the house. If it's not there, you can't eat it, right?

    Most of all, though, don't let one mistake deter you. If you lose control and eat a whole box of doughnuts, ok. Fine. Have a light dinner that night. maybe go for a brisk walk, and keep on truckin'. Don't "give up" for the rest of the day. If you stumble down one stair, do you throw yourself down the rest of the staircase, because you failed at one step? :noway:

    Let's get real. One unhealthy meal will not make you fat, just like one healthy meal will not make you fit. It's a marathon and a patience game, and those who are able to stick with their small-but-cumulative lifestyle changes are the ones that will win in the end.

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