Lovely ladies recovering/recovered from an eating disorder?

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CeriGrindrod
CeriGrindrod Posts: 120 Member
in Motivation and Support
I am now recovered but I am overweight.... I can't stand it none of my clothes fit me.

Also I can NOT lose weight.
If I eat more I gain weight straight away, that's how I got to this weight I am now by people saying 'stick to a sensible amount your weight will sort itself out'

Well it's 12 months down the line and I don't want to keep gaining 3lb a month!

Ah

Replies

  • MysteriousDreamer
    MysteriousDreamer Posts: 96 Member
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    I'm recovered from anorexia and recovering from bulimia. I'm just over 2 years purge free
  • MzSmythe
    MzSmythe Posts: 32 Member
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    Hey there.

    Yes, I'm a recovering anorexic, and had exactly the same issue. I had problems with any diet that required me to count calories, as it just continued to fuel that nasty little bit of my brain.

    I now follow a low carb/keto style diet which (for me) has had a number of positive benefits:

    1) I don't obsess about calories. They look scary to me still, but that's not the focus of the diet for me
    2) I eat a shedload more veggies than I ever did before
    3) I eat real, unprocessed food
    4) Mentally, it seems to have improved my willpower not to give in to 'her'
    5) My skin, nails and hair all look much more healthy than they ever did when I was ill, because of all of the good fat I now eat
    6) I've got much more energy, and I sleep far better too.
    7) I naturally start to eat the right amount for me because the food I eat is nutrient dense and filling.

    Obviously, it's not for everyone (I'm just talking about my experience before people start shooting me down!) but it has worked for me.

    It's not to say I don't give in to the odd bit of cake, or glass of wine on special occasions - I still want to enjoy life! - but it's no longer a big deal when I do.

    I feel your pain sweetie - one size doesn't fit all when it comes to diet, and when you throw in an eating disorder then it can really complicate things! Maybe you should give some other ways of eating a try to see what works for you?

    Much love xx
  • MzSmythe
    MzSmythe Posts: 32 Member
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    I'm recovered from anorexia and recovering from bulimia. I'm just over 2 years purge free

    Well done!!
  • MysteriousDreamer
    MysteriousDreamer Posts: 96 Member
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    Right now I need to stop counting calories. It's playing with my head. It's not helping me to listen to my body. I find I eat because I have calories even though I am not hungry. Then other times I am hungry with no calories. I think it's about listening to your body and giving it the best. Nor do I think we can count calories for the rest of ours lives.
  • CeriGrindrod
    CeriGrindrod Posts: 120 Member
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    Hey there.

    Yes, I'm a recovering anorexic, and had exactly the same issue. I had problems with any diet that required me to count calories, as it just continued to fuel that nasty little bit of my brain.

    I now follow a low carb/keto style diet which (for me) has had a number of positive benefits:

    1) I don't obsess about calories. They look scary to me still, but that's not the focus of the diet for me
    2) I eat a shedload more veggies than I ever did before
    3) I eat real, unprocessed food
    4) Mentally, it seems to have improved my willpower not to give in to 'her'
    5) My skin, nails and hair all look much more healthy than they ever did when I was ill, because of all of the good fat I now eat
    6) I've got much more energy, and I sleep far better too.
    7) I naturally start to eat the right amount for me because the food I eat is nutrient dense and filling.

    Obviously, it's not for everyone (I'm just talking about my experience before people start shooting me down!) but it has worked for me.

    It's not to say I don't give in to the odd bit of cake, or glass of wine on special occasions - I still want to enjoy life! - but it's no longer a big deal when I do.

    I feel your pain sweetie - one size doesn't fit all when it comes to diet, and when you throw in an eating disorder then it can really complicate things! Maybe you should give some other ways of eating a try to see what works for you?

    Much love xx

    That's brill! It seems everywhere I look all recovered patients look fab and est really well.. I can't get past that comfort stage at first I was eating 2000-3000 calories a day, but I was gaining so much and now I just can not lose, frustrating. I don't want to be ill I just want to be what I was before anorexia, I used to eat 1300-2200 per day and workout once a day for 40-60 mins.. I was tiny and now I can't stop gaining, it's so unfair. I'm fed up of being consumed by thoughts if my weight and wanting to fit back into my pre ED jeans. Ugh... :-( veggies and fruit cause serious discomfort and bloating.. I had cabbage and carrots yesterday with my tea and my stomach is still uncomfortable and bloated. X
  • MysteriousDreamer
    MysteriousDreamer Posts: 96 Member
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    Anything that doesn't fit, throw it out. Remove all triggers. Go buy clothes that fit you now. Focus on being fit, strong and healthy. Being skinny is over rated. We both know that when we think we are skinny enough, we will never be happy. There is more to life than this.
  • MzSmythe
    MzSmythe Posts: 32 Member
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    CeriGrindrod

    I had exactly the same problems with veg to begin with! Musta been all that fibre :)

    I started out with lots of salad first, gradually adding in a bit of broccoli and moving onto other veg (and yes, my meals would have looked pretty weird to an outsider - salad and two bits of broccoli with some fish!) but it worked. Still can't do much fruit apart from berries though, and in small amounts. But that suits me fine!

    MysteriousDre

    Yes, calories are the devil! I'd rather eat when I'm hungry, not force myself to because I 'should' (feels too much like the recovery process). We just need to be kind to ourselves. One day we might be under our 'calorie goal', but another we might be way over. Neither is bad - it'll all level out in the end.
  • skinnywannabemini
    skinnywannabemini Posts: 3
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    I am bulimic, and in no way ready to recover. Trouble is that I'm not a skinny bulimic that gets a lot of support, I'm not massively overweight but I'm definitely not "thin" and so no-one really notices and when they do they seldom take me seriously because I don't look like I have an eating disorder. Purging is how I deal with over-eating, I'm trying so hard to just limit myself to 1600 cals a day but I can't, and whenever I go over I instantly resort to purging. I don't know how to recover really
  • tehboxingkitteh
    tehboxingkitteh Posts: 1,574 Member
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    Is your logging accurate? I went back a week in your diary, and you're only eating between 300-500 calories a day.

    If that's the case, please seek professional help.

    http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

    Also, recovering anorexic and binge eater here.
  • MysteriousDreamer
    MysteriousDreamer Posts: 96 Member
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    CeriGrindrod

    I had exactly the same problems with veg to begin with! Musta been all that fibre :)

    I started out with lots of salad first, gradually adding in a bit of broccoli and moving onto other veg (and yes, my meals would have looked pretty weird to an outsider - salad and two bits of broccoli with some fish!) but it worked. Still can't do much fruit apart from berries though, and in small amounts. But that suits me fine!

    MysteriousDre

    Yes, calories are the devil! I'd rather eat when I'm hungry, not force myself to because I 'should' (feels too much like the recovery process). We just need to be kind to ourselves. One day we might be under our 'calorie goal', but another we might be way over. Neither is bad - it'll all level out in the end.

    I had the stomach pains, I had to deal with them because I was in hospital being refed. Keep your diet simple for now, it will get better. I promise you that.

    All of us can recover, we need to support each other. Strength in numbers. I get my strength from God. Xxx
  • pbbagel
    pbbagel Posts: 53 Member
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    I had an eating disorder for around 5 years, I've been thin, a little bigger than I am now... and at one point I was throwing up 3-5 times a day... 3 days without puking would be a triumph for me. Now I've probably thown up about 3 or 4 times in the past YEAR which I never could of imagined would be possible. Recovery is a really long process for your mind and body. You just have to keep pushing forward and take each day as it comes. At the start of my recovery I still had the thoughts of my eating disorder, my stomach would often feel bloated and painful, but I just told myself "I've made the decision to recover and I have to stick to it". So all I can say is focus on your health and think positive.
  • erickaniemann13
    erickaniemann13 Posts: 2
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    I am in a similar situation, I have had an ED since I was 14 (7 years ago). I was anorexic, was at a VERY low weight. I "recovered" but have always had unhealthy habits. I've always exercised a lot and then began purging about 2 years ago. I now only purge maybe once a month and really would like to stop that habit all together. I don't exercise often because I simply don't have time. I've gained some weight and I would like to lose it to be at a weight I am comfortable at.
  • charlestongirl2012
    charlestongirl2012 Posts: 9 Member
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    add me if you want to.
    Im working on recovering
  • kait_marie24
    kait_marie24 Posts: 99 Member
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    Yep, right here. Add me if you'd like.
  • albearcamoo
    albearcamoo Posts: 39 Member
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    So sad to see so many of you beautiful girls have been through something so horrific.

    I'm a recovered anorexic who also relapsed into bulimia for 4 years. I've just finished my first year of university (or college to you Americans) and have gained a significant amount of weight which looks so dreadful on me given my petite frame, which triggered a major relapse.

    I'm trying my best to strive for a much healthier life.

    Feel free to add me
  • slr90
    slr90 Posts: 212 Member
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    I am bulimic, and in no way ready to recover. Trouble is that I'm not a skinny bulimic that gets a lot of support, I'm not massively overweight but I'm definitely not "thin" and so no-one really notices and when they do they seldom take me seriously because I don't look like I have an eating disorder. Purging is how I deal with over-eating, I'm trying so hard to just limit myself to 1600 cals a day but I can't, and whenever I go over I instantly resort to purging. I don't know how to recover really


    When i was in therapy my therapist had me read several chapters from the book 'overcoming binge eating' by dr Christopher G Fairburn and some of my therapy involved the diaries the book has. Hope you can get help from professionals soon but maybe take a look at that in the mean time. Wishing you all the best with your recovery.
  • spartsy88
    spartsy88 Posts: 4
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    Tonight I had a breakdown at home regarding my eating disorder. I've never admitted to myself that I have one; always just saying that I'm a "picky eater" and that I "enjoy being active".

    I workout obsessively almost every day; even on my off days I go for an hour long walk outside. Mondays, Tuesdays + Thursdays I do strength training classes/boot camp for an hour and run or do cardio for 45-60 minutes ahead of time just in case class isn't hard enough. Wednedays I do 90mintues of cardio. I run a lot and am always training for something.

    Typically Sunday through Thursday I'm busy with work related activities and eat maximum 1000-1150kcal/day which, given how active I am is really not enough. I obsessively eat the same thing Monday through Friday, and typically go out on Friday with friends. Saturday is my day where I'm more lax with my diet then I get back on track on Sunday.

    Breakfast (11am): 1 protein bar (160kcal) + 1 large black coffee with artificial sweetner

    Lunch (2-3pm): 1 60kcal yogurt, 1 sliced cucumber, 1 bag of sliced radishes, + kcal free salad dressing

    Pre-Workout Snack (4pm): 1 protein bar (!60 kcal)

    Dinner: 1 large salad with large head of romaine lettuce, 2 cups sliced celery, 10 sliced radishes, chopped dried garlic/onion + 2 salmon burgers (200kcal total) from Kroger with salsa

    Snacks: 1 60kcal yogurt, 2 apples with skin

    Sometimes at night I'll skip the extra apple and add a 90kcal bag of chick pea snacks or just munch on extra veggies to keep me full. I also drink a few bottles of sparkling plain water to fill me up so that I eat less before dinner. My coworkers know that I don't eat much but I just say that I'm busy with my patient load and that food keeps me going during my work day.

    Did I mention that I'm a registered dietitian? Believe me the irony is not lost.

    I realized today that I have an eating disorder when I tried for 30 minutes to make myself throw up after eating a medium sized bag of chocolate covered almonds; mind you earlier in the day I ran 5 miles on the treadmill and ate only oatmeal, a sandwich + side salad and a large bag of veggies (Carrots + snap peas). I looked in the mirror and saw my shoulder blades protruding outward visually knowing that I'm too small but finding areas of fat to pinch on my thighs and abdomen. I feel simultaneously fat but visually see that I'm too small and hear it from people all of the time and today when I went shopping I was swimming in an extra small shirt at the Gap and down to a size 2. I feel like a prisoner in my own body. Tortured mentally every single day.

    The biggest confirmation with the fact that my health is at stake is the fact that I'm 26 years old, have not been sexually active recently and have not had my period since January of 2013; I've been amenorrheic for 20 months and my physician wants to start me on estrogen therapy injections because of my low body fat percentage stating that if I continue I'll put myself into early menopause and wont be able to have children.

    I know all of this; but refuse to gain weight. I tell myself that I'm "normal" weight based on the scale; I'm 5 ft 7 and 134#. I legitimately feel like I'm going crazy and just needed to put this all out there; even if it is on the internet for a bunch of strangers.
  • MysteriousDreamer
    MysteriousDreamer Posts: 96 Member
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    We can all do this, feel free to add me. I am no longer counting calories because it upsets me.

    So my day looks like this

    Breakfast: 2 pieces of toast with peanut butter
    Morning snack:.1 yogurt and 1 banana
    Lunch: cheese, ham, tomato, cucumber sandwich

    For dinner it is bacon and minestrone soup...yummy

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