Stay or Go?

wolf39us
wolf39us Posts: 163 Member
in Chit-Chat
So I've spent the last 4 years here in Clearwater, FL. It's sunny, cheap to live in, and overall isn't a terrible place to live. I've been trying effortlessly to find another job (I am still currently employed just not happy with my current job) and have come up dry.

All the while, I've really been reflecting on why I'm still here in FL. I have no new (real) friends and only have my father as family (who I don't get along with very well in the first place).

Connecticut is cold, expensive and overall pretty boring... But I really have been missing my Friends a lot. I was sort of banking that they would escape CT as I did, but alas they had purchased houses instead. I fear that if I decide to stay in Florida, that eventually my friends will just sort of "fade away".

So I've really just been considering to say the hell with it and deal with the down falls of CT... be back home where it's cold and boring, but at least I'll be able to hang out with my pals. It's not like I can't come back if they do indeed just disappear and I have nothing left to hold me home.

Anyone else experience the same issues?
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Replies

  • hellraisedfire
    hellraisedfire Posts: 403 Member
    I'm in the other boat right now. I've always lived in Pennsylvania, and all my friends from college or high school have moved away. Only reason I'm here is because my fiance doesn't feel comfortable moving anywhere else.

    If you aren't in love with Florida, you have nothing to lose by moving. I would move back to Connecticut if I were you. :) If you go back and aren't happy, move again! If was doing stuff alone that would be my game plan. Move, move again, and keep moving until I am happy. :)
  • TechNerd42
    TechNerd42 Posts: 225 Member
    Leave! Get out while you can! Before shuffleboard and canasta rule your life!

    Ok, hyperbole aside. If your heart isn't here(I live in Florida as well - in the Panhandle), start job and housing hunting there while working here. If you can line something up, then you move back. As for boring - eh... Get a place with a decent sized living room and host dinner parties or movie night. Contests where the food item that is the best combination of healthy and tasty wins a prize. :) If your friends are there, would it really be more boring than here?
  • dawnp1833
    dawnp1833 Posts: 264 Member
    Are Florida and Connecticut your only options? Maybe this is the opportunity to strike out on one of those grand adventures somewhere totally new and exciting. California? New York? Paris?
  • PMA140
    PMA140 Posts: 60
    I'm partial to FL since I live here too. Make new friends and be happy to live where the only shoes you need are flip flops :-)
  • Follow_me
    Follow_me Posts: 6,120 Member
    What? Really?
  • NotRailMeat
    NotRailMeat Posts: 509 Member
    Are Florida and Connecticut your only options? Maybe this is the opportunity to strike out on one of those grand adventures somewhere totally new and exciting. California? New York? Paris?
    New York and California? Don't even think about these if you think CT is too expensive. NY & CA and #1 & #2 for highest taxes and cost of living. I live in CA, and have for most of my life. Love the lifestyle, hate the expense.
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
    I moved from Ohio (where I lived my whole life and where all my family/friends are) to Virginia for a job and better weather in 2011. I had no family or friends there. While the weather was nice, I felt very alone. I didn't last there a year. Moved back to Ohio in 2012.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    I moved to Baltimore MD in the early 2000s (2002 or 2003). And it was fine. I made good money there, and had a job that I liked. But the friends that I made were, generally, from work. Since everyone was so spread out, hanging out with them outside of work was really not a good option more than once in a while. So we had no everyday friends... and our families were in WV. I already owned a house there that I was renting.

    So we decided to move back to be with friends and family. It was a great decision. i don't regret doing it. But there are things I would suggest:

    1) Have a job to go to. I called every contact I had in WV to find a job and finally landed one. The last thing I wanted to do was move without anything because we couldn't afford to do that (turns out we stretched ourselves thin anyway).

    2) can i afford it? In Baltimore the cost of living was, surprisingly enough, not that different than Morgantown. But when we moved back I had to take almost a 50% pay cut. I didn't crunch the numbers correctly. And we did okay. Then we had a child, and have used up a lot of our investments (not retirement), and are just about to operate in the black again in the next couple of months, but it's been a struggle.
  • lna_1981
    lna_1981 Posts: 696 Member
    I'd definitely move, not a fan of Florida
  • Veil5577
    Veil5577 Posts: 868 Member
    I've wanted to move to Rhode Island since my ex took me there to meet his family. Unfortunately, I'm stuck in Ohio.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I really, really don't like Florida and I miss the Northeast terribly. If I had the choice, I'd go. But you like Florida and hate CT, so you should probably stay in Florida. Maybe try getting out more and making some friends. It might mean a move to a different part of the state for a job, though.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Are Florida and Connecticut your only options? Maybe this is the opportunity to strike out on one of those grand adventures somewhere totally new and exciting. California? New York? Paris?
    New York and California? Don't even think about these if you think CT is too expensive. NY & CA and #1 & #2 for highest taxes and cost of living. I live in CA, and have for most of my life. Love the lifestyle, hate the expense.

    Did you know that there is more to New York than New York City??? I know -- blows one's mind, doesn't it?
  • Laurenloveswaffles
    Laurenloveswaffles Posts: 535 Member
    I'm currently debating if I want to move to Cali from Texas when I graduate college, which I most likely will. I say move back. Nothing is permanent, and since your job is currently stagnant, I think it's perfect timing.
  • NotRailMeat
    NotRailMeat Posts: 509 Member
    Are Florida and Connecticut your only options? Maybe this is the opportunity to strike out on one of those grand adventures somewhere totally new and exciting. California? New York? Paris?
    New York and California? Don't even think about these if you think CT is too expensive. NY & CA and #1 & #2 for highest taxes and cost of living. I live in CA, and have for most of my life. Love the lifestyle, hate the expense.
    Did you know that there is more to New York than New York City??? I know -- blows one's mind, doesn't it?
    Why do people always feel the need to point out there is more to New York than just NYC? Yes I know that there is a difference between the two, and I was referring to the state as a whole and not just the city...
    http://www.cbsnews.com/news/what-us-states-have-the-highest-and-lowest-taxes/
  • romach79
    romach79 Posts: 277 Member
    FWIW - I've lived in Calif, Colorado, Texas, Oklahoma, Arizona, Florida, South Carolina and Great Britain. Everytime I moved I had no friends when I got to the new place. I made new friends and enjoyed every one of those places. Abe Lincoln said a man is about as happy as he makes up his mind to be. You can decide to stay or go, but I suspect if you aren't happy in one place you might not be happy in the other either. Perhaps you should examine why you aren't happy and see if you can fix that. Sounds like the job might be one of the things weighing on you. Figure out why you aren't liking the current job and see if any of those things can be changed, if not move on. Life's too short to wait on someone or something else to make you happy.
  • frannieshack
    frannieshack Posts: 327 Member
    DO NOT make the move just to be close to friends, your friends are buying homes, settling down, probably starting a family soon. They will be busy with there own lives, get busy with your's! Go where YOU want to be! It takes a while to find a new job and new friends, give that part some time, but if you are in a place you want to be, you will enjoy it more. My two cents.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Are Florida and Connecticut your only options? Maybe this is the opportunity to strike out on one of those grand adventures somewhere totally new and exciting. California? New York? Paris?
    New York and California? Don't even think about these if you think CT is too expensive. NY & CA and #1 & #2 for highest taxes and cost of living. I live in CA, and have for most of my life. Love the lifestyle, hate the expense.
    Did you know that there is more to New York than New York City??? I know -- blows one's mind, doesn't it?
    Why do people always feel the need to point out there is more to New York than just NYC? Yes I know that there is a difference between the two, and I was referring to the state as a whole and not just the city...
    http://www.cbsnews.com/news/what-us-states-have-the-highest-and-lowest-taxes/

    I lived in the state for 28 years and it is NOT a high COL outside of NYC and surrounding counties. It's quite inexpensive, actually, and far cheaper than where the OP currently lives.

    FYI -- states with lower taxes, I've found from living in a couple of them, make up for those low taxes by doing things like charging $300 to register your car every year. Rent, food, etc., are super low in many parts of New York.

    Also, people from NY feel the need to point this out because every time we mention being from NY, people assume we mean the City. And most people who never lived there actually don't realize there is more to the state than that. I have actually met several people who think the entire state is New York City and Buffalo. And they only know about Buffalo because of the Bills and wings.
  • jnichel
    jnichel Posts: 4,553 Member
    Not counting the military days, I moved away from my hometown of New Orleans for a job in Phoenix. After about 18 months, I was in your boat...missing home, missing friends and family, so we moved back 6 months later. It didn't take me long to remember why we left in the first time. Friends and family were fine, but there was just something about my hometown that made me unhappy. We moved to Buffalo, NY (I know, I know) about 10 years ago, and anytime I get homesick, I just remind myself of the time we moved back to New Orleans. YMMV
  • ShannonS921
    ShannonS921 Posts: 194
    I'm in a similar boat...and would move back home in a heartbeat if I could...so I vote for moving.
  • kendall916
    kendall916 Posts: 4,222 Member
    I'd love to stay in my area but its very possible of me moving just so I can get a job -long sigh-
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
    Not counting the military days, I moved away from my hometown of New Orleans for a job in Phoenix. After about 18 months, I was in your boat...missing home, missing friends and family, so we moved back 6 months later. It didn't take me long to remember why we left in the first time. Friends and family were fine, but there was just something about my hometown that made me unhappy. We moved to Buffalo, NY (I know, I know) about 10 years ago, and anytime I get homesick, I just remind myself of the time we moved back to New Orleans. YMMV

    Funny. I am from Buffalo NY and live in Phoenix. I love both, but the only other place I would ever consider moving to is Portland OR area.
  • teresamwhite
    teresamwhite Posts: 947 Member
    If I had my druthers, I would move to a different state every few years. I was raised an Army brat and then enlisted, and later married a soldier. When we got out and settled in KY 14 years ago, it was an adventure "putting down roots"...fact of the matter is...I have been itching to move for the last ten years, but the hubs is having none of it. KY is his home and I will never pry him out of here.

    I'm all about the move...
  • wolf39us
    wolf39us Posts: 163 Member
    Thanks for the responses guys. I understand that my friends will probably fade away eventually... but I've got a few things in mind personally.

    - My grandparents are getting pretty old -- I'd hate to not be able to hang with them because I don't want to be cold
    While COL is higher in CT... so is the payrate.
    - I have a job prospect I'm chasing at the moment that pays 42k/month (which when taking into account COL index is more money than what I make here at 27k)
    - The job is actually in the field that I've been trying to get into for years. Information technology!
    - I miss my friends dearly and would love to spend the time that I can chilling with them as much as I can before they decide to disappear like some of my other friends who left the country / had kids
    - I do miss having cooler weather all year round... I am CONSTANTLY complaining about how darn hot it is here in FL. Some of the year is perfectly fine, the other part is unbearable.
    - Do you realize how much the pizza sucks down here??? LOL
  • TechNerd42
    TechNerd42 Posts: 225 Member
    Life is what you make it. Go make it happy. :) And good luck with the job prospect. I graduated from hobbyist to salaried IT "Specialist" a couple years ago. It's an experience. If you haven't already, watch The IT Crowd (it's on Netflix streaming, and there are probably episodes online) and remember - it *is* like that. :) (Well, I don't think I could convince anyone not to Google Google, but otherwise.)
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    - My grandparents are getting pretty old -- I'd hate to not be able to hang with them because I don't want to be cold

    Ah. I just lost both my grandparents (one on each side and my last two living) within a month of each other and I hadn't made it up to visit in two years before that. So I'm biased here, but I'm going to say this is a really compelling reason to move back.

    As for pizza, there's a place in Estero (if it's still there) that's AMAZING. Or if you want to drive a couple hours, there's a local chain in Port St. Lucie/Ft. Pierce that is AMAZING. I'm pretty sure the owners are New Yorkers originally, based on how amazing it is. :-)

    Some parts of Florida have great pizza. You just have to find it. And you can't trust the locals on this because native Floridians are clueless about pizza.
  • rhoule76
    rhoule76 Posts: 217 Member
    CT will be what you make of it, tbh. If you think it boring, it will be. You need to make it not boring. You'll have your friends here, depending on where in CT, there are still things to do (clubbing, sports, etc...) if you choose to. I live in CT and love it here, granted I'm a native Rhode Islander, so I've been in this area my entire life, but I like that we are still close to major cities but live in a quiet town.
  • wolf39us
    wolf39us Posts: 163 Member
    I get it. The grass is always greener. Just like it was 4 years ago. Like it will be 4 years after you move back and get bored again because the friends your dying to hang out with never hang out anymore because they settled down to have families.

    This may be true for some... But not everyone plays the same life script. I know people that have had relationships for over 30 years... I'm going on 15 years with some of mine.

    I understand that there's a high probability that they will fade away eventually... And when there's nothing left to hold me back, then I'll go somewhere else.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I get it. The grass is always greener. Just like it was 4 years ago. Like it will be 4 years after you move back and get bored again because the friends your dying to hang out with never hang out anymore because they settled down to have families.

    This may be true for some... But not everyone plays the same life script. I know people that have had relationships for over 30 years... I'm going on 15 years with some of mine.

    I understand that there's a high probability that they will fade away eventually... And when there's nothing left to hold me back, then I'll go somewhere else.

    I've had the same best friend for 36 years (I'm 37). I also have stayed very close friends with people I've known since elementary and middle school across decades and even long miles. I dated a guy briefly in high school and I'm still vaguely in touch with him AND the guy he's been best friends with since before I met them and I knew them 20 years ago. Some people will fade out, but some friendships do last. And not everyone gives up their entire lives because they have kids. I sure as heck didn't.
  • wolf39us
    wolf39us Posts: 163 Member
    Just an update from this, I MOVED back to Connecticut.

    I now enjoy double my wages from Florida and cooler weather without borderline having a heat stroke. So glad I got to have some good New England food!
  • mikeshockley
    mikeshockley Posts: 684 Member
    I'd rather sweep sand than shovel snow!

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