Major Life Change
BehindBlueEyes988
Posts: 433
in Chit-Chat
Before I start, I ask people please have some decency with this. It's been rough enough on me without snarky comments.
So, I want to make this as short as possible.
For the year I've been planning a wedding. Set to be at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC in October. A few weeks ago my fiance called me (his job has him travel every weekend most of the year) and he told me he wasn't happy, so on and so forth. He left me. He said after 8 years together, he wanted to see what else was out there. I didn't make him happy.
Trust me when I say, this was one of the hardest things in my life. He was the first boyfriend I ever had, I suppose only to this point, and I was blind sided. I was literally mailing our wedding invites the next day. He cheated on me before, with details I am not at all willing to say, but begged forgiveness. I forgave, and I got burned. Now I'M done.
I know I deserve better. I was faithful, always. He was not.
But damn if it doesn't suck, and doesn't hurt. It's so weird for me to be single for the first time since I was 17. Never in my adult life have I lived for myself. Now I am.
I'm moving to a new city. Getting a new job, Starting a new life.
I just wanted to share, because it makes things a little easier on me
So, I want to make this as short as possible.
For the year I've been planning a wedding. Set to be at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC in October. A few weeks ago my fiance called me (his job has him travel every weekend most of the year) and he told me he wasn't happy, so on and so forth. He left me. He said after 8 years together, he wanted to see what else was out there. I didn't make him happy.
Trust me when I say, this was one of the hardest things in my life. He was the first boyfriend I ever had, I suppose only to this point, and I was blind sided. I was literally mailing our wedding invites the next day. He cheated on me before, with details I am not at all willing to say, but begged forgiveness. I forgave, and I got burned. Now I'M done.
I know I deserve better. I was faithful, always. He was not.
But damn if it doesn't suck, and doesn't hurt. It's so weird for me to be single for the first time since I was 17. Never in my adult life have I lived for myself. Now I am.
I'm moving to a new city. Getting a new job, Starting a new life.
I just wanted to share, because it makes things a little easier on me
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Replies
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My favorite quote...If a relationship is to evolve, it must go through a series of endings. ~ Lisa Moriyama
My last relationship ended as kind of a blindside too, but you know, it's actually the best thing that's ever happened to me. I know it's hard now, and as much as I wish I could say you'll get over him quickly, it takes time, but you're strong, and you'll meet the man of your dreams, who deserves to have you in his life. As my mother said...my ex was just helping me kill time until the right one came along!0 -
My first marriage ended out of the blue just as suddenly because she didn't love me, never loved me, wasn't happy. It destroyed me BUT....it DOES get better.0
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You're lucky.0
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Hey I'm really sorry what happened to you. Make a good circle of friends here, there is a lot of support and personalities on this place, you'll never grow bored. Feel free to add me. You're in a good place and about to be in a better one.0
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Before I start, I ask people please have some decency with this. It's been rough enough on me without snarky comments.
So, I want to make this as short as possible.
For the year I've been planning a wedding. Set to be at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC in October. A few weeks ago my fiance called me (his job has him travel every weekend most of the year) and he told me he wasn't happy, so on and so forth. He left me. He said after 8 years together, he wanted to see what else was out there. I didn't make him happy.
Trust me when I say, this was one of the hardest things in my life. He was the first boyfriend I ever had, I suppose only to this point, and I was blind sided. I was literally mailing our wedding invites the next day. He cheated on me before, with details I am not at all willing to say, but begged forgiveness. I forgave, and I got burned. Now I'M done.
I know I deserve better. I was faithful, always. He was not.
But damn if it doesn't suck, and doesn't hurt. It's so weird for me to be single for the first time since I was 17. Never in my adult life have I lived for myself. Now I am.
I'm moving to a new city. Getting a new job, Starting a new life.
I just wanted to share, because it makes things a little easier on me
It happens and it hurts. Only time will help. Get yourself a fine piece of jewelry.0 -
As bad as it feels, and as hard as it is, I think this is all for the best. You have a much better chance at happiness now. You're doing all the right things.0
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Thanks guys
I know I'm lucky, and I know so much better is to come. But its still a hard move like you guys said.
I will say, moving to a beach town near family is a huge help. I gave my two weeks at my current job and will be outta this town (Charlotte) next week.
Thank God for the kindness of friends who have given me a place to stay free of charge0 -
Oh sweetie that is really tough. I do feel for you. But you will get past this and you will find there is whole new world out there. It is hard starting out again alone but the most important thing is that you can be a strong independent woman in your own right. Have some fun, meet some guys, take your time. Life is an adventure enjoy it.0
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My favorite quote...If a relationship is to evolve, it must go through a series of endings. ~ Lisa Moriyama
My last relationship ended as kind of a blindside too, but you know, it's actually the best thing that's ever happened to me. I know it's hard now, and as much as I wish I could say you'll get over him quickly, it takes time, but you're strong, and you'll meet the man of your dreams, who deserves to have you in his life. As my mother said...my ex was just helping me kill time until the right one came along!
Your mom is a wise woman, I love that quote.0 -
Going through a divorce right now..... if he'd married you, it could have ended up a whole lot worse. At least he broke it off now, before you mailed the invites, before you were actually married to him, before you had kids with him....
I never thought I'd end up being a lone parent....... but sh** happens and people don't plan for that kind of thing. People just make the best of how things turn out.
It's a new start. You're young, you have a very good chance of meeting someone and finding out that they're actually a better match for you than your ex.0 -
You guys are literally making me cry right now. I appreciate the kind words more than I can ever say.
Everyone I know personally have just been lashing out at him. Saying mean things. And while I'm angry, he did save me so much more pain later. We had many good years, and I'll cherish them, but I will move on.
You all are just..being so supportive of me, and you don't even know me. It means soo much to me. Thank you!0 -
Going through a divorce right now..... if he'd married you, it could have ended up a whole lot worse. At least he broke it off now, before you mailed the invites, before you were actually married to him, before you had kids with him....
I never thought I'd end up being a lone parent....... but sh** happens and people don't plan for that kind of thing. People just make the best of how things turn out.
It's a new start. You're young, you have a very good chance of meeting someone and finding out that they're actually a better match for you than your ex.
Thank you. That's how he explained it. He cares for me, but didn't love me. He didn't want me to put me through more pain later when he knew it wouldn't work0 -
very lucky it happened before the wedding. He is not worth your tears and frustration. Sounds like you got it together and are moving on nicely. We are there for you0
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I'm certain you will be just fine, better things ahead.....my only advice, when you see his number on your cell phone, or a text from him.....just ignore it. It will save your more heartbreak down the road!!0
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very lucky it happened before the wedding. He is not worth your tears and frustration. Sounds like you got it together and are moving on nicely. We are there for you
Thank you so much. He did that for a reason. Would have been nice before I spent $250 on invite0 -
I just wanted to share, because it makes things a little easier on me
It gets easier and easier, no matter where you think you might be stuck now or in the future. Through it all you can still be the AMAZING you that you are. Just remember to take the high road and forgive again. Not for him, but for yourself. Might seem impossible now, but down the road it will let you know you had the character and strength to be the person you know you should be.
Thoughts and prayers for all the best as you move to the next exciting road in life.
Cheers.0 -
Oh, and your dog will love you no matter what! 0
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Feel for you but life goes on........the first time he cheated you shouldn't have taken him back........at least you have learnt that lesson.
You need to find someone worthy when of course your ready......don't rush into it.....it will take years not months to find someone but will be worth it........people are better on there own than with someone who just doesn't give a damn. Keep your friends and family close and don't make the same mistake again. He's a Loser......now you know!0 -
Oh, and your dog will love you no matter what!
My dog is my man! Little Enzo!!! But I only know of him cheating that time, and now I will not do it again. We've talked since, and I've made it very clear we are over.
I told him then, no matter how much it hurts me, next time I'm gone. I stand by that. I. Am. Gone!0 -
You are absolutely gorgeous and deserve so much better than a guy who would do this. He didn't even have the balls to say it in person. Keep your head up high, you deserve the best!0
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I recently was blindsided by a breakup as well...together 8 years, first real boyfriend..so many similarities! We weren't engaged, but he is away training for a job and I was about to uproot my life and move for him when he got posted, so at least he did it before I quit my job, which I enjoy. I am still pretty devastated, but I am having some good days, which is gives me hope. The thing that sucks is that he is still gone away until August...so it all ended in a brief convo over the phone and I won't even get to see him in person to get some closure until he comes to get his stuff.
I know how you feel and if everything everyone else says is true, we will get through it!0 -
I recently was blindsided by a breakup as well...together 8 years, first real boyfriend..so many similarities! We weren't engaged, but he is away training for a job and I was about to uproot my life and move for him when he got posted, so at least he did it before I quit my job, which I enjoy. I am still pretty devastated, but I am having some good days, which is gives me hope. The thing that sucks is that he is still gone away until August...so it all ended in a brief convo over the phone and I won't even get to see him in person to get some closure until he comes to get his stuff.
I know how you feel and if everything everyone else says is true, we will get through it!
I feel the same for you as I did for her! :flowerforyou:
Both of you feel free to friend me if you want/need more support!!
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You will have your ups and downs as a single woman now; some days will be great and others will be awful. In the end, he did you a favor.0
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Reading through the posts---you have received some good advice from veterans and newbies alike. I am actually finalizing my divorce and t gained insight from the post as well. Thanks all. Yes, you are blessed to have supportive family and friends. Yes, it does hurt, takes time and will get better. Give yourself permission to grieve it all until all of the different emotions are replaced with something far more rewarding. You are doing good to start over in a new place which will make it easier to transition into a new lif and identity. Take it one day at a time. This too shall pass and when it does, you will look back and realize you are the stronger, wiser, happier and better for it. 0
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I hear you. I dated the same guy from ages 14-21, got engaged & had a bridal shower, bought a house & got dumped 4 DAYS later! I had to live with him for 8 months while he dated someone else the whole time. Looking back it was the best thing that could have happened.
It does get better. At least you didn't get married & have kids with him. You can get started right away with your new life with no legal hassles. Use this time to find yourself and figure out what you want from your life. Hugs 0 -
You have been giving some great advice and support.
I would just like to add this:
Don't just ignore calls from his phone block them from his number once you have all your details and move done. You had been together for such a long time that if he really needs to contact you urgently he can find other ways to do so.
You do not need him trying to come back again when the happy life he is trying to chase doesn't eventuate. I know you are being strong now telling him it is over BUT can you be that girl when you are feeling down/sentimental/a little tipsy/ a little -uh- you know - tingly?
Good luck and move on move forward move strong. x0 -
I want to quote and talk to so many of you individually. I know for sure I am not alone. You have all been through so much, and every single one of you...you are so strong!!!! Your words have given me strength.
I know I deserve a man who doesn't cheat. Since breaking up, an old friend of mine from high school and I have been talking. He hasn't been pushy. Hasn't once mentioned dating.
He's just been a friend. He's made me laugh, he's understood. We didn't talk for years after high school. When I went to visit my home state (Connecticut) about a week after getting dumped I texted him (he wanted to hang a few months earlier, but i was only there for two days) and we hung out with my sister. He texted right after and said he had a good time. We hung out a few days later, and he hasn't stopped texting. Its nice. My sister is convinced he's had a thing for me for the last 6 years, but respected I was in a relationship
What I appreciate is unlike some guys, he hasn't pushed me. He hasn't said anything outside the realm of friends. He's been hilarious and kind. I can't help but wonder if this is where life is leading. But I'm not jumping to conclusions.
Just enjoying life!0 -
You have been giving some great advice and support.
I would just like to add this:
Don't just ignore calls from his phone block them from his number once you have all your details and move done. You had been together for such a long time that if he really needs to contact you urgently he can find other ways to do so.
You do not need him trying to come back again when the happy life he is trying to chase doesn't eventuate. I know you are being strong now telling him it is over BUT can you be that girl when you are feeling down/sentimental/a little tipsy/ a little -uh- you know - tingly?
Good luck and move on move forward move strong. x
Thanks! We text here and there. But he got a ton of girls numbers and started snap chatting and such the week he broke it off. He said it hurts, and he's alone and lonely, but won't respond if I send a text. He's known to lie, and I'm just done with him as a relationship.
I have my loving dog snuggling with me, and he loves me to the end 0 -
I hear you. I dated the same guy from ages 14-21, got engaged & had a bridal shower, bought a house & got dumped 4 DAYS later! I had to live with him for 8 months while he dated someone else the whole time. Looking back it was the best thing that could have happened.
It does get better. At least you didn't get married & have kids with him. You can get started right away with your new life with no legal hassles. Use this time to find yourself and figure out what you want from your life. Hugs
We looked at buying. We agreed to live in an apartment for a year and shop around. We had just moved in. I did all the work, and I'm the one living on a couch. It's bul!0 -
I am sorry that happened to you. It is rough thinking you have your life pretty much planned out just to have the rug pulled out from underneath you. You sound like you very much have a good head on your shoulders. I am proud that you know you deserve much better than that. Believe me it is his loss and someone(maybe your friend) gain that is for sure. Good luck on your new life. Make the best of each day.0
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