Major Life Change

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  • MildredBarhopper
    MildredBarhopper Posts: 99 Member
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    I recently was blindsided by a breakup as well...together 8 years, first real boyfriend..so many similarities! We weren't engaged, but he is away training for a job and I was about to uproot my life and move for him when he got posted, so at least he did it before I quit my job, which I enjoy. I am still pretty devastated, but I am having some good days, which is gives me hope. The thing that sucks is that he is still gone away until August...so it all ended in a brief convo over the phone and I won't even get to see him in person to get some closure until he comes to get his stuff.

    I know how you feel and if everything everyone else says is true, we will get through it!
  • newdaydawning79
    newdaydawning79 Posts: 1,503 Member
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    I recently was blindsided by a breakup as well...together 8 years, first real boyfriend..so many similarities! We weren't engaged, but he is away training for a job and I was about to uproot my life and move for him when he got posted, so at least he did it before I quit my job, which I enjoy. I am still pretty devastated, but I am having some good days, which is gives me hope. The thing that sucks is that he is still gone away until August...so it all ended in a brief convo over the phone and I won't even get to see him in person to get some closure until he comes to get his stuff.

    I know how you feel and if everything everyone else says is true, we will get through it!

    I feel the same for you as I did for her! :flowerforyou:

    Both of you feel free to friend me if you want/need more support!! :heart:
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
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    You will have your ups and downs as a single woman now; some days will be great and others will be awful. In the end, he did you a favor.
  • quaysdays
    quaysdays Posts: 5
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    Reading through the posts---you have received some good advice from veterans and newbies alike. I am actually finalizing my divorce and t gained insight from the post as well. Thanks all. Yes, you are blessed to have supportive family and friends. Yes, it does hurt, takes time and will get better. Give yourself permission to grieve it all until all of the different emotions are replaced with something far more rewarding. You are doing good to start over in a new place which will make it easier to transition into a new lif and identity. Take it one day at a time. This too shall pass and when it does, you will look back and realize you are the stronger, wiser, happier and better for it.:smile:
  • aqualeo1
    aqualeo1 Posts: 331 Member
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    I hear you. I dated the same guy from ages 14-21, got engaged & had a bridal shower, bought a house & got dumped 4 DAYS later! I had to live with him for 8 months while he dated someone else the whole time. Looking back it was the best thing that could have happened.
    It does get better. At least you didn't get married & have kids with him. You can get started right away with your new life with no legal hassles. Use this time to find yourself and figure out what you want from your life. Hugs :)
  • msbunnie68
    msbunnie68 Posts: 1,894 Member
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    You have been giving some great advice and support.

    I would just like to add this:

    Don't just ignore calls from his phone block them from his number once you have all your details and move done. You had been together for such a long time that if he really needs to contact you urgently he can find other ways to do so.

    You do not need him trying to come back again when the happy life he is trying to chase doesn't eventuate. I know you are being strong now telling him it is over BUT can you be that girl when you are feeling down/sentimental/a little tipsy/ a little -uh- you know - tingly?

    Good luck and move on move forward move strong. x
  • BehindBlueEyes988
    BehindBlueEyes988 Posts: 433
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    I want to quote and talk to so many of you individually. I know for sure I am not alone. You have all been through so much, and every single one of you...you are so strong!!!! Your words have given me strength.

    I know I deserve a man who doesn't cheat. Since breaking up, an old friend of mine from high school and I have been talking. He hasn't been pushy. Hasn't once mentioned dating.

    He's just been a friend. He's made me laugh, he's understood. We didn't talk for years after high school. When I went to visit my home state (Connecticut) about a week after getting dumped I texted him (he wanted to hang a few months earlier, but i was only there for two days) and we hung out with my sister. He texted right after and said he had a good time. We hung out a few days later, and he hasn't stopped texting. Its nice. My sister is convinced he's had a thing for me for the last 6 years, but respected I was in a relationship

    What I appreciate is unlike some guys, he hasn't pushed me. He hasn't said anything outside the realm of friends. He's been hilarious and kind. I can't help but wonder if this is where life is leading. But I'm not jumping to conclusions.

    Just enjoying life!
  • BehindBlueEyes988
    BehindBlueEyes988 Posts: 433
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    You have been giving some great advice and support.

    I would just like to add this:

    Don't just ignore calls from his phone block them from his number once you have all your details and move done. You had been together for such a long time that if he really needs to contact you urgently he can find other ways to do so.

    You do not need him trying to come back again when the happy life he is trying to chase doesn't eventuate. I know you are being strong now telling him it is over BUT can you be that girl when you are feeling down/sentimental/a little tipsy/ a little -uh- you know - tingly?

    Good luck and move on move forward move strong. x

    Thanks! We text here and there. But he got a ton of girls numbers and started snap chatting and such the week he broke it off. He said it hurts, and he's alone and lonely, but won't respond if I send a text. He's known to lie, and I'm just done with him as a relationship.

    I have my loving dog snuggling with me, and he loves me to the end :)
  • BehindBlueEyes988
    BehindBlueEyes988 Posts: 433
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    I hear you. I dated the same guy from ages 14-21, got engaged & had a bridal shower, bought a house & got dumped 4 DAYS later! I had to live with him for 8 months while he dated someone else the whole time. Looking back it was the best thing that could have happened.
    It does get better. At least you didn't get married & have kids with him. You can get started right away with your new life with no legal hassles. Use this time to find yourself and figure out what you want from your life. Hugs :)

    We looked at buying. We agreed to live in an apartment for a year and shop around. We had just moved in. I did all the work, and I'm the one living on a couch. It's bul!
  • strbryt
    strbryt Posts: 488 Member
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    I am sorry that happened to you. It is rough thinking you have your life pretty much planned out just to have the rug pulled out from underneath you. You sound like you very much have a good head on your shoulders. I am proud that you know you deserve much better than that. Believe me it is his loss and someone(maybe your friend) gain that is for sure. Good luck on your new life. Make the best of each day.
  • BehindBlueEyes988
    BehindBlueEyes988 Posts: 433
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    I am sorry that happened to you. It is rough thinking you have your life pretty much planned out just to have the rug pulled out from underneath you. You sound like you very much have a good head on your shoulders. I am proud that you know you deserve much better than that. Believe me it is his loss and someone(maybe your friend) gain that is for sure. Good luck on your new life. Make the best of each day.
    Much appreciated. I'm not sure where my life will lead, or with who, but I've enjoyed the life so far. A lot less stress wondering if he's cheating while on the road. Or if he did. Now, its whatever. He can do what he pleases. I'm out
  • mjbowman821
    mjbowman821 Posts: 66 Member
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    I am so sorry to hear that. I lost my wife in Jan after 14 years of marriage. (Next Thursday would have been 15 years)

    I would tell you this.

    Its ok to put you first
    Take time to heal, even though it ended badly you still have hurt that needs to be resolved.
    Learn who you are again. Do the things that YOU enjoy.
    Time will heal but it moves so slow.
    You have a new normal it will never be the same again

    Find a man who understands your value as a woman and treats you as valuable to them and not cheaply.
  • SheGlows
    SheGlows Posts: 520 Member
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    Well, being a teenage girl who's never experienced a truly significant, long-lasting relationship, I don't really get to talk here. However, I watched my mom go through a similar situation about eight or nine years ago where my dad left her for a woman almost half her age, very suddenly. A few weeks after the divorce they were married. It really tore her up, but looking back now, I can say (in my own opinion) it's the best thing that's ever happened to her.
    Granted, she was an absolute mess in the beginning. Who wouldn't be after a traumatic situation like that? But since I was eight, I've watched her journey to recovering from her loss and she is the strongest woman I've ever had the pleasure of knowing in my (short) lifetime. She had two options after my dad made his very stupid decision: Let herself go completely, or make herself better than she's ever been before. Granted, she took some time before she felt okay again. She read some divorce books along the way, even tried online dating (oof!), and eventually found the humor and happiness in her journey. She actually had a chance to focus on herself for once, and all the men at our gym seem to check her out more than me now! ;-)
    Moral of the story: It hurts like hell now, and you probably will feel like you're falling apart for quite some time. But that's the beauty of time, it goes on. Like my mom tells me, "This, too, shall pass."
  • the_summer_belle
    the_summer_belle Posts: 353 Member
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    Well done to you taking the steps to move on in your life, your ex is the one who lost out, if he keeps treating women this way he will be 50 and all alone its called Karma. Your beautiful and you sounds like you have a pure heart rok on, you'll be wiser for this!
  • kimothy38
    kimothy38 Posts: 840 Member
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    I hope you got to keep the dog! They are great company and love you unconditionally - unlike your ex it sounds like. Something I read today: Challenges are a beautiful opportunity in disguise. I think it's quite apt for your situation. It must be really painful right now but something good will come of it, guaranteed. Big hugs to you.
  • BehindBlueEyes988
    BehindBlueEyes988 Posts: 433
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    I hope you got to keep the dog! They are great company and love you unconditionally - unlike your ex it sounds like. Something I read today: Challenges are a beautiful opportunity in disguise. I think it's quite apt for your situation. It must be really painful right now but something good will come of it, guaranteed. Big hugs to you.

    Oh yeah! He's my baby!! I paid for him, I picked him up, he won't leave my side, and he's laying his head on my laptop while I write this. Legally he's mine too. Only my name is on his papers, and he's the love of my life!!

    And thanks again for the kind words everyone. It was so hard at first. I spent that whole first day waiting for him to come home, hoping to talk to him and sort it out. A lot of tears, a lot of hysterics (of which the dog brought a toy each time).

    The first week was by far the worst. Didn't eat, didn't do much. Took the week off work and just cried a lot. Hardly took care of myself.

    It's been rough on my diet, I had to quit crossfit (we went together...he still goes) and can't eat as well as I'd like.

    But once I officially move I'm back full paleo mostly, and starting T25 until my finances get in order.

    And, although its a temp job, I had a phone interview for a job that starts a week after my last day in Charlotte, and they love me!!! So even if its not as much, I still have an income!
  • BehindBlueEyes988
    BehindBlueEyes988 Posts: 433
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    Quick update. I went to give him his key back this morning before I left. And after insisting he wouldn't even look at another woman for a while, and telling me "he was just going through ****" which is why he wouldn't answer for days....I walked in to him getting out of the shower with a new girl.

    So, I reamed him. Told him everything I had held back, called him a liar, and told him to never talk to me again.

    To keep lying, and find another girl what he said was "only three weeks ago" after he said he definitely didn't. And mind you, he dumped me not even 4 weeks ago.

    Sucks knowing he truly never cared. And hasn't for quite a long time. I told him to lose my number, and never ever talk to me again
  • Oi_Sunshine
    Oi_Sunshine Posts: 819 Member
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    After your last update I'd say paying $250 for unused invitations is quite the bargain if it means you aren't tied down with this schmuck.
  • chrissyrenee1029
    chrissyrenee1029 Posts: 358 Member
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    Quick update. I went to give him his key back this morning before I left. And after insisting he wouldn't even look at another woman for a while, and telling me "he was just going through ****" which is why he wouldn't answer for days....I walked in to him getting out of the shower with a new girl.

    So, I reamed him. Told him everything I had held back, called him a liar, and told him to never talk to me again.

    To keep lying, and find another girl what he said was "only three weeks ago" after he said he definitely didn't. And mind you, he dumped me not even 4 weeks ago.

    Sucks knowing he truly never cared. And hasn't for quite a long time. I told him to lose my number, and never ever talk to me again

    Wow. I know it hurts now, but he truly did you a favor. You absolutely deserve better.
  • danasings
    danasings Posts: 8,218 Member
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    I haven't read the responses yet.

    Oh honey, I wish I could give you a big hug. That is so painful.

    Time is the only thing that can help. It sucks, but it's true.

    Also, in five years you will look back and say to yourself, "Thank goodness I didn't marry that (insert insult here)."

    All the best to you. Onward and upward. :flowerforyou:

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