Afraid to become thin?

Hi everyone! This is my first post on this website, after a bit over half a year now. I've just come to my first milestone of losing 15 lbs, and every time I go to watch what I eat, or to exercise, I become absolutely petrified of the thought of being thin. But at the same time, I'm really angry that I'm still overweight. The root of my being overweight was that I was hurt as a child, and I began packing on weight, because I thought that I wouldn't have been hurt had I been fat. Well, when I got fat, I got hurt in a different way, and I just gained more. This was a little more than 10 years ago - 19 now - and I really want to get healthy and do the things I want to, but they require me to be thin and flexible. Has anyone gone through the fear of change, but also the anger at staying the same?

I'm afraid of regression, and giving up control of what I eat, how much, and my exercising. It's a struggle every day, but I'm able to push through it currently. Any tips or advice on how you all stay motivated, or keep from blowing it off?

Thanks! (:

I feel like you're afraid of being thin because you're worried that it'll bring you back to the place that you were at when whatever happened to you happened the first time. What you have to realize is that you deserve to be happy and healthy and going back to your old bodyweight (or close to that) will in no way, shape or form, make you experience whatever happened to you again.

And a fear of change is extremely normal. Everyone fears change, especially when they've had something traumatic happen to them. You find a situation that you're comfortable in and then you feel like it's somehow being taken away from you. But it's not. You're the one that's in control of the situation, you're creating your own future and that's great.

I think what will help you is to reinforce the fact that the effort your putting into getting healthy is great and that you deserve that.

Also, sometimes thinking of small steps is easier than looking at the big picture. Change doesn't seem as terrifying when you think of it like, "okay, for the next two days I'm going to do _________" instead of thinking, "my end goal is this, I have to reach this or else I won't be happy and I'll be disappointed in myself." Don't make it harder than it has to be.

The things I was going to say have already been stated very well by the two posters before me. I will add, however, that you would probably benefit greatly by getting some counseling. Being able to talk about what's happened to you, the results of it and your fears in a safe environment will help you to work through the emotional issues that are causing your anxiety.

And like the previous poster said, if you lose the weight you think you want to lose, and it ends up making you unhappy, putting more weight on is pretty darn easy. And you don't even have to do it in an unhealthy way if you don't want to. It's just as easy to gain weight eating foods that are good for you as it is to gain weight eating fast food and candy.

Whatever you decide to do, the very best to you.

I completely get that. I had a very fit body and as a pre-teen, it attracted the wrong, married adult person who really manipulated me. Due to a stroke of luck and timing it was limited to very personal touching and I came to my senses on a long vacation and was able to cut away from the whole situation. However, I never really trusted men's intentions.

Nonetheless I went all the way into my late 20s with boys being ridiculous around me. I can't even watch comedies that joke about the way men-going-after-a-hottie. I get mad and don't find them funny at all, even to this day.

Throughout my working life - which is sedentary - I went to the gym and as the weight came off I caught certain women eyeing me very critically and (I felt) competitively. I could feel their claws coming out.

A disastrous relationship with a fellow who seemed so nice but turned out to be just the sort of fellow I didn't want .... So I remember a clear, loud thought came to me at one point. "If I gain weight they'll leave me alone." I was giving myself permission to eat.

Once I became heavier, I also found people looked right through me.

In my mid 40s I lost the excess. I'll tell you the women started giving me cookies, and men started chasing me up elevators. No I don't wear clothes that would attract that behavior.

At this point I'm hugely overweight and so conflicted. Everything aches, I easily sprain ligaments, my back hurts.

I'm going to make the effort to lose it but I really still dread the resurgence of the phoneys.

No criticism taken. Yes, I agree in the case of the pre-teen me.

I'm not going to get into the multiple examples in my adult years ... you wouldn't believe them.
However, the behavior correlates in tandem with the slim vs fat.