Need support :/

Options
moniduh
moniduh Posts: 100
in Motivation and Support
Warning: This has to do with my relationship.



So, I've been separated from my ex for about 4 months... we had planned a future together and all that jazz. Well I started getting serious about being healthier about a month and a half ago... just recently he came back into my life and said he wanted to get back together and all was dandy. Now he tells me he loves me and he wants to be together but he's afraid I won't love him how he is and he doesn't want to change his lifestyle (drinking) and he just doesn't see it working out. Honestly, I just want some people I can relate to right now. I'm upset that he just jerked me around when I finally started getting my **** together. I feel like just laying in bed for a couple days but I don't want to crash my exercise and diet just because I'm feeling bad for myself and lonely. Any pep talks are welcome. Thanks

Replies

  • raaachelmarie
    raaachelmarie Posts: 67 Member
    Options
    The best thing you can do for yourself is to not engage and go about your life, because it's yours. You're making your own choices and you chose to get healthy, and that should carry on from your body to your mind. It doesn't sound like this guy is very considerate of what you want, and to be honest, he's probably just looking to get his ego stroked and see if he can still have you. I was with a guy who would jerk me around constantly after we planned a future together as well. Believe me, you don't need that type of heartache and stress when you're trying to get yourself together.

    I hope that helped, and you should definitely keep up with your diet and exercise. Don't let him spoil anything for you!
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    Options
    seems fairly simple... will you still love him if he keeps drinking lots? if yes then tell him you are happy with him keeping his lifestyle, if no then you go your separate ways.

    to be fair though, sounds like he's just chaged his mind again and is making it about you (he thinks YOU wont love HIM) as an easy get out clause!
  • jmnicholas
    jmnicholas Posts: 58 Member
    Options
    As you know you can't change him, but you can change you, stick with YOUR plan!

    Don't let his emotional blackmail about how you won't love him if he doesn't change mess up your plan. You are strong! Be selfish and take care of yourself first. Clearly that is attractive, and why he came back in the first place. Maybe he just feels insecure because you are doing something for yourself.

    Hope you do get out of the doldrums, and are able to focus on you.
  • msbunnie68
    msbunnie68 Posts: 1,894 Member
    Options
    Hon.

    The guy is a classic manipulator. Wanting back together when he is lonely then trying to make you think it's YOUR fault when he decides he wants out.

    Delete him from you life. Your phone. Your circle of friends. The guy should be dust under your heels.

    Keep you going for you. Anyone who meets you from now forward needs to be good enough for you. End of story. No works in progress. No 'I can change him" men.

    I know this stinks like piles of dog excreta now but... every experience we have shapes us for our future. You can learn a lot about what you DON"T want for your long term life partner from this relationship.

    Bunniehugs.x x x
  • kris472
    kris472 Posts: 61 Member
    Options
    I know exactly what you are going through. I was in a similar situation. I loved him, and we had our future planned. He kept doing things to help me sabotage my weightless (making unhealthy dinners, commenting on how I wouldn't want him once I lost weight). I had to realize that this was a life-style change, not just a fad diet. If he wasn't going to be supportive, this wasn't going to work.

    I did finally end it and had a tough time at first. I continued to have slips, but eventually I was able to look at myself and realize that this was what was best for me. Now, I have met someone new who supports me on the journey (he even had me take some progress picks to prove I was making a difference), and we are engaged to be married next year.

    So, remember, this journey is about bettering your life, and you need people around you that support that. This is a lifestyle change, not a short-term answer to a long-term battle.
  • moniduh
    moniduh Posts: 100
    Options
    Thank you so much everyone. I'll cry my tears but I'm not going to give up on my new lifestyle. This is who I am now. I love you all. Thank you for being my shoulder to cry on lol

Categories