How can I get my fiance to start with me?

"Amanda please help me lose weight." Ugh so been there lol. Well the good news is that you can help a little. But as the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. The good news is that he sounds like he wants to change he just doesn't have the habits formed yet. That takes time to develop.

Suggestions:
1. Prepare: Make his lunch and your lunch and offer to make anyone else's lunch who is interested too. Small swaps make a world of difference. Used to fries and cheeseburgers? Do chips and a homemade turkey sandwich with burger toppings. From chips do pretzels. From pretzels do a 100cal bag of mixed nuts and a cheese stick, etc.. Be mindful of nutrition but don't be too strict. Adding a bag of his favorite chips to an otherwise healthy meal is still much healthier than a whole bag of fried foods. For breakfast, have easy on the go stuff they can grab on the way out the door: protein shakes, greek yogurt, nutrition conscious granola bars, etc. And don't lose your cool if you find the lunch you spent your time preparing in the trash or left to rot in the back seat. You will have a clean conscience knowing you're doing your part and that you ARE helping. Even if it's only half a pound every other week, even if it's one home made lunch swapped for a fast food one. It's still a difference. You are helping to provide a healthy option. You'll get fitter in the process too.
2. Don't nag. I sometimes catch myself doing this. Weigh loss is a personal journey. Nagging or lecturing comes off as "I'm better than you" and that creates a weird snag in any relationship. People have google. Information is available. Just live by the good information you have and you will naturally demonstrate the benefits of your lifestyle. You wont have to say a word. If he asks well... then it's a different story .
3. Go out and do non-sitting non-eating things. This is really hard. People get together to eat and sit. That's just human nature. Go do something else. Go on a walk. Walk the mall in search of a hat or a cd. Attend a concert or festival. Go skating. Go to a haunted house. Go fishing. Play putt-putt. Get your nails done. Take a painting class. Etc. Just go live life, it's a great big world and you don't have to be a size 2 to enjoy it. Do it for you. Suggestion... don't ask "do you wanna." Because the answer will be no and you'll both be stuck on the sofa for the rest of the night bored, wanting something to munch on. Ask him to join you, you're already going to go. This might not go over well the first couple of times but over time it'll get much better and you'll make a lot more memories together. Couples bond this way.
4. Join a gym. Some people may disagree with this but our gym membership is vital. It's a place we can go together and then split off and do our own thing then compare notes later. It's a place we can play when we're bored and the weather is bad (racquetball, swim, basketball, etc.). Making time for the gym can be tough but just remember... people busier you are working out at the gym right now. Gyms are nice for people who are new to being active because you don't have to keep yourself motivated the whole way through your workout, you just have to muster up enough motivation to get to the gym. The environment does the rest. Our couch and tv and pastries aren't at the gym.

Sorry to say but there is not much you can do. He lacks the motivation to help himself and lives with enablers (parents).... I was in the same boat with my wife *****ing all the time about my weight, I half-*kitten* tried things but never stuck to it, her complaints were ignored and often pissed me off. I was also a heavy gamer.

For me, it took a visit to the doctor and a diabetes diagnosis to kick my *kitten* into gear. My suggestion is for both of you to move out of that house as soon as you can (difficult I know), start buying proper foods and start moving. When I hit the gym, even though my wife is very healthy, she saw my workouts as motivations for herself and now works out often with me and is turning into quite the hard body, so you getting into shape might be a good motivator for him as well. Don't have to go nuts at first, even short walks to get going. Unfortunately the longer you guys wait the harder this will be in the long run, but the good thing is that it's never too late to start.

have you told him what you told us? how very much it hurts you when he calls himself a fat slob, and that you have nightmares at night about losing him early? tell him that because you love him, it makes you cry, that it hurts too much. you could also tell him that you really want his company on your walks, it would mean a lot to you, and that it will give you guys a chance to talk - and if he does go with you, don't nag about food and fitness, just talk about regular stuff.

or maybe you can get part time work to pay for atkins - babysitting or lawn mowing, even? stuffing envelopes?

Short answer: If he doesn't want to, you can't.

Have you told him that it's important to you that he be as healthy as possible? You can have a conversation about it, but weight loss is a delicate thing... you have to be careful how you approach it. I would say to run it past him, and if he's not into it, let it be. You love him regardless, right?

ETA: He may complain that he's a "fat slob," and I know that's hard to hear, but unless he wants and strives for change, nothing will come of it. He has to truly want it for it to work. Good luck to you.

Find a way to get him to make subtle changes, try to convince him to increase his awareness. Him asking for help IS a good first step. Log what he eats, or get him to log it (and hopefully he won't start sneaking food), then show him his calorie intake and say, y'know, keep eating it, just instead of having 12 jallepeno poppers, have 11. Instead of three dollar menu burgers, try to have only 2, and see how you feel after that. If he's drinking soda (which he probably is, I know I did when I was over 300 lbs), try and switch him to the throwback variants (anything made with real sugar as opposed to HFCS), and then note his consumption changes (there are studies that show real sugar is better at satiating the sweet tooth and thus you drink less of it, for most people). The key is baby steps. My baby steps took me about 2 years to get to my current point, now I'm down 54 pounds from my peak weight of 328.7.

I used to do Atkins, it worked for me for a while but then I would plateau and if I was under stress and on the plateau I eventually cracked and said screw it. While it might drop you down some of the way I'm not sure it's capable of going all the way, for that you probably need to count calories. Also, if you do go the calorie count way, protein first, small bites, chew 30 times. I currently eat 6 ounces of boneless skinless chicken breast per meal, and sometimes that's all I need, I'm actually thinking of dropping down to 4 ounces and seeing what my hunger levels are after that, because I've lost so much weight I actually need to re-evaluate my calorie intake, but my delta is still fairly high so I probably will wait until I hit 250, which is 24 pounds away. I found.

I know my partner is incredibly grateful that I've started my weight loss journey along side her. At the end of the day you need to do it for yourself, and if they won't join you in this, what else won't they join you and support you with.

This is the hardest part--having your significant other support you through your efforts! Of course, they're always there to say: "I'm so proud of you" or "I support what you are doing" and genuinely, wholeheartedly, do. But it can be so difficult when they have bad habits and you're around that all the time.

My boyfriend of 7 years is rail thin- he has Hypoglycemia, and eats Taco Bell at least 5 times a week. Other meals consist of pre-packaged dinners, and he's got an awful sweet-tooth, he'll by the jumbo bags of gummi worms, now and laters, and other various candies from Fleet Farm. His metabolism is through the roof, has a very active job, and doesn't even sit still when we get home, but he eats ALL THE TIME.

Planning a meal can be nearly impossible, since he doesn't like "anything green" unless it's "drowning in ranch". So, here was my tack:
He doesn't need to lose weight, but he DOES need to be eating more healthfully. We sat down and had a frank discussion. If he wants to be a father (which he does), he needs to start planning for the long-term, and that means sticking around for a while! We discussed how his habits affect both my dieting efforts, as well as my concerns for his well-being in the long run, and then began brainstorming ideas on how we can resolve this. Involving him in the discussion and the solution really seemed to help. He felt like he was participating in the decision-making, vs. having me dictate my desires to him. He acknowledged that he wasn't healthy (which was HUGE!) and, if not for himself than for his love for me, has decided that he is going to be more aware of his eating habits, and focus on making better choices. I'm not entirely sure this is sound reasoning, as I don't want him to come to resent me. But I took it as a step in the right direction, and I'm hoping that once he gets started, he'll keep going and find his own intrinsic motivation to continue.

So, here is what we decided:
1. No "Eating Out" for dinner unless it's Fri-Sun. During the week, we cook at home, and since it's summer, we almost always grill a protein, and a vegetable.
2. Every week, we pick out a new recipe from a website (I've got a list that I use, but most are paleo-friendly, since he's a huge "meatarian" and this diet just seems to fit well as a guide) and prepare it. If we like it, it gets added to our "favorite recipes", and if we don't, then we just scrap it and never make it again
3. He's agreed to limit his taco bell and candy intake to when he is at work/lunch. When he's home, we have healthier things for him to snack on instead, and this seems to be working well. Out of sight, out of mind if you will.
4. When we do eat out on the weekends, he can order/have whatever he wants. And I won't nag. I can (and do) try to make the healthiest choices for me, but he works hard and wants to eat fried pretzel dough with cheese sauce, he's more than welcome to
5. We cut our drinking during the week DRASTICALLY. As a couple who met at a bar, and are both admitted alcoholics, this has been the hardest. I used to have a glass of wine every night after work, usually followed by a beer or something. I'm replacing this with a glass of carbonated water, with a lime. And we BOTH cut out our beloved micro-brew beers. This is a special treat, maybe 1, for the weekend.

It's been a challenge! But because we're working at it together, and because we designed these ideas together, there is a mutual support.

Hope this helps!

Agree with everyone else. He has to want it. And to get what you want, sometimes you have to do.... or eat.... or not eat... things you don't want to. It's a sacrifice.

. Please suggest to me anything I can do!!

Workout yourself. get a training program and stick to it. I read a stat that most married men lose weight when their wives do.

Lead by example.

You can't convince anyone to go on this journey with you, because this is about you. Your fiancé will do it when HE wants to. All you can be is a good example, and hope he follows.

This ^^^^^ His choice his decision

When I decided to lose weight my husband was also overweight, but not as much as I was. He wanted to lose some but didn't want to put in any effort. He puts in a lot of screen time for work too. He wont exercise or count calories, but he relies on me to cook for the most part so I sort of log his calories for him and have been slowly lowering his calories to reasonable levels and changing up his food a little/just serving him slightly smaller portions, but still allowing him to eat the things he loves, like ice cream. He has lost almost 40 lbs since January just by eating less.

Like other's have said, you cannot get him to do something he doesn't want to do. He may say he wants to, but until he actually puts in the effort there isn't much you can do.

Since he seems very picky with healthy foods and you don't have the means to even buy and prepare healthy foods, perhaps try getting him to see that he can make smarter choices with the unhealthy food he currently eats.

When I was pregnant I had gestational diabetes so I had a strict diet of low carb and high protein. I was very exhausted after work each day and often too tired to shop and cook, so we ate out a lot. Of course eating out is not ideal nor very healthy, but I ate what I could based on my diet and I did the best I could. Not only did I not end up gaining anything during my pregnancy, I even lost weight (which was fine with my doctor). So maybe start by encouraging him to just make better choices with the food he already eats.

Also, if you're asking him to go for walks, start very slow. At his size, even just a walk around the block would help but wouldn't be that overwhelming.

Someone mentioned you're in school; have you talked to the career office? They may be able to set you up with something part time on campus, working in the library or gym.

Also, call him out when he says, "I want to walk I like walking." The next time he says no to a walk, tell him that he can either tell you he wants to walk and go walking, or tell you he doesn't like walking and not go. He can't say he's going to do something and then never do it. People often say things like, "I'm going to get in shape" or "I'm going to eat well" out of guilt and not a genuine desire to better themselves.

You're awesome!

Good going on the job hunting, interviewing is a lot of work too (so much studying).
Also great that he liked the eggs you made him and that you recalled he likes swimming. Swimming is a great total body workout.

Good luck!

ETA: One more suggestion, can you and his dad cook together? You could invite him to cook with you some days (do have pre-planned recipes written out, and maybe pre-set out the ingredients too). It would be a great way to bond with your future father-in-law plus being able to take note of what he's putting in there. Then eventually he might ask you to cook with him too!

So when you're planning you can be like "I need 1/4 cup of shredded cheese and 2 cups of chopped onion" or "Do you mind making the marinade for this steak? I really want to try this balsamic marinade I saw online". You may not be able to change his meals but at least you can see what's in them and help portion them out for your fiance if he is still intending on eating opposed to something else.