Major Life Change

I hope you got to keep the dog! They are great company and love you unconditionally - unlike your ex it sounds like. Something I read today: Challenges are a beautiful opportunity in disguise. I think it's quite apt for your situation. It must be really painful right now but something good will come of it, guaranteed. Big hugs to you.

Hold your head up high. You were a loving, honest, and faithful partner. You were treated shoddy and betrayed by someone you trusted, that's on him. It is not a reflection of you or your worth. Virtual hugs for you.

It's a free fall for a while, and there will be times that you'll be convinced you don't have a parachute. But some day you will feel like your feet are back on the ground and delight in that safe feeling. Give yourself time to grieve. It's a painful loss, and know in advance that over the long haul people around you may not be as good at supporting this sort of loss as they are at supporting a death. You have probably been feeling the loss of the emotional and loving support for a long time, and probably began to grieve the loss of a beloved friend at the time of the first betrayal....so now it's time to grieve all the dreams for the future you have been holding on to. Take time to nurture and heal yourself. There should be all your favorites....bubble baths, long walks, favorite tunes, dancing, poetry, late night movies with your sister etc in your near future.

Along the way remember to give thanks everyday that you didn't marry this boy who is in no way ready or deserving of being your husband nor a father to your children. He is weak, you are strong. This is a grave heartache, but you dodged a bullet that could have (almost certainly would have) shattered lives. You are going to be more than ok, you are going to be much much better than you have ever been in your adult life. Your someday children will be much better off for your courage now, they can thank you later.

In order to be able to hit the ground running when your feet are finally back on terra firma see about getting some counseling. You were but a girl when this began, give yourself time to get to know who the adult you is. Give yourself time to figure out what your dreams are for yourself, you have the new freedom to do whatever it is you want to do....maybe you'll go back to school or travel to Italy or take up the guitar and become part of a garage band or open your own bakery. You're free, you can do anything you want. Give yourself the advantage and best opportunity to make good decisions about going forward Someone unbiased (not a family member, new significant other etc.) to talk to will be helpful with this liberating task. His cheating is just the tip of the iceburg. If he would do that he obviously has no idea how to love someone, at the very least you most certainly have been emotionally neglected for a long time. You're likely beat down to a place where your standards for behavior are very likely not up to par, and from there it's tough to set healthy boundaries with other adults (parents, siblings, friends, bosses, coworkers, and eventually a significant other). Give yourself a chance to figure it all out, or to remember if you once did have it all figured out.

Sounds like you're on track....the righteous anger you unleashed is a good start to a new way of thinking about what you deserve. You've created an environment for a fresh start, take time to thoughtfully savor these first steps. The best revenge is a life well lived.