Social issues

arfuss
arfuss Posts: 90 Member
in Motivation and Support
When i was 13 i got heavy medication for adhd. i gained alot of weight and become depressed. i isolated myself for two years until i stopped taking the medication. I instantly lost 40kilos in 6 months.. and become more social. But after that i have struggled becoming more social and making friends.

Always think about waht i should i say, and what not to say.. And i feel this is demotivating me.


Please i need advice. I spend most time alone, only have one friend to hangout with

Replies

  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    Best advice is to get out and do stuff, e.g. classes or groups for the kinds of activities or hobbies you like doing, that way you get to meet like minded people and there's a very strong chance you'll make friends with the people in the same group/class.

    What issues do you have when you try to make friends with people? If it's not the finding/meeting people that's the issue, then you need to explain a bit more what the issue is so people can help/advise you.
  • liznotyet
    liznotyet Posts: 402 Member
    Volunteering helped me a lot. You are in a group of people with a common goal, working side by side, with no pressure to talk, just do.

    Don't worry about feeling awkward - that shows you care.
  • sarah44254
    sarah44254 Posts: 3,078 Member
    Some of my pals with similar issues use texting or instant message/chat services online (or forums like this one) to reach out and get to know more people. With the option to write communication instead of the pressure to speak, it helps them branch out to new people.

    They try to focus on people in their school/university or in the nearby areas of the city so that if they are able to form a friendship they can continue their efforts of being more social by actually meeting the people for lunch, going to movies, getting together for dinners at the apartment, etc.

    School is a big social thing for me, as well as work (when I was employed), but I don't run into the issue you mentioned about getting worried about what to say. Keep trying though, and maybe ask your friend to help you get to know some of their friends. It can help you branch out. It is not shameful to tell new people you are a little shy or awkward when meeting new folks - it might actually help them interact with you by giving you more time to respond or being more understanding in general.

    Good luck and keep trying to improve yourself! :)
  • marinashakeel
    marinashakeel Posts: 263 Member
    you can always start by saying something about the weather or your surroundings.. i.e just to start the conversation.. look around you .. what can you find to talk about? weather? nearby people? furniture? your clothes? whatever.. just start with throwing in a open ended question.. those who are nice will actually start conversing with you when you start once and make you feel comfortable.. some people might find you creepy.. i have social interaction issues too.. so i usually dont start a convo.. but once someone start it with me i make sure i am not the one to stop it :)
  • arfuss
    arfuss Posts: 90 Member
    Have tried hooking up with girls online, just feels kinda fake to mee.. No connectiong through the internet.. Tried for a long time.. like 4 years of internet dating..

    Approaching cute girls i see on the street or in the shopping mall is something i am not used too..
  • TutuMom41
    TutuMom41 Posts: 278 Member
    Have tried hooking up with girls online, just feels kinda fake to mee.. No connectiong through the internet.. Tried for a long time.. like 4 years of internet dating..

    Approaching cute girls i see on the street or in the shopping mall is something i am not used too..

    I met my husband in an instant chat. Been married over 15 years. We were not trying to hook up though. We just hit it off.
  • stickersticker
    stickersticker Posts: 140 Member
    I have the same problem but no solution for either of us. Good luck.
  • meshashesha2012
    meshashesha2012 Posts: 8,329 Member
    as a girl i have to say please learn how to be properly socialized in general with all people before trying to get a girlfriend, i'll be honest and say that otherwise it comes off super creepy. you're still young and can adjust,learn, grow :flowerforyou:

    some ideas to get you out and meeting people are meetup events, coed sports leagues where they have things like bowling, dodgeball, softball. get involved with school extracurricular stuff is possible. volunteering is also a good option especially with more social things like big brothers/big sisters, cleaning up a park or planting a neighborhood garden. whatever your hobbies are look for ways to make that social. physical fitness is also a good way to meet people. it seems like every time i sign up for a race i end up meeting a few people. same with martial arts classes. outdoors clubs are good too like hiking, kayaking, cave swimming, etc

    also when you meet new people don't think of it as trying to make a new friend (which also comes off as creepy) but more like getting to know them and letting them get to know you. if you have things in common then things will organically grow but never try to force it


    oh and good luck with the adhd, i also have it and have been successfuly(?!) self reulating /medicating it for about 25 years

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