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MyFitnessPal Community

need tips for socailizing and buffets

brenn24179

I blew it this weekend, could not believe how I lost self control, I was at a family reunion and they had food I had not had for a while and well you know. Trying to plan some coping strategies for next time. I do want to be able to socialize.
1) eat only one plate
2) get away from the food and talk
3) eat slow and enjoy
4) try to stay away from sweets and eat more wholesome stuff.
5) try to minimize carbs, eat lots of salad
6) play frizbee or something
Any more suggestions?

Replies

chrs86

Eat something healthy before you go to an event like that or even bring your own dish and get stuffed on that and pick at the rest.

purplishblue

What I find helps is if you go to the website to see if you can look at the menu, and figure out what you'll have ahead of time and add the calories to MFP. I don't know if that's possible with a buffet like that, but I do find it helps rather then trusting yourself in the moment.

brenn24179

It would have been difficult for me to have eaten my broccoli cauliflower dish when I walked in the ladies kitchen she had 5 pies made which smelled heavenly, ham buiscuits, macaroni and cheese, eclaire cakes, coconut cake, about a million different kinds of cakes, potato casseroles, chicken and dumplings, and oh my much more. You name it, they had it at this family reunion. If I had of ate before I went I am afraid I would have ate that and then ate again.

chrs86

You shouldn't go if you know it will trigger your old habits.

SharonNehring

The first step is to recognize the problem, which you have, so step #1 completed. You have some good ideas for ways to avoid this in the future but you still have to actually stick to your plan.

Always eat something healthy before you go so you aren't starving. Make a health dish to bring with you so there'll be at least one safe thing you can have. I try to select my favorite items that I typically do not have opportunity to have (Mac and cheese is simple to make but I'm not making eclairs for example). Then I have a small portion of the things I want, filling the rest of my plate with healthier foods.

Another good plan is to work out before you go, so you are "earning" the extra calories ahead of time then add an extra workout the next day if you need to burn off more. Ultimately, you are the only one who controls what you eat, so you are the one who has to make the decision that losing weight is more important than the short term pleasure of overeating.

Eve3000

Always have a nice glass of water with lemon in your hands, makes it harder to hold a plate.

kirkor

You shouldn't go if you know it will trigger your old habits.

Really? Come on. People have to live their lives. If we have to avoid our families and not have a social life in order to control our behavior, we are not really changing our habits.

Yes and no -- there can be a period of adjustment where one learns to control/manage their urges.

You wouldn't encourage someone trying to quit smoking to go to a smoky bowling alley or bar right when they were just starting trying to kick the habit.

brenn24179

thanks, this has been good. I probably did go too hungry, next time I will eat something healthy before I go. I am also planning to play with the kids, games, ball, anything to distract me. I can tell myself to not eat so much and it is temporary pleasure but I am not that self controlled and this will do no good with all that tempting food in front of me, I know myself, just like an alcoholic with the booze, I want to go but will have to get away from that food table, cant handle the temptation and I am a play person so I will try to play with hubby or kids , probably kids because hubby will be eating and I sure cant change him.

yc4king

You can come up with whatever plans for coping that help, but ultimately you have to just learn how to say no and control the cravings.

You sound a lot like me, and I can tell you as many others can that "saying no" is sooo much harder than it sounds, but you can do it. It took me 20 years but i'm finally able to do it. Believe in yourself! Take pride in saying no and be proud of yourself when you do it!

Cracken99

My rule of thumb....if it is homemade I will take a normal/smallish portion. If it is store bought I will not eat it. At your event it sounds like your family really went through a lot of trouble to prepare all the great sounding food. Foods you probably don't get to enjoy that often because it was Aunt so-and-so special whatever. I would just plan on eating normal, not go overboard and then try to do damage control the next week. I would rather do that than hurt someone's feelings. Often times when I am so obsessed over what I cant eat I lose the meaning of why I am at an event! I also find that when I don't worry too much about it I eat much less.

yc4king

If that works for you then that's great, but if I ate everything I would like at all the family events I attend just because I didn't want to hurt their feeelings, well, i'd still be nearly 300lbs. I don't feel obligated to eat for their feelings just like they don't feel obligated to not bring the food in order to spare me having to make the choice.

We have a hard enough time saying no as it is without having to worry about hurting somebody else's feelings... If somebody gets upset because you don't want to be fat any more, well, they know where they can go...

kbeloved

if i were in a similar situation i would indulge in small portions and track everything i could...but i would try to "save" my calories for that event throughout the day and kick it up on the activities more that week. i indulge myself often and this is the only reason i have kept with my "lifestyle change/diet" for this long. you can't just avoid food and activities surrounding it. some days i have better self control then others....and i may not have the perfect diet...but oh well i try not to dwell and torture myself with obsessive thoughts of wanting food

derik999

I blew it this weekend, could not believe how I lost self control, I was at a family reunion and they had food I had not had for a while and well you know. Trying to plan some coping strategies for next time. I do want to be able to socialize.
1) eat only one plate
2) get away from the food and talk
3) eat slow and enjoy
4) try to stay away from sweets and eat more wholesome stuff.
5) try to minimize carbs, eat lots of salad
6) play frizbee or something
Any more suggestions?

How often are you at these events? If it's once in a blue moon I wouldn't worry too much about eating what you want as long as you keep portion sizes in check. Eat a couple cookies not ten, once piece of pie/cake, not three, etc.

marciebrewer

People who typically don't struggle with their weight have learned the art of balance. Right? A "normal" person at a normal healthy weight will eat less following a day of indulgence. And if they know a day of indulgence is upcoming, then they'll often eat lighter in preparation.

If I wanted to indulge at a special event, I'd probably do all of the above PLUS only eat about 1/2 to 3/4 of what I would normally eat. (Because I tend to OVERindulge!)

(((Hugs))) It's a learning curve!

WJZR

I load uop my plate with raw veggies the first time at the buffet, next pass I look for salads, then lean protein and fruit. By then I'm full of low cal healthy stuff. I go very minimal on the veggie dips. I drink bottled water.

On the other hand, I'm not losing.... but not gaining either. And don't go near the dessert table at all. When others have dessert, eat your fruit.

seltzermint555

I really like the one plate "rule" and staying active during (as well as before/after) the event.

I am a sweets fiend and try not to keep a lot of dessert type stuff around normally, so I look at social events as a chance to enjoy some sweets and I don't feel guilt over it. But that always motivates me to eat healthy & light for the rest of my meal. I'd rather fill up on salad, vegetables, and a small amount of meat and/or rice, then have a slice of pie or cookie or whatever...it helps me steer totally clear of creamy casseroles and bread/rolls, knowing I am going to have dessert.

Not to knock others' ideas, but eating before I go is a terrible idea for me personally. I feel very self-conscious if I am not eating - or eating a tiny amount - when others are chowing down on their food. So I feel "obligated" to eat at least a little something, and it just doesn't work out well. I would rather attend an event/dinner hungry, and then practice control and moderation during it. I think we're all a little different though...whatever works!!

cosmichvoyager

I actually do try to have a small healthy snack before I go to these sorts of things, a bit of lean protein and fiber to take the edge off hunger so I am using my brain about food choices. Then I can have a little bit of everything I want to try but I actually stop when I am full. If I go hungry-- game over, I will overeat.

Guilt and anxiety about food are emotions I try hard to let go of. I don't do "cheat days" or any of that, I just try to take a long view of how I hope to interact with food, exercise, my body and health. One buffet family event is not going to end me. If I eat a bunch of high-calorie or high-fat food at a social event, then I will try harder to eat sensibly the rest of the week, exercise a little more or walk a few places I would have otherwise taken the bus, etc. If you're on the right track it kind of evens out .

Monkey_Business

As has been said already, If these are isolated events do not worry too much about indulging a little.

ONE day is not going to make a big difference in the long run. Now if its every weekend, thats a different story.

WJZR had a good plan. Allow you to eat healthy and still leaves room for some treats.

BlueBombers

It's no holds barred for me when it comes to a buffet. I go to one maybe once every two years so damn straight I'm going to enjoy myself.

rileyleigh

This happened to me this weekend. I only dished up one plate of food. I dished up a little bit of everything, but tried to stick to small portions of potatoes, a single roll, a larger portion of salad, and then the chicken. I was feeling quite satisfied, and probably had only slightly gone over my calories, but then they came out with dessert. I had dessert, but also picked the smallest piece i could find.

Long story short, i ate what i wanted, although i tried to eat smaller portions of the "unhealthy" stuff. That was sunday night. Monday morning the scale went up a little bit, but it is now wednesday morning and after a slightly larger than normal calorie deficit yesterday, this morning i am at the same weight i was before Sunday.

One day won't kill you in the long run, just don't go completely crazy, and don't let the one day knock you off your track for the rest of the week/month/year/life.

leggup

When I'm going to potluck/buffets, I do a lot of the stuff you said, plus:
-I taste things. Instead of even one scoop of the mac n cheese casserole that looks heavenly, I scoop 1-2 noodles, just to taste it. I taste a lot of things, but I only let myself have 1 full portion of 1 high calorie thing. I make it count!
-I load up on salad and fruit. I prefer to load a plate with fruit because I can carry it around with me and nibble.
-I get a good burn beforehand. Buffet days, you better believe I'm going for a walk/jog in the morning and lifting heavy.
-I forgive myself. I know that I can have one day that's a bit over for calories and it won't kill my goals. I try to be extra mindful the rest of the week and not let it tumble into a "well I already ruined this week."

aarnwine2013

It's only one day. Log it and move on. I usually save calories up for days like this. I don't worry if I go over too much because I know the next day, I will get back on track.

If you are really concerned, eat before you go and drinks tons of water.

caracrawford1

You shouldn't go if you know it will trigger your old habits.

Really? Come on. People have to live their lives. If we have to avoid our families and not have a social life in order to control our behavior, we are not really changing our habits.

Agreed. This is a family reunion, and she's making a lifestyle change and needs to learn how to manage these situations. If part of her lifestyle change is avoiding her own family, that's not sustainable.

dopeysmelly

For lunch/dinner buffets I generally choose the simplest food, so veggies (without the shiny oily coat that indicates mountains of butter), and plain protein like chicken or fish (scraping off any sauces or skin, but not making a drama out of it), and avoid dessert. For a snacky-type nibbles buffet with drinks, I have a glass of wine/cocktail in my hand and don't touch any food at all. I've had a few raised eyebrows, but only been questioned once. I simply replied that the effort needed to get the xx lbs off is something I just don't want to repeat, so it's easiest for me this way.

Like someone else said, it takes practice to say no and to make choices, but I do have a mantra of "moderation, moderation, moderation" which I repeat in my head, and it's become easier with time. Mind you, I'm such a fumble-fingers that I end up dropping stuff at buffets, so it's easiest to just focus on holding a drink rather than a drink AND a plate.

yc4king

I feel very self-conscious if I am not eating - or eating a tiny amount - when others are chowing down on their food. So I feel "obligated" to eat at least a little something, and it just doesn't work out well.

This is something I think we have probably all struggled with, and it's what we need to change about ourselves. Our own goals and feelings are more important than worrying about what somebody else might think. You are not obligated to do anything, and you shouldn't feel bad about passing on any food because you are concerned about your fitness.

I used to care about it a lot too, and would feel obligated to try food because somebody worked hard to prepare it. However now I have it flipped around. I feel obligated to stick to my eating habits, and I EXPECT other people to respect and support that. If they don't support and respect that, then i'll be damned if I am going to compromise myself and my principles just to satisfy some kind of implied obligation.