How do you shake off negative comments/behaviour?

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hcmclemen
hcmclemen Posts: 5
in Motivation and Support
Hey Guys,

In my latest journey to drop a few, I've found I've been met with a lot of awkwardness (ahem, *rudeness) from my family. Before graduating Uni, I was typically the 'fit' one of my WASP family. After putting on a few (Ahem, *approximately 25) pounds in a mixture of laziness, early 20's metabolism-drop, and a couple break-up binges, I am now trying to lose what I put on. Instead of being supportive of my efforts to get back into the game, my immediate family seems to be equal parts shocked and disgusted at my weight gain, and frequently voice their opinions on how I look and seem to feel justified in doing so.

When they constantly ask how much I've lost "so far", and stare at my every bite of food, and make comments about how my clothes don't "look right" anymore, its pretty hurtful. So, what are some good ways I can tell them they're hurting my feelings and impeding my progress? (without flying off the handle and screaming/crying like a crazy person..which I may or may have done once or twice....)

Thanks!
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Replies

  • nutmegoreo
    nutmegoreo Posts: 15,532 Member
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    Well if flying off the handle at them (and I'm not saying you did) didn't get the point across, have you tried just telling them that their behavior is counterproductive? If that doesn't work then a stern STFU with side of MYOB might help. If those don't work, you may have to accept that sometimes family members are just not helpful, regardless of their intentions. Sorry, it sucks, I know. You are doing this for you, and that is the only opinion that truly matters. :flowerforyou:
  • tiggsnanny
    tiggsnanny Posts: 366 Member
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    Agrees with Nutmeg, you are doing this for you, ignore any negative comments :flowerforyou:
  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member
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    I'm rather fond of getting wild-eyed and loud, talking fast, and gesticulating with both hands while I emphasize just how much I don't want to hear even one more comment on the subject.

    My family aren't the type to take subtle hints, so this works quite well when all else has failed.
  • RodaRose
    RodaRose Posts: 9,562 Member
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    If your family truly is WASPy, tell them this is a private matter and you will not be discussing it with them.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    early 20's metabolism-drop

    thats not an actual thing...
  • meowpotatomeow
    meowpotatomeow Posts: 6
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    A couple weeks after I started tracking what I ate my sister said "don't be one of THOSE girls" when I wouldn't eat a piece of cake and had to figure out of many calories something else had before I ate it. I just thought "if those girls do it right they look significantly better than you, and I want to too."
    Mean/bitter/non-understanding people won't stop their comments. It's you that has to believe something different out of them. You have to take the comments as extra motivation. Your clothes might not look good now, but you're new, smaller clothes will look much better when you get there.
    Their comments on your weight gain make them sound like they are just not nice people. Life happens, weight happens. My father always would make comments on my weight. They hurt and definitely didn't help, but showing him that I can gain weight then lose it whenever I want to helped.
    Also, (since I'm not sure how profanity on this site is dealt with) screw them.
  • LSJepson
    LSJepson Posts: 15 Member
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    Hey mate, I am a 4th year university student who's actually lost weight through uni, but before uni I got a lot of comments because I used to be really fat. It made me really angry inside but I didn't fly off the handle, just kept it in which honestly did more damage than good. People never taught me good nutrition and those people mocked me, f*** them. My advice to you is like nutmeg said you should approach them with it but not in an angry way. Tell them they're being counter productive. People can be very judgmental, but forget them. It's your body and your life. I'm sure if you told them that you were trying to turn things around and their judgmental comments weren't helping then they will feel guilty and apologise.
  • emz247
    emz247 Posts: 12 Member
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    I'd definitely try telling them in as calm a manner as possible that what they are doing is not helping you and you'd like their support to get where you want to be. I had to do that with my mother when she said she'd buy my wedding dress IF i lost weight.

    If they continue to p*ss you off, use the anger to fuel a good work out. Turns their negative energy in to a positive for you. Exercise is a great stress reliever!
  • abadvat
    abadvat Posts: 1,241 Member
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    mix between mental middle finger up in the air + use it as additional motivation - karma is a ***** afterall :bigsmile:
  • CipherZero
    CipherZero Posts: 1,418 Member
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    I use one of several tactics:

    "Okay." That's it. It's taken as "I hear you but I'm really not listening."
    "Where did you hear that?" Especially good when someone's spouting momscience or bro science.
    If I'm certain they're just flat out wrong, "there's no science to back that up, but I've found plenty that contradicts it."
    If they're just being obnoxious about things and they're not demonstrably more fit than I am, the gloves come off. ""And you're a measure of moderation and healthy living HOW, precisely?"

    The biggest factor in my staying beyond the negative crap slung at me is the dead-set certainty of my goal and that I've done my research. Knowing the subject - whether it's supplementation, how to build a proper lifting program, or even basic human physiology - allows negativity and well-meant but worthless advice to simply flow around me like water.

    (Edit: autocorrect you so crazy)
  • hcmclemen
    hcmclemen Posts: 5
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    Thanks! (and my goodness I did fly off the handle hahaha)
  • hcmclemen
    hcmclemen Posts: 5
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    It was a pseudo-sarcastic, "tongue-in-cheek" comment...
  • hcmclemen
    hcmclemen Posts: 5
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    Thanks-good advice!
  • ahmommy
    ahmommy Posts: 316 Member
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    I'm assuming by immediate family that you mean parents and siblings and not a spouse, right?

    Do you live with them? If so, is there any way you can move out and therefore not be sharing space and time, and meals with them?

    I think you need to spend less time with them. It not only gets you away from their negativity, it gives them a consequence for their poor treatment.
  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,834 Member
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    Know that you are working hard at being healthy for yourself and what you are doing matters.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    If your family truly is WASPy, tell them this is a private matter and you will not be discussing it with them.
    yup
  • JoyeII
    JoyeII Posts: 240 Member
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    You tell them they're being rude, hurting your feelings, and being extremely judgmental. You tell them you don't need their approval or opinions and that they should mind their own business.

    You need to do this for you not for anyone else.

    I say **** them!
  • 40andFindingFitness
    40andFindingFitness Posts: 497 Member
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    If that doesn't work then a stern STFU with side of MYOB might help.

    This ^. If you can't be supportive then STFU and let me be. That's how I feel about it.
  • MKEgal
    MKEgal Posts: 3,250 Member
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    Instead of being supportive of my efforts to get back into the game, my immediate family seems to be equal parts shocked and disgusted at my weight gain, and frequently voice their opinions on how I look and seem to feel justified in doing so.
    It's awful when the people you should be able to count on most aren't there for you. :(

    I'd suggest a simple, "that's not helpful", possibly repeated and followed up with "please stop [saying that, watching me eat, etc]" if they don't get the hint the first time.
    My ex-boyfriend has responded reasonably well to that tactic, though I have to reinforce the lesson occasionally. (Not for weight loss, but my impaired housekeeping. He seemed to think that threatening to send pictures to my mom, or making sarcastic comments was somehow going to inspire me to clean up. Instead it just makes me mad at him & pushing him further away.)

    Maybe suggest something that would be helpful, like providing fresh fruit for dessert instead of just cake, or making positive comments (looking slimmer, new clothes, being more energetic, whatever).
  • Eoghann
    Eoghann Posts: 130 Member
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    Well I think the first thing you have to do is assess if the comments are deliberately negative, negative out of well meaning ignorance, or actually not negative but you personally don't like them.

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