For the boys.... Insult? or Compliment?

hotjacki85
hotjacki85 Posts: 287 Member
edited September 22 in Success Stories
OK so i have lost 24 lbs since i got married in august. my husband and i hve been going out a lot more and when he sees friends he introduces me to them.... they make comments like "wow how'd you get her" or ask me "What made you get with him?" they say it jokingly and it makes me feel great... but i wonder what it does to my husbands self esteem? For a guy is that an insult or compliment? I dont know how guys take a comment like that


so boys.... would this HONESTLY NOW make you feel prouder to be married to me and more confident .... or make you feel insecure... also what would be something i could say after those comments?

Replies

  • NightOwl1
    NightOwl1 Posts: 881 Member
    I think it has to do entirely with your self confidence. I've gotten those comments when I've been in relationships in the past, and I haven't let it phase me. I mean, on the face of it, it's definitely insulting and demeaning, but then it's like, I'm a guy with a hot girlfriend, why do I care what other people think?

    I think thats probably better than getting the alternative of "I'm sure she has a really great personality" :laugh:
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
    I think it has to do entirely with your self confidence. I've gotten those comments when I've been in relationships in the past, and I haven't let it phase me. I mean, on the face of it, it's definitely insulting and demeaning, but then it's like, I'm a guy with a hot girlfriend, why do I care what other people think?

    I think thats probably better than getting the alternative of "I'm sure she has a really great personality" :laugh:


    lol I just snickered out loud...this reminds me of the ``how I met your mother`` episode where they discussed reaching and settling...in every relationship there`s a reacher and a settler. Now they aren`t necessarily bad things, but sometimes a person feels bad if they find out they`re a reacher, or they got someone above them...NightOwl is right, I think it depends on the guy...does your husband blush and stammer or does he puff up and think `hell yeah she`s hot and she`s mine!`
  • chris2991
    chris2991 Posts: 32
    If a friend said that to me it would make me more confident, like their saying they approve. If it was just some random guy its probably an insult but then I'd be more like "yeah my girlfriend/wife’s absolutely beautiful, and your jealous”

    That’s me but ultimately it would come down to how your husband feels about it.

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  • LynnBirchfield
    LynnBirchfield Posts: 581 Member
    That used to happen to me and my husband a lot -- back in the day. He would just put his arm around me and give me a squeeze. Like....yeah...she's mine! He always seemed proud. Also, everyone thought he was older than me by 4 or 5 years, when actually I'm a year older than him.
  • bsshaw1
    bsshaw1 Posts: 44 Member
    Being in a Beauty and the Beast marriage (with me being the beast) , I have been in that position before and without a doubt, it was each time a huge compliment.

    Just smile and say, "Funny, I thought I was getting the better end of the deal"

    Good job on the 24 pound loss to date!
  • JamesPartridge
    JamesPartridge Posts: 17
    Most guys I know would be proud to have a HOT girlfriend and those comments I believe are overlooked because what they are really saying is your wife is hot.:glasses:
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  • hotjacki85
    hotjacki85 Posts: 287 Member
    Thanks everyone... i just wasnt sure if a guy took it as "hell ya ive got a hot wife" or if deep down inside they felt insecure.... as a woman.... even if it was a friend of mine... if they said "wow jacki howd you get him!!!!" my womanly hormones would kick in and id be hurt or upset LOL
  • Hitsujikai
    Hitsujikai Posts: 111 Member
    Its a bit of both really.

    Guys are NOT allowed to compliment each other in the conventional way, everything has to be a backhanded compliment. A friend of mine recently asked me on a night out "What the f@*! happened to you?", I hadn't seen this friend in a long time and I've lost 56lbs since then but as a guy talking to a guy he wasn't allowed to come out and say "Whoa, you look amazing .... have you lost weight?".

    You should both take it as a compliment.
  • BobL436
    BobL436 Posts: 43 Member
    Having been in that same situation, I was always proud that I have a beautiful girl by my side, that feels comfortable being with me, while all the other guys kept wondering "why him". As the saying goes: "Proud as a peacock"!
  • nilisabel
    nilisabel Posts: 338
    interesting thread! it's a tough social cue isn't it? It's not really progressive but it is a compliment so take it and smile, it's not intended to insult anyone. My husband's best friend told him he was marrying up and that he himself was undeserving of his wife, so it's just a bit of self-deprecating flattery. I think we women are more sensitive to it than a guy is; true to form I had a discussion with my husband about it afterward to make sure his self-esteem was intact. Luckily, he's fine.
  • aaddaammggoolleeaaffss
    aaddaammggoolleeaaffss Posts: 230
    Definitely take it as a "hell ya i've got a hot wife" for sure
  • alantin
    alantin Posts: 621 Member
    LoL

    I'd take those as huge complements and I think most other guys would as well. Actually, I was a little surprised by the question at first (I mean, that's obvious! Right..?) but I suppose, it's a good example of how girls think differently from guys..
    It is often uncomfortable for a guy to complement another guy about his appearance or some other personal stuff (not to talk of getting such complements!) so doing it in a roundabout or sarcastic way makes it okay and not feel gay.. Not to say that, we don't complement often, so I'd say that's big!

    It is funny to see, for a change, that you girls just don't seem to get it.. :bigsmile:
    I mean, how in Moses' left pinky toe nail can anyone think of that somehow LOWERING anyones self esteem! The whole notion is twisted beyond belief! :laugh:

    I have learned the hard way that the same principles don't seem to apply to dealing with girls.. :blushing:
    Later we'd wonder about what went wrong and marvel how volatile women can be, or get angry at them for always finding some twisted excuse to feel hurt. :ohwell:
  • Scorpiomom222
    Scorpiomom222 Posts: 1,462 Member
    People used to say that to my husband. How did he get you? And my mom said, seriously? you could have anyone you wanted, but you chose HIM? (he didn't hear her, but still) I find it odd that men take it differently than a woman would. Most women if someone said "How did she get you?" (meaning he was the more attractive one) as a woman, I would develop a complex about it.
  • mccorml
    mccorml Posts: 622 Member
    lol puts a huge grin on my face everytime haha :) definate confidence booster
  • alantin
    alantin Posts: 621 Member
    By far the best complement, I have ever gotten about my weight loss, came from a guy that I used to have some courses with and hadn't seen in one or two years.
    He stared at me for a while frowning, then, when I walked over to him, he seemed to recognize me an exclaimed, "dude! What happened to you? You've withered away!"
    That made my week! Complements from relatives are one thing, but just some guy? That's GOLD!


    @i_wanna_b_an_rn

    That's whole different thing! Anyone would take what your mom said as a grave insult! No masked good intention whatsoever in those words!
    Btw. Not just everything is taken as a complement. It's about complementing without being obvious about it. The very same words can become an insult depending on the situation, who said it, and how it was said. A complement always comes from good intention, which IMO is far more important than what's actually said. Granted, it might sound a bit blunt at times..
    Isn't it nice that guys are so simple. :wink:
  • Scorpiomom222
    Scorpiomom222 Posts: 1,462 Member
    It is! I don't think I'd have the patience for a womanly male in my life! LOL I don't mean that in a bad way toward men who are more in touch with their feminine side in a sexual way, though. Those guys are friggin awesome! :wink:
  • darknight0dc
    darknight0dc Posts: 20
    in my experience guys just take it as saying "hey you have a hot wife"
    This is sort of unrelated, but I was out eating w/ my boyfriend once, and this old man came up next to our booth & he semi-sat down next to my boyfriend, threw his arm over my boyfriends shoulders and said "how'd an ugly guy like you get such a pretty girl like her!?" both my & my boyfriend's faces were O.O then the old man started laughing maniacally and walked away.
  • asteppaway
    asteppaway Posts: 54 Member
    My husband would readily agree with anyone who said anything like that...he always ask how a guy like him, got a girl like me (I just laugh at him) but I do know a guy who gets those comments and it enrages him (I'm guessing his self esteem is pretty dang low)...
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    I'm not a guy, but growing up with four older brothers... I think like one. Dirty jokes and all.

    That's a high compliment in guy-speak. Guys routinely insult each other, affectionately. Among my husband's friends, there's "Bigg'n" (who is quite a big fella) who is sometimes "Mannicotti" because it's similar to his Italian last name, the "Flaming Heterosexual" (straight, but a meterosexual before it had a name), "Joey Bag O'Cheeseburgers" (who sadly passed away recently) and my husband, "Turbo," named for his ability (in his younger, single days) of going "from zero to drunk in 60 seconds."

    I love guys. :heart:
  • camaris
    camaris Posts: 36 Member
    People used to say that to my husband. How did he get you? And my mom said, seriously? you could have anyone you wanted, but you chose HIM? (he didn't hear her, but still) I find it odd that men take it differently than a woman would. Most women if someone said "How did she get you?" (meaning he was the more attractive one) as a woman, I would develop a complex about it.

    Other guys saying that is generally meant as a compliment...as people have pointed out, guys tend to compliment indirectly.

    But, I don't know the context or tone your mother used....but to me I would take that a lot worse than my mates saying "How did you score HER!"

    Double standards I know :-P But, however we pretend otherwise, men and women are different
  • johnj29
    johnj29 Posts: 1
    If a friend says that then it is an insult(jokingly) and a compliment.
  • MrsBehaving
    MrsBehaving Posts: 100 Member
    Being in a Beauty and the Beast marriage (with me being the beast) , I have been in that position before and without a doubt, it was each time a huge compliment.

    Just smile and say, "Funny, I thought I was getting the better end of the deal"

    Good job on the 24 pound loss to date!

    Of all the answers, I like this one best. And I also love the come back! :smooched:
  • MrsBehaving
    MrsBehaving Posts: 100 Member
    I have to say too, that my hubbs has gotten this comment said to him and he eats it right up, he loves it. I think it makes them feel like "Yeah! See how good I am?"
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