How do you stop the negative self-talk?

Wow you have done so well and you need to keep reminding yourself this, perhaps look at you before and after pic more often. Keep up the good work you are an insperation :flowerforyou:

I dont know how to stop the negative part. But for me I look at pictures of me at my heaviest and then some of when I looked my best and it gets me going to want to be there again. I also know that when I do lose this heavy person I am now I will feel better cause I did it. I didn't give up this time, I didn't let it get the best of me! I committed to this and achieved it!
You have come so far don't give up now!! I know you give me hope if I dedicate myself maybe I can lose 50 pounds in the same time frame!

You look GREAT! You have made huge accomplishments! But you already know that.

I did the FlyLady system for housecleaning once upon a time, and while the cleaning habits didn't stick, there were some things that did. A lot of what she talked about was learning to love yourself. The best exercise she had (IMO) was for getting rid of those negative voices.

Take a sheet of paper and draw a line right down the middle, top to bottom. On the left side, write down all those negative things. Every one. Every thought that hurts you and plagues you and keeps you down, write it there. If it's too hard, take a break and come back to it. Then, when you're finished, look at what you've written, and for each item on the left side, write something positive on the right side. So if one of your negatives is "I have so far to go," you can write "Look how far I've COME!" Change every single one of those negative thoughts with a positive affirmation. Then read THAT side of the page to yourself, and soak it in.

Get some pretty Post-Its (I like the butterflies) and write positive words on them, and stick them in places that you'll see them. Bathroom mirror, above the kitchen sink, on the inside of your front door, whatever. They don't have to be your affirmations that you wrote on the list, but they can be. If you like, you can do simpler things like "I am beautiful," "I am worthy," "I am healthy," "I can do this!", etc. Anything that makes you feel good. And yeah, you'll feel a little silly, but nobody else is going to care about your little notes as much as you think they will. I used to think my husband would laugh at me so I put off doing it, but then when I put them up, he asked me what they were, and I told him, and he was happy about it. So do it for yourself. Writing the positives down, and having them up somewhere that you can see them, will help cement them firmly in your mind so you can shove those negative voices OUT!

You are doing amazing and look awesome! Something that has helped me is to say to myself what I would say to a friend. When I find myself being negative, I reply with what I would say to a person that posted that comment on this site! It helped me this week. I went from "I only lost 1 pound this week." to "I lost a whole pound even after eating burger king once. I must be working hard!"

I think its awesome you've lost 50 pounds!! You look amazing : ) Whenever you are feeling negative just think about all you have accomplished.

OMG, YOU LOOK FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Every time a negative thought comes into your head, remember what I have told you. If you have someone that is supportive, have them tell you often and without asking from you how great you look (my husband is always commenting on how "skinny" I am, but I'm not there yet :ohwell: ). Don't let your mind win this aweful game! You are strong enough to lose the weight, you are strong enough to tell your mind that YOU LOOK FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Good luck on your continued journey.:flowerforyou:

YOU LOOK AMAZING! You really do. The difference is awesome. I do a lot of negative self talk. Sometimes I don't realize how bad I'm doing it. I guess for me the biggest thing is to recognize it, and counter it with all the good things about me. So all those things you listed - when you notice you're criticizing yourself, stop and say, I AM this, and I do this, and I've lost this, and I'm still doing it. I do this, and it has helped tremendously. The more you do it, the less your negative self talk will be.

I am new to MFP and I have only seriously dieted once in my life. I have not lost much weight but I have noticed a HUGE difference in my energy level. Maybe you can try to step back from focusing on the weight loss as a hole and start to enjoy all the new activities and hobbies you can start. I also have an 8 year old and he is always on the run. And now that I have found energy I can run around with him. A change in exercise by taking a hike, bike ride or different family activities.
Keep up the GREAT work and focus your challenge on things that make you happy.

Thanks for sharing your photos. They are a very encouraging!

I love the ideas from ajweekley!

I don't think there is a way to "cure" the negative self talk. I think we all have to learn to embrace every aspect of who we are. We are imperfect and negative self-talk is a part of our imperfections. I don't think it will just go away just like I don't think all the extra pounds will just go away. I think what IS in our power to change is how we REACT to the negative self-talk. So writing down something positive for every negative thing we want to say about ourselves and posting positive notes around the house that we will see and repeat on a regular basis is a GREAT way to REACT to the negative self-talk.

Be patient. Just as losing the weight will take time, so will it take time to learn to react in a more positive way to our negative self-talk. It is a process.....something we have to TEACH ourselves.....something that is as important to develop into our ROUTINE as is eating less calories, more fruits and veggies, and exercising more. This journey encompasses so many aspects of WHO we are and HOW we make our decisions. And we all thought it was merely about changing what we eat..............

::HUGS:: Hang in there!

Practice. Practice practice practice practice and MORE practice. Same as anything else, learning self-acceptance is a skill that takes time and patience. Do a little something every day that makes you feel good about yourself, whether it's indulging in a bubble bath, getting a pedicure, or just wearing a fierce lipstick or favorite perfume.

Just as you have taken steps to improve your body so must you take steps to improve your self image. Sometimes the two don't go hand in hand and you have to manually "reset" the faulty image that you have chained to yourself.

Unfortunately it is late here in the UK and I need my beauty sleep (a boy like me doesn't stay handsome by accident I don't have much time to discuss it now although it is a fascinating subject.

However before I go I would thoroughly recommend reading a book called "Psycho-Cybernetics" by Maxwell Maltz. Even though it is over 50 years old it is an amazing piece of work on this subject. Essentially, Maxwell Maltz was a plastic surgeon who noticed a curious phemenon in some of his patients: they were no happier after the surgery he provided, sometimes even after scars or malformations were removed and still felt "ugly" or unchanged. This lead him to explore the reasons why and how self image guides or behaviour and goals. He outlines the use of affirmations, visualisation techniques, objectivity and rationality amongst other things to change a negative self image to a positive one.

I don't know - I try to focus on the positive but it's very hard sometimes. I feel like when the diet is going well I can focus, not on how much I hate my body, but how I am working towards a better one and it won't be like this forever. But, I still hate how I look and have trouble realising the significance of how much I have actually lost - 66lbs and 4 dress sizes. If you figure out a way, let me know what it is!

I really liked ajweekley's idea!! Its been a journey with my negative talk as well. What I am learning as that we got that thought from somewhere. We reacted to a situation and internalized it when it could have had nothing to do with us. I started reading this book by by Byron Katie called " I need your love - is that true?" I am only in the third chapter but I LOVE it! There has been some much in just three chapter but one of the things that I did right away is when you have a negative thought you question yourself if its really true or if you really believe that. Then you turn it into something positive.
Negative thoughts will come I think its part of the human nature but we can also rewire our habits and our thoughts I think are one of our oldest habits. Its something we do effortlessly so with some effort I believe we can maybe not eliminate it but definitely have more positive then negative. I remember in High School a teacher of mine gave us each a piece of paper and we wrote IALAC on one side. It stood for I Am Loveable And Capable. The assignment was for 24 hours everytime we said to someone else or thought a negative comment about yourself we were to tear a section of the paper. We brought it back the next day and had to show how much we had left. Some had nothing left but everybody had chunks missing. I don't remember what he had us do after that but the experience stayed with me. While completing my student teaching I made laminated business card size inspiration cards for the 4th grade students I was working with. On one side I put IALAC (I AM LOVEABLE AND CAPABLE) and on the other my favorite quote from a book called "The Knight in Rusty Armour" by Robert Fisher. It said, "Though this universe I own,
I possess not a thing.
For I cannot know the unknown,
If to the known I cling."
-Robert Fisher
I discussed the quote with the students of course. Well two years later I saw one of those students and she pulled out her wallet and showed me the card I had given her. It was an awesome felling. I too have that card in my purse and when I need it I pull it out.
Anyway I wish you good luck. You have come so far and life is a learning process. I hope you are able to overcome the negative self talk and replace it with some positive self talk because you know what? YOU ARE LOVEABLE AND CAPABLE!! :-)

Just think about how many years you have been thinking that way and been negative self talking to yourself. It will take time and work to change that negative talk. Try to think about where that core belief (that you are not good enough or something like that) is coming from and challenge yourself to change it.

I can totally relate.

I think the suggestion to write something positive for each negative thought is a great idea! Repeat it and keep it up!

Thank you all so much for your advice and encouragement. I will try the list thing, though I am by far my own worst critic and may have a hard time coming up with good stuff to balance out the bad - do you think it would be okay to ask my husband or a friend to help with the list?

Totally! Try it on your own though first. Even in your first post in this thread, you had some positives there. "Instead of focusing on this, I see only this." Write down the things you know are there but have trouble seeing. That's what you need to focus on. But yes, if you can't come up with enough positives, totally ask for help. Sometimes we just need a little boost to kicking out those bad mental habits. Because you know, beating yourself up is just a bad habit, and it can be changed, just as you've changed your eating habits and workout habits. The only difference is it's an internal habit, so we have to approach them in a different way. Let your husband and friends help you, if they're supportive. They'll be a great resource for you.