Frightened of my hunger/ appetite in ED recovery

It's a challenge believe me. I hated everyday of it, but you'll get through it. Seeing a Nutritionist did help me though when I was dealing with ED recovery. Feel free to add me as a friend for support!

Breathe, hun.

I'm here to tell you that increased appetite early in recovery is normal. Binging is normal, too. The feelings we attach to the binging is not normal, but anyone recovering from restriction/starvation will eat far more than a normal, healthy person would in one sitting. Your body needs time to repair. It needs nutrients to repair. Give your body time to adjust. It knows what you're doing. As long as you are working through the binge eating with a therapist, it will not turn into binge eating disorder or bulimia. Nor will you relapse back into whatever eating disorder you were previously suffering (I'd guess either anorexia or atypical anorexia?).

Yes, you should consult with a nutritionist/dietitian. I feel like a hypocrite saying this. I did not, however, because I cannot afford to. I am barely scarping by, and have no insurance (we were pretty much told by insurance companies that we should just be happy that we don't have to pay the fine). So, treatment was mostly outside my realms of possibilities. I made use of what I could - support groups, a counselor, a recovery app, MFP for my meal planning (in the beginning I'd plan meals ahead of time and made sure I ate it all), etc. If you can afford help, GET IT. I was miserable on my own. The pain grew unbearable, and realistically, I probably should have been in - at the very least - an IOP program.

What you are experiencing after eating is normal in recovery from a restrictive eating disorder. It is partly psychological (caused by the anxiety related to food, as we are not - contrary to what some people here and elsewhere seem to think - cured by 'just eating' - eating literally causes us anxiety and physical pain), and partly related to how long you restricted. Think of these feelings as your body repairing itself. It sounds super lame, but it helped me early in recovery and it helps me to this day to think of it that way. Your body (and your mind, too) are going to go through changes. And you will feel them. It is literally your body repairing. Your body needs to repair. Don't exercise early in recovery. This rule was hard for me to follow. But you will regret it. You should take as much time to rest as you can. Your body needs the rest. About a month or two into my recovery, all I wanted to do was sleep. It, also, sounds lik eyour exercise might be related to the ED. In which case, I'd recommend cutting it out completely until you are further in your recovery. Or trading it in for Yoga which is lighter and more relaxing.

During my recovery, my body went through phases. The earliest was oatmeal and peanut butter. I lived off the stuff. I went through a phase where I consumed a lot of sugar. I went through another where I lived off meat. Nothing but meat. (And I hate meat) I assume this was my body demanding certain things I'd deprived it off. You might go through this. It sounds like you might be already. (Toast and peanut butter reminds me of my oatmeal and peanut butter) The good news is, as your body recovers (and hopefully your mind, too) the cravings will slowly dissipate. Provided you recover smoothly. You'll find yourself binge eating less and less, and realize that when you do want to binge it's not because your body wants to, but your mind. Believe it or not (and I speak as someone who has battled BED and atypical anorexia) the binges are very different. I find the mind one to be easier to nip in the bud before the binge. Because once you find your triggers, you can learn to avoid them. When your body wants to binge, it's because you have deprived yourself of either: a) something you once enjoyed, or b) nutrients that your body needs to live. I have made it through the worst of the binge eating. At a party, I consumed about ten cupcakes, a bunch of cake, some fruit, and chips in one sitting. I wanted to cry, and felt certain everyone was watching. But looking back, I realize it was just a normal reaction to being starved for so long. It all eases with time.

Normal eating is hard to explain. That's soemthing you need to discuss with a therapist and a recovery team. Just, take a deep breath and remember that recovery is worth it. You are strong. You must be to have chosen recovery. No one chooses to have an eating disorder, but we can make the choice to fight back and take a stand against it. :flowerforyou: