But, what if I am NOT miserable?
ThriftyChica12
Posts: 373 Member
*SOME* people talk about how they were "miserable" being overweight, and that these negative feelings provided them with the strong motivation they needed to get started losing, and to keep losing.
My challenge is, I am NOT miserable at my weight, but I still want to lose weight. But I am not like, "i MUST lose weight". So, since I am half-motivated, I put forth half-effort.
Now, don't get me wrong...I am not saying I wish I WERE MISERABLE...the truth is that I love myself, and have always had great self-esteem and confidence...whether 220 pounds, or 155 pounds, I have no problem dancing, singing, doing nude art modeling, etc etc. I have always known that those who HATE themselves fat, don't magically LOVE themselves thin. Confidence is an inside job.
Maybe my lack of motivation has to do with the fact that I have already lost about HALF my excess weight...slowly over the course of the last couple years...and I have been maintaining it. So I still get compliments when old friends see me now. I carry my weight well, and can shop off the rack in any store, even though I am about a size 14 on bottom.
***MY QUESTION IS: PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEMSELVES, HOW DO U GET MOTIVATED WITHOUT THE SELF-HATRED THAT *SOME* OTHERS USE FOR MOTIVATION?
I really wanna lose the rest and get active...but I think the fact that i am "content", if not "thrilled", with where I am has led to a sort of inertia....
(Edited to add the word *SOME*....because there are people on MFP who always assume u are "making generalizations about everyone", who love to give snarky answers to honest questions, and who snoop your profile for personal info, and then use it to insult you. Yay, forums!)
My challenge is, I am NOT miserable at my weight, but I still want to lose weight. But I am not like, "i MUST lose weight". So, since I am half-motivated, I put forth half-effort.
Now, don't get me wrong...I am not saying I wish I WERE MISERABLE...the truth is that I love myself, and have always had great self-esteem and confidence...whether 220 pounds, or 155 pounds, I have no problem dancing, singing, doing nude art modeling, etc etc. I have always known that those who HATE themselves fat, don't magically LOVE themselves thin. Confidence is an inside job.
Maybe my lack of motivation has to do with the fact that I have already lost about HALF my excess weight...slowly over the course of the last couple years...and I have been maintaining it. So I still get compliments when old friends see me now. I carry my weight well, and can shop off the rack in any store, even though I am about a size 14 on bottom.
***MY QUESTION IS: PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEMSELVES, HOW DO U GET MOTIVATED WITHOUT THE SELF-HATRED THAT *SOME* OTHERS USE FOR MOTIVATION?
I really wanna lose the rest and get active...but I think the fact that i am "content", if not "thrilled", with where I am has led to a sort of inertia....
(Edited to add the word *SOME*....because there are people on MFP who always assume u are "making generalizations about everyone", who love to give snarky answers to honest questions, and who snoop your profile for personal info, and then use it to insult you. Yay, forums!)
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Your profile has many good reasons to keep going towards your goal! Review those when you feel complacent.
If you truly love yourself and your body, don't you want to take care of yourself?0 -
its amazing the things people will say.
a woman that came back to the gym after 2 years or so saw me and congratulated me on my weight loss and then said
wow you must really have hated looking in the mirror before i bet now you dont.
i sat there for a second stunned and just shrugged my shoulders
was i happy i was fat? i wasnt throwing fat parties for myself but by no means was i depressed about . assumptions like hers always amaze me0 -
Same here, like you.
No aha moments or embarrassing incidents that made me decide to lose. I was just tired. Tired of being tired all the time and I felt like I was missing out on life. When I get de-motivated I just remember how tired I was and how far I've come.
Sorry, that's all I got.0 -
"If you truly love yourself and your body, don't you want to take care of yourself?"
THAT is a very good reminder for me...and something I often forget to think about! Thank you!
I am gonna review my "reasons" on my profile...maybe even update them
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its amazing the things people will say.
a woman that came back to the gym after 2 years or so saw me and congratulated me on my weight loss and then said
wow you must really have hated looking in the mirror before i bet now you dont.
i sat there for a second stunned and just shrugged my shoulders
was i happy i was fat? i wasnt throwing fat parties for myself but by no means was i depressed about . assumptions like hers always amaze me
Yes, i totally agree with you! and the ODD things that people say when they see you've lost weight...that is a whole other conversation unto itself. 0 -
You have foods that you label as 'safe' and 'trigger'... You may be the most super confident person in the world but you have an absolutely horrific relationship with food. Maybe work on that first?0
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I don't think it's a self hatred thing with fat people. It's just not healthy to be fat, so they make it a goal to lose weight for themselves and/or people who rely/care about them. IMO0
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Looking good was never a motivator. Hell, I thought I was already pretty cute, even at 250. And "better health" never motivated me, since I had good blood pressure, no medical problems, could do all I wanted to do, etc. I loved myself and didn't care that I was fat.
And then my friend let me ride her horse. After growing up riding and being away from it for years, I was so excited. But because of my weight and fitness level, I only lasted 10 minutes in the saddle. That was my wake up call.
I started running to get in shape and fell in love with it. But I was still eating tons of food, so still heavy (250).
I realized that if I wanted to run and ride horses, I'd have to be lighter and carry less extra fat.
So here I am at MFP. Gotta get off the forums this morning, though. Today is my long run day (training for a half marathon)...
Good luck finding your motivation. :flowerforyou:0 -
I too find it offensive that one must be filled with self-hatred in order to let themselves become overweight and/or obese.
I found the motivation for change BECAUSE I LOVE MYSELF. I love myself too much and value myself too much to allow myself to remain unhealthy, unfit and fat. I love myself too much to limit my abilities and experiences because of self-imposed inactivity and deceasing physical performance due to excessive weight.0 -
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You have foods that you label as 'safe' and 'trigger'... You may be the most super confident person in the world but you have an absolutely horrific relationship with food. Maybe work on that first?
Hmmm, I DO have a complicated relationship with food: I am a compulsive overeater, and some foods make me prone to BINGING...once I eat one serving, I do not stop. However, when I avoid those foods completely, I can go months or years without binges, without cravings, and feeling great.
It may not be for everyone...many people like to do a "treat" meal, or fit in small servings of sugar foods daily.
I am not one of those people :ohwell:0 -
I'm actually in a similar position. Super happy in life and with myself and this is actually what's helping me to lose the weight healthily this time. I'm coming from a place of happiness rather than self loathing. Yes, I'd love to look like I did 80+ pounds ago but my reasons are deeper than just aesthetics now. As one of the previous commenters mentioned, a large part of my reason for working hard at losing is health concerns. My entire family is obese and my father is currently killing himself with food. He's no longer mobile and his wife has to do everything for him. I don't ever want to be that kind of burden on my significant other who happens to be 16 years my junior. Another important goal is fitness. I really enjoy being active and being physically able to do anything I'd like to do. I also think you need to remember your initial goals and let those motivate you. If they don't, it's time to find some that do. And form habits. You'll be more likely to eat properly and go exercise if that's a habit/routine that you've gotten into. Music really motivates me and when I just don't want to get out there and exercise, I put on the song Happy by Pharrell Williams. Gets me moving every time. Best of luck on the rest of your journey!0
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Looking good was never a motivator. Hell, I thought I was already pretty cute, even at 250. And "better health" never motivated me, since I had good blood pressure, no medical problems, could do all I wanted to do, etc. I loved myself and didn't care that I was fat.
And then my friend let me ride her horse. After growing up riding and being away from it for years, I was so excited. But because of my weight and fitness level, I only lasted 10 minutes in the saddle. That was my wake up call.
I started running to get in shape and fell in love with it. But I was still eating tons of food, so still heavy (250).
I realized that if I wanted to run and ride horses, I'd have to be lighter and carry less extra fat.
So here I am at MFP. Gotta get off the forums this morning, though. Today is my long run day (training for a half marathon)...
Good luck finding your motivation. :flowerforyou:
that is a good motivator for sure! funny enough, I have never been on a horse, but keep telling myself that one day when i get to goal, i would like to try riding horses thanks for sharing your motivation! 0 -
Wanting to be healthier is my sole motivation. Seeing the toll obesity has done to my health is scary. I love myself enough to get as healthy as I can. Perhaps you are young and feel great, think about how you will feel 20 years down the line and the havoc obesity has wreaked on your body.0
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Wanting to be healthier is my sole motivation. Seeing the toll obesity has done to my health is scary. I love myself enough to get as healthy as I can. Perhaps you are young and feel great, think about how you will feel 20 years down the line and the havoc obesity has wreaked on your body.
LOngevity and such is a motivator I want to use more: i am thirty years old, and while i feel OKAY, i don't feel GREAT fitness and energy wise...since i wanna live to 90, i better start thinking about this stuff NOW0 -
Myself, I work in the beauty industry so I always took care of myself (full face of makeup and hair done with nice clothes every day) so I always told myself that I didn't look my weight and that I had a larger frame so I was happy with my weight. I was (and still am) a confident person.
It wasn't until my doctor told me that I have arthritis in my spine that I realized that being even 20lbs overweight could have implications on my health.
I motivated myself with my health in the beginning but I found weight loss fairly easy and dropped my goal of 25lbs in under 3 months and continued to look better
You definitely dont need to be miserable to want to improve your health and look great!0 -
***MY QUESTION IS: PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEMSELVES, HOW DO U GET MOTIVATED WITHOUT THE SELF-HATRED THAT *SOME* OTHERS USE FOR MOTIVATION?
I really wanna lose the rest and get active...but I think the fact that i am "content", if not "thrilled", with where I am has led to a sort of inertia....
(Edited to add the word *SOME*....because there are people on MFP who always assume u are "making generalizations about everyone", who love to give snarky answers to honest questions, and who snoop your profile for personal info, and then use it to insult you. Yay, forums!)
I have always loved myself...regardless of weight...
At my heaviest I was happy with my life...1 year into my marriage to the most wonderful man, my son was settling in, my job was great, people wanted my life...no joke...I had people say..."oh to have your life it's perfect...."
If you are "thrilled" with your life then get active now...live your life...no one is making you lose weight.
Why did I decide to...because I do love myself and my life and I wanted to be more active. I want to be active with grandkids when I have them, I want to ride the horses we have without being sore the next day...I want to be healthy later in life with my younger husband...
So I did...I wanted it.
*as for your edit you needed to add that regardless of the responses...and there were no insults but some truths you may not want to look at...such as if you do eat due to a compulsion that is not living and loving life there are issues you need to deal with...allowing yourself to be in constant pain is not loving yourself, allowing PCOS symtoms to be in the forefront is not loving yourself...you may have a "projected self confidence" but you don't love yourself and for me that was the key.
consider these responses "tough love"0 -
How can you be ok with yourself being overweight? You pay more for clothes, less mobile and WILL have issues as you age.
I am living proof.
Heres one for ya, go and take a 1 mile brisk walk and see how you feel. then get back to me.
Also watch these two movies: Forks Over Knives and Hungry For Change.
Then see if you look at food the same way.
You're welcome to friend me if you like.
Once you start working out, and I mean for a month straight 3 times a week, you will feel so invigorated. It becomes like an addiction. Remember it takes 6-7 weeks for something to become a habit.:flowerforyou:0 -
For myself, even if I liked how I looked & felt when fat (I didn't / don't), I am well aware of the health problems associated with being fat & I don't want to deal with them.
Also, I'm annoyed having to pay extra for clothes. Actually, I have to pay extra in 2 directions: tall and fat. And usually I can only find one or the other, unless I'm shopping for scrubs. So I want clothes which fit.
And come to think of it, I'm annoyed that more public places don't have armless chairs, and I have to perch on the edge of the chair because my butt doesn't fit. Even my gym does this, which amazes me. They have chairs for average-sized people, but this is a gym fer gosh sakes - they have fat people there!
It sounds like you're contradicting yourself.I too find it offensive that one must be filled with self-hatred in order to let themselves become overweight and/or obese.
I found the motivation for change BECAUSE I LOVE MYSELF. I love myself too much and value myself too much to allow myself to remain unhealthy, unfit and fat. I love myself too much to limit my abilities and experiences because of self-imposed inactivity and deceasing physical performance due to excessive weight.
If you're getting healthy because you love yourself, it would seem to reason that you got unhealthy (or at least, let yourself go) because you didn't love yourself, otherwise it wouldn't have happened.0 -
...
***MY QUESTION IS: PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEMSELVES, HOW DO U GET MOTIVATED WITHOUT THE SELF-HATRED THAT *SOME* OTHERS USE FOR MOTIVATION?
...
The old doesn't have to be bad for the new to be better. Continuous improvement is its own reward ...0 -
You have foods that you label as 'safe' and 'trigger'... You may be the most super confident person in the world but you have an absolutely horrific relationship with food. Maybe work on that first?
Hmmm, I DO have a complicated relationship with food: I am a compulsive overeater, and some foods make me prone to BINGING...once I eat one serving, I do not stop. However, when I avoid those foods completely, I can go months or years without binges, without cravings, and feeling great.
It may not be for everyone...many people like to do a "treat" meal, or fit in small servings of sugar foods daily.
I am not one of those people :ohwell:
I am a recovering from ED - I am a bulimic and also a compulsive overeater also. We're exactly the same but don't fall victim to fatlogic. Continue to your goal. There is no health at every size.0 -
I understand this because I absolutely do NOT hate myself, my life or my body. I try to stay positive as a way of living but do have moments where I hate being overweight and fear the long term consequences of carrying around so much weight. I don't think you need to hate yourself to be motivated but imagining how much easier and healthy your lifestyle will be afterwards is helpful.0
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So all fat unhappy people get fit? And all fit people are happy? I'm just want to be sure I have it.
Getting fit is something you do because you want to. Not because you're unhappy but you're making a choice to be healthy. It's all about outlook. If you want it you will do it, if you don't want it then you wont. There is a saying that if you want to do something bad enough you will find a way but if you don't want it bad enough then you'll find excuses. Which are you gonna do?0 -
For me, health was a big motivator. Diabetes runs in the family. I already had gout and hypertension. Cardiovascular disease was only a matter of time.
I also have my family to consider. I am a (slightly) older father, and I want to live to see my children grow up and become (I hope) happy adults.
Losing weight is no guarantee of health, but it sure helps.0 -
You have foods that you label as 'safe' and 'trigger'... You may be the most super confident person in the world but you have an absolutely horrific relationship with food. Maybe work on that first?
Hmmm, I DO have a complicated relationship with food: I am a compulsive overeater, and some foods make me prone to BINGING...once I eat one serving, I do not stop. However, when I avoid those foods completely, I can go months or years without binges, without cravings, and feeling great.
It may not be for everyone...many people like to do a "treat" meal, or fit in small servings of sugar foods daily.
I am not one of those people :ohwell:
To me, mental health is as, if not more important, than your physical health. You didn't become a compulsive over eater because you were happy, did you?0 -
I'm going to pretend you didn't just step in it with the whole fat people are miserable thing, and that you really said: "I'm trying to lose weight because I want to, not so much because I need to for health reasons. I'm having trouble staying motivated, any suggestions?"
In which case I am going to reply - pick a goal unrelated to the scale to focus on that will keep you on track with diet and exercise, such as a fitness training goal like running a 5k, or doing a pull-up, or doing 20 push-ups, being able to hike or bike a local trail, etc. You'll keep yourself motivated because you'll focus more on needing to lose weight and hit your macros in order for your body to function the way you want it to, rather than look a certain way.0 -
www.youtube.com/divaslimsdown
Absolutely no self hate 0 -
For myself, even if I liked how I looked & felt when fat (I didn't / don't), I am well aware of the health problems associated with being fat & I don't want to deal with them.
Also, I'm annoyed having to pay extra for clothes. Actually, I have to pay extra in 2 directions: tall and fat. And usually I can only find one or the other, unless I'm shopping for scrubs. So I want clothes which fit.
And come to think of it, I'm annoyed that more public places don't have armless chairs, and I have to perch on the edge of the chair because my butt doesn't fit. Even my gym does this, which amazes me. They have chairs for average-sized people, but this is a gym fer gosh sakes - they have fat people there!
It sounds like you're contradicting yourself.I too find it offensive that one must be filled with self-hatred in order to let themselves become overweight and/or obese.
I found the motivation for change BECAUSE I LOVE MYSELF. I love myself too much and value myself too much to allow myself to remain unhealthy, unfit and fat. I love myself too much to limit my abilities and experiences because of self-imposed inactivity and deceasing physical performance due to excessive weight.
If you're getting healthy because you love yourself, it would seem to reason that you got unhealthy (or at least, let yourself go) because you didn't love yourself, otherwise it wouldn't have happened.
Not contradicting at all. Loving oneself is about valuing oneself and recognizing that value. I have value whether I am fat, skinny, purple or green. I recognize the good in me, regardless of the size or shape of the container I am packaged in.
In fact, that acceptance of who and I am, that complacency with myself, loving myself "warts and all" probably led to my increasing weight .
If I say I want to become a better wife to my husband, does that mean I hate my husband or am a "bad" wife? No, it just means I see ways to improve myself and my relationship with him. When I decide to improve myself in anyway, to be a better parent, a better spouse, a better friend, it doesn't mean I hate myself or am a poor example of humanity. It merely means that I recognize my potential and strive to achieve it.0 -
Take pictures. It's fun to watch yourself shrink! (I haven't hated myself since my teen years)0
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