But, what if I am NOT miserable?

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Replies

  • sullus
    sullus Posts: 2,839 Member
    ...
    ***MY QUESTION IS: PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEMSELVES, HOW DO U GET MOTIVATED WITHOUT THE SELF-HATRED THAT *SOME* OTHERS USE FOR MOTIVATION?
    ...


    The old doesn't have to be bad for the new to be better. Continuous improvement is its own reward ...
  • klaff411
    klaff411 Posts: 169 Member
    You have foods that you label as 'safe' and 'trigger'... You may be the most super confident person in the world but you have an absolutely horrific relationship with food. Maybe work on that first?

    Hmmm, I DO have a complicated relationship with food: I am a compulsive overeater, and some foods make me prone to BINGING...once I eat one serving, I do not stop. However, when I avoid those foods completely, I can go months or years without binges, without cravings, and feeling great.

    It may not be for everyone...many people like to do a "treat" meal, or fit in small servings of sugar foods daily.
    I am not one of those people :ohwell:

    I am a recovering from ED - I am a bulimic and also a compulsive overeater also. We're exactly the same but don't fall victim to fatlogic. Continue to your goal. There is no health at every size.
  • meghan_lovely
    meghan_lovely Posts: 48 Member
    I understand this because I absolutely do NOT hate myself, my life or my body. I try to stay positive as a way of living but do have moments where I hate being overweight and fear the long term consequences of carrying around so much weight. I don't think you need to hate yourself to be motivated but imagining how much easier and healthy your lifestyle will be afterwards is helpful.
  • Beckboo0912
    Beckboo0912 Posts: 447 Member
    So all fat unhappy people get fit? And all fit people are happy? I'm just want to be sure I have it.

    Getting fit is something you do because you want to. Not because you're unhappy but you're making a choice to be healthy. It's all about outlook. If you want it you will do it, if you don't want it then you wont. There is a saying that if you want to do something bad enough you will find a way but if you don't want it bad enough then you'll find excuses. Which are you gonna do?
  • PaulFields56
    PaulFields56 Posts: 108 Member
    For me, health was a big motivator. Diabetes runs in the family. I already had gout and hypertension. Cardiovascular disease was only a matter of time.

    I also have my family to consider. I am a (slightly) older father, and I want to live to see my children grow up and become (I hope) happy adults.

    Losing weight is no guarantee of health, but it sure helps.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
    You have foods that you label as 'safe' and 'trigger'... You may be the most super confident person in the world but you have an absolutely horrific relationship with food. Maybe work on that first?

    Hmmm, I DO have a complicated relationship with food: I am a compulsive overeater, and some foods make me prone to BINGING...once I eat one serving, I do not stop. However, when I avoid those foods completely, I can go months or years without binges, without cravings, and feeling great.

    It may not be for everyone...many people like to do a "treat" meal, or fit in small servings of sugar foods daily.
    I am not one of those people :ohwell:

    To me, mental health is as, if not more important, than your physical health. You didn't become a compulsive over eater because you were happy, did you?
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
    I'm going to pretend you didn't just step in it with the whole fat people are miserable thing, and that you really said: "I'm trying to lose weight because I want to, not so much because I need to for health reasons. I'm having trouble staying motivated, any suggestions?"

    In which case I am going to reply - pick a goal unrelated to the scale to focus on that will keep you on track with diet and exercise, such as a fitness training goal like running a 5k, or doing a pull-up, or doing 20 push-ups, being able to hike or bike a local trail, etc. You'll keep yourself motivated because you'll focus more on needing to lose weight and hit your macros in order for your body to function the way you want it to, rather than look a certain way.
  • kirili5
    kirili5 Posts: 15 Member
    www.youtube.com/divaslimsdown

    Absolutely no self hate :)
  • Calliope610
    Calliope610 Posts: 3,771 Member
    For myself, even if I liked how I looked & felt when fat (I didn't / don't), I am well aware of the health problems associated with being fat & I don't want to deal with them.

    Also, I'm annoyed having to pay extra for clothes. Actually, I have to pay extra in 2 directions: tall and fat. And usually I can only find one or the other, unless I'm shopping for scrubs. So I want clothes which fit.

    And come to think of it, I'm annoyed that more public places don't have armless chairs, and I have to perch on the edge of the chair because my butt doesn't fit. Even my gym does this, which amazes me. They have chairs for average-sized people, but this is a gym fer gosh sakes - they have fat people there!
    I too find it offensive that one must be filled with self-hatred in order to let themselves become overweight and/or obese.

    I found the motivation for change BECAUSE I LOVE MYSELF. I love myself too much and value myself too much to allow myself to remain unhealthy, unfit and fat. I love myself too much to limit my abilities and experiences because of self-imposed inactivity and deceasing physical performance due to excessive weight.
    It sounds like you're contradicting yourself.
    If you're getting healthy because you love yourself, it would seem to reason that you got unhealthy (or at least, let yourself go) because you didn't love yourself, otherwise it wouldn't have happened.

    Not contradicting at all. Loving oneself is about valuing oneself and recognizing that value. I have value whether I am fat, skinny, purple or green. I recognize the good in me, regardless of the size or shape of the container I am packaged in.

    In fact, that acceptance of who and I am, that complacency with myself, loving myself "warts and all" probably led to my increasing weight .

    If I say I want to become a better wife to my husband, does that mean I hate my husband or am a "bad" wife? No, it just means I see ways to improve myself and my relationship with him. When I decide to improve myself in anyway, to be a better parent, a better spouse, a better friend, it doesn't mean I hate myself or am a poor example of humanity. It merely means that I recognize my potential and strive to achieve it.
  • feralkitten1010
    feralkitten1010 Posts: 219 Member
    Take pictures. It's fun to watch yourself shrink! (I haven't hated myself since my teen years)
  • UpEarly
    UpEarly Posts: 2,555 Member
    I didn't have a problem with the way I looked or felt when I was heavier. I was confident and happy with myself. I did have a problem with my rising blood sugar, high cholesterol and elevated blood pressure. I got tired of my my knees aching every day. I got tired of my thighs chafing whenever I wore shorts.

    Being healthy and feeling great as I approached my 40's were my primary motivators. I lost weight pretty much exclusively for my personal wellness rather than vanity.

    Knowing your extra weight might make you sick, lessen the quality of your life or cause you die prematurely can be a pretty big motivator. At least, it was for me!

    ETA - OP... I noticed that you're 30 now. Being heavy never caused me any health problems until my late 30's. Suddenly around 38, the consequences of the extra pounds caught up with me. I wish I had lost the weight earlier!
  • RHachicho
    RHachicho Posts: 1,115 Member
    Well honestly for me I always thought I hated myself because I was overweight. But it wasn't till I started dieting and exercising that I discovered the real source of my self hatred.

    I hated myself because I was weak.

    I felt dependent and inferior. It was nothing to do with fat or thin. I mean yeah I still want to lose weight. But it's mostly happening as an afterthought now. My focus is on fitness training and weight lifting. In fact increasingly the diet has become an annoyance. Because I wanna go for a nice clean bulk and put on some mass. As I've stopped getting much stronger at my current musculature.

    I didn't want to be thin I wanted to be strong, dependable and self reliant. Sure the fat wasn't helping in that regard. But it wasn't the prime source of my distress.

    I am pretty sure it's the same for a lot of couch potatoes. They think it's cos they are fat because society tells us we gotta be "at a healthy weight" But what we really hate is being weak.
  • anewstart1011
    anewstart1011 Posts: 72 Member
    I didn't hate my self to start this journey. I have bad arthritis in my knee, psoriasis and just turned 40! Yikes I put pain and 40 in the same boat. I just know I didn't want to be in the same pain I was/am in because of my knees. That is what motivates me --- to run around with my son -- walk with my students and not fake that I am not in pain when I do these things.


    Stephanie
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,932 Member
    I don't see how self-hatred is motivating. I love myself and work out hard because I enjoy working out, I enjoy what it does for my looks, and I especially love how it makes me feel. It's also a great way to get rid of stress.
  • zodan1976
    zodan1976 Posts: 30 Member
    *SOME* people talk about how they were "miserable" being overweight, and that these negative feelings provided them with the strong motivation they needed to get started losing, and to keep losing.

    My challenge is, I am NOT miserable at my weight, but I still want to lose weight. But I am not like, "i MUST lose weight". So, since I am half-motivated, I put forth half-effort.

    Now, don't get me wrong...I am not saying I wish I WERE MISERABLE...the truth is that I love myself, and have always had great self-esteem and confidence...whether 220 pounds, or 155 pounds, I have no problem dancing, singing, doing nude art modeling, etc etc. I have always known that those who HATE themselves fat, don't magically LOVE themselves thin. Confidence is an inside job.

    Maybe my lack of motivation has to do with the fact that I have already lost about HALF my excess weight...slowly over the course of the last couple years...and I have been maintaining it. So I still get compliments when old friends see me now. I carry my weight well, and can shop off the rack in any store, even though I am about a size 14 on bottom.

    ***MY QUESTION IS: PEOPLE WHO LOVE THEMSELVES, HOW DO U GET MOTIVATED WITHOUT THE SELF-HATRED THAT *SOME* OTHERS USE FOR MOTIVATION?

    I really wanna lose the rest and get active...but I think the fact that i am "content", if not "thrilled", with where I am has led to a sort of inertia....

    (Edited to add the word *SOME*....because there are people on MFP who always assume u are "making generalizations about everyone", who love to give snarky answers to honest questions, and who snoop your profile for personal info, and then use it to insult you. Yay, forums!)

    I think there are a lot of different motivators out there. For me its basically that if you are happy with yourself and your life is going in a good direction and you are willing to let go of all the negative things that got you to the overweight point then loosing the excess weight should be pretty easy.
  • RHachicho
    RHachicho Posts: 1,115 Member
    I don't see how self-hatred is motivating. I love myself and work out hard because I enjoy working out, I enjoy what it does for my looks, and I especially love how it makes me feel. It's also a great way to get rid of stress.

    Well it isn't in and of itself. But it's usually a hatred of how oneself is that get's one started and out the door about these things. You don't change your life when you are happy with it. That makes no sense. It's true that now I exercise and eat right for the love of it and for the benefits. But it was my desire to change what i was and what my life was like that got me and I would wager most people started on changing their lives.
  • Mangopickle
    Mangopickle Posts: 1,509 Member
    Yeah, I know I joke that I didn't have time to ever be depressed because I pre medicated with fabulous rich and tasty food. I thought about food the way one thinks of a lover. No matter how crap the day there was always a Super Bowl of pho, fresh wraps and Thai tea to look forward to. I exercised 3 mornings a wk at the Y at 5 am. I had walked 4 half marathons, I can't even count the 5ks I've done. But I wasn't overwt, I was obese. Food was Waaaay too important to me. I was choosing food over my health and my responsibilities to protect my health for the sake of our family. I wasn't miserable and I didn't hate my body, I just didn't love my body. I love my body now and strive to take care of her. I was given this amazing gift of a body and I spent most of my life not taking care of her properly. I quit medicating with food 2 yrs ago. I live a fuller richer life now. I love my body with all her saggy skin and deflated boobs. I was much like you. But my happiness/contentment with being too overwt disappeared when my perfect blood pressure and blood sugar disappeared and I developed sleep apnea and a bad hip. I had to admit I had chosen pleasurable food over indulgence instead of prudent eating for health and I would live with those consequences.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,932 Member
    I don't see how self-hatred is motivating. I love myself and work out hard because I enjoy working out, I enjoy what it does for my looks, and I especially love how it makes me feel. It's also a great way to get rid of stress.

    Well it isn't in and of itself. But it's usually a hatred of how oneself is that get's one started and out the door about these things. You don't change your life when you are happy with it. That makes no sense. It's true that now I exercise and eat right for the love of it and for the benefits. But it was my desire to change what i was and what my life was like that got me and I would wager most people started on changing their lives.

    I don't equate a desire to improve oneself with self-hatred. Self-hatred is a mental problem that needs to be addressed separately because losing weight won't necessarily make it go away. I think it's perfectly possible to be displeased with your strength or looks and at the same time love yourself. That's just a desire for improvement which can, and often is, healthy. At the same time, I recognize people often overuse the term "hate" when referring to themselves when what they really mean is "displeasure" or "disappointment," and perhaps that's what the OP is seeing and reacting against.
  • GuyIncognito123
    GuyIncognito123 Posts: 263 Member
    If you were miserable over weight, you'll be miserable no matter what. People direct their 'miserableness' at whatever is closest to them, mostly themselves. If it's not the weight it's something else. Once they're skinny they won't like their feet... or their hair... or their muscles... or their.... etc, etc, etc......
  • caitconquersweight
    caitconquersweight Posts: 316 Member
    I go through periods where I'm disgusted with myself and where I'm like "Damn I'm hot." I don't think you have to hate yourself 100% of the time to be miserable. When I'm having a good day, and I think "Well I like myself at this weight", I remember that I have a long way to go, and I need to do it for my health, not just my figure. I can now work longer and go harder than I could 70 pounds ago. But I'm not done, not yet.