But, what if I am NOT miserable?
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When one applies weightloss/maintenance and exercise INTRINSICALLY, rather than EXTRINSICALLY, motivation is no longer an issue.
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Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
I think I know what you mean - feeling half motivated is something I have tripped over in the past. I wouldn't say I have ever felt miserable, but I can tell you that the difference between 220 pounds, which was when I was big but felt fine, and 270 pounds, which is where I started 3 weeks ago, was huge. I am 5 foot 8 and a fairly stocky build but I suddenly noticed, really noticed, the physical side effects - knee pain, foot pain, back pain, generally heaving myself about. So if it is of any help whatsoever, maybe motivate yourself by knowing it will certainly only get worse if you don't at least manage your weight and fitness levels? Personally, I would be happy at 200 pounds, which I know is large by most standards, but would see me once again in a size 14! I hope this is helpful, a sort of Cassandra like motivation, lol. But unless you are maintaining the pounds will creep on in an ever increasing fashion. But I try to focus on the positive benefits and use them as a motivator, I find the negatives to easy to bury with a nice slice of cake...0
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As an overweight adult that dealt with a lot of negative feelings and depression as a teen, it is from a place of extreme self love that I am bettering myself! It took a long time and a lot of reflecting to value myself as much as I do now and that's my motivation! I love myself so much that I am continually bettering myself! I'm currently focusing on speeding up my mile-pace while kayaking. Track your calories and focus on a fitness goal rather than just the weight goal. Pick a sport you like and work hard at it. If you're eating right and you're working towards faster laps while swimming or better Volleyball performance, or whatever, the results will come! Don't fixate on the scale, fixate on having fun while being fit and your mind will be begging you to do your favorite sport. That's what Kayaking has done for me.0
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I've always hated myself, even when I was skinny.
Bless my happy pills.0 -
Self-hatred is a mental problem that needs to be addressed separately because losing weight won't necessarily make it go away
QFT...in fact, most people I know in this boat feel worse when they lose weight because the weight loss didn't result in a more positive self image and magically make them feel better...so they spiral deeper into self loathing.0 -
I am one who grew up always at war with the way I felt about my body. Short, naturally muscular, broad hips when I started to mature and eventually broad shoulders and larger bust. Gotta love that German, Irish, Polish, Italian heritage! I always wished I looked different, was taller, not so curvy, etc. Thought I was fat when I was just at what I now know was the high end of the normal BMI range for me. But I also felt like I had style and dressed well, looked good when I went out, etc. It was kind of like having a brutal boxing match in my brain that always ended up in a draw.Needless to say this trend continued throughout my life, during all of my weight ups & downs & ups & ups & ups. And it was not really helpful either for stemming weight gain or supporting weight loss.
The thing that has changed this time for me and keeps me going and trying even if my success is modest is that the boxing match is gone. I am more at peace with my body now. So no more hatred or wishing I was some other shape than I am. And I don't mean fat acceptance because I know that I need to get rid of most of it to stay healthy and have an interesting, long life. I mean shape acceptance. Those hip bones are not shrinking no matter how skinny I get. And they are kind of an asset now that I have taken up Salsa dancing. The legs aren't getting any longer either. And all of that is ok. In fact, I am really excited to see what all those curves are going to look like without being so covered up.
So maybe some of what you can use for motivation is something like I wrote above. Feel like you look pretty good now? Ok, now how much different and cool might you look when you finish the work?0 -
I don't hate myself - I hate what I have let happen to my body. Does that make sense?
I wasn't always fat, and I will say I have struggled from time to time with occasional issues of low self esteem all my life. Not because of my face or my body - because I did know and believe that I was a relatively attractive young lady. I wasn't a knock out, but I was cute. I have always had issues with my internal stuff - who I am, what kind of person I am, etc. I am weird emotionally. That's got nothing to do with my body, I'm still the same person whether I'm thin or fat.
When I was thin, I was STILL not "healthy." I was NOT physically fit. I didn't like exercising or exerting myself in any way shape or form. My favorite activity was often reading or watching TV or going fishing. I didn't have much of a social life, my parents were odd, I was odd, I didn't have many friends or things to do or places to go. I did go to college for a year and that was cool, then my long-time crush and I decided to get married. (Been married almost 20 years now...)
NOW I want to look in the mirror and like the BODY I see - I hate what I've let happen to myself. I don't hate myself. Does that make sense? I want to be able to go on hikes and see awesome things and ride my bike and enjoy the thrill of making it up a hill and coasting down full speed ahead - stuff I never did as a kid, even though I had bikes. I was just too lazy to enjoy life.
Now that I'm at a point where, dangit, I don't want to miss out on any more adventures, I want to be able to enjoy them without being in pain, out of breath, or without having to say "You go on, I'll wait for you here. Take pictures so I can see."
I want my old body back, or at least as close to it as I can get. I want to be healthy and fit...more than anything...0 -
I will admit, I am motivated by how I feel about myself, but another main reason was my heart. I have a defect that makes it weaker, and being overweight is very dangerous. I don't believe you have o be unhappy with yourself to lose weight. Just find a different reason you want to lose c:0
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its amazing the things people will say.
a woman that came back to the gym after 2 years or so saw me and congratulated me on my weight loss and then said
wow you must really have hated looking in the mirror before i bet now you dont.
i sat there for a second stunned and just shrugged my shoulders
was i happy i was fat? i wasnt throwing fat parties for myself but by no means was i depressed about . assumptions like hers always amaze me
some people are just simplistic and think they are so good. Dont pay attention to them. You have to be poor mentally if you only way to feel good is the way you look. Yes it is important, but if it is the only thing that makes you feel good, you don't even deserve I talk to you, that's my view.
A human being is more that what you see. As long as you are healthy, a few pounds too much is totally fine.0 -
HONEST ANSWER TO HONEST QUESTION: I am the same way you are. I love the way I look and the things I have accomplished in my life with this body. I have great self-esteem. I love my body and care for it in a million ways! However, I have been feeling sluggish and tired, and unable sometimes. I have felt excluded socially and culturally. I observe myself using food to soothe my anxiety and boredom. My on-your-feet job has made it difficult for me to be competitive at times. I am concerned about diabetes and heart disease.
My motivation comes from that: my self-love and self-esteem says to myself, "I love you, babe. Let's try this. Let's try to address these concerns in a healthy and sustainable way. In a way that honour this beautiful person that I am now and want to be in the future, inside and out." It goes way beyond "weight loss" to a way of living that addresses my physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and social sides. That's kind of how it works for me…
Hope that helps, I'll friend you. If you accept, we can go along together for the journey…
Good luck! 0 -
You sound a lot like me!! I am a really happy person but the weight just built over time, espcially after menopause. So taking it off didn't really seem to be such a big deal to me until I started getting older and had to come face to face with the health issues that will no doubt ensue if I do not trim down. This has been a great motivator; to look around and realize that as I age, I can be a heck of a lot healthier and avoid some of the more common disorders like high BP, diabetes, sweats, etc. by staying trimmer and more active and eating better. I love, love to celebrate life by eating, and grew up in a family of French cooks! We are all happy with ourselves. Man, can we eat. But the ones who are doing the best are the ones who stay active and have toned the eating down as they age. I just finished watching my mom pass away from Alzheimer's and since I did my senior project on it in grad school I can tell you that consumption of sugar is being shown to be a factor in this disease. That tidbit alone is enough to make me want to clean up my act a bit more. I can look to other friends and relatives who are aging super healthfully and see that that is the way to go because they have no problem traveling, sleeping, etc. So now, for me, it's not so much disliking how I look or feel(I feel pretty good!) but it's wanting to go into the last third of life knowing I can continue to be active for not only myself, but for my family and grandchildren. I figure I'll have a lot more fun that way, be able to do more, and keep my faculties longer. So what I am doing is holding out a carrot for myself, rather than a candy bar, for the future. It's a good investment in myself.
Best wishes to you!0 -
i seem to be the opposite of everyone, i didn't care that much for myself while i was 250, and don't really care for myself at 150. we all have our demons, some are just ornerier that others i guess.0
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Do it for health reasons instead. Do it for fitness and the ability to run longer, bench heavier, or just simply for fun. It's great that you're happy with yourself but there's always room for improvement when it comes to your body's physical health though.0
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hey chica!!! Well... in order for people to change they kind of need their own "crisis" I read your post with a bit of confusion because you are saying you don't feel miserable and you do want to lose weight. You are asking how you get motivated because you don't hate yourself...yes?
See this is the thing that many many people have got upside down and it keeps people stuck. Accepting and loving yourself has nothing to do with what you look like physically... so in that respect, you are ahead of the game. For example, when an overweight friend tells me she has decided to accept herself and is not going to try to lose weight .. now that is living in confusion... because again...accepting yourself has nothing to do with your weight... but confusing accepting yourself with accepting things that are not who you are authentically is well a lie...
Clear as mud? See, if you had a friend who was a heroin addict and she announced she loved herself and did not see a need to change you would see the problems with that right? Because loving yourself and killing yourself... they are not congruent. So for her to identify herself as being a heroin addict because it is difficult to get out of that lifestyle and she is not willing to try anymore or even enjoys it... well it isn't true now is it? she was not destined to be a heroine addict. That is not her true identity... her true identity is something else and her being a heroin addict is a complication... something separate from her true self that actually keeps her from experiencing life to the fullest. If she were your friend you would still love her though... heroin and all.
Being overweight... you might say, is not the same as being a drug addict... I have different thoughts on that....
lets lay it out on the table... eating more than your body needs...kind of socially acceptable... well more so than doing drugs.. everyone knows a fat old lady in the church bless her heart right? Or has a "heavy set" friend... yes ... so lovable and safe... and yet... these people ... we people... are using food in a way it was never intended to be used... to celebrate... to heal sadness... to break boredom... to be a friend when there is no one to talk to... to feel good ... to socialize.... etc. So never mind if you think it gets in the way or doesn't get in the way of your life... the facts.. weighing more than you should kills more people every year than anything else really... it raises insurance premiums for everyone... we won't even get into what happens when you begin to age and the stress of carrying around a chair everyday... but that of course is down the line.
so to end this ramble ramble... perhaps it may be time and I am only suggesting this because you did in fact ask so I am thinking you do want to be motivated ... maybe it is time to reassess your philosophy regarding life... what you want... BUT the best place to be when you are approaching fitness is to be in a place where you love yourself enough to want the best for you... that is precious... if you truly love your true identity... then the motivation ... hmmm... it has to be one of love for yourself... to want better ... like if you were a stray dog you adopted who needed a tumor removed... he may feel fine but you know the tumor will kill him and so you have it removed even though he is not aware of even being in danger or able to understand how much better he will feel when it is gone...
hope something I said made sense because I am in a rambling mood and just trying to help as I struggle with my own feelings of insecurity regarding my opinions... but ... there it is ... wish you the best0 -
I'm kind of in the same boat. My self-esteem has never been fantastic, but I didn't hate myself at 214, either. I knew I wanted to drop some weight, but it wasn't like this deeply laid commitment or anything.
I found my motivation as I went. I started running in March, and it did not end well. I could barely go a mile and a half, I was wheezing, it was awful. I started going to zumba 2-3x a week, and that was ridiculously difficult, but.. it got easier. I got stronger and faster and better. I tried running again a few months later, and it was LOTS easier. It was encouraging. I got excited about what my body could do. Now I exercise more regularly, track more carefully and really nail my numbers because I'm excited about performance, seeing what I can do. It's not shame motivated, more like "could I actually run a 5k without stopping? is that a thing that could happen??"
I think that's the way to go, to be honest.0 -
I think most people don't hate themselves for being fat or overweight or even a bit chubby..
From my experience, I'm disappointed in myself for not taking care of my body which is the most important thing ever. Nothing can replace it. It isn't hard at all to be fit and healthy but I'm not putting in effort to do so because I'm too lazy to do so or I'm not determined enough to do so. I can't even do something simple as that, how am I able to accomplish anything else.0 -
You have foods that you label as 'safe' and 'trigger'... You may be the most super confident person in the world but you have an absolutely horrific relationship with food. Maybe work on that first?
Hmmm, I DO have a complicated relationship with food: I am a compulsive overeater, and some foods make me prone to BINGING...once I eat one serving, I do not stop. However, when I avoid those foods completely, I can go months or years without binges, without cravings, and feeling great.
It may not be for everyone...many people like to do a "treat" meal, or fit in small servings of sugar foods daily.
I am not one of those people :ohwell:
Do you think your lack of motivation has to do with the fact that you still want to use food for emotional reasons, deep down? If you have gone to OA and consider yourself having a complicated relationship with food, I would question if you are being totally honest with yourself about your lack of motivation.
One of my motivations (when I started and to this day) is my desire to never again use food for emotional reasons. Food is just food. Not bad, not good. It is nourishment, in the end. It is not love, happiness, security, etc.
I enjoy being stronger, thinner, more limber and energetic. I would like to lose another 20-30 lbs. (but I look great already) and that has to do with wanting to be as healthy as possible and to only eat what my body needs. I am not perfect at it, but I am committed to it.0 -
There is no reason to EVER hate your body. It does what it does because it believes it's protecting you or it's trying to process how you feed/condition it. If you think about it, years ago having weight on your body meant you were well fed and healthy. Now I don't mean excessive... but a size 14 or 16 girl who is 5'7 shouldn't be self loathing because she's not a size 2.
I'd say as long as your insides aren't straining to maintain your structure, your weight is irrelevant as long as you're happy. Motivation to do anything to change your current situation should come a drive to be healthy if you already are? Then what's the point?0 -
I wish you didn't get as many semi-snarky responses as you seem to have gotten...
I think I understand what you are saying. I was 20 pounds heavier than where I wanted to be, yet being super depressed and unhappy with my life led me to not care very much about my appearance. So, if I tried to start losing weight, I always failed because I just didn't care enough.
Once I started working on my depression, I began to feel very strongly that I didn't want to be overweight anymore. I was no longer comfortable enough hiding behind big clothes and never going out.
Not saying you're depressed or anything, obviously. Trying to say that maybe you need to find the catalyst like I did. Would pursuing grad school, or a new career, or moving to a new city, or making new friends, adopting a dog, whatever, be a catalyst for no longer being more or less accepting of being overweight?
Just a thought. Good Luck :-) Feel free to add me if you want friends on here.0 -
My best friend is quite a bit heavier than me, but she is like you. Happy. She's never hated her body and is a confident girl.
Her motivation is health. She loves herself enough to want to be her healthiest. 0
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