My sad, sad daughter

Is there a counselor at her school that she could see while you're on the waiting list for a therapist? Some schools have part-time mental-health/guidance counselors, and since depression can impact a child's school performance, this is definitely something the school should be concerned with. My sister has struggled with depression/anxiety since she was super young - I think she's been seeing counselors since kindergarten/1st grade or so (She's in high school now). Some schools she's been in have been better than others in terms of the support they provide for students like her.

It sounds like you're doing what you can on your end - maintaining an open home, talking with her about her feelings, etc. Have you talked with your ex about this? It sounds like you have a good enough relationship that you should be able to - depression in kids is not something to take lightly and he needs to be aware of it so he can evaluate if he is doing everything on his end that he needs to do to support your daughter.

i've been in your daughter's place (sort of, i had different things i was emotional about but i was a good student, nice person etc. and was still depressed) and counceling helped immensely! i suggest if you can to maybe find her an art therapist, thats what i had and it was amazing. the things i didnt feel like i could say (to my mom, my friends, and even my therapist) i could paint and draw and sculpt instead and it worked, i always felt better after i got them out. i'm sorry that you and your little girl have to go through this and i hope you can get some help. good luck and i'll be sending good vibes to you and yours.

I have lived with depression since I was very young, and I can tell you this for certain: you need to get outside help. I didn't get help, and my parents weren't able to bring me out of the depression. Sometimes it's ok to say that you dont' have the answers, and you need some expert assistance. If she had asthma or diabetes, you'd take her to a doctor, right? Depression, even when it's temporary, is an illness. She needs treatment. You are doing an awesome thing for her by being open and letting her come to you with her issues, so don't feel that you've done anything wrong. Sometimes we just need somebody outside the situation to come in and help, that's all.

I would advise not putting her on medication, at least not until she's been in therapy for a bit and everyone knows what you're dealing with. For me, I should have been on medication of some sort because my brain chemistry just doesn't work properly, but for a lot of kids, therapy is enough.

Good luck, and hugs to you both. It's a hard situation, but you'll all pull through it. Don't despair.

I've battled depression as long as I can remember (going back to adolesents). My parents are still together after 50 yrs so it makes little difference the surroundings. You're doing the right things for her. Support her, let he talk/cry. Help her keep her thoughts in perspective. The post referencing a school councelor is good advise, for both of you. You need the resourse too. I would recommend talkimg to your ex about your daughters needs but tread really lightly around the issues that his GF may or may not contribute to. He should talk to his daughter as openly as you do.

My exhusband left two years ago for a much younger woman. Although she is fine toward my son, I can't say anything that references her. Fortunately, I have a very open relationship with my son (a teenager) so we're both doing well now.

You're a great mom from all accounts, be good to yourself too.

I have a 9 year old girl who struggles with change. I left her father when she was 3 1/2 and unfortunately her father has not be as involved as I thought he would be. I also have a 12 1/2 year old with the same man. She sees her father every other weekend and that's it. Doesn't call on birthdays or attend school events/meetings. To me it seems as if she suffers from "Daddy Issues".

My daughter seems to be depressed/down for quite some time! She has low self esteem/confidence and says that she is a "failure" all the time. I have since remarried and my husband has 2 boys who spend every other weekend with us (they live out of town). My daughter likes them but always feels left out and hates that she's the only girl (and the youngest). I have since signed her up for big sisters and she now has a match.

Her father has also remarried and they now have a 1 year old daughter. My children don't have their own room when they go to his house and are left out of any family functions on his side.

I comfort my daughter as much as possible but sometimes it's not enough. She has a difficult time understanding her feelings and after some counselling, Art Therapy was suggested. It's now a free service and it's not something I can afford at the moment. Perhaps Art Therapy may help your daughter?

I had a good chat with my daughter and explained to her as well that it's important for her to take some responsibility for her feelings as well. As much as I am here for her and do all I can for her she also needs to take some time to understand why she feels the way she feels instead of putting it on everyone else. Don't get me wrong, I am always there for my daughter but because I'm not her I can't give her direction.

Stay open, communicate and don't feel like a failure. I know how it feels as I am always blaming myself for the way she is. Seek some sort of counselling and look into Art Therapy...I've heard it's a great tool!! Also, keep her active. Have her join extra cirricular activities and keep her thinking positive!

If all else fails, look into the situation at her fathers house and talk to someone about it. I have had to make decision of limited access based on circumstances for the well being of my children.

Good luck!

i, im really sorry your daughter is having a difficult time.
You state that you are on good terms with her dad could you possibly have a chat with him explaining the difficulty she is having?
There must be something triggering this for her, you dont say if you or her dad have had other children with your new partners?
She needs time and lots of cuddles, reasurance that you and her dad love her very much, she is 8 so she will understand things when you talk to her. Lots of positive chats and fun times perhaps do something different to change her routine to get her think differently.
Is she upset when she she has to stay at her dads or just at your home?
There could be something she does not want to tell you that could be worrying her, let her know that she is safe with you and that she can talk to you about anything without making it a major issue every night . xx
just a few ideas.

I also have an 8 year old daughter - her dad & I have been separated for 6 months - they only see each other under supervised visits due to emotional and some physical abuse. She understands why he can't be home - but of course she loves him and misses him. She is depressed (and angry). She is in counseling - but I must say the difference is made in the day to day support at home, where she knows she is loved & it is safe for her to vent, talk, and be angry. Couseling has helped - & I get tools and a better understanding of how to deal with her (there are also other issues diagnosed by a psychiatrist - you may need to have your duaghter seen by a doctor if her depression continues - there could be medical issues too).

I would recommend the two of you reach out to others in need in your community - to help people with needs greater than yours or hers (e.g., homeless shelter, a women's shelter, etc.). This gets the focus off of ourselves. When we help others, WE feel better about ourselves and life in general.

I would also recommend you find other girls your daughter's age that face a similar family situation. Knowing they aren't the only ones with a mom & dad that live apart helps - & sometimes they will tell their peers things they won't tell mom or dad. See if there are other counseling options without a waiting list - does her school have a "lunch bunch"? These are kids from homes with divorced or separated parents that eat lunch together. If not, maybe you could start one? Does her school have a counselor? That might
be another source of help.

Does she cry at her father's house too? I would be concerened with the dad's girlfriend & the home life there - it IS your business; your daughter may be negatively affected by their fights/etc., & may be blaming herself, or other issues might be going on that she does not want to share. She may be safe physically(?), but maybe not emotionally. You should find out more about that.

Also - take time out with her - just you and her, and have a girl's day or night out! What does she like? Do somehting special together - & make it a regular time you two can look forward to.

Finally - you are NOT a bad mom. I know you feel helpless - I do too. Don't play a blame game - that does not help your daughter - do give her support (& don't talk her to death - I do that too, & my duaghter tunes me out after a while).

My daughter & I are involved with a wonderful Christian church and supportive people - they do a LOT of outreach to our community. This may be another source for you - many churches also have counselors that could help you out, and direct you to some resources for you & your daughter.

I hope some of these ideas help - she is still young, and there is much hope for healing. I will remember you and your family in my prayers.

I really thank everyone for the responses. I am on a wait list for a psychologist (I have to go to the university for low-cost because insurance companies don't care about mental illness). I appreciate everyone's comments so much. I am the only one of my friends that has been divorced, so I don't have anyone to talk to about this. My parents are still together, so I can't relate to my daughter's feelings. I know that her dad and I both are trying really hard to understand what is going on with her. I will look into all of your suggestions, except maybe medication. That is last resort.

Thanks again to all of you. :flowerforyou:

I agree, medication is a last resort. Sorry if I didn't make that clear in my post. It's not something to be taken lightly, especially in a child that young.

The important thing is that she knows that you and her dad are here for her. That is SO valuable for anybody going through depression, especially a kid. No matter what happens, whether she does therapy or whatever, knowing that she has the two of you is the best gift you could give her.

Is there a counselor at her school that she could see while you're on the waiting list for a therapist? Some schools have part-time mental-health/guidance counselors, and since depression can impact a child's school performance, this is definitely something the school should be concerned with.

this is also a wonderful idea. i've loved dearly every school therapist (elementary, middle and high school) that ever helped me. they're amazing people and they WANT to help and are very good at it.

COMPLETELY agree with this, as I did the same for my parents divorce and my counselor and support group made everything better...

Hi silly goose,

I saw your original post and some of the replies to it but did not read them all... the ones I saw gave you some great advice.
I'm sorry to hear your daughter is having such a hard time at the moment but you sound like you are doing all the right things and being there for her which is the most important thing...

I am a trained and qualified nanny with 20 yrs experience and what I read into your post was that just maybe the situation with the gf at dad's could be affecting her.... I would say that outside help would be the best thing for her.... it is more than likely that if she is unhappy with the situation between her dad and his gf she won't talk to you about it as she won't want to be telling tales on her father to you and she probably can't talk to her father about it seeing as it's his gf and she sees that there is a lot of fighting... talking to someone on the outside and knowing that what she says is to someone who is not personally involved will I'm sure make it easier for her to unburden her worries without guilt.

You're doing the right thing by seeking help for her and I think it sounds like you're a fantastic mum!