small hurt-feeling snuffle post

abyt42
abyt42 Posts: 1,358 Member
in Motivation and Support
I'm actually angry at myself for allowing this to bother me, but it does:
As I was out walking my dog-beast (5 miles, 4 mph), a car of teen boys passed me and the guys "moo"ed at me. Twice.

I had been feeling pretty good, but that really made me uncomfortable.

And I'm miffed that I'm letting that be one more thing that makes me think about whether and when I can be outside in my community.

Gah!

The last time I was moo'ed at was when I was in junior high.... and I'm getting all of the angsty wobbles back. And I'm a grown-@ss woman!

I've worked at a high school for 20 years: I get called names often. I just wasn't able to let this bit go.
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Replies

  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
    Let it go. I get called all sorts of names. It's how we deal with other people's displays of asshattery that allows us to display our character.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    As someone who works with teenagers - they, especially when out in groups, have *no idea* how their actions affect others. The message they were trying to get across to you would have been something like "Look at me! I'm so badass, independent and grown up and stuff, I'm shouting offensive stuff at random strangers, that's how badass I am Look at ME!!".. and that's it. So don't take this kind of teenage macho postulating personally. It wasn't intended personally, you're just a random stranger to them, and they would have shouted at any random stranger. And don't react. Pretend like you didn't hear them and go cheerfully on your way - they want attention, someone to notice how "badass" they are - don't give it to them.

    You don't look fat at all from your profile pic. So no idea why they chose to moo at you. Probably because that's all they could think of in that present moment in time.

    Another thing, nearly all these teenagers grow up a little bit and then cringe and feel really bad about doing stuff like this. Yep maybe one or two never reach that stage, but most do and go on to become normal, polite adults who are not anti-social. Of course not all teenagers are like this at all but you get quite a few that go through this very rebellious, irresponsible, trying to prove their independence to the world by being a complete arsehole phase. But it's just a phase, and anything they shout has absolutely *no* reflection on you as a person. Only on them and their total lack of manners and maturity (which hopefully they'll grow out of and feel really bad and ashamed of what they did during this phase).
  • CoachJen71
    CoachJen71 Posts: 1,200 Member
    Oh, I understand. Nothing wounds so quickly as something that has haunted us from childhood. *hugs* The good news is probably in a few days this will fade. At least that's how it is for me. 3 days of sadness/anxiety/agony whatever, and then relief.
  • mustardyellowshirt
    mustardyellowshirt Posts: 53 Member
    That is one of the things I am most worried about while out! That is why I get up BUTT early to go out. lol. I figure the only people who are out are heading to work and are too busy trying to chug those last few dregs of coffee to give a hoot about me.
    Teenagers suck. Ignore them.
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
    As someone who works with teenagers - they, especially when out in groups, have *no idea* how their actions affect others. The message they were trying to get across to you would have been something like "Look at me! I'm so badass, independent and grown up and stuff, I'm shouting offensive stuff at random strangers, that's how badass I am Look at ME!!".. and that's it. So don't take this kind of teenage macho postulating personally. It wasn't intended personally, you're just a random stranger to them, and they would have shouted at any random stranger. And don't react. Pretend like you didn't hear them and go cheerfully on your way - they want attention, someone to notice how "badass" they are - don't give it to them.

    You don't look fat at all from your profile pic. So no idea why they chose to moo at you. Probably because that's all they could think of in that present moment in time.

    Another thing, nearly all these teenagers grow up a little bit and then cringe and feel really bad about doing stuff like this. Yep maybe one or two never reach that stage, but most do and go on to become normal, polite adults who are not anti-social. Of course not all teenagers are like this at all but you get quite a few that go through this very rebellious, irresponsible, trying to prove their independence to the world by being a complete arsehole phase. But it's just a phase, and anything they shout has absolutely *no* reflection on you as a person. Only on them and their total lack of manners and maturity (which hopefully they'll grow out of and feel really bad and ashamed of what they did during this phase).

    ^^^This.

    Just remember that most of what people do has nothing to do with you but is a complete reflection of them.
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  • joepage612
    joepage612 Posts: 179 Member
    If it makes you feel better I think that kind of heckling is more about sexism than anything else. . If you want to get really intellectual about it i think its a type of sexual harassment and not really about your weight or how you look.
  • redscylla
    redscylla Posts: 211 Member
    Teenage boys are idiots. More important than a stranger's opinion of you is the opinion of dog-beast. I guarantee that dog-beast loves you, and loves you most of all when you are out walking with him.
  • AglaeaC
    AglaeaC Posts: 1,974 Member
    What neandermagnon said. Also I do think that at least some of them feel it wasn't the right thing to do, because hardly any of them would do that if they were alone. We do dense things as teenagers, some more than others, but I bet nearly everyone has an example they can tell from their youth that they still recall and still feel uncomfortable about, ashamed even. Luckily many grow up from such behaviour.
  • AglaeaC
    AglaeaC Posts: 1,974 Member
    Teenage boys are idiots. More important than a stranger's opinion of you is the opinion of dog-beast. I guarantee that dog-beast loves you, and loves you most of all when you are out walking with him.
    Hey, teenage girls can be poisonous little b1tches too.
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    You learned something today.

    You live near idiots. And that's all.

    100% this.

    like water off a duck's back, OP.

    keep doing you and kicking *kitten*.
  • CindyMarcuzAdams
    CindyMarcuzAdams Posts: 4,007 Member
    I am sorry those canoes made you sad. I know how much it can hurt. Its hard to get over but you can rise above it and be more determined than ever to beat this weight.

    Huggs. Cindy
  • mygnsac
    mygnsac Posts: 13,413 Member
    I sure understand the small hurt-feelings we get after these kinds of encounters. Words do hurt, even when they come from immature idiots. All we can do is brush it off and keep on keeping on.
  • grumpysnail89
    grumpysnail89 Posts: 14 Member
    I remember when I was 16, (130 lbs) and not fat, but a group of kids in a car screamed out "Fat *kitten*" to me while I was running around the local college track. It made me stop wanting to run at all, so I didn't run for a long time after. I wish it hadn't affected me so much, but it did.

    I'm sorry that it happened to you. It may take a while to get over, and that's okay. People can be mean to one another, but they can be really supportive, too. I can't actually tell you how many people will stop me to tell me that I am doing well when I am running, but there are many who do, or cheer me on or smile, and now I am fat, so I think back about how much it hurt, and even though I still get anxious when cars pass or a person is looking directly at me while I am running, I also think about who I am doing this for, and that really helps me stay focused.
  • royaldrea
    royaldrea Posts: 259 Member
    Sorry that happened, that sucks! Take some time (not too long) to feel bad and then make a concerted effort to let it go so that it doesn't negatively impact you or hinder your progress. Some people will always be horrible to others, maybe because it makes them feel better about themselves? Regardless of their motivation, focus on yourself and the kind of person you want to be - the better you know yourself and the more highly you regard yourself, the less other people's opinions can affect you.

    It would be terrible if you let someone's vileness stop you from being the best person you can be, so don't!! Keep on walking :)
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Let it be known that if I ever catch my kid pulling *kitten* like this, he will be very. very. very. sorry.
  • Amazonbella
    Amazonbella Posts: 338
    :( I HATE hearing that, it is such a rude thing for anyone to do. I don't care if it's children, adults, it's just very bad behavior and I know that regardless of how good you feel, that hurts! But remember you can not control the bad and disgusting behaviors of other people, and remind yourself of all the things you have accomplished and how fabulous you are!!!! <3
  • CleanUpWhatIMessedUp
    CleanUpWhatIMessedUp Posts: 206 Member
    It's perfectly normal for you to be upset about this. It was an incredibly rude thing for them to do to you. But, I'm sure it was just stupid teenagers being stupid teenagers and these things happen. It's okay to cry about it and be upset about it and then you just have to move on from it and keep progressing!
  • Trechechus
    Trechechus Posts: 2,819 Member
    I've worked with kids and teenagers for a long time, and they are mean for no reason. I had a seven-year-old tell me daily that he hated me and it really pissed me off, though I know it shouldn't have. I was also in an abusive relationship for too long with a man who moo'd at me daily even when I was at an unhealthy low weight.

    People can be d*cks, but that doesn't mean you have to believe their nastiness. You are doing what you need to do to achieve your goals, and that is more important that a carload of hormonal, pubescent boys.
  • MrsATrotta
    MrsATrotta Posts: 278 Member
    Ohhhh I went through something similar a few months ago, was walking in the park coming up on my 4th mile and some boys were at a bench I had my head phones on my ears but my ipod had died a while back so when I walked by they thought I wouldn't hear them talking about me "waddling my fat *kitten* by". Yeah unreal. People are *kitten* its ok though bc we rock!!
  • leannems
    leannems Posts: 516 Member
    giphy.gif

    Those dudes were lame. You are not. Carry on with your bad self.
  • abyt42
    abyt42 Posts: 1,358 Member
    Thanks for the pep-talk!
  • lilRicki
    lilRicki Posts: 4,555 Member
    Let it be known that if I ever catch my kid pulling *kitten* like this, he will be very. very. very. sorry.

    Me too! If my son every talks crap like this, he'll be in a world of hurt, especially because he knows how it feels.
  • Akimajuktuq
    Akimajuktuq Posts: 3,037 Member
    Teenage boys are idiots. More important than a stranger's opinion of you is the opinion of dog-beast. I guarantee that dog-beast loves you, and loves you most of all when you are out walking with him.

    THIS.

    Here's something to make you feel better: teenage boys have the lowest survival rates than other demographics (aside from very old people).

    Seriously, don't ever let strangers affect anything in your life, especially how you feel about yourself. I guarantee those boys forgot about what they did 30 seconds later; so should you.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 49,028 Member
    I'm actually angry at myself for allowing this to bother me, but it does:
    As I was out walking my dog-beast (5 miles, 4 mph), a car of teen boys passed me and the guys "moo"ed at me. Twice.

    I had been feeling pretty good, but that really made me uncomfortable.

    And I'm miffed that I'm letting that be one more thing that makes me think about whether and when I can be outside in my community.

    Gah!

    The last time I was moo'ed at was when I was in junior high.... and I'm getting all of the angsty wobbles back. And I'm a grown-@ss woman!

    I've worked at a high school for 20 years: I get called names often. I just wasn't able to let this bit go.
    More than likely because it was on your "personal" time than work time. Your defenses are up at school. You let them down at home and that's probably why it got to you.
    You know as well as anyone else that people will always find something to criticize you about, even if you were "perfect". Take a deep breath and smile.

    A.C.E. Certified Group Fitness and Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • patrickca1942
    patrickca1942 Posts: 7 Member
    I understand your hurt feelings. I can't help but worry that this would result in you wanting to stay at home inside instead. (crawl under the covers?) I know when I am out walking I feel better. When I stay in and sit around the house I feel tired and depressed. You were out walking and that is a good thing. It probably also made your puppy feel pretty good too. I also agree with the person who referred to the "moo" as a sexist thing. The last time someone mooed at me, way back when I was in high school, (a long time ago) I inferred it was in reference to my bra size. Hugs. Hope you feel better soon.
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    Teenaged guys are stupid. Their brains are fully developed yet. Pity them, if anything.
  • shortntall1
    shortntall1 Posts: 333 Member
    I refuse to walk "the loop" here in town for exactly that reason. I walk around the school instead. I cant bring myself to walk out in public.
  • AglaeaC
    AglaeaC Posts: 1,974 Member
    Can we stop with the generalisation already? There are many decent teenage boys out there. These happened to behave really appallingly, but not even that means they are totally rotten through and through. I detest generalisations.
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
    Kids/teenagers/humans in general are douches. Don't worry, you're doing a great job. They probably get no love at home. Poor little mini douches. They think they're so cool and have no idea how lame they are.

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