Just a vent...

4LMomma
4LMomma Posts: 5
edited September 23 in Introduce Yourself
I have a friend who is driving me insane. She weighed 350 and had gastric bypass surgery. She is loosing weight like none other me on the other hand started at 170 and have lost 20 in 4 months. She keeps asking me how much I have lost and than brags about how much she has lost. Yesterday was the absolute worst... I ended up in tears cause she posted on her facebook how much she had lost "taking the easy way out" and than used my name and how much I had lost "doing it the hard way"! Claimed that she had to have way more will power to loose hers that I had to loose mine!

Ok that was my vent... Sorry if I offened anyone!!
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Replies

  • luvmygroundtrooper
    luvmygroundtrooper Posts: 17
    That was awful of a friend to do to you. You may see the "easy way out" doesnt always work long term, Ive had friends that did it and gained much of it back. I feel that your friend should be more uplifting & encouraging. Her need to p[ut down and one-up you as a friend shows a very low self esteem in herself. Thumbs up to you for doing it the hard way and losing 20!
  • trixieflow
    trixieflow Posts: 31 Member
    i would feel the same way. sounds like it's time for a chit chat ...just be honest
  • wilted6orchid
    wilted6orchid Posts: 423 Member
    It doesn't always happen, but I have had some friends that had the bypass and it really changed their personality. It's sad. But, I am sure that beauty is NOT only skin deep. It's very much a part of who you are. Keep positive and you will win in the outcome.:flowerforyou:
  • TammyK777
    TammyK777 Posts: 230 Member
    some lessons are better learned 'the hard way'!! keep at it, you're going great!
  • aimon87
    aimon87 Posts: 19
    and you call this person a friend? id sit her down and explain how its making you feel. if theres no change then i wouldnt talk to her about your weight loss. just say 'enough' with a big grin haha xx
  • AggieCass09
    AggieCass09 Posts: 1,867 Member
    that is highly irritating...now disregard the hurt feelings and refocus on why YOU (not your friend) are on this journey. write down these goals and post them on the fridge, bathroom mirror, or wherever else you will be constantly reminded. Dont let anyone else stop your progress. Weight loss is a very individual journey and in the end you have to do it for you! Good luck!
  • BeLightYear
    BeLightYear Posts: 1,450 Member
    Are you really sure this is a "friend"?:huh:

    I'm sorry she is so mean, I think you are doing great and doing it right!!:flowerforyou:
  • AnnaLeigh85
    AnnaLeigh85 Posts: 16 Member
    I would vent to! That would be very hurtful. I think you are much stronger to be losing weight without the help of surgery. Keep your head up, you will most likely come out on top by continuing what you are doing.
  • michelletr
    michelletr Posts: 218 Member
    don't let her get to you....i'm sorry if this upsets u but she honestly doesn't sound like much of a friend. a true friend will support u no matter what u choose to do...u have done great loosing 20 pounds. and she should be happy for u and not making this into a compitetion to see who looses the most thier way.


    good job on ur weight loss :)
  • doggiemomma
    doggiemomma Posts: 68
    In my personal opinion, you don't need that destructive person in your life. Yes she may have taken the easy way out, but to me, you are doing it the easy way. You can still eat what you want, how you and and you will be LOTS healthier than she will be. I hope she has talked to people who have had that surgery and where they are now. I had a neighbor that had it and he almost died because he did not do what the doctor told him to do.
    I was told by one of my doctors that I needed to have it done and I told her, that I would have it done, when she had her mouth sewed shut. She didn't like that. I still go to her, but she doesn't say a word to me about my weight. I am proud of you for doing it the easy way. She is taking the cowards way out because she knew she didn't have the willpower to do it like you have. CONGRATS to you. I am with you. I have only lost 25 lbs in 4 months but I am proud of my hard fought 25 lbs.

    HUGS TO YOU.....
  • Suedre
    Suedre Posts: 435 Member
    pfft... I would just blow her right off. It really sounds like she's not confident in her own decisions and it proving to herself and anything that will listen she did the right thing. It's pretty sad and nasty approach. Just remember, you can only feel attacked if you allow yourself to feel attacked. Afterall, It is afterall her problem and not yours.I would be honest with her, and if it continues cut her loose. Life is too short for unsupportive and frustrating people. :)
  • jennlee80
    jennlee80 Posts: 142
    That's beyond RUDE for her to do!! You should def. have a honest conversation with her sooner than later. Taking the easy way out isn't always the ANSWER! You are doing it the right way and it takes time. Stay positive and surround yourself with positive people that support you :)
  • JayneWilson1963
    JayneWilson1963 Posts: 543 Member
    I had gastric bypass in March, 2003. Lost 70 pounds, but gained it all back and then some...your friend will soon find out "the easy way out" does not last. On the other hand, I have lost 61 pounds in 6 months with the help of MFP and friends. This time, I decided to "take the hard road" and get it done once and for all. You are doing great, hang in there, you can do this. Remember, it needs to be a lifestyle change, not a diet.
  • kendradl
    kendradl Posts: 595 Member
    You are doing an awesome job no matter what anybody else says, personally if this was me and that was my supposed 'friend' I don't think I would keep her around. You can try talking to her and if you get no change then this friendship wasn't meant to last. You keep up the good work and you will succeed in a much better way :happy:
  • annabanana05
    annabanana05 Posts: 69
    oh my goodness that is not a "friend" she should be proud of you no matter how much you have lost! actually she should be more proud of you than she is herself because you worked hard to get to where you are and she didn't have to do anything!! working hard to achieve accomplishments is way more better than having surgery.

    i am proud of you and so are all of the other mfp members!!
  • helenamonks
    helenamonks Posts: 176
    Shame on her! Keep up the good work, my momma always told me that when you earn something the hard way you appreciate it much more! (So when she packs back on every pound, always offer to let her come shopping so you can parade your skinny *kitten* in front of her! ) Jk about that, but seriously, im an a** i totally would. ;)
  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
    This person doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. I'd have a sit-down with her and tell her she's being rude, that you're happy for her weight loss but in the same token she needs to be happy for you and show support for you as well. Tell her that you do not appreciate her using your name on her Facebook like that. And if she persists in being rude, I'm not so sure I'd be hanging out with her or continue having her on your Facebook. That is not supportive. It's one thing to be happy for her own weight loss, but it's quite another thing to put you down about yours. You're doing GREAT, and anybody who makes you feel any different is not worth your time.
  • aling01
    aling01 Posts: 163
    i wouldn't call her a friend and I would remove anyone who doesnt support you out of your circle of friends.

    the other thing is, people who are much more heavier like your "friend" there, they will deff tend to lose it much faster esp after the surgery but just wait till they plateue, see how she will handle that! I doubt she would even know what to do or where to begin.

    You on the other hand, yeah it is hard work but it is the correct way of doing things. You aren't the only one working so hard at this and at least you can be proud of what you have accomplished and the knowledge that you have gained!

    Gain more friends who are in the fitness world and are looking to better themselves as well as help those around them, not compare them. =D

    A great place I go to do that is www.bodybuilding.com. It's a great site to go to with lots of information, community of over 10,000 people, etc.
  • ouryear002
    ouryear002 Posts: 325 Member
    Why did the easier way require more willpower? The "friend's" logic seems as poor as her manners.
  • alfroid2k
    alfroid2k Posts: 7
    1- she had twice as much weight to lose. (at that weight your effort = 40+pounds)
    2- You definitely need more will power to
    a)exercise
    b)watch what you put in your body and mentally limit what your body can hold rather than physically altering it.
    3- You are changing your lifestyle it will be a lot harder to gain weight back if you lost it the "hard way"
    4- Is in our nature to compete and HEALTHY competition is ok. just ask your 4 month old self how much she weights and take those 20lb less proudly.

    keep up the good hard work and enjoy your results, you have earned it.
  • cmyrick75
    cmyrick75 Posts: 187 Member
    That was beyond rude. Your "friend" should not have done that to you!
    Keep up your hard work and don't let her discouarge you!
  • midgetjoness
    midgetjoness Posts: 27
    that doesn't sound like a very good friend!! Don't let her get you down because in the long run you are doing things the harder way and therefore you are learning more from your experience. By doing this you are giving yourself the tools for healthy eating to carry on throughout your life, not just a quick fix!
    I really know its hard, i struggle when my friends around me boast about how little they are eating (i do a performing arts course so i'm surrounded by people desperate to be skinny as hell, and i myself am sometimes included in that!) however i keep having to remind myself that eating the right amount and the right kind of foods, with a couple of treats now and then (!) is going to make me happier and healthier in the long run, as well as getting super gorgeous!
    Stay strong!
  • BigBoneSista
    BigBoneSista Posts: 2,389 Member
    Your friend is just smelling herself right now. When the honeymoon period is over and she has to continue to lose that weight & maintain it the old fashion way she won't be gloating then. I can tell just by what she is saying that she hasn't prepared herself.
  • LeeJackson01
    LeeJackson01 Posts: 4
    Her actions don't equal "friend" in my book.

    I've seen WAY too many people lose it through gastric bypass, but - because they didn't change the things that caused them to gain the weight in the first place, they ended up gaining most or all of it back.
    You are making a life change in a LOT of ways -- in ways that your "friend" obviously does not understand.

    But we here, who are doing it the right way, understand 100%.
    You are doing terrific! Keep going! Eyes forward. No need to look back at your "Friend".
    :0D
  • kammy92
    kammy92 Posts: 408 Member
    I think that was rude of a friend to do that! Just remember though, people that have had that surgery can gain it all back just like anyone else!!!
  • majikal6
    majikal6 Posts: 72
    Wow...that's pretty crappy....

    But alas, pay no mind. As those who choose an "easy way out" for anything, will sometimes not or ever truly appreciate their rewards for it took so little dedication, strength or desire to achieve it.

    You are succeeding, each and everyday and a comparison by a friend, is no comparison at all as it is solely for the purpose of stroking her ego.

    Well done on your 20 lbs loss by the way, keep up the great work!!

    <3
  • annie_p
    annie_p Posts: 319 Member
    That is to harsh to be considered "friendly". I, being in the snarky mood that I am, would comment on her facebook status, "I still weigh less than you."

    Of course, that would be considered rude too...but that's the kind of mood I'm in :laugh:
  • Blueeyes1117
    Blueeyes1117 Posts: 51 Member
    Woww all i got to say is keep your head up high!! In the end you will feel so much better about yourself because you didnt take the"easy way out" you actually are dedicating your time and hard effort into getting the weight off yourself!!! and in the end even if it takes you a year you will have more satisfaction than she ever will!! Keep your head held high you can do this and dont let her get to you the easy way out isnt alway the right way!!! Keep that in mind! You can do this!!!
  • fuhrmeister
    fuhrmeister Posts: 1,796 Member
    That is awful!

    You are doign thing teh right way and teh healthy way. Keep up what you are doing and be proud of yourself for not having to compair yourself with others to validate your accomplishments. 20 pounds in 4 months is awesome...and likly to stay gone.
  • Blueeyes1117
    Blueeyes1117 Posts: 51 Member
    I agree lol im in one of those moods today to lol
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