Just a vent...

I find this very rude too. I have a friend, whose mother had gastric bypass surgery. I'm not sure what she looked like before but she's morbidly obese now, so clearly it didn't work. And she has the nerve to make jokes about how her son is overweight, and he's not nearly the size of her. She's never been a good mother, but that's another story. But when she says things like that, I could kick her!

It's normal for somebody to feel empowered and excited to see the pounds start melting off - particularly after such an invasive procedure. It may even be natural for her to want to brag to you or anybody else about her results. But comparing her journey to yours (when both the method used and your goals are clearly SO different) is completely unfair - and to do so in a public forum without your permission is unacceptable.

You are already a healthy weight - she is probably insecure about that and maybe even jealous that you did it on your own - the hard way, as she says. She took "the easy way out" by her own admission and obviously doesn't feel great about it or she wouldn't be defending it so vigorously.

If I were you I probably wouldn't be able to resist a jab at her along the lines of "Um, I'm glad you've come so far on your journey, but it's not really fair to compare us. I started out much closer to my goal weight, so of course I've lost fewer pounds overall. " I might just leave a comment on her facebook post along those lines.

I would just reply on her facebook that "if I had 200 pounds to lose I would also be losing a dramatic amount of wieght quickly as well but alas I do not have at least 50 pounds to lose to qualify for the easy way out, and if I could have it now how great I'd be at my goal weight within the month".

I personally think it is great no matter how a person chooses to lose wieght as long as it is a healthy way, and I find it insulting that she calls it an easy way I know alot of people don't consider it an easy way, but it is something they HAD to do.

I have loose skin but I will do everything in my ability to tighten up my stomache before I even consider taking the "easy" way of having a tummy tuck. The surgery, the pain,the cost, the possibilities of complications, yep easy.

Go ahead and vent - you have a right to!

Some people are "Energy Givers" - they are supportive and bring light and happiness into your life. Other people are "Energy Suckers" - you feel tired and worn out after being with them. If this "friend" is more of an Energy Sucker (sounds like it) - then maybe you need a little distance from her.

Congrats on your 20 lbs!!

please please read The End of Overeating by Kessler, he was surgeon general a few years ago, in it he dissects the causes of overeating and the american food industry, we are being drugged by food here and this addiction is terribly hard to control, you cannot just say no to food and never eat again, what other addictive substance does one 'have' to use every day?

the situation with overeating is that it is in the brain, the neural highways of salt, sugar and fat have been carved wide and deep in us,

and the only real way to normal eating requires work, sure miss stomach staple thinks she is fine, but unless she is seriously confronting the basic food addiction she will not change her brain chemistry,

this site provides us with a way to examine and account for the foods we eat, proteins, fiber, fat etc.

each day of recording, learning to plan our meals, to cook differently, to share with each other, to reach out and to be supported is golden,

I am also 'losing the hard way', holidays come and I am learning how to deal with them, I am choosing different vegetables, I am tweeking my menus, my grocery shopping trips are different, I look at a bag of cheetos very much differently, I have noticed I do not have to go out to eat every time I go the mall, I try to avoid the kitchen for the present, it was my favorite room of the house,

I do not know if my cravings will ever ease, but it is easier now after 6 months to say no to myself,

dry your tears, you are doing the hard and necessary work of brain retraining, do not lose hope, yours is the work she will have to do eventually whether she knows it or not, surgery does not work long term without 'doing it the hard way'

think of all the $$$ you have saved not having surgery and give yourself a kiss for working so hard

Congrats on doing it the hard way. Venting is needed every once in a while! Stay strong!

What a jerk. Who says that to a friend (or anyone for that matter)?

If it makes you feel better, I'd rather do it "the hard way" than shell out tons of money to have a major surgery.
There's no guarantee that she will not gain the weight back in the future, therefore, she should choose her words wisely.
She might lose weight and be small for 5 years then gain weight. You will lose the weight and keep it off forever.

I think everyone is spot on. I would say firstly if it's easier block her status updates on facebook for a start!! Some people only know how to bring people down with negative comments, some horrid woman said to me "have you lost weight or have you been ill". Nice, but ultimately I can change my weight, she will always be a horrid person! Just think of all the hard work you have put in and remember if you want a treat - you can have one without it making you feel poorly ;-)

I have a friend who is driving me insane. She weighed 350 and had gastric bypass surgery. She is loosing weight like none other me on the other hand started at 170 and have lost 20 in 4 months. She keeps asking me how much I have lost and than brags about how much she has lost. Yesterday was the absolute worst... I ended up in tears cause she posted on her facebook how much she had lost "taking the easy way out" and than used my name and how much I had lost "doing it the hard way"! Claimed that she had to have way more will power to loose hers that I had to loose mine!

Ok that was my vent... Sorry if I offened anyone!!

I think I would be losing 300# of friend really quick!

I put this on another thread several days ago, but will respost here too. I know 3 people that have had gastric bypass: 2 guys and a gal. Guy #1 is as big as ever and guy #2 (who I met after his initial weight loss) has been packing on the pounds this past year or so. Haven't seen him in several months, but quite frankly, I am expecting him to be HUGE again the next time I do. The gal is a friend from high school, and I have to say, she looks fantastic (10 years after surgery). She did however struggle with other issues: she just traded one addiction for another. She is doing great now.

Bottom line is that bypass is just a tool, the behaviors still have to change.

Why did the easier way require more willpower? The "friend's" logic seems as poor as her manners.

I was thinking the same thing! And to say it on Facebook? Just proves her low self-esteem.

Don't Let her upset you! Kudos to those 20lbs you have lost! And also remember that you will take longer to gain this weight back than your "friend" ! And if she is at 350lbs probably the weight is falling faster because of that. The more you lose the more difficult it gets to lose further! Good luck! You are doing great.

One of my bestest friends from childhood had the surgery 6 years ago. She was at her heaviest around 350. I never said anything negative about it OR shunned her when others did.

I was about 110 then had a baby and was up to about 170.

She would brag and stuff, which is normal-- she'd never had a 'normal' social life.

Then she just got *****y and rude and I had to talk to her about her attitude and behaviour.

She said, "You're just jealous that I'm thinner than you are now."

:-O

We didn't talk for about 3 years. Then she called and apologized.

The moral of this? Talk to your friend. If she's a real friend, she'll cut the crap.

And congrats on the 20 pounds!

1rst, congrats on the 20 lbs lost, that's AWESOME! 2nd, she doesn't sound like much of a friend. 3rd, it is my belief (and experience) that our destination often times isn't nearly as important as our journey there.You're doing great and the hard work you are putting in will change you not just for today, but will give you the strength and encouragement to change your life!