Can an ex be motivation? Or is that a setup for failure?

I recently have watched my ex fiancé of 3 years establish a happy life via social media. May explain why I've deleted most every account I had, but it's motivated me to get healthy. In the past I did this when we initially split up and then when I got used to the idea of being single, I gained 25+ lbs and found myself at the local pizza bar every night drinking beer and ordering enough for 2. All the mental garbage in my head keeps me on this yoyo. I'm hoping if I can meet my goals it will begin to help move on. It's a hard thing for a man to admit he's lost his confidence. I'd love any feedback, or to hear personal experiences.

FYI, a happy life on social media is only evidence of a person's ability to use social media.

100% this. All the world's a stage, and Facebook is like that stage in the park where the homeless guy always performs.

That's great!

Shoot I know some folks who have insane, drama filled lives but by the frigging uplifting memes they post (gag) you'd think they have it all together and doves fly out of their armpits everytime they stretch. And they DON'T, trust me on this one.

Get off social media. It sucks you into a world of make believe where everyone is happy and desperately eager to prove it. Get outside. Go do something like work on your goals.

Wut? I'm stuck inside. That's my excuse.

I think your interest in what your ex is doing is the setup for failure. Maybe it would be good to disconnect a little and not check up on her. More of a "clean break".

If the split motivated you to become a happier and healthier person, then I think that is awesome. But the comparisons and examining her new life just seems unhealthy and probably will not do you any favors at all.

Not to crush the hope that your ex is secretly miserable...but I think some people who have happy lives on social media really do have happy lives. I admit that I take pause at people who post DAILY photos of them cuddling with their mate and endless "My hubby is the best because today he did this for me". Overkill. But I know my facebook page since divorcing my ex husband has looked a lot different, because I did make a happier life for myself and I am now more active (in the exercise sense, yes, but travel and social life as well).

Apparently some people break up with their mate and feel the need to "prove" something to that person. I guess it could be a motivator for them but I personally don't think it would be a very constructive long term motivator. As for me personally...I've lost 100 lb since I got divorced but I don't care if my ex husband ever knows that or not, it really makes ZERO difference to me. He's not in my life and his opinion is not important to me, to be honest, even though our split was amicable.

Depends on the situation in my opinion.

If you're coming from 0 exercise any motivation to start moving around sounds good to me. The hardest part in getting in shape is actually starting. I would suggest finding a more personal motivation though once you have established your routines. Perhaps use something such as building up self confidence/esteem.

If you are already exercising though I'd avoid any kind of external motivation. Stick with something simple such being able to eat something tastier because you burned enough calories to allow yourself a treat.

i think if it gets you to where you want to be, then its hard to call it a bad thing...

but your probably right that this thinking contributes to the yo yo effect... i might ad to this that it seems likely you are an emotional eater, like myself. simply knowing and owning the fact that your emotions are driving you to eat can give you a enough insight into your behavoir to stop yourself sometimes.


that being said, i make the guilty pay nearly every work out. wether that be my ex, my boss, employee, whomever.

it sounds a little psycho and very anti social, but i feel a lot better when its over

much of what goes through my head is going to go through my head anyway.

when i look at something through the exhaustion of a work out, i tend to see it for what it really is and recognize how i'm putting my own bull**** on it and making it worse.

Using your ex as motivation is a terrible idea, I cannot believe some of the responses. Get real, you need a life change not some quick motivation to fail soon after.

What if their ex motivates a life change?

It can happen! But at the same time, weight loss needs a long term, healthy motivation.

Start there we all need a starting point! however in the end you have to want this for you! Remember YOU are wonderful YOU are amazing and YOU want a healthier life!

Using your ex as motivation is a terrible idea, I cannot believe some of the responses. Get real, you need a life change not some quick motivation to fail soon after.

I have couple of peeps on my FL who lost around 100 lbs and they all started after their Ex left them. Its a good start, better than sitting on a couch and eating boxes of donuts.

Any external force can be temporarily motivating. If this is your one and only form of motivation, you will fail. At some point motivation much shift from external to internal. I was originally motivated by a number of external factors that are of no importance to me at this point. Can you see yourself wanting to be healthy because of your ex in 6 months time? How about a year from now? 5 years? If this is the motivation to get you started then so be it, but know that if you are never able to find other sources of motivation you won't have long term success. Once you start doing it for you and your own personal health, that's when you'll really take off.

^This right here. Vanity, revenge, etc. will only get you so far.