Can an ex be motivation? Or is that a setup for failure?

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Replies

  • BarbieFromHellx
    BarbieFromHellx Posts: 758 Member
    I genuinely don't think it is a bad thing. If it motivates it's definitely not a bad thing. We all have our own types of motivation, and mine was actually very similar to yours (not necessarily an ex, but guys who made me feel really sh*tty).
  • No_Finish_Line
    No_Finish_Line Posts: 3,661 Member
    much of what goes through my head is going to go through my head anyway.

    when i look at something through the exhaustion of a work out, i tend to see it for what it really is and recognize how i'm putting my own bull**** on it and making it worse.
  • sassyjae21
    sassyjae21 Posts: 1,217 Member
    I'm gonna look at it in a different way. Kind of. Take your frustrations and stress out on your work-outs. You obviously deserve to be happy right? If so then you need to do what it takes to make you happy. And if better health and a better body and self image makes you happy, do what it takes to get there.

    Make yourself happy again. Take care of yourself. Mentally and physically. Use your break up as a jump start into a better life my friend.
  • whyyesitsneke
    whyyesitsneke Posts: 47
    Using your ex as motivation is a terrible idea, I cannot believe some of the responses. Get real, you need a life change not some quick motivation to fail soon after.

    What if their ex motivates a life change?

    It can happen! But at the same time, weight loss needs a long term, healthy motivation.
  • cecimaguina
    cecimaguina Posts: 81 Member
    Do whatever you feel will work...then when it wears off find another motivation...is that simple. The important thing is to be motivated no matter what moves you (as long as you don't hurt anybody in the process of course). At the end of the day and probably after a few tries you'll find yourself doing this for you and only you, so how you started doesn't really matter.
    Best of luck!
  • citalk2much
    citalk2much Posts: 50 Member
    Start there we all need a starting point! however in the end you have to want this for you! Remember YOU are wonderful YOU are amazing and YOU want a healthier life!
  • likitisplit
    likitisplit Posts: 9,420 Member
    Start where you are. Once you see the first real result, you'll be doing it for you anyway, so don't overthink this.
  • Leonidas_meets_Spartacus
    Leonidas_meets_Spartacus Posts: 6,198 Member
    Using your ex as motivation is a terrible idea, I cannot believe some of the responses. Get real, you need a life change not some quick motivation to fail soon after.

    I have couple of peeps on my FL who lost around 100 lbs and they all started after their Ex left them. Its a good start, better than sitting on a couch and eating boxes of donuts.
  • Jonthomas79
    Jonthomas79 Posts: 12
    Thanks everyone. I guess I already knew the answer to my own question. It's my journey, and one I struggled with even when we were together. It's just nice to know I'm not the only one who deals with those thoughts. We all need to be reminded of our self worth from time to time. We all have the right to be happy, even her. I need to find that myself.
  • WickedPineapple
    WickedPineapple Posts: 698 Member
    Any external force can be temporarily motivating. If this is your one and only form of motivation, you will fail. At some point motivation much shift from external to internal. I was originally motivated by a number of external factors that are of no importance to me at this point. Can you see yourself wanting to be healthy because of your ex in 6 months time? How about a year from now? 5 years? If this is the motivation to get you started then so be it, but know that if you are never able to find other sources of motivation you won't have long term success. Once you start doing it for you and your own personal health, that's when you'll really take off.

    ^This right here. Vanity, revenge, etc. will only get you so far.
  • martinel2099
    martinel2099 Posts: 899 Member
    Think you've answered your own question in the subject title. It might get you started at the gym and it might feel really good thinking about how jealous or regretful she will be after she seeing the after pictures you'll be posting or how her jaw will drop if you bump into you on the streets. While that might feel good that's a temporary feeling at best, exes come and go and eventually you'll forget all about them.

    What happens when you start to love someone else and forget about her? There goes your gym motivation. Make weight loss and overall fitness / nutrition about you, it'll last longer.
  • BigT555
    BigT555 Posts: 2,067 Member
    Any external force can be temporarily motivating. If this is your one and only form of motivation, you will fail. At some point motivation much shift from external to internal. I was originally motivated by a number of external factors that are of no importance to me at this point. Can you see yourself wanting to be healthy because of your ex in 6 months time? How about a year from now? 5 years? If this is the motivation to get you started then so be it, but know that if you are never able to find other sources of motivation you won't have long term success. Once you start doing it for you and your own personal health, that's when you'll really take off.
    spot on as always.

    my ex was my initial motivation, then once i got the ball rolling i realized it had to be done for me. its fine at first, but you have to strive for something deeper eventually
  • Veil5577
    Veil5577 Posts: 868 Member
    Because successful weight loss involves a lifestyle change, I don't think this kind of motivation is the way to go. Try doing this for yourself, not to prove something to someone else.
  • pdubz
    pdubz Posts: 7 Member
    I so know how you feel. When my ex and I got divorced, I went through the EXACT same thing you're going through. I had gained a bunch of weight, and thought to myself....I'll lose all this weight and she will be sorry she left. Well, it worked. I lost the weight and I felt GREAT. It was short lived. As soon as she got with someone else, Instead of being motivated, I was unmotivated and gained ALL the weight back, and a few more pounds for good measure. So here I am again, but doing it for myself. Take it from me bro, if you don't love yourself enough to lose weight for YOU, in my opinion, you will fail and end up in a worse situation. YOU are worth the weight loss, YOU are worth the health benefits, YOU...YOU....YOU. Best of luck bro.
  • MrsShell17
    MrsShell17 Posts: 53 Member
    Any external force can be temporarily motivating. If this is your one and only form of motivation, you will fail. At some point motivation much shift from external to internal. I was originally motivated by a number of external factors that are of no importance to me at this point. Can you see yourself wanting to be healthy because of your ex in 6 months time? How about a year from now? 5 years? If this is the motivation to get you started then so be it, but know that if you are never able to find other sources of motivation you won't have long term success. Once you start doing it for you and your own personal health, that's when you'll really take off.

    That was awesomely accurate :-)
  • MrsShell17
    MrsShell17 Posts: 53 Member
    Gaining an ex was definitely one of the things that kick started my motivation to get in shape...but its definitely deeper than just wanting his jaw to drop when he sees me lol I'm not trying to have the athleticism of an American Ninja Warrior or the curves of a video vixen; I just want to become healthier inside and out, feel better inside and out and have the discipline, strength and energy to do whatever it is God has purposed for me. Can't be fully used by Him if I'm winded from peeling an orange or always in the hospital for health issues that I can control, you know? I'm of no use to anyone if I'm not taking care of myself.

    So sure, if your ex has motivated you to become a better you, go for it. But at the end of the day, let no other human being determine your self worth or significance or be the driving source behind your actions. People come and go so you have to look to the only One who will always have your back, stand on your own two feet and press forward, regardless of who is or isn't with you, you know? I pray that you find that spiritual security and inner peace that will allow you to do these things :-) Have an awesome day and feel free to add me.....since we both want to make our ex regret leaving "all dis" lmbo! :flowerforyou:
  • Fit_Housewife
    Fit_Housewife Posts: 168 Member
    This
    I recently have watched my ex fiancé of 3 years establish a happy life via social media. May explain why I've deleted most every account I had, but it's motivated me to get healthy. In the past I did this when we initially split up and then when I got used to the idea of being single, I gained 25+ lbs and found myself at the local pizza bar every night drinking beer and ordering enough for 2. All the mental garbage in my head keeps me on this yoyo. I'm hoping if I can meet my goals it will begin to help move on. It's a hard thing for a man to admit he's lost his confidence. I'd love any feedback, or to hear personal experiences.

    FYI, a happy life on social media is only evidence of a person's ability to use social media.
  • Meerataila
    Meerataila Posts: 1,885 Member
    Anything can be motivation, up to and including how the cat looks at you when you step out of the shower.
  • Telomin
    Telomin Posts: 45 Member
    Any external force can be temporarily motivating. If this is your one and only form of motivation, you will fail. At some point motivation much shift from external to internal. I was originally motivated by a number of external factors that are of no importance to me at this point. Can you see yourself wanting to be healthy because of your ex in 6 months time? How about a year from now? 5 years? If this is the motivation to get you started then so be it, but know that if you are never able to find other sources of motivation you won't have long term success. Once you start doing it for you and your own personal health, that's when you'll really take off.

    I couldn't agree more to this!
    Try to read about health-related diseases you will get if u keep eating that way, that might be motivating xD But any reason to STARTdoing it is a good one :) Since it is a good thing being healthy. But then don't forget to realize how much being healthy does for you, for one example you would definitly FEEL better eating healthy than like that 2 pizza-thing.
  • So_Much_Fab
    So_Much_Fab Posts: 1,146 Member
    Shoot I know some folks who have insane, drama filled lives but by the frigging uplifting memes they post (gag) you'd think they have it all together and doves fly out of their armpits everytime they stretch. And they DON'T, trust me on this one.

    This is awesome, I am so stealing this.

    OP, I vote no to using the ex as motivation. To me, this says "what she thinks about me or how/if she notices if I lose weight is important to me". She's an ex. Forget about what she thinks now, what she might think later. Do it because YOU want to. And stop following her on social media!!
  • Fit4LifeFemme
    Fit4LifeFemme Posts: 3 Member
    Whatever motivates YOU - RIGHT NOW. That's the best motivator. It could change in an hour... tomorrow... next week... next month... next year.... It doesn't matter. Your goal is to stay on plan - one meal at a time, one day at a time. Whatever matter most to keep you committed and on tract TODAY - that's all you need. No judgment.
  • alissadough84
    alissadough84 Posts: 95 Member
    My ex wasn't my motivation, but the amount of hurt that he caused me was. I was so devastated after what happened at the fall out of our relationship, I threw myself into working out and taking care of myself so that I had something else to focus on.
  • pepperpat64
    pepperpat64 Posts: 423 Member
    "Living well is the best revenge." attrib. George Herbert
  • pepperpat64
    pepperpat64 Posts: 423 Member
    I once was "motivated" by a major argument with a (now ex) boyfriend to take a 26 mile bicycle ride. I've been an avid cyclist ever since. :bigsmile: IMO, use whatever motivates you to get started on a healthier path, then transition to being motivated for only yourself.
  • Jonthomas79
    Jonthomas79 Posts: 12
    "Living well is the best revenge." attrib. George Herbert

    Truth.

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